by S. M. Butler
That was a lie. They both knew if he shut her down, the “us” wouldn’t be the same. Part of her would never forgive him for destroying her dreams and the rest of her would be too distraught mourning the deaths of her patients to love the man who let them die.
“You can help me input the checkup results. I’m a little behind. Blood pressure, breath sounds, pulse, that sort of thing.” She was talking too fast.
“I’m glad you want me there. As long as I don’t actually see patients, it’ll be okay. Policy-wise.”
Chewing on her bottom lip, she hoped the call she made an hour ago would make a difference. If not, she was sunk. She parked in her spot and they went inside.
“You can sit in my office, Luke. I’ll have someone bring you a cup of coffee.”
He stood at the back wall, his gaze travelling across the photos of patients who were surviving with HIV.
“My clinical trial patients will be up there soon,” she said with more conviction than she felt.
“What if they don’t make it, Ysabeau? You’ve got to prepare yourself for the possibility that—”
“No! I can’t let that happen,” her voice quivered. “They are my responsibility. I won’t let them die.”
There was a knock on the door followed by a nurse’s voice. “Dr. Morno? They’re here.”
Ysabeau smiled weakly, remembering there was one twinkle of hope still shining. One small, beautiful, star.
“It’s Talitha, my little patient who is showing marked improvement.”
Before he could say a word, she threw open the door.
*
A man, woman, and young girl walked into Ysabeau’s office.
Luke was confused. Ysabeau knew the no-exposure-to-patients-policy. Why was she bringing these people in her office?
Did she say little patient? Sonofabitch.
He suddenly realized what Ysabeau was up to. The little girl was the AIDS patient.
The man, most likely the father, stepped in cautiously as if he expected a gunman behind the door. Luke recognized that feeling. Cancer was always waiting to jump out and snatch Sunny away. The killer gunning for this man’s daughter was just as deadly.
The woman followed close behind, clutching her husband’s arm. She had the beaten-down look of a dog kicked too many times. Her clothes were rumpled as if she’d slept in them, or most likely, she hadn’t slept at all. Luke recognized that too.
“Bonswa!” Ysabeau spoke to them in Kreyòl, she was still talking fast. She took the man’s hands in hers, then the woman’s, and finally she hugged the little girl. She mentioned Luke’s name. He was being introduced.
He nodded but didn’t step forward. He was going to do his damnedest to be the impartial Guardian. This family could not sway his decision. There were far too many families out there who needed him to be objective. Besides, his mind was ninety-nine percent made up.
Until he saw the little girl’s eyes had that look—the sick-Sunny look.
He swallowed hard and told himself Talitha wasn’t his little girl. Although, she was probably about the same age as Sunny was when she went through chemo. Her sunken eyes were deep brown, not sky blue. Her dark skin was oddly dusty, not white-paper-pale as Sunny’s was. She was much too thin, her boney shoulders struggling to hold up the straps of her chick-yellow dress. If she’d worn a hot-pink tank with holey jeans…
He blinked hard. She’s not Sunny.
Talitha caught his eye and smiled. Her teeth were yellow and crooked, but her smile was extraordinary. His heart twisted. He turned his head and sat behind the desk, using Ysabeau’s computer as a shield.
Get it together, Luke! He ordered himself.
Ysabeau said something and the family sat on the plastic seats. Ysabeau pulled a chair over, her back to Luke, as she faced Talitha. She leaned forward and spoke for a few minutes. Luke watched the little girl, his heart turning to mush. He was definitely getting too damned soft. He had Danny to blame for all of this. Why couldn’t he be the Guardian’s henchman again?
When he peeked around the computer monitor, he saw the father’s black eyes pinned on Ysabeau. The man’s face spoke volumes of mistrust and doubt. Whatever she was saying to him, he’d heard before. He’d been given false hope by other doctors and his daughter was still dying.
This is why Luke wanted Ysabeau to prepare her patients for the truth. They needed to guard their hearts and be prepared for the likely outcome. False hope was the worst kind of backstab. False hope didn’t help when your wife was sucking down her last breath.
