by Mj Fields
Tessa���s was aware of how angry she had made him.
���Collin, I���I feel like you think I���m doubting you,��� Tessa whispered.
���Tessa that���s exactly what you���re doing!��� he snapped.
���No, I am questioning what I don���t know and don���t understand. What you���re keeping from me. Have you ever heard the term ignorance is bliss? Well, it���s had the opposite effect on me. It pisses me off!��� Tessa snapped back.
���Well, have you ever heard the term curiosity killed the cat TESSA? Some of those men came from the groups we are trying to stop. And you���re safe in here! But no��� your curious ass doesn���t trust me enough to sit still! What if one of them���Damn it. We are done and going home. I���ll make arrangements. Do you think you can sit your ass still for an hour so I can get you the fuck out of here?��� Collin yelled.
���Fuck you,��� Tessa said under her breath.
���Excuse me?��� Collin gasped.
Tessa lay down and covered her head.
���Tessa!��� Collin stormed over to the bed and pulled the covers off her head.
She buried her face in the pillow, ���Leave me alone!���
Collin stood up and walked towards the door and stopped. He looked back and saw her body shaking ever so slightly.
���Tessa, damn it talk to me,��� he placed his hand on her back.
Tessa jumped up and walked into the bathroom he heard her blowing her nose and the water run. When she came out, he was sitting on the edge of the bed looking into her eyes and his hand rested over his heart. He let out a breath and slowly shook his head from side to side.
���I���m not a weak person, nor am I untrustworthy or stupid Collin. I tell you everything there is to know about me. I can���t have secrets in my life. I have huge trust issues from my previous relationship. I have opened up to you, trusted you, and loved you, with all that I am because of who I believe you to be. I haven���t asked about your past and love that I don���t worry about things like that with you. You opened yourself up to me exposing everything which made me trust you that much more. It made me feel like your partner and your equal. Not someone taking the backseat waiting just waiting to be made to feel like a lesser person. This whole thing hurts. Maybe I went about it the wrong way. I apologize if you think I doubt you, or the wonderful things you do for people because I don���t. I just wanted to know, no ��� I needed to know. My God Collin, do you not remember that I was in the mix when Catherine turned up? Now please accept my apology and do whatever it is you need to do. I���m exhausted and need to rest and be alone for awhile. Which bothers me because this whole thing started because I was lonely alone in here,��� Tessa lay down and covered herself up.
���Tessa I������ Collin started.
���No, please Collin��� this is not to hurt you. I���m tired, really very tired,��� Tessa hugged the blankets and closed her eyes.
Tessa slept for three hours and when she woke he was sitting in a chair across the room watching her. She went to the bathroom and came out and crawled back into bed without saying a word to him.
���Tessa, please talk to me,��� he whispered kneeling next to the bed.
���What time is it?���
���Eight at night,��� he answered and pushed her hair away from her face, ���I have dinner.���
���I���m not hungry,��� she said and turned on her other side and pulled the blankets around herself.
���Tessa, please,��� he said softly.
She sat up and looked at him, ���Collin I really am just tired. I���m sorry about all this.���
���Don���t be it was me������ He started.
Tessa felt tears in her eyes, and her lip began to quiver, ���I want to sleep, okay? I���m tired. Can this wait, please?���
He grabbed her face, ���We need to talk about this, but I���ll let you rest. Tessa, I love you.���
���Thank you,��� she said and closed her eyes and a tear fell.
He wiped it away, and she lie down and fell asleep.
Tessa woke two hours later, and he was still kneeling beside the bed. His head resting on the mattress, he was asleep. She watched him sleep for a long time. He looked peaceful, not angry or hurt or betrayed like she had made him feel. She wanted to stay and watch him sleep, but there were two little ones using her bladder as a trampoline.
���I love you so much,��� she whispered as she started to slide out of bed.
Collin jumped and looked at her. He looked like a frightened animal just waiting to be attacked.
Tessa immediately started to cry and grabbed him and hugged him. He was tense and held her tightly.
���Are you okay?��� he asked pulling back and holding her face in his hand.
���I have to go to the bathroom,��� she said shaking her head yes.
Collin closed his eyes and released her face and stood back and offered her his hand.
Tessa looked at him and took a deep breath. She looked down and closed her eyes.
���Tessa, please,��� he breathed out softly.
She took his hand and quickly went to the bathroom.
���Oh my God,��� she moaned when she finally went to the bathroom.
When she washed her hands and walked out.
���What is it Tessa?��� he asked when she came out. She looked confused, ���Oh my God what?���
Tessa shook her head and tried not to smile. ���Please, are you okay?���
���Yes,��� she smiled.
���Please tell me what that meant then, Tessa,��� he grabbed her hands urgently.
