by Mj Fields
The breeze was welcoming to their hot, exhausted bodies; they had finally relaxed. Tessa saw him looking at the pond, ���This is one of my favorite places.���
���I can see why, it’s peaceful and private, a great place to go and think,��� He said. ���By the way do you want to tell me about those boys at the hay barn?���
���Oh, they are just my brother���s friends. They���re harmless.���
She could feel his body���s tense up behind her.
���Tessa that wasn���t harmless. They looked at you and talked to you like you were a part of their adolescent wet dreams. I didn���t like it at all; I was actually a little irritated that you were carrying on with them.���
���I���m sure I was,��� she said laughing, ���But it’s harmless Collin.���
���Not funny Tessa and if I wasn���t exhausted you���d be in deep shit,��� she knew he meant it.
���I love you.���
���I love you, Tessa.���
He felt her body completely relax and knew she was asleep. He wrapped his arms around her kissed her head, leaned his head back against the truck tire and fell asleep too.
They heard horns blaring, and they woke up, she sat up and stretched she looked at him and smiled. He seemed a bit guarded, and she felt bad for that.
The guys pulled up behind them and piled out of the truck, all in shorts and shirtless. He looked down, and she could see the anger in his eyes.
She climbed on his lap and straddled him. ���Okay, so I���m not sure what to do to make this better, so I���m going to start by asking. Does it bother you that I���m sitting on you like this in front of the boys? Does it make you feel better because they see that I���m into you? Or does it make you angry?���
���Tessa I don���t know, right now I want to go smash their heads together, and you���re holding me down. Which don���t get me wrong I like it but damn my head is spinning. Why do you have these kinds of relationships with men?���
���I don���t know what that means. What do you mean?���
���Why do you like that type of attention? Why is it alright for them to talk to you like that?���
���It���s just silly joking, I don���t know ��� it’s fun?���
What the hell does that mean, she thought. She was mad at him, and she didn���t know why. She stood up and looked at him.
���I���m ready to go home,��� she picked up the basket and set it in the truck,
Collin grabbed the blanket and got in the passenger side. They left.
���I don���t know what���s going on with you right now, and I certainly don���t enjoy the emotional overload, but maybe you should search and find the answer to that question. While you���re at it maybe, you should ask yourself why you called your friend to come put on a little show for them.���
She was angry, ���Just shut up, and stop talking to me.���
He hadn���t meant to piss her off, but that type of behavior was foreign to him unless it was leading to something else. He hated the idea.
They pulled into the driveway, and she skid to a stop. She jumped out and ran into the house up the stairs and into her room and lay in bed.
He followed her up, ���Tessa I wasn���t trying to fight, but I���m asking you to think about it. I need to know, I love you, and you have said you love me, this should be easy.���
���Love isn���t easy Collin, it sucks, it���s a job, and when you���re the only person putting forth any effort love is lonely at times. Right now, I need a few minutes so you can march out of this room and feel the lonely part of love, GO!���
Collin went in his room and grabbed his shower bag and went downstairs and took a long shower. He dressed and wondered what the hell had happened. He was jealous and pissed because she allowed, no encouraged others to treat her that way.
He walked upstairs as she was coming down the stairs, she brushed past him and avoided eye contact with him and showered.
She decided to focus on spending time with Jade, excited to be seeing Jade. She understood her, unlike Collin. She showered and dressed. She went upstairs to fix her hair and makeup, when she was finished she went out on the deck where he was sitting with her brother.
���Hey, how are you?��� she asked Jake, ���Are you going to the harvest festival tonight?���
���Yep, Collin is going to chill with us, and we���ll bring him to meet you, is that alright?��� Jake asked.
���Actually that���s pretty perfect.���
She grabbed her phone and texted Jade to come get her when she could she was ready to get drunk!
Jade texted back
- be there in fifteen
���Tessa can we talk for a minute?���
���Sure Collin,��� she said coldly.
They walked towards the field quietly neither saying a word.
���I don���t know what happened today, I really don���t, was it me being a jealous ass or you. It doesn���t matter because love is supposed to be patient and kind right?��� She shook her head yes, ���Well I���m going to work on that because I do love you, I love you very much.���
She hugged him but was still very angry.
���You to Collin.���
Jade pulled in as Collin and Tessa walked back to the deck. She told them all she would see them there. She ran and jumped into the SUV and looked at Jade.
���Get me out of here.���
Collin looked at Jake, and he ran his fingers through his hair and breathed deep. They could see that there were issues.
���Where did Tessa go?��� John asked as he walked outside.
���With Jade to the festival, we are going to meet them there,��� Jake said.
���What���s going on with you Collin, you alright?��� he asked.
