by Mj Fields
���Is there a difference?���
���I don���t understand what you���re asking Harper.���
She didn���t respond and I wasn���t going to push.
���I promise you I will talk to you, when I can figure out how.���
Harper sat up and looked at me.
���No.���
���No? No what?���
���Talk. To. Me.���
���You���ll think less of me.���
She looked at me like I was out of my damn mind and maybe I was but I certainly wasn���t going to give her confirmation.
���How? How could I possible think less of you Maddox? I love you, I always have and I always will. I don���t understand. I know it had something to do with last night; I know you won���t touch me or look at me. I know you���re keeping a distance from me and that it isn���t just physical space but emotional; I know I want to give you the time you need to deal with whatever it is your dealing with. I also know that if this is how you���re going to act when you���re struggling with something that makes you feel I will think less of you than I���m going to feel that way too. We, Maddox, we have to be more than that. I need us to be and so do you. So just —figure it out. But do so knowing I am marrying the boy who I want it all with because from the moment I saw him I knew I could never stop loving him. Not ever.���
She started to stand and I held her hand stopping her.
���Please Sweet…Harper.���
���I love you Maddox. I���m not feeling well. I���m tired. I���m growing our baby in my belly right now and this���this���thing is messing with me. So please figure it out.���
���I���m not telling you because I don���t want to stress you Harper. I���m not doing it to cause issues.���
���It���s having the opposite effect.���
She slowly pulled her hand from mine.
���I���m going to watch a movie. A happy movie.���
���Because I���m causing you unhappiness.���
She walked out of the room and left me with my inner demons. My inner battle, that if I were honest with myself, I had been fighting since I was found by my father.
I walked out and she was cozied up on the couch wrapped in a thick quilt she had made with her grandmother when she was ten. Her favorite blanket. I knew this because like everything Harper told me I remembered. She was that important, she is everything to me.
���May I?��� I pointed to the couch and she lifted the blanket for me to sit with her. ���What are we watching?���
���The Notebook.���
���Chick flick?���
���Love story.���
���I don���t want our children to think the things about me that I did about my father.���
And there you have it. That was it in a nutshell. I loved my father. But I knew everything about him. So did everyone around the world.
She looked at me waiting for me to continue.
���When I saw the news. The sex tapes. I was disgusted. The things he did reminded me of the pig that ��� for lack of better words, who raised me.���
Harper held my hand and rested her head on my shoulder.
���A part of me is so angry that he left us when he was trying to find who was behind everything and that his arrest caused me and my siblings to be put in harms��� way.���
���Are you still angry with him?���
���No. I understand it. But I will never forget the distain and fear I felt when I saw the news. Or the abandonment I felt every time he left Emma and us. Even the anger that I felt when he took me out of country after your prom. He left them.���
���But you understand it now?���
���I suppose. Yes, but I have been cold to him for years. And last night Harper I reminded myself of him.���
���And you don���t want to be like him?���
���And that sounds awful. As a man I know he did what had to be done. But when I think about it through a child���s eyes. Through your eyes. I feel less than deserving of ���.���
���No you stop Maddox just for a minute ���please.���
���I���ve killed people.���
���And I have never felt more protected and loved in you doing so.���
I looked at her finally.
���I admire everything about your father. He is a good man. He fought to get back to his family. He fought to make sure you were protected. He helped my father find me. He may not have always been there but I know without a doubt he would have if he knew about you Maddox. You have got to know that.���
���That���s the problem Harper. I do know that but I don���t want our child, our children���s souls, so be darkened because of who I am. I have to make it better for you and for them.���
���And I know until they ask those questions, until they are much older, they will never know.���
���They���ll see it in me.���
���They���ll see in you what I do. Someone whose love has no boundaries.���
I closed my eyes and tried to think about everything we had just discussed. The way she loved me and would give me anything I asked of her. I never wanted to take too much.
���Last night I should never have even asked that of you.���
She sat up and turned to me and smiled. ���I would hope you keep leading in our sexual exploration.���
���Sexual exploration?��� And here you have it. I could not look at her without wanting to touch her. I could not smell her skin without wanting to taste it. I could not hear her say things like that without feeling my dick harden.
���Sexual exploration.��� She smiled and then blushed.
���We need to at least take it easy while you���re pregnant.��� I was well aware that my voice dropped an entire octave when I was raging inside.