���Collin I don���t think now is a great time to answer that question,��� Tessa said softly, ���Let’s sleep, please can we sleep.���
���Whatever you want Tessa,��� Collin pulled her into his arms, ���I. LOVE. YOU.���
���I love you Collin, I love you,��� she whispered and hugged him.
Collin pulled the covers down, and she lay in bed, he dropped his pants and pulled his shirt off and crawled in behind her and held her tightly against him.
���Tessa I will let you sleep but please tell me what you were thinking about in the bathroom, please.���
Tessa rolled and faced him.
���It’s not important right now. I can���t fight anymore today, please.���
���I want you to get whatever it was off your mind before you fall asleep. You were crying in your sleep earlier because I upset you. I want you to get it out now I don���t want to hear you cry again, please,��� Collin wasn���t letting it go.
Tessa let out a deep breath and sat up, ���I won���t ever lie to you. I will always tell you the truth, and if I answer that you���ll be mad and for no reason its stupid.���
He sat up, ���I won���t be Tessa just tell me the truth.���
���Okay, fine. It���s stupid and means nothing. I had to go to the bathroom for a long time. I chose to watch you sleep, you looked peaceful, not like earlier, and I wanted to watch you sleep. When I couldn���t take it anymore, I finally got up, and the pressure was horrendous. When I finally peed it felt good. When I was younger, I asked Lucas what it felt like for a man when he came, and that���s what he told me when you have to pee really bad and finally do. I never understood what he meant and well I kind of get it. Are we going to fight again?���
���Was our fight so awful that you miss him?���
���No, Collin, it was worse tha
n I���ve ever felt with anything I ever went through with him. I hurt you today. This had nothing to do with Lucas, and again we should not be having this conversation now. I feel guilty and awful, and I���m so angry at myself for making you mad or to question or doubt how much I respect you and your work, how much I adore and love you. I don���t think it���s good for them��� so please Collin, can we please not fight?���
���Sure but he���s wrong��� that���s not what it feels like,��� Collin laid down and pulled her into his arms.
���Sorry,��� she whispered snuggling into him.
���There is heat that starts in your groin, and it builds and moves to your testicles like liquid fire without a burn��� just heat, it slowly moves down your shaft as you harden it tingles inside, pressure, heat, and a tickle inside until you release. When you release its mindless pleasure that takes over your entire body. When I come inside you, it���s almost spiritual like I am sharing energy with you, giving you my pleasure, I had never not used a condom until you. Its, not like you have to take a piss Tessa, it���s amazing. I am not mad. I love you goodnight,��� Collin looked up and Tessa���s mouth was open, and her eyebrows rose. ���Are you okay?��� Tessa shook her head yes and turned her back to him and lay down.
���Tessa I love you,��� he said and propped himself up on his elbow and turned her towards him and kissed her gently on the cheek.
Tessa moaned loudly and let out the breath she had been holding since he began talking. She squeezed her knees together tightly and closed her eyes so he couldn���t see them rolling into the back of her head.
Holy shit, she thought.
Her breasts were tight and heavy, and her nipples taunt.
���Wow Tessa.���
She opened her eyes and looked at him and shook her head.
He licked his lips and bit down on his lower lip and she threw her head back, and he pulled her chin, so she was looking at him again.
���Sorry, damn it sorry,��� Tessa felt incredibly embarrassed.
He kissed her lips softly and pulled his head back away from her.
���Can I help you out?��� he whispered and kissed her again.
Tessa grabbed his face and kissed him. She gently pushed him to his back and started to climb on him. He held her back gently.
���Tessa we need to get you ready,��� he growled.
���All set,��� she said in a raspy voice.
���Tell me what it feels like Tessa,��� his breath was hot against her neck as he kissed her.
���Oh God, I need you,��� she purred softly holding back afraid she would come without him inside of her, and she wanted him inside of her badly.
���Tell me,��� he demanded.
���Damn it Collin,��� she whined, ���Like I need a Q- tip. Like I have been camping for a month and I need to clean my ears that there is an itch and, please Collin.��� She heard him chuckle as he kissed her collarbone. ���Not funny,��� she tried to squeeze her knees together, and he put his knee between hers stopping her.
He skipped past her breasts and went to her belly teasing her, he moved to her thigh and ran his tongue hard against her pubic bone and blew his hot breath on her throbbing clit.
���Collin,��� she growled.
���You need me Tessa, as much as I need you,��� he licked up her thigh causing her to whimper. ���You don���t want to come until I am deep inside you, you want to feel me fill you with my cock and your reward is my come. You need me just as badly as I need you,��� he growled and licked her from back to front.