Ysabeau said something softly and the father responded in a deep voice. Questions? He needed proof? Ysabeau’s head dipped and rose as she gave the father his answer.
The mother let out a squeal and jumped up from her plastic chair. She pulled Talitha into her arms and the two of them jumped up and down laughing and yelling. Together they made a perfect picture of joy. A second chance at life.
He gritted his teeth. What had Ysabeau told them?
The father didn’t move, but stared at him with a gaze so intense, Luke found himself looking away.
Suddenly, Talitha broke free from her mother and threw her arms around his waist. “Thank you,” she said in English. “It’s the first time my mother has laughed in two years. My parents are very happy.”
He patted her shoulder, unable to form a single coherent word. He was not happy.
Luke Carter was in Hell.
*
“What did you tell them?” Luke’s voice was strangely soft. His hand was on the windowpane, as he looked out to the street to where Talitha and her parents were walking to a tap-tap.
Ysabeau closed the door. “The truth. That Talitha’s results are promising. It’s the first good news they’ve had since the doctors at GHESKIO gave her five months to live.”
He exhaled loudly.
When she touched his shoulder, the muscles bunched under her hand. “Don’t you see? The Guardians need to continue this study. Talitha has a real chance to make it. My other patients will too once I figure out why the serum is helping her. Please, Luke, convince the Guardians to give us more funding.”
She could barely hear him say, “How much?”
Ysabeau clapped her hands. She’d convinced him! She’d won. “Oh, Luke! A year’s worth of funding would be perfect, if the Guardians will do it. I can hire two more doctors and an assistant to help me find the answers in a fraction of the time. We’ll save all of my patients!”
She nearly whooped for joy but he hadn’t faced her yet. Something was wrong.
Luke didn’t sound like himself when he said, “I don’t have a year. Dammit, Ysabeau, I don’t have three months.” He faced her then and she was shocked by the anguish in his eyes. “Sit down. It’s truth time.”
She eased herself into the plastic chair. Nerves gnawed on her insides. “Truth?”
He ran his fingers through his blond hair. Clearly, he was struggling. With what?
“Remember I told you about Soli’s family in Colombia?” He sat on the edge of her desk. “And the brown paper packages?”
“Of course.” How could she forget the drug cartel family? “What’s this about, Luke?”
He tipped his head up and stared at the ceiling. “Redemption.”
She stood up and touched his arm. “You didn’t do anything wrong. That money was supposed to help your wife and your daughter. And now you work with the Guardians saving lives. You are a good man.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t work for the Guardians, Ysabeau.”
“Of course you do.”
“No. I don’t. I lied.”
She stepped back. The warnings from Deo ringing in her ears. Don’t get too close, girl. I’m warnin’ you. “What…what do you mean? You quit?”
“I won’t ever quit.” Sadness pulled his beautiful lips down. “I am the Guardian. Just me. No one else.”
“I…I don’t understand.”
“I invented a secret philanthropic gro
up. I had to. No one invests in medical trials when the seed money came from drug cartels. I need investors, Ysabeau, to save Sunny from cancer. Every kind of cancer.”
“Those brown boxes?”
“Seed money.”
Her jaw dropped.
“Taking that money chewed me up inside. You have no idea how sick I felt knowing that kids could be getting drugs on the streets because of the damned ‘family.’ I had to save lives with the money, to balance the score, just a little. Every penny I didn’t spend for Soli’s or Sunny’s cancer treatments, I saved.
“I invested it wisely, cared for it like a money crop that would one day give my daughter the medical miracles she’d need. Don’t you see? I can’t wait for the FDA to approve cancer medications. That system takes years. Sunny might not have years.” He swallowed loudly. “Cutting-edge medical trials pop up all over the globe, many of them highly successful, but few people will invest in a third-world country riddled with economic or political strife.”
“Like Haiti,” she said softly.
