by Mj Fields
Emma wiped her eyes and looked up and Brody was standing in the doorway holding Lexi staring at her, ���Don���t you give up on us Em, ever,��� he walked over and took her temperature, ���You don���t have fever.���
Emma looked down as Lexi climbed into her lap and she held her tightly. Emma looked up at him and the tears began to fall again, ���Someday I hope you can love me enough to trust me. This is breaking me Brody.���
He held them both and Emma fell asleep in his arms.
Brody was sitting on the bed feeding Lexi when Emma woke up, Lexi was almost asleep. He held his finger to his mouth telling her to be quiet and looked at Lexi. Emma laid her head back down and fell asleep.
���Emma,��� Brody whispered. She sat up and he hugged her. ���Please talk to me.���
���I know this feeling Brody…I felt it before you left me������ Emma took a breath.
���I didn���t leave you Emma. I���m not leaving you,��� Brody kissed her head.
���Tuesday morning when I wake up in the middle of the night, am I going to hear your heart dancing in my ear?���
���I don���t know yet.���
���When you do, when you know exactly where my life is heading…could you let me know?��� Emma went to stand.
���Emma sit please,��� she did as she was asked. ���You know there���s still an investigation going on as to what the hell happened to me right?��� Brody asked and she nodded her head. ���You know that I���m not fighting about Rupert staying on right?��� she nodded her head. ���Please trust me, please let me get US through this, please don���t ask questions, its best you don���t know certain things right now…and please don���t give up on us or our family.���
���It���s very hard not to Brody, when there���s no trust or belief in me.���
���I trust you and believe in you, you need to do the same,��� Brody kissed her head.
���Are you frightened Brody?���
���Of losing you,��� Brody answered and his grip tightened and body shook slightly, ���I can���t lose you. Regardless of what direction this goes you need to have faith in me, that same faith you had all those months I was gone. You need to be strong for us here and let me take care of the un- pleasantries the outside brings to us.���
Emma couldn���t contain her tears anymore.
���I���m not good at saying I was wrong. I don���t regret much in my life because all of it brought me to you and I won���t lose you. I know we���ll be alright it���s just going to take some work,��� Brody said wiping away her tears, ���We won���t be lost Em, we���ll be okay. I���ll not give up on us, and you can���t either.���
���But you won���t tell me?���
���I can���t, not now, not for a while. Look at me, I love you,��� Brody kissed her passionately, ���I love you always and forever.���
* * *
Rupert���s wife, Ann, was hired on as a housekeeper. Brody insisted that Emma needed to focus on the girls since he would be away Monday through Friday. London adored her and Rupert actually smiled when she was around. Brody came home for dinner twice during the week on the weekends London spent with Troy so that he could spend time with her. He was home on weekends but very preoccupied when he was there. Sex was no longer a desire, it was a need. He needed Emma, not a soft desire to make her happy but a stress release for himself. Emma of course wasn���t deprived, but many nights she would sit on the bathroom or kitchen floor crying. Ann always seemed to appear with a cup of tea when the tears stopped flowing.
Rupert and Emma went three times a week to the shooting range, Emma was getting pretty good at target practice. Emma was also good at piano, she���d stepped in to play with London when Brody went missing but she missed Brody playing with her.
As the weeks passed, the weekends London was on her visit Brody would come home on Saturday afternoon instead of Friday night.
���Can we talk, Em?��� Brody asked stopping her dead in her tracks, he hadn���t asked this in a month.
���Yes,��� Emma sat at the table playing with her hands.
���Okay, Clive went out to grab something and we���ll discuss it okay?��� Brody was tapping his foot anxiously.
Emma looked at Clive as he walked in and started to hand her an envelope. Emma looked up at him and sat on her hands, and shook her head no.
���Em just take it,��� Brody said softly.
���No!��� She snapped and started to shake.
���Take the damn papers, Em,��� Brody yelled and she jumped.
Emma looked at him and scowled, she looked up at Clive and gave him a hurt questioning look, he didn���t show any emotion. Emma let out a deep breath feeling as if her body, her heart was deflating. She glanced at Brody who looked down and back to Clive and extended her hand that was shaking.
���You���ve been served,��� Clive said quietly.
Emma forced a slight smile and tried to stand. Brody quickly stood and put his hands on the arms of the chair to stop her from moving. Emma pulled up her knees and wrapped her arms around them and put her head on her knees.
���We need to talk about this Em,��� Brody whispered.
She heard Clive walk out the door.
���I …would like���you to give me a few minutes, please��� Emma started shaking.
���Do you trust me Em?��� He asked and his voice broke.
