We approached the table, and I browsed the stacks of brochures they had laid out. That was when it dawned on me why they were all dressed in red. Today was Red Friday. It had been some time since I participated in the weekly reminder—a very important reminder to remember everyone deployed.
After Tyler died, I shut out as much as was humanly possible. Especially the few military wives I had become friends with back in Lakeland. It was the only way I endured the heartbreak and every other mixture of emotions I went through. The less that was available to remind me, the better off I thought I’d be.
Now, standing there with it all in front of me, I felt as if my entire being had shifted—again.
The sign at the end of the table displayed the organizations name, and how they provided educational scholarships to spouses and children of American fallen and disabled service members.
As I held the brochure in my hand, I picked my brain for why I had never heard of their program, a program definitely worth supporting.
Out of nowhere, the reminder text and the conversation I had with my sister earlier in the day came forth, begging me to let Easton in and tell him the truth.
Not sure how to face my most recent fears, I shoved the reminder away, blinked back the surge of tears, and swallowed hard. Watching the camaraderie between these women, their masks of despair stripped all because they had each other to lean on. I hated that a spark of jealousy punched me in the chest. I couldn’t believe just how much I had isolated myself.
Aware of my sudden change in demeanor, Easton caressed the back of my neck and whispered close to my ear, “Are you okay?” Hearing the concern in his voice touched me somewhere deep. His patience, an endearing trait of his I loved. He knew when something held the potential to throw me off balance.
“I’m okay. Thank you.” I tucked the brochure in my purse. Promising myself to look it over later and see if there was anything I could do to help.
Easton slipped his hand in mine and looked at me, asking with his eyes if our simple show of affection was okay. It didn’t matter that we were overly affectionate just minutes ago, this gesture was completely different.
A woman said hello and I snuck a quick glance to her name tag. I met Kate’s soft brown eyes and she offered me a gentle smile. I reciprocated politely.
“Do you have a loved one in the military?”
Normally, I would’ve clammed up and shut down hearing that question, but oddly I felt an instant sense of calm. Something told me she, too, might have firsthand experience with losing a loved one and knew exactly what it felt like to live with that missing piece of your heart.
“I did,” I answered and had to glance away. Easton squeezed my hand. If he felt uncomfortable at all, he didn’t show it, he never did.
I leaned into him and a wave of tears surged, not giving me a chance to force them back.
“My husband was a pilot in the Air Force.”
The expression on Kate’s face softened, and she took my hand in hers, offering me her sincere condolences, “I’m very sorry for your loss.”
I always struggled with accepting that response.
“Thank you.”
Would there ever come a time when I wouldn’t be so affected, by reliving the fact that Tyler was no longer living? Would I ever hear someone offer their condolences and automatically accept their words, and answer with a soft smile, appreciative of their kindness? Would it ever get easier?
That’s all up to you, baby. It’s all up to you.
An unexpected chuckle bubbled inside me at the sound of Ty’s voice in my head, stating a very valid point. Easton shifted to stand behind me at the same time the sound of a baby happily squealing caught my ear and my sights. What really drew my attention was the beautiful Latina woman holding the young child.
The woman looked to be in her early thirties and had that perfect shade of caramel-colored skin, dark brown eyes, and jet-black hair. Exquisitely beautiful, the kind of women every woman could only dream of looking like. My eyes shifted to the smiling baby perched on her hip.
A sliver of envy passed through me, wanting that life, but angry that Ty left me before I ever got a chance to live it. When our eyes met, I refused to allow the negative feelings to fester inside me. I would not be responsible for putting out negative energy, more toward a woman I had never met. The woman smiled and there was something in her eyes I couldn’t place. A sense of familiarity, it was if we had met and couldn’t quite figure out where.
“Lilly?” Someone called my name, and when my eyes cut to the right, Angela, one of the military wives I had been friends with pulled me in for an awkward hug. “I haven’t seen you around, how are you?” she asked, and my eyes darted back to the woman holding the baby.
“I’m doing okay. Moved back home recently. What are you doing here?” I took a small step back.
“Kate needed a few more hands and asked if I could help.” She studied me for a split second. “You look good. How’s the family? How’s Tyler’s family doing?”
“Lilly? Lilly Gibson?” the woman holding the baby asked, approaching the table.
Reaching back, my hand gripped Easton’s thigh, desperate for his touch and to remind myself he was still there with me. The soft, almost sympathetic look in her eyes told me she recognized me—but how?
My teeth clenched tight, and I couldn’t help but let my mind drift off to that place. Where I became dizzy with all sorts of messed up, irrational notions of Tyler and the life he might have hid from me.
Closing my hand into a death grip, I held on to Easton’s thigh, hoping to stabilize myself. I concentrated on the slow calming circles he rubbed at the small of my back and when the only thing that separated me from the beautiful woman, was the three-foot width of the table, I forced a deep breath in through my nose.
“Lilly?” the woman repeated, and my heart thumped.
I swallowed hard and nodded, confused as to whom this woman might be.
“I’m so glad we finally get to meet. I’ve heard so much about you.”