“Exactly.” He paced her office. “I told you before, if a trial works, investors knock each other out of the way to be the first to fund it. Everyone is willing to throw money at a winning study. The financial reward can be mindboggling. Pharmaceutical companies make tons of money, but of course, they also make medications that cure diseases. Thousands of lives have been saved since I started this venture. Many more will be cured in the future. Soon, kids like Sunny won’t have to go to bed wondering if they’ll wake up tomorrow.”
“So when the trial is successful…?” she asked.
“My investment is repaid and I go find another study to fund.”
“But if the trial isn’t working?”
He stopped pacing and turned toward her. “I’ve already tried, Ysabeau, none of the investors want to fund your HIV serum trial. Not one. I’ve personally asked every contact I have. Hell, I called contacts I don’t have. I begged. It’s no good, angel.”
“The Guardians, I mean—” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I still can’t believe it’s just you, Luke.” She took a deep breath. “Can you continue funding the trial until I get it to work for all my patients? Please? I’m so close. Ten months? Nine?”
“There is only so much in my account, Ysabeau. Not even three months’ worth at this point. I have to leave a reserve for Sunny and the rest is already spoken for in other trials. Two months. That’s the best I can do.”
The truth sunk in. Hard. “Talitha…” She pressed her fist to her lips. “She’s not going to make it without the serum. Two months isn’t enough.”
He didn’t try to hold her. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Her temper rose. “You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say?” She was shaking with anger. “You lied to me!”
He flinched. “I’ll never do it again. But you’ve got to understand, Ysabeau. No one knows about the Guardians, not my daughter, not Danny, no one. I can’t afford to have the FEDs, the SEALs or anyone else digging around, learning the history of where the money came from. Sunny needs that money.”
“You should’ve told me. I could have raised money for the serum some other way. But now…” her voice hitched. “I’m out of time.”
They both knew the truth. Other investors were nonexistent. Still, he had the good grace to not disagree with her. “I’m a bastard, Ysabeau. I’m sorry.”
“People put their trust in me! Without the money, I can’t save them.” Her heart shattered. She sobbed. “I can’t…”
“Angel.” He reached for her.
She shoved him away. “My patients are going to die.”
“Yes.”
“Because of you!” Blood pounded in her chest, her limbs felt weak, fury raged through her veins. “How could you do this to my patients? To me?”
“Please, Ysabeau, you’ve got to understand.” He reached for her again and the sadness in his eyes stole her breath away. “Let’s talk. We can work this out.”
Pressure burned behind her eyes and she had to fight the urge to wail her grief. My patients—their faces flashed through her mind—sweet God. Her stomach lurched. She was going to be sick. It took all her strength to yank open her office door. She was suddenly so weak, exhausted to the bone.
“I’m tired, Luke. Tired of fighting a battle I can’t win. Tired of burying people I care about. Tired of being hurt.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” his voice was soft.
“Whether you meant to or not…” She sighed and shook her head. “You’re not the only one to blame here. It’s my fault too. I shouldn’t have…” She let the sentence hang. What good would it do to tell him now?
“What?” He gazed deeply into her eyes.
His handsome face swam before her eyes. Those blue eyes, the dimples, the golden stubbles on his square jaw…Oh, god, she was never going to see him again.
“Shouldn’t have what?” he pressed.
“Fallen in love with you.”
“Angel.” Suddenly, he was there, cupping her cheek, his lips far too close.
She turned her head away. “Don’t. Let me mourn my people in peace. Go!”
Without another word, he walked out of her office.
She gripped the doorknob as hard as she could to keep her hand from reaching out to him, to keep from pulling him back. The knife of grief twisted in her belly. Her legs buckled and she slumped to the floor. Alone.
*
Hell, he’d ever thought he’d feel this kind of pain again after Soli died. And yet, there it was an excruciating, slashing ache in his chest. How much of this could a man’s heart endure without exploding into a thousand pieces?
He deserved it. He was a selfless bastard. What he did was unconscionable—he hurt Ysabeau. His sweet, selfless, loving, angel.