Emma looked up wiping her tears, ���Not even a little.���
Brody dropped to his knees and grabbed her tightly, ���Emma don���t do this to me, not to us.���
Emma sat back, ���I didn���t.���
���You���re giving up,��� he said looking up at her with tears in his eyes.
Emma looked at him and shook her head, ���When you left six weeks ago, you never came back,��� she wiped a tear from his face.
He held her hand against his face, ���I���ve been here Emma,��� his voice now pleading.
���You know better than that. I���ve watched the news alerts. I���ve seen pictures of you at dinner with Ariel and Elizabeth. I���ve seen pictures of you at clubs with your friends and dancing with different women. I���ve said nothing, I hoped you would return,��� Emma said, ���I don���t hate you. I knew this was coming. I just tried to ���I tried to believe.���
���Emma, I love you,��� Brody looked up at her through his perfect thick long lashes.
���I love you,��� Emma said sadly, ���Can we do this before London gets home?���
���Everything is yours, and this is a separation not a divorce,��� Brody said pulling a chair next to Emma���s and held her hand, ���I haven���t cheated on you and I won���t.���
���Well we���ll be separated so technically it won���t be cheating anymore, you���re free to date whoever you want,��� Emma said looking down.
���Like hell I am, and neither are you,��� Brody snapped.
���You already have Brody. Please don���t tell me what to do,��� Emma snapped back.
���Your sister���s a fucking nut job! I���m trying to keep her fucking mouth shut,��� Brody said looking at Emma like she had three heads.
���And Ariel? What���s that about?��� Emma asked calmly.
���It���s complicated,��� Brody looked away.
���I see. So how long do we need to be separated before we
can file for divorce?��� Emma asked standing up and grabbing a glass of water.
���Not going to happen, Em,��� Brody growled.
���So then tell me something, what does my dear sister need to keep her mouth shut about? And really ��� I don���t get to know why my husband, wait ��� excuse me… estranged spouse, is dining with his ex when he hasn���t even asked me to go on a date with him since he came back from the dead?��� Emma asked in a harsh whisper.
���I come home to you Emma. I make love to you. You are the only person I want to be close to, does that mean nothing to you?���
���Brody ��� do you know that most of the time after you fuck me, let���s just call it what it is, it���s fucking, I end up crying for hours because I don���t feel that connection, that intimacy. I get it now, they���re getting that part of you, the emotional connection, I just get you off,��� Emma walked out the door.
Brody walked onto the patio and watched Emma reading the papers. ���I don���t want this house. I don���t want your money. Sole custody I will keep, and I���ll be moving. I have no one here anymore. Revise this with your lawyer and I���ll get it to mine. I���m going out Friday night, Ann will watch our daughter. London will be with Troy. You can stay in your little bachelor pad and throw a party. You���re free now!���
���I���m sorry I���m hurting you right now. I can tell you it���s going to get worse before it���s over but it will be over Emma, and then we can move forward,��� Brody said sitting next to her.
���Please just leave me alone, I can���t breathe anymore. You���re crushing me, I didn���t think you could ever hurt me like this. Just stop the talking and leave me alone. I feel like you need me to break, like you���re gaining something from it and that makes this pain, this hell even worse, so please Brody just leave it alone,��� Emma went to stand and he grabbed her.
���It���s better for you and the girls, you���re safer that way alright?��� Brody said looking her in the eyes.
���Sure from Elizabeth���s threats. You do what you need to do Brody and I���ll do the same,��� Emma stood and walked away.
Brody walked into the family room and looked at Emma, ���I don���t know any other way to do this Em.���
Emma looked at him, ���I���ve been here before Brody. I never thought I would be here again. I however, do know how to do this and I���ll figure it out.���
���No!��� He snapped and walked towards her, ���It���s not the same Emma������
���It is, its lies and secrecy and it ������ Emma stood, ���It hurts but I can do this.���
Brody grabbed her and pulled her into him, ���It���s not the same Em ��� you know it���s not.���
���Let me go, I���ve already made up my mind, I won���t do this,��� Brody tried to interrupt her and she pulled away, ���Let me go!���
Brody looked hurt and confused as he released her, ���Do you love me Em?���
Emma took a deep breath and stepped back, ���Yes, I also still love Troy as the father of my child. There���s a difference between loving someone and being in love Brody.���
���What the hell is that supposed to mean!��� He reached for her.
���Don���t,��� Emma said and walked away.
���EMMA!��� Brody yelled, ���IT���S NOT THE FUCKING SAME.���
���Ma���am, London���s home,��� Rupert announced.
���Perfect, thank you,��� Emma smiled at him.
���Em,��� Brody said.
���Not now,��� Emma said softly.
