by Hannah Ford
Red just shrugged. “Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, but I don’t have any urge to protect myself financially when it comes to you. I never want to lose you, but if somehow I was dumb enough to screw this up—then I want you to get whatever you need and then some.”
Nicole looked at him. “Well of course you’re saying that now. Most people don’t feel so charitable by the time they’re getting divorced.”
“Anyway, it’s a silly topic because you and I are never going down that road, Nicole. You’re stuck with me now.”
“I love that I’m stuck with you,” she said, and then glanced at a passing sign. “What I’m not sure about, is being stuck in this car right now. I don’t see any signs for Hartford.”
“It’s not exactly in Hartford,” Red replied.
“I thought that’s where you went to look.”
“Yeah, it was. But I kind of stumbled across an even more perfect place. You’ll see.” He gave her an enigmatic smile.
They kept driving and the sun continued its descent in the sky. Soon, the horizon was turning a marvelous shade of pink and the view was beautiful.
Nicole couldn’t help but think how much more she’d have appreciated this moment if she could touch her belly and know that her child was there, growing inside of her, experiencing this right along her.
And then they were getting off the highway and Red was perking up—Nicole could tell they were very close to wherever he planned to take her.
As they went down a narrow street, she noticed that they were heading towards the ocean. She could see the water briefly as they crested a hill, and then it disappeared again behind the houses as they drove down the hill again.
“Red, where the heck are you taking me?” she asked. “Is there actually an office building here?”
“Just be patient,” he told her.
Not much longer after that, they parked across from the beach in a nearly empty lot. The entire street beside the beachfront was quiet, although cars passed by on occasion.
Red started to get out of the car.
“This is it?” she asked, incredulous.
“Come on, don’t ask so many questions,” he laughed.
They both got out and Red came around her side, throwing his arm over her shoulders and squeezing her close to his warm body.
“It’s beautiful here,” she marveled. The breeze from the water was exquisite, and the sunset was lighting up the sky with brilliant shades of purple and pink. Nicole felt tears come to her eyes for no particular reason.
“I want you to walk across the street, take off your sandals, and go wait for me by the water,” he said. “Okay?”
She turned and looked him in the eye. “Red Jameson. Tell me what the heck is going on immediately.”
He just smiled again. “All will be revealed.”
“Fine.” She pretended to be annoyed but inside she was actually enjoying this. It was a nice diversion and she wanted to see what he’d come up with. Maybe he wanted to have dinner on the beach or something fun.
So Nicole took off her sandals and walked across the street to the beach, down the small path that bridged the street and the beach itself. Once she felt the sand between her toes, she knew that Red had somehow picked the right place to bring her this afternoon. She took a deep breath, looking out at the ocean as the waves rolled into the shore.
The water was fairly calm, and Nicole stood at the edge and let the waves come in and bring the water up over her feet. It was chilly and sent shivers up her spine. She hugged herself, smiling and thinking about just how right this all was—the ocean, the sky—the expansiveness of this place.
Somehow, out here, she knew they weren’t alone in this. She knew that something here was taking care of them.
Nicole wasn’t religious—her parents had been casual churchgoers at best, and none of her spotty religious upbringing had quite stuck. But in this moment, she could feel some kind of presence out here, on this beach, with her.
“Hey,” Red spoke from behind her.
Nicole turned and saw that he was holding two large paper lanterns in each hand. They were both bright orange in color, and fairly large.
“What are those for?” she asked, but already a huge sensation was blooming in her chest. She felt afraid but excited all at once.
Red’s eyes were suddenly wet. He swallowed and she saw that he was having a little trouble getting the words out. Nicole had never seen him like this before.
“I didn’t go to look at offices today. Well, I did, but I couldn’t be bothered to stick around. I felt like I had to do something—I was practically jumping out of my skin.” His voice was husky and rough with emotion.
Nicole nodded and wiped at her eyes. “You found this place instead?”
“I thought we could have a ceremony for our baby,” he whispered. “I need something and I thought maybe you do too.”
“Yeah. I do.” She smiled. She thought that looking at him now, she’d never love him more than she did right this very moment. He was so vulnerable, but also perhaps the strongest he’d ever been. His dark eyes were filled with sadness and caring and she felt completely connected to him.
“Here,” he said, putting the lanterns down on the sandy beach and kneeling. “I got some candles. When we light them, the candle heats the air inside the lantern and makes it lift—“
“Like a hot air balloon,” Nicole said.
“Exactly.” He smiled up at her.
She walked over to where he was kneeling and Nicole knelt down beside him. “They’re beautiful,” she told him.
“Just like our baby’s spirit,” he managed to choke out.
Red handed her a lighter and a small candle, which she lit. He then did the same, and then helped her affix her candle within her lamp. He placed his candle in his own lamp and then they each stood and held the glowing yellow lanterns, waiting.
“You want to say something, Nicole?” he asked. “Before we send them off?”
She sighed. “I don’t want to cry again.”
“It’s okay to cry. It’s just me and you here.”
“I just want to thank you for being the most amazing man I’ve ever known, and for doing this for us. And I want to say that we’re never going to forget our little one who never got a chance. But I wanted to say…” she couldn’t finish.
“You’ll always be in our hearts,” Red finished for her.
And then they released their lanterns into the air. Watching them float up into the sky, Nicole suddenly felt the burden lifting from her. Maybe it was just a silly ceremony, and a made up one at that, but somehow it eased her mind.
She knew that although they would move on from this, they wouldn’t ever forget that there had once been a child—a child that had been conceived by the two of them—who would never get the chance to experience the life it deserved. No matter that the unborn child had been so tiny and new that it had barely registered on a sonogram—to Nicole, every moment that she’d known her baby existed had been a miracle and she never wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened.
So the two of them