���We didn���t before.���
���We should now.���
She climbed on my lap and straddled me and ran her hands up my shirt slowly. ���Your hands should be on me Maddox. Your mouth should be on me. No one is here, no one is expected.���
���If I do I won���t stop.���
���I wouldn���t want you to.���
I reached around her and rubbed her ass pushing it slowly forward so that she rubbed on my dick.
���When you grab my ass, squeeze it. I like that.���
���Oh yeah?���
���Yeah. And when I���m naked like earlier— don���t look away.���
���No?���
���No Maddox.���
���I want you all the time you know that.���
���Thank God.���
Her mouth crashed into mine. I held her against my body pulling her hips tight against my throbbing dick.
She reached between us and pulled me free from my sweats and stroked me up and down.
���Easy Sweetness.���
She stood with my cock still in her hand pumping me back and forth as she shed her pants and underwear and climbed back on me.
���Let me take care of you first Harper.���
She shook her head from side to side and rubbed my tip against her warm opening. Her eyes were glassy and full of lust. She slowly circled her hips stretching to accommodate my size. I reached up her shirt and held her breast in my hand and tugged at her nipple. She winced.
���Sore.���
She lowered raised herself up and then back down my cock. ���A few more weeks no more���aw hell you feel so damn good.���
Her head fell back and she yelled out as she rode me.
���You���re so fucking beautiful Harper.���
���You, oh God Maddox you���re ���you���re���I���m gonna come.���
I held her hips still and she whimpered and rotated her hips first clockwise then counter clock wise and I nearly lost it. I stood and she wrapped her legs around my hips.
���Fucking beautiful legs Sweetness.���
I carried her in the bedroom and laid her down, breaking the connection of our bodies and she moaned in protest.
���I am going to go easy on you. I promise not to be as greedy as I have always been.���
���Don���t do that. Maddox don���t do that, I want you just the same.���
I laid next to her and rolled to my side and she did the same. I pulled her leg over my hip and rubbed myself up and down her hitting her clit with each slow motion. Each time her eyes rolled back and she bit her lip stifling her cries.
���Look at you. You really do want me as much don���t you?��� I lightly passed my tip over her very sensitive ball of nerves and her mouth opened releasing a cry.
���Yes, more damn it. More!���
One more time I rubbed against her clit, harder this time, and her whole body tensed. I knew she was going to come with me in or out of her and I wanted in. I needed that connection of body and soul. I needed it so fucking bad.
���Then have it Harper.��� I entered her slowly watching as she inhaled and her lip quivered. ���Feel good slow?���
���Yes,��� she panted. ���Yes.���
I felt like I was under a spell. I couldn���t look away. It was never like this, never savored. Watching her come apart like this was like watching the tide come in for the very first time. Its experience was new to me and I cherished this and every moment with my Sweetness.
I bowed my head and licked lightly across her nipple as I pushed further into her warmth. She came apart.
���Fucking beautiful Harper!��� I hastened my thrusts until I came yelling her name.
She had her eyes closed and was smiling. Her cheeks where flush and she looked so relaxed.
I kissed her head. ���Stay, I will go get a cloth to clean you.���
���Maddox that���s not necessary I can get up.���
When she didn���t move, she just laid completely content and smiling I walked out and to the bathroom. When I came out I grabbed a banana.
I cleaned between her legs and dropped the cloth in the dirty clothes basket and knelt between her legs.
���Sweetness, I have something for you.���
She opened her eyes and looked at me confused. I looked down realizing how this must look to her and after the conversation we had earlier, I wanted to laugh but instead I reached out for her hand and pulled her up.
���To eat Sweetness. The banana is to eat.���
���Oh,��� she whispered and blushed.
* * *
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lake Watch
Harper
The weekend was a blur. Maddox and I just hung out and watched movies like a couple of bums. Well I did, he was on a running kick. Twice a day he would take off before I woke. Mom would stop by while he was gone and we would look through wedding magazines. I wanted to wait until my first trimester was over so that I wouldn���t be exhausted and yawning during the vows. Mom thought it was a good idea and Maddox said it wouldn���t matter either way he just wanted it to happen, ���The sooner the better���. Maddox was amazing and I couldn���t wait until I was his wife, his wife.
There would be no attendants during the ceremony. My brothers and Grandpa John would give me away. My mom would be my witness and Brody was to be Maddox���s. No matter how small I wanted this occasion to be it wasn���t going to happen. We had a big, huge family and I wanted them all there. It would still be an intimate wedding. Just us and those we loved.
