He said he didn’t want her.
That they wanted different things in life.
But wasn’t that what people did? They went back to what was comfortable? What was easy? He may not have loved her, but he had spent four years with her. Plus, it wasn’t a secret that she still wanted him.
“Please don’t give up on me.”
Maybe I should have made him my priority.
That last thought was like a punch in the stomach. I forced down a wave of bile as my thoughts filled with self-loathing, wanting nothing more than to go back and change things. Did Easton think or feel he wasn’t a priority to me, because he surely did mean a whole lot.
It’s okay to admit you love him.
“Where do I go from here?” I sat cross-legged on my living room floor, drowning in my thoughts and a bottle of wine. Tyler’s letters and all the information Dr. Hardy had given me were laid out before me. Another four days had passed since the appointment and still no word.
“Easton, where are you?” It had been four days since my appointment, six days since I’d talked to him, and his absence was ripping open all the wounds he’d helped to heal.
I put the bottle to my lips while my eyes traveled the room and thoughts of Easton and the night he spent here filled my mind. The things he did to pleasure my body, the sincerity in his words, his touch, and the feelings he pulled from deep in me were almost too much. I was almost convinced he was real, someone I could share my life with. Someone who gave me a tiny sliver of hope back.
Refusing to throw in the towel, I grabbed my phone and dialed Easton’s number for what felt like the hundredth time. When I got his voice mail, I didn’t say much but a sad and simple, “Please call me.”
The silence stung.
His absence hurt.
How could he have disappeared without a word? The least he could have done was tell me he changed his mind, he made a mistake, and wasn’t ready for more. That would have been the manly thing to do. That is what I thought he would have done. Not this. So, why was he putting so much distance between us?
Sitting there in the dark with my back-and-forth thoughts, I allowed the different emotions to play out. Sadness, anger, and irritation, but it was the confusion—for multiple reasons that I had a hard time working through. I asked myself if I was even being fair. Easton didn’t owe me anything, let alone an explanation, and that was what hurt.
I took another long gulp and set the bottle beside me.
With a load of information in plain sight, I didn’t know where to turn. Tyler’s words silently speaking to me, reminding me of a choice I had no idea how to make. I grabbed one of the therapist’s pamphlets and brought it up to my face, squinting as the words became fuzzy. Would it even be worth the time and effort to meet with one of these doctors? What could any one of them possibly say that would bring me closer to a decision?
I set the information down, picked up the bottle, and took a long drink. The heat from the alcohol mixed with my wrangling emotions provoked the maddened feelings. I was no better off with a floor full of information than before the visit with Dr. Hardy, on top of it all, Easton was gone.
One minute, I hated him for leaving without a word, and the next, I hated Tyler for leaving me with too many words. I alternated between hating them both for the same reason before finally settling on hating myself. Maybe I was destined to be alone. A woman with a damaged heart surely couldn’t love again, right?
Frustrated, I grabbed the bottle, pressed it to my lips, and let my head fall back. Was it naïve to think there was a chance he’d still want me after I’d been so torn over this choice? I mean, who would want a woman who was incapable of letting go of her dead husband? Who would want that baggage? Sure, he said he would be my shoulder to cry on and that he would be there for me, but did I really expect that to last? I guess I had. Otherwise, this wouldn’t hurt so damn bad.
Maybe I should take that as a hint and leave well enough alone. Wasn’t that what I had barked to Tyler when reading his words?
Well, if Easton wanted to be left alone, his silence spoke loud and clear. I had enough heartache to last me three lifetimes just with burying my husband.
I had enough.
The festering anger didn’t last as long as I wanted it to. Without knowing Easton’s reasons for leaving, I couldn’t find it in me to remain angry with him for not calling. But it was when I stumbled out of bed this morning that the chip on my shoulder dug a little deeper.
Today marked the tenth day since he had left town. My days with no Easton were quiet, lonely, and maddening. How a man could claim to love a woman, only to up and leave at the first sign of chaos was beyond me.
It was that question that had me driving to the flower shop. I stared at the front doors, hoping Mrs. Wilkes would have some kind of information but knowing that if she did, she would have called me.
As soon as I stepped foot inside, I found it odd that a young woman I had never seen before was standing behind the counter. She was wrapping a bouquet of roses, talking to her customer as if they’d known each other for years. I’d known Mrs. Wilkes for years and had never seen this girl before. Thinking back to Easton mentioning his aunt wanting to possibly sell the place, my heart stalled in my chest.
This could not be happening.
Not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, I pretended to browse around before stopping in front of the roses, anticipating they’d throw out some information on Easton or Mrs. Wilkes whereabouts. But nothing, aside from the customer inquiring about placing an order for her daughter’s upcoming wedding.
I pushed back my annoyance, and my eyes fell on the beautiful, white long-stem calla lilies. They were such an unusual elegance representing much more than its conceived beauty.
Gazing longingly at the pure white blossom, my finger traced the upward curvature of the strong but delicate flower, which would always remind me of the day I laid Tyler to rest.