Luke couldn’t get little Talitha out of his mind either. Little girls shouldn’t have to fight killing diseases. Both Sunny and Talitha deserved to live. His guts twisted into knots as he stared out the window of a Haitian cab all the way to Ysabeau’s house. He would fix this. Somehow.
Grann met him at the curb with his luggage and computer bag. “I took the liberty of packing your t’ings, Mr. Carter. You need’nt go inside.”
He exhaled. “Ysabeau called you?”
“She didn’t need to. Deo foresaw dis coming.”
Grann spoke to the cab driver in Kreyòl. The man folded his hands together and jumped out of the car to load Luke’s things into the trunk. Had she threatened to turn him into a goat?
“Gran, I’m waiting until Ysabeau comes home. I need to talk to her. To explain.”
She turned her gaze on him. “No, Mr. Carter, you are going to de Hotel Montana. A nice four-star hotel. Tomorrow, der are four flights to Miami. You should take de first one.”
“You’ve been trying to get me to stay at a hotel since the moment you laid eyes on me.”
“True. Der’s only going to be trouble if you stay wid her.”
He couldn’t imagine being in Haiti and not staying with Ysabeau. Who would hold her through her nightmares? Who would burn her eggs in the morning? His mind replayed the scene at the clinic. It killed him to see horror, anger, and shock flashing across Ysabeau’s beautiful face. She said she never wanted to see him again. Did she mean it?
“Fine. I’ll go to the hotel, but I’m coming back first thing in the morning to straighten things out.” I hope. “Here, I have something for her.”
“Der is not’ing she wants from you. Go home and forget about her.”
He smiled sadly and took out his billfold. “Even if I go home, I’ll never forget her.” He signed a check and handed it to her. “Give this to Ysabeau.”
Grann looked at the check, and then back at him. Amazement brightened her features. “Dis is a lot of money, Mr. Carter.”
“It’s not enough, but it’ll help until I find more. Tell her I won’t give up. I promise.” He would sell his
Carrera, the Rolex, get a second on the condo, go door-to-door, whatever it took to give Ysabeau the money she needed.
Gran’s mouth opened, and then shut again.
“What’s the matter? You didn’t foresee that great Priestess of Light?” He grinned.
She shook her head, still mesmerized by all the zeroes on the check.
He massaged the back of his neck. “I destroyed Ysabeau’s dreams, tried to murder her clinic, lied to her…” He exhaled. “She has every reason to despise me, but I love your granddaughter. I wish she’d give me a chance. Give us a chance.”
“You love her?” She looked like she was going to puke. “I wouldn’t have coated your head wid graveyard dust if I’d known you love her.”
The cabbie let out a hiss. “Goofer?”
“That’s the crap you put in my hair? Why?”
“To keep you away from Ysabeau.”
“You thought a little dust shampoo would keep me away? I told you. I love her.”
She chewed her lip. “I see dat you do.”
“Good. And one more thing…”
Her eyebrows hitched. “Yes, Mr. Carter?
“One of these days, I want to talk to Soli again. But until that time, stay the hell out of my brain.”
The cabbie banged his forehead against the steering wheel, honking the horn.
“Nobody talks to me like dat.” Grann leaned in through the window until she and Luke were eye-to-eye. “Nobody.”
Luke didn’t flinch. He leaned toward her until he was so close he could rub noses with her. “You’re kind of small, Gran. I think I could take you.”
Grann threw her head back and burst out laughing. “I like you, Mr. Carter. I really do.”
He smiled in earnest. “Stay out of my thoughts and I’ll like you too.”
“You have my word. Take care, Mr. Carter.”
“Tell Ysabeau I’ll see her in the morning.”
“We’ll be seeing about dat.” She made the sign of the cross in the air over his head and said, “May de Lord keep you tucked safely in His arms.”
She barked a command to the cabbie, which caused the man to bolt straight up in his seat and glance back at Luke with sheer terror. Then he floored it.