The next month Maddox would wake me after his run with ginger snaps and water. He had read it would help with the nausea and it did. I wasn���t throwing up as much. Only on the days I had to be at Cornell wrapping up my internship. Those days were more hurried.
Maddox took and picked me up every day. The third day I noticed the Jeep in the parking lot outside of the building. I was shocked and honestly a little bit annoyed. I went out and asked him what he was doing and he pulled out his ear bud and smiled.
���Writing Sweetness.���
���Here? Have you done this all week?���
He was clearly embarrassed. ���What���s the sense in driving home for the three hours I have until I leave to come pick you up?���
���I���m driving next week.��� I walked back into the building and swear I felt his eyes on me the entire time.
When I came out an hour later he was standing against the Jeep, shades on with one leg crossed in front of the other and his arms crossed in front of him. He looked amazing. Maddox was without a doubt the sexiest thing on the planet. Add to that the smile that could completely cut through me and any negative emotion I may have and I was completely done for. His smile did that to me.
���End of your first week Sweetness?��� He opened the door for me still smiling.
He handed me one rose, it was white and beautiful. ���It���s what you smell like to me.���
���Roses?���
���White roses specifically.���
���There���s a difference?���
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me snuggly against him and kissed me, holding his lips still against mine.
���Do you always have to be so difficult Sweetness?��� He laughed as he asked it.
���I love you.���
���You���ll love me more in a few minutes.���
���Oh yeah?���
He stepped back and opened the door. On the seat was a box of Little Debbie���s Swiss rolls and I laughed.
���See I am conceding on the fight for complete control over your nutritional intake.���
���I see that. Thank you that was very….��� I held the box next to my face and smiled as if I was in a commercial. ���Sweet.���
He laughed as I sat in the Jeep and kissed me quickly before shutting my door.
I opened the box and took out two packets and opened them.
He got in the driver���s side, sat down, and buckled.
I shoved the first one half in my mouth and offered him the other.
���No thank you but I won���t complain at all if you concede to a request of mine.���
���What would that request be?��� I pooped the other half in my mouth and he shook his head and smirked.
���Don���t get angry that I cannot bring myself to leave you here without me.���
���Maddox I am fine here.���
���I am not. I left after you had your little episode and������
���My episode?���
���Well—yes.���
���I���m safe here.���
���That may be true but you���re safer with me here.���
���Maddox.��� I couldn���t continue, the look in his bright blue eyes said determination. He would not give in.
���I left for an hour Harper and it took all I had not to jump out of the Jeep and kick a little old ladies ass who stopped at a fucking green light that turned red causing me to be away for a
n extra three minutes. Now do you want that kind of publicity shining down on us?���
I started laughing and he took a deep breath and smiled softly.
���You really would have?���
He held his hand up showing me. ���I was this close.���
���It���s a you thing Maddox. I feel safe here and at home.���
���I assume I will in time as well. Just don���t ask me to change something I can���t right now.���
���Okay.��� I whispered and took his hand.
���Thank you.���
It was quiet as we headed up East Shore drive heading out of downtown Ithaca. Maddox slowed down as we went past the Lake Watch. I shoved another half a Swiss cake in my mouth. They were so damn good. He pulled in the driveway and I wondered what he was doing. He parked and jumped out before I could ask anything.
He opened my door and held out his hand for me. I took his hand and stepped out.
���Follow me?���
���Always.���
I���m not sure why but my stomach was in knots. Not because of the baby but because of where we were.
���I came here when I left. I thought it would calm me.��� He walked us out the back into the expansive lawn. ���I looked out over the lake and thought of you. But it didn���t do a damn thing but make me want to get back to you even more.���
He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Resting his chin on my shoulder he gently kissed my cheek.
���All I could think about was how bad I wanted to do this at your prom.���
His hand moved under my sweater and beneath my cami so his fingers touched my skin. His hand moved up my shirt until he cupped my very sensitive, tender breast.
I rested my head against his as we stood looking over the water. I yawned and he laughed.
���Sweetness, had I touched your tits back then I probably would have creamed myself.���
���Nice Maddox.��� I turned towards him and he was grinning from ear to ear.
���I was sure I was gonna have you that night.���
���I���m sure you would have had things not������ I stopped and rolled my eyes.