I had pulled a single calla lily stem from one of the many standing wreaths and laid it atop Tyler’s casket. The white petal glowed against the dark wood of his casket, and I knew they would do the same against the granite of his headstone. They were perfect.
Pulling six stems from the bucket, my gaze shifted and guided my feet toward the staircase leading to Easton’s apartment. The urge to run up and see if he was there was strong, but I fought it. Easton was an honest, stand-up kind of guy. I knew better than to question Mrs. Wilkes, too. If she said he had taken off for New York, it was the truth.
By the time I rounded the corner, the previous customer was gone, so I set the flowers down on the counter. Getting a good look at the young woman who was strikingly gorgeous, I hesitated but asked, “Excuse me.” The woman smiled. “Is Mrs. Wilkes in by chance?”
“No. I’m sorry, she isn’t. Is there anything I can help you with?”
Well, that wasn’t much of any help.
“No. No, thank you. I was just hoping to talk to her. I haven’t seen her in a while.” I smiled, covering my little white lie since it had only been a few days since I had last seen her.
If she was gone and this woman was there, it was pretty obvious Easton still hadn’t returned.
Would he ever come back?
Not knowing this woman, I decided against bringing up Easton, so I paid for my flowers and left. Rather than going straight to the cemetery, I made a right, which led me to the salon.
I pulled the door open, a bit surprised when no one greeted me. I walked past each empty station and called out Leeza’s name.
“In my office,” she answered, and I went straight back. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
I sat and set the flowers in the chair beside me. “Nothing much. I stopped by the flower shop, and when I saw these, I knew I had to get them for Tyler’s grave.”
“Those are really pretty. Good choice.”
“Thanks.” I eyed the flowers adoringly, knowing deep down Tyler would approve.
“I was going to head
out and grab an early dinner, do you want to come with?” she asked, and I glanced over at the flowers. “You could take those first if you’d like. I’m just waiting on Tamra to get back from an errand. Carlos has a late client so she said she’d stay late and lock up.”
“I’d like that.” I could use the company. These last few days and not having Easton around put me in a lonely slump.
“Good. How long do you think you’ll be?”
“Is thirty minutes okay?”
“That’s perfect. Want to meet me at the pub? I’ll head over in about twenty minutes or so and grab us a table.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you there.”
It didn’t take long to get to the cemetery, and the minute my eyes found Tyler’s grave, my hand tightened around the stems and a tear fell. No matter how much time had passed, I didn’t think I would ever get used to seeing his name carved in stone. It was unfair for a man so young and still had so much to live for to have his time cut short.
“Hey,” I greeted softly. Not that it mattered how loudly I spoke since I was the only living person in what felt like a five-mile radius. “They cleared away the old flowers. I brought you these.” I lay the calla lilies at the foot of the headstone and sat a little off to the side. “I miss you.” I looked around and took note of how eerily quiet it was. Somehow, I always came when no one was around, aside from when I met Easton. “I finally had an appointment with Doctor Hardy last week. I like her. I think I’ve made up my mind, but—”
Had I made up my mind? I thought I had, but without Easton around to bounce ideas off, I felt like I was stuck in a maze with no way out. No matter which way I turned, I would have to start all over.
“There was a small ceremony last week, your name was called.” I swallowed over the ball of emotion lodged in my throat. “RJ and Addie were there, but they couldn’t stay long. The twins were sick. I think she over did it on the cotton candy, too.” I snickered. “Some things never change. Although, I feel like nothing is the same.” I paused, needing to take a deep breath. It was easy to get lost and let my emotions get the better of me when I was in the cemetery, which I guess was the most appropriate place to be emotional. Still, I wished it would get easier already.
I just so happened to look up for no reason at all and remembered Easton’s grandmother was buried in this cemetery as well. “I’ll be right back.” I pulled one of the stems from the bouquet I’d put next to Tyler’s headstone and stood. I wandered in the general direction of where I thought she might be buried. It would almost be like searching for a needle in a haystack since Easton never told me her name, but if they shared the same last name, finding her grave couldn’t be that difficult.
Scanning the names and dates as I walked past each stone marker, I noticed there were quite a few people who had been buried for quite some time. I knew without a doubt that the next gravestone I read was Easton’s grandmother.
“Georgia Rae Tyler,” I whispered, unaware I had actually said her name, until I barely heard the sound of my own voice. Such a foreign name to leave my lips, but thanks to Easton, I felt I had known her for years. Warmth like I had never felt flowed through me, and I smiled, reading her name once more, thinking about Easton and how much he loves her.
The second I read the dates, my breath hitched and the warmth morphed into shock. Georgia Rae Tyler was born April first—on Tyler’s birthday.
This isn’t an April fool’s joke, baby.
I couldn’t help but giggle to myself. The string of coincidences pointing back to day one had me convinced, meeting Easton was no coincidence at all.
The eyes, the name, the birth dates . . .