My eyes narrowed and my head tilted to the side, silently questioning this woman as to how she knew me. It didn’t take much for her to figure out that I had no idea who she might be.
“I’m sorry.” She shook her head and smiled. “I feel like we’ve already met. Tyler shared so much about you with me.”
Tyler? What does this woman have to do with, Tyler?
Tyler Ethan Gibson, if you slept with this woman, and those are your children. So help me, God . . .
Slipping into self-preservation mode, my body went rigid. My fight or flight instincts kicked in and thank God for Easton and his comfort. His hand moved to my shoulder, and he squeezed gently. What the hell is going on?
“Sunshine,” he whispered, but I couldn’t answer. My eyes were glued to the beautiful, glowing woman standing just a table’s width apart and the potential to possibly ruin me. “Talk to me.”
I couldn’t. Not until I learned this woman’s identity and what she had to gain by making it known that she knew who I was.
I stood stock still, my expression tight while I searched her eyes for any kind of sign. Then my eyes dropped to the little girl on her hip. “¡Dios Mío! Nononono.” Her accent was thick. “No.” Her eyes pleaded with me as she touched my forearm. “I’m Helena Casales. My husband Joseph and Tyler were very good friends.”
Helena Casales. Joseph. Casales.
I ran the names through my mind. Once I realized who this woman was, an audible sigh of relief ripped past my lips. My entire body slacked and I was grateful again for Easton and his support. How could I have ever thought that Tyler might have been involved with another woman?
Humiliation crept its way in. I hated myself and the ability of the human mind for instantly creating such deprecating thoughts.
Easton gently rubbed both my shoulders and kissed the back of my head when another jolt of fear barreled through me.
We locked eyes. and I silently pleaded with her
not to speak of the elephant hanging over my head. Not yet, not when I still needed to tell Easton. With bated breath, I managed a small smile. “I’m sorry,” I apologized, ashamed for thinking the worse. Here I was blindly nailing this innocent woman to the cross, and according to Tyler she was a kind woman willing to help. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” I added, hoping to ease the blow of where my thoughts had wandered to seconds ago.
“No apologies necessary, and it’s nice to meet you, too.” Her expression visibly relaxed, and she cuddled her baby closer to her chest.
“Number three?” I asked, remembering what Tyler had written about her and her husband wanting a large family.
She nodded and smiled.
“Would you like to hold her?” she asked and before I could say no, the little girl leaned out of her mother’s arms and reached for me, smiling a toothless smile.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I cooed as I held her in my arms. “What’s your name?”
“This is Marisol. She’s the baby”—she rubbed her nonexistent belly—“at least until this one arrives.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“Hi, Marisol. You’re such a pretty little girl,” I spoke to her in that weird voice adults made when talking to a baby.
I looked around, taking in all my surroundings and how it all resembled something to do with the military. The thought of Tyler flooded my mind and soon after, it became hard to breathe.
I concentrated on the white noise droning around us and Easton next to me. For the life of me, nothing else came to mind; I was drawing blanks. And this was neither the time, nor the place to ask Helena any of “those” questions.
Staring vacantly at the woman I knew next to nothing about, other than what Tyler had mentioned, intimidated me. If I had initiated a phone call prior to our chance meeting, things might be different. If I had mentioned my predicament to Easton earlier in our relationship, things would definitely be different. My fears began materializing, while I remained rooted to the spot and panic settled deep in my chest. I couldn’t do this here—not now.
Needing to get out of there without causing a scene or raise suspicion, I managed a full smile and carefully handed Marisol back to her mother. I inhaled a deep breath, stuck my hand out, and said, “Helena, it was great meeting you. Maybe I could give you a call sometime?” My eyes apologized and pleaded with her to please understand.
“Of course. You have my number?”
“I do.” I bit the inside of my cheek, holding the tears back as I thought about the letter, and nodded.
“Okay, then. Whenever you’re ready, please call.”
“Thank you.” I nodded and turned to Easton. “You ready?”
“Whenever you are,” he answered, but his eyes begged me to fill him in on what just happened. I just hoped that when I did, he was able to handle it.
My mind remained absorbed in a game of ping-pong the entire drive home.
Honoring Tyler.
Enjoying Easton.
Meeting Helena.
And I didn’t bring any attention to the fact that I had spotted Tyler’s parents on our way out. Avoiding them at all costs, I leaned into Easton’s side and led him in the opposite direction. I couldn’t take the chance of them seeing the two of us together—not tonight. Lord knows, I could only take so much.
Easton pulled up to the cottage and put the car in park, still not having said one word. The entire twenty minutes it took to get home, I was on pins and needles. The one thing that saved me from losing my mind all together was our joined hands resting on his thigh.
I turned to face him and with the little light from the moon shining through the front windshield, his eyes glimmered. He really was an all-around handsome man, and I thanked my lucky stars that he was sent to me—even if it might be for only a short while. After I explained everything to him . . .
I couldn’t continue that thought, the possible outcome made me nauseous.
Shifting my eyes away from his, it was only then I realized the significance and color of his shirt.