Tessa���s body came apart immediately and he pushed into her holding nothing back. He thrust hard and deep into her, and his name echoed from her mouth through the brick walls of their home away from home.
He didn���t stop until she was no longer meeting his thrusts, her nails stopped digging into his back, and her arms lay limp at her sides.
When he came, she felt him twitch and jerk inside of her as he told her he loved her over and over again. When he pulled out, she felt his slick erection drag across her thigh until she was empty, and let out a moan.
He lay beside her and grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers and held her hand against his rapidly beating heart.
���Q- tips?��� he said through labored breath.
Tessa giggled softly, ���Cleaning my ears with a Q- tip. A build up of pressure and heat in my lower abdomen pulsing in my who who. Then when your inside of me I feel full and all that pressure peaks until finally it has nowhere else to radiate then throughout all of me.���
���Okay no, more talk I���m exhausted and getting hard again, I love you, goodnight,��� he breathed softly.
���Q- tips, dark chocolate, a pedicure, your smile, during a small earthquake,��� Tessa yawned and giggled, ���I love you.���
Collin growled and rolled to his stomach, ���Goodnight, Tessa!���
* * *
Tessa woke to Collin sitting dressed on the edge of the bed.
���Good morning beautiful,��� he said cautiously.
She smiled and sat up and hugged him tightly, ���Good morning.���
���I���ve been thinking, and I know you need to feel like you can take care of yourself so maybe you would like to learn about weapons,��� Collin kissed her head.
���Do you want to teach me to shoot?��� she asked with a smile.
���If you want to learn, I would love to teach you,��� his face was set in determination.
���Okay, so if I���m a good student and learn quickly can I maybe go with you some time while you train?��� she asked.
He laughed, ���Sure Tessa.���
You���re going to regret that, she thought.
���Can we go now?��� she asked.
He looked at his watch ���Yes, actually��� It’s perfect timing. Get dressed.���
* * *
They walked in, and he showed her how to hold a gun and how to aim. She played stupid real well, and as he wrapped his arms around her teaching her how to handle the pistol she leaned into him and knew it was very distracting to him.
���Alright if this makes you uncomfortable then, you can stop ok?��� he stroked her face gently.
���We have a deal right?���
He smiled and shook his head yes and she aimed and shot dead center until the magazine was emptied. She turned and smiled at him.
���I win,��� he looked shocked. ���I don���t like killing animals, but I really like guns.���
She wasn���t sure if he was angry or upset or what he was thinking when he took her hand and led her back to their quarters.
���Are you mad at me?��� she asked as she pulled her hand away.
���That was, fuck Tessa��� he laid her on the bed and ripped her shirt off.
���You should see me with a bow,��� she laughed as buttons flew everywhere.
The rest of the week, she went to see him when she was done at the clinic. She planned it so that she arrived when he was doing PT. She loved seeing the drill sergeant authoritative Collin, with anyone else but her, and physical and sweaty and the way he looked when he saw her walk in. He softened when he looked in her eyes, but in two, seconds he was yelling and orders.
Tessa spent a lot of time with Alejandra, the girl that worked at the medical center; she had grown very close to her. She knew that leaving her there would be hard. She was only seventeen and smart as a whip. She caught on very fast and could even communicate with her a bit. Tessa had emailed her mother and would have a package delivered a couple days before they left. T
here were a few things she wanted Alejandra to have. Mostly clothes and books, she had decided that she was the one who would look after the medical center. She and Collin agreed that if things went alright, when she was eighteen they would make arrangements for her to attend nursing school in Mexico and pay for it.
The night before they left Tessa and Collin stayed up late making sure things were all set. They drove to the airport, and Tessa looked up at him and tried to avoid the children���s pleading for food and money.
He smiled down at her, ���We can���t save them all Tessa, but we can help many who will eventually help children like these.���
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The house was amazing. They���d installed invisible fence all the way to the pond and Leia was happy. Tessa and Collin laughed and loved often.
The next few months were a dream, they decided not to find out what they were having and celebrated Collin���s twenty- ninth birthday on June 13th. She was busy trying to clean up from the little party so that she could attempt to throw a party upstairs for just the two of them. She bent down to pick up a magazine that had dropped and her water broke. She smiled and cleaned up the mess. She ignored any pain she was feeling and calmly walked up the stairs, and he was in the shower.
���You coming in beautiful?��� he smiled when he saw her walk in.
���Yes,��� she said, ���But you can���t touch me.���
���Really, that���s one hell of a way to end my favorite birthday so far,��� he laughed.
���Collin, I think you have a couple more gifts on their way, my water just broke. I���m going to take a shower and then we���re going to the hospital,��� she said very calmly.
���You���re being serious,��� he finally said and he watched her slowly undress.