If I hadn’t believed it before, I believed it then. Easton was sent to me, but why did I have to be so blind to see? Accepting that Easton was meant to be in my life had been so hard for me. Not his kindness or his support. Those had been easy to accept. What had been keeping me back was the guilt that ate away at me for every smile I gave, every laugh I laughed. Every kiss I kissed. I knew, standing there in front of Easton’s grandmother, that it had been the guilt I had over being alive when Tyler wasn’t that had been holding me back. A guilt I shouldn’t have felt—that Tyler never would have wanted me to feel. A guilt that I let slip away like stones off a cliff as I finally . . . finally realized that even though I would always love Tyler, it was okay to love Easton as well.
I walked into the pub and waited next to the hostess stand, looking around for Leeza. The bar seemed packed with sports fans gearing up for preseason football, and it didn’t take long before I heard my sister’s voice over the noise. She waved me over to the table where she was sitting with Addie, RJ, Dane, and a woman I had never met.
Dane stood first and gave me a big, brotherly hug with RJ and Addie right behind him. Both whispered how they were happy to see me. I had to admit that it felt good to be in the company of the people I cared about, aside from the one person who I had yet to meet.
Everyone took their seats, and Dane pulled the empty chair beside him out for me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Did y’all place your orders yet?” I asked, burying my face in the menu that was laid out in front of me.
“No. Not yet,” Leeza answered, and I nodded.
Although I didn’t need to look over the menu, since I almost always ordered the same thing, I needed the short pause. A few minutes to adjust and let myself enjoy the good company around me. These last few days have been harder than most to deal with.
“Hey, sissy. This here is Evin. Evin, this is our baby sister, Lilly,” he introduced us with a knowing smirk while I fought back a grimace. Dane knew damn well I hated being referred to as “the baby.” Growing up, I’d always thrown a fit of some sort. Never allowed to follow the boys when they’d ride their bikes down to the river, take off to shoot bb guns out in the clearing, or just hang out being boys. As much as I loved Leeza and all her fun, girlie primping, sometimes I wanted to be surrounded by the cool, clean air.
“Hi, Evin. It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” she replied, and I couldn’t help but wonder how she knew everyone at the table. My eyes roamed from RJ to Addie to Leeza. Addie must have read my mind when she answered, “Evin and I were roommates in college. Been best friends ever since.”
I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, and a person could have more than one best friend, but I had to admit that her description of just how good of friends they were hit a nerve. My and Addie’s friendship dated back to middle school. To the days of short denim mini-skirts, oversized sunglasses, and everything Von Dutch. She and I were best friends first, and that wasn’t something Evin could compete with. I laughed to myself, chastising that Addie wasn’t a toy to be fought over.
“So, Evin. Do you live around here?” I asked.
“No—” she started to reply, but Addie cut her off.
“Not yet.” Addie showed off a wide grin and shrugged apologetically.
Evin smiled and continued, “I’m from Hillsborough. It’s a little town in North Carolina.”
“Hmm, I’ve never heard of it,” I replied, curious about this woman who was my best friend’s best friend.
“Addie’s been trying to get Evin to move down here for a while now,” Dane added, and I swore I heard Evin mumble, “It isn’t just Addie.”
Humph. I wonder how well he knew Evin, too. Then I studied the two for a second. Dane sat casually leaning back into his chair, his arm around the top of Evin’s while her body angled a little to his side. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have to say there was something going on with those two. But then again, who knew when it came to Dane. He was such a ladies’ man at one time and could take being a Southern gentleman to extremes. It wouldn’t surprise me if there were something going on there.
“So what has everyone been up to these days?” I asked the group, trying to engage in conversation so I wasn’t left alone with my wandering, unhealthy thou
ghts.
“Not a whole lot for us. The twins take up the majority of our time. I’ll just be glad when I can shower in peace,” Addie answered and then looked adoringly at her husband. RJ smiled and gave her a peck on the nose.
“You’re happy with our little family,” RJ stated.
“I am,” Addie agreed, love shining in her eyes.
“So how do you two know each other?” I pointed my finger between Evin and my brother, but whatever she said fell on deaf ears. I was suddenly too focused on a different voice.
His voice saying my name.
It had been ten lonely, worrisome days of not hearing that voice, days of wondering if he was okay, asking myself if he was done with me.
My heart started to race.
Hope bloomed in my chest until I looked up and saw the look on Leeza’s face. Her eyes were wide and her lips were parted in shock.
Finally, I turned to see what had her eyes wide, my nostrils flared, heat burned through every part of my body, and my heart catapulted upward, lodging itself in my throat.
Easton stood five feet from me, which should have thrilled me, but it did the exact opposite, especially since he wasn’t alone. The beautiful young woman from the flower shop stood right beside him.
He brought her back with him. How could he?
Anger like I’d never felt before surged through me. His eyes surveyed everyone at the table before he locked them back on to mine.
“Easton, what are you doing here?” I snapped. My reaction was probably uncalled for, but how could he come here with her?
“Having dinner—”
“Enjoy your evening?”
Between Him and Us Page 21