“You’re shirt, it’s red,” I stated matter-of-factly and tilted my head to the side. “What a coincidence.” He gave a half-smile, and the way his eyes faltered made me think it was no coincidence at all.
“It isn’t a coincidence?” I asked, confused.
He shook his head. “No. I’ve known about Red Fridays for a while.”
“You have? How?” I felt the lines bunch on my forehead, and I just sat there, waiting for him to elaborate.
“Let’s go inside.”
He removed the key from the ignition and pushed open his door. I nodded and waited for him to come around to my side. After opening my door, he held his hand out, and I took it.
“I’m confused.”
“About?”
“The red shirt.” I pulled my key from my purse and unlocked the front door. “You never mentioned anything about being in the military? Were you in the military?” I assumed Easton had followed me in, but when I looked over my shoulder, he was still out on the porch. “Aren’t you coming in?”
“Are you sure you still want me to stay?” He held his eyes to mine, and I tilted my head to the side.
“Why would you ask me that?”
He didn’t answer, but he really didn’t need to. It was obvious—to me at least—that he had questions. That something might be bothering him and the selfish part of me didn’t want to know—not yet. I’d rather enjoy his company for one more night, before possibly never seeing him again. I would explain everything in the morning.
I sighed and did an about face straight for the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, I purposely stuck my head in even though I knew exactly where I had left that bottle of wine.
“Did you want a beer?”
“Lilly.” His tone was brisk, and I flinched.
I was doing this to him. Filling him with unease, and I needed to quit. He had been nothing short of amazing to me and the way I was acting wasn’t even close to fair to him.
“Yes.” I grabbed the wine for myself.
I had just grabbed a glass when he closed the short distance between us and caged me between his hard chest and the counter. My traitorous body responded, not giving a damn that my mind was in turmoil. That my heart teetered on the proverbial fence, trying to figure out which side of the grass was greener.
A prickling sensation flashed all over my body, and I took a deep breath, releasing it inaudibly through my lips. Closing my eyes, I silently summoned him to touch me. Take me out of my head and live in the moment, there with him.
“My grandfather was a sergeant in the Army.” My breath hitched and I tried to glance over my shoulder to look at him, but with his close proximity, I could barely catch a glimpse of his profile. “I didn’t have the heart to talk about it after learning that your—” His grip on the counter tightened. “Tyler was killed in action. There really was no reason to go into detail.”
I nodded. His bits and pieces of an explanation made sense.
I somehow maneuvered my body to face him and laid my palms on his chest. Easing my hands upward over his hard chest, I curled my fingers at the back of his neck and met his eyes. An irrepressible desire lurked, but he was fighting to hold back, and could I blame him?
“Please kiss me,” I pleaded, ready to beg if need be. Things were about to get crazy, but right now, I needed him in the simplest form.
“Do you have any idea of what you mean to me?”
His eyes drank me in and grew wild, no longer that warm shade of honey.
Everything was happening so fast, in slow motion. The kiss he stole right from my lips had me arching into his chest. I became completely imprisoned by him. Both his hands tangled in my hair, and he angled my head as he took the kiss one step further, devouring my mouth with deep sweeping strokes of his tongue. It came to a point where I couldn’t decipher if I was standing on my own two feet or floating on a cloud.
Breathing
became damn near impossible and as much as I hated it, I had to pull away. I sucked in deep breaths and pressed my forehead to his chest. “I want you to stay, Easton. Please don’t question that.”
“I won’t.” He slid his finger under my chin, lifting until our eyes met “It’s just . . . something feels off since you spoke to that woman tonight.”
Along with every good thing that made this man who he is, he was perceptive.
“Shhh.” I pressed my finger to his lips. That was a conversation for later. Right now, I needed to feel.
I laid my hands on his chest again, gently nudging him to take a step back. As I reached behind my back to unzip my dress, Easton met my hands and took over, sliding the zipper down. His fingers skimmed upward along my spine, giving strength to that swirl of heat low in my belly. My sex tingled, my eyes fluttered closed, and my head fell back. His touch was intoxicating.
He slid the thin straps off my shoulders and pressed his lips to the hollow of my throat, swirling his tongue before moving to the crook of my neck. Sucking and kissing along my collarbone, causing a raging heat to engulf my entire body, tingling from my scalp to my toes.
I grabbed the hem of Easton’s shirt and tugged upward. Without missing a beat, he reached behind his neck and pulled it over his head, tossing it on the counter beside him.
“Exquisite,” he murmured, tracing both of my nipples with his thumbs. “Are you wet for me, Sunshine?” He tugged on my nipples, and I swallowed hard. My eyes flickered to his mouth as his tongue darted out and licked his lips.
My breath caught, and I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. He knew damn well the effect he had on my body. “Do you really have to ask?”
He snaked one arm around my waist and pulled me flush against him. When he reached down and squeezed my ass, he mumbled, “I need you, Lilly. Fuck, do I need you.” His double meaning ringing loud and clear. Little did he know that I needed him just as much, if not more.
Body to body, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing my aching breasts into his chest. “I need you, too.” I crashed my mouth to his, conveying just how much.
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