London and Lexi were both asleep when Brody walked into the kitchen. Emma was sipping a cup of tea and didn���t realize he���d come in.
Emma turned and saw him, ���Are you leaving now?���
���I hadn���t planned on it until later,��� he ran his hands through his hair.
���I think it���s a good idea,��� Emma took a drink and turned back to the window.
���Why Em?��� He asked walking towards her.
Emma brushed past him and placed her cup in the sink, ���I can���t do this.���
Brody followed her, she stopped and turned around, ���I can���t do this. I won���t do this.���
���Can���t do what Emma?��� He asked softly.
���Brody, please get help, try to find out why������ she began.
���Get HELP?��� Brody roared, ���I���m not Troy Emma, I���m not out������
���ENOUGH. You can tell yourself whatever you want to. I���ve been lying to myself for weeks as well,��� Emma whispered, ���You didn���t come back the same, and the worst has been the past few weeks, the lies Brody������
���I have not lied to you������ Brody grabbed her hand.
Emma pulled it away slowly and tried to smile, ���Not telling me things is lying, going on dates is cheating, me staying here allowing this is enabling and it���s all breaking me. Let it go, I can���t work on fixing something when I have no idea what the problem is. I can���t trust someone who holds things back from me, and I can���t do this with you anymore.���
���I mean that little to you Emma?��� Brody looked confused and hurt, he held his hand to his chest.
���No, you were my everything. I trusted you with my life, with my daughter, and I trusted you enough to bring another child into my heart. I would never change it, with everything that���s gone on…Do you know what it���s like when your little girl walks into your house after having not seen her in two days and you can���t be happy? Less than two years ago SHE was my everything. My choices have changed her life Brody, and she���s getting a shell of me. Now I have Lexington and she doesn���t even know the love that London knew, because I���ve been pieces of who I could be for her. When it was just London I could hold it together, now I have two,��� Emma began to cry, ���Do you know how awful I feel about who I���ve become?���
���Em, love������ Brody held his hand to his heart and fought tears.
���No, let me finish. It���s not fair to them. It���s not fair to me, I can���t just have you popping in and out of their life like this, not this soon, it���s seriously messing with my head. You want what you expect me to believe is a fake separation. To wait and wonder, and still lay with you when you come home? That���s crushing me far worse than the hell I went through when I had no clue where you were.���
���That���s great Em, so if I was still a caged, drugged animal, you would feel better?��� He snapped.
���God Brody, no. See I can���t do this. I can���t do this to any of us,��� Emma cried.
Brody grabbed her and held her, ���Damn it, I���m sorry Em.���
���I need a break from all of this,��� Emma said pulling away, ���I���m going to take the girls away for a week, alone Brody. Please don���t fight with me, I need this. I need to see them smile, play, and laugh…and I need to do that with them.���
���I���ll figure it out and try to come������ Brody began.
���No Brody,��� Emma whispered looking at the ground, ���I need to do this alone. They need this as much as I do. No tension, no stress, just fun.���
���We can do that, Em,��� Brody���s words were more a plea than
a statement.
���No, I can���t with you there, I can���t pretend. I need this, they need this,��� Emma took a step back and looked at him and then rubbed his face and tears fell.
Brody looked confused and hurt and Emma took a step towards him and stopped. He let out a deep breath and his shoulders slumped in and he shook his head in confusion.
Emma wiped her tears, ���God, I���m so sorry.���
���Me too Em, please������ Brody closed his eyes, his words a silent prayer.
���I���m exhausted and I need sleep, I need to be healthy for them Brody. You need to understand that and you need to do the same,��� Emma turned.
���Emma, God Damn it, I love you,��� Brody���s voice broke.
Emma turned around and forced a smile, ���I know Brody.���
He watched as she walked away.
* * *
���Hey Mom where are we going?��� London skipped into the kitchen.
���On an adventure,��� Emma smiled.
���Is Brody coming?���
���No he���s busy but we���re going to have a great time,��� Emma grabbed her and spun her around and kissed her.
���Give me a hint?��� London laughed.
���Water and fun,��� Emma grinned, ���That���s all you���re getting little one. Now go grab another suit.���
Emma dialed her phone.
���Everything alright Emma?��� Troy asked.
���Yes, I���m going to take the girls for a little trip, does your family still have the house on the Cape?���
���Yes, Emma ��� is Brody going?���
���No he���s busy and we need a break, do you think you could call Tessa?���
���As a matter of fact, she���s on her way there now. Collin���s still out of town but meeting them, I���m sure she would love to see you and the girls,��� Troy had a smile in his voice.
���Okay, thank you Troy, we���ll be leaving in a couple hours. Hey if you���re not busy������ Emma began.