���Yes sir,��� he said, ���I have something to ask you. Sir I���m in love with your daughter and would like your permission to ask her to be my wife.���
���You sure you���re ready for that? Tessa has been through some hard times. You sure she���s ready for that?��� John asked.
���Dad, damn this man just asked you to Marry Tessa, and you���re trying to change his mind?��� Jake said. ���You have my permission Collin; I think my father is losing it.���
���I watch a boy bring your sister to her knees, made her question who the hell she was for years, I watched her hurt and suffer and pull away from this family hiding that pain. I am not saying it was all Lucas���s fault, your mother and I screwed up too, but I see Tessa again, and it makes me happy. Collin if you can be the man she needs and not try to pull her away from this family or change who she is, you have my permission,��� John said.
Collin shook his hand and thanked him, relieved that was over.
Her father went inside to tell his wife.
���Well Collin,��� Jake said, ���when did you decide you wanted to pop the question to my sister?���
���About a week ago, there was something about her, and then at the church I knew. I love your sister, but right now I���m angry at her. I didn���t like how today went down with the hay help,��� Collin���s eyes narrowed.
���Dude they are harmless. We told you about them at the Cape, we lit into them when you guys left. They���re just worried about her that���s all,��� Jake said and saw the question in his eye. ���They grew up watching a strong, brave girl turn into a girl in need of a man or a boy should I say, who made her his b
itch, for lack of better words. She would have done anything for him, and she had always been so strong, independent, and confident.���
���I know it���s hard, but Tessa changed for him. Now we���re getting her back. We all missed her,��� Jake said. ���And if you aren���t going to share her with us, it���ll be a fight, we���ll fight for her.���
���Tessa seems happy when she is around her family. She has so much love inside her, and I would never want to take her away from that.���
���Then be patient man,��� Jake said. ���When do you plan to propose?���
���I was planning on doing it tomorrow,��� Collin said, ���But now I���m not sure.���
���You do what you feel is right,��� Jake said, ���We���ll give you all the support in the world. Collin, just don���t fuck her up:���
Collin looked at the sky for a few moments and then smiled at Jake, ���I won���t.���
���You do know that she is going to be a pile when you see her don���t you? That look in her eyes ��� she was ready to teach someone something,��� Jake laughed.
* * *
Jade knew something was wrong when Tessa got in the car, ���What���s up girly?���
���I���m so pissed at him, I could spit. He was so mad at me for the way the boys at the hay barn acted, and because he said I basically pimped you out!��� she yelled. ���HE wants me to think about why I need that kind of attention.���
���Well, you did kind of pimp me out,��� Jade laughed. ���Do you know Tessa? Why we act like that? It���s positive attention. It feels good to have people to want you. Good Lord, look what you lived ��� what we all lived as kids without guidance when we needed it the most. I look at Lukie and think as much as he needed me when he was little; it���s going to be that times ten when he gets into high school. Just because he will look grown doesn���t mean he will be. Add social expectations, you and I were freaks because we hadn���t had sex as sophomores in high school. We let hormone raging boys raise us, we are very needy. We needed a little less school and a lot more Jesus,��� Jade laughed. She saw Tessa scowl ���You knew better now. You got out of it, but right now you want this man, and you don���t know any other way than the sex to get him. I���m not saying sex is bad Tessa because it���s NOT! And I am sure it���s much deeper than that with the two of you. I loved Tommy so much, in a firey, I wanna jump that boy���s bones kind of way. Then it was not so much his smoking hot body, but his heart and the way he treated me. But with Ryan, my God Tessa he has been in my life forever before any of that happened. I���m not going to step up on a pedestal and pretend we waited for each other it just happened that way. Tessa it���s kind of cool to think maybe you and Collin are like Ryan and I. Always there you know? Ryan told me once that he could handle taking second to Tommy because he was gone. Collin see���s Lucas as a threat, who wouldn���t? He came into enemy territory girl and now he feels like he���s fighting the masses. Make him understand he isn���t. Once he knows that, really knows that you can act like me and he won���t bat an eye. May take him longer, he���s been through a lot.���
���I just don���t want to lose him Jade, I love him,��� she confessed.
���Then do it right Tessa, with your heart, no making him jealous, no teasing, just do it right,��� she squeezed her hand.
���Jade, I want that more than anything but I am scared he���s going to get sick of me, or the minute I put out he is going to lose interest.���
���Tessa I don���t think that���s what it���s about for him. You know it���s not if it were that easy we wouldn���t be having this conversation. You are in love and for once you have one who wants to love you the right way too. Don���t push him away.���
���Is that what you think happened with Lucas, I pushed him away?���
���Well, no ��� he fucked up,��� Jade smiled sadly at her.
Tessa leaned against the window, ���Thanks, Jade.���
They drove into town through the winding tree lined gully, and Tessa thought about what she should do about making things better between Collin and her. She loved him and knew that he was better at relationships than she was which was totally ironic since he hadn���t been in one, ever. She thought about how that could even be possible. Then she remembered what her grandmother had told her when she was going through her very rebellious teens.
Beautiful girl, one look in the mirror will show you, you are desirable; there is no doubt about that. But it���s not what you see that makes you who you are. You need to slow it down before you get ahead of yourself. Right now sweetie pie, you need to follow his path and choose right so we can see who he made you to be. Listen to that heart of yours, it���s as big as the moon; don���t let your head steer you in the wrong direction.
She took her phone out to text Collin,
- I LOVE YOU��� I AM SORRY��� I hope you can forgive me, I want to be the woman you deserve��� Tessa
* * *
Collin and the boys had finished a twelve pack, and he was a bit buzzed when he received a text. He smiled and put his phone in his pocket.
Tessa and Jade arrived at the festival at eight o���clock, and they walked around and watched as the teenage girls, tried to impress the boys and they laughed.
���Don���t you want to slap them and say he���s not worth it right now, hell you don���t even know who you are yet? There���s time for that later,��� Tessa said as she smiled.
���Exactly why I do what I do,��� Jade smiled.
Jade was a counselor at a girl���s home about thirty minutes from her hometown. As a child, she went through some pretty horrible things and despite what she was dealt she made something of herself. She now helped others sort through the wreckage trying to make sense of the past and set plans in motion for a brighter future. She may be flirtatious and sometimes a little too boisterous, but she was a survivor and a great woman, mother, and wife.
���You want to sing Tessa?��� Jade asked.
���Oh yes,��� Tessa clapped
She saw Adam and his band playing she whistled, and he looked down.
���Tessa Ross you want to come up here and sing?��� he asked.
She shook her head yes.
Tessa and Adam started with a song he and Tessa worked on in Syracuse, Goo Goo Dolls Black Balloon. The song was specifically about Heroine addiction, which was what Adam equated to Tessa and Lucas���s relationship. ���Feels good when your high Tessa, but when you crash it fucking shatters you. don���t go back.��� Lucas and Jessie walked into the crowd and Adam looked at Tessa, smiled and sang, she glanced at Lucas a few times. But Adam kept her more than entertained on stage dancing and playing guitar close to her. She was drunk and having a good time. Adam started right in with Trains Drops of Jupiter a song that Tessa obsessed over while Lucas was gone to San Francisco over dinner. Adam told her to rethink the damn song, ���It���s me sending you off to find yourself girl, your friend Tessa. Sending you out and you better not come back until you do find out who the hell you are. You���re more than his bitch,��� she danced and laughed and sang not caring who was there. Collin and Jake walked in. She sang a country song Cowboy Take Me Away by the Dixie Chicks, he stood watching her.
Tessa sang and danced, feeling his stare warming her. She sang to him and smiled the entire time.
The song finished, and the band took a break.
���Adam, I want you to meet someone.���
They walked down, and Tessa introduced him to Collin.
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br /> ���He better not end up being a dick like that bitch over there,��� he said and looked at Collin.
���Not even close Adam. Adam���s a teacher and a friend, he taught me piano and voice. He doesn���t like Lucas,��� Tessa laughed.
���Well then��� we have something in common, nice to meet you Adam,��� Collin shook his hand.
* * *
���That was���Tessa, you sing and dance?��� Collin whispered in her ear.
���Uh huh,��� kissed him, his hands ran down her back.
���Collin you coming?��� Jake laughed.
���That was amazing Tessa. See you in a bit?��� Collin closed his eyes and mouthed DAMN to Tessa over his shoulder.
���Uh huh,��� she said and looked at him and closed her eyes smiling.
* * *
The boys hit the beer tent and grabbed a drink. Tessa and Jade stayed and danced a bit. They walked over to the tent and watched Jake, Ryan, and Collin. Tessa was standing by a table with Jade drinking a wine slurpee.
���Hey Jade, check out that hottie. I could just sit here and watch him all night,��� Tessa said grinning.
Collin certainly stood out from the rest of the locals; everyone seemed to notice it except for him. He wore loose fitting jeans and a navy tee shirt. Not overdressed but just the way his clothes fit his body perfectly. They weren���t sloppy or tight like they were made for him. He was so beautiful. Not that Lucas wasn���t, but it was like night and day. Lucas looked like a mannequin in the window of a high- end men���s clothing store. Collin was the man who inspired the sculptor who would not sleep until his image was created so he would never forget the beauty he was blessed enough to catch sight of. Collin was confident as opposed to Lucas, who came off as haughty. Tessa watched as Jake introduced Collin to some of their friends, all the boys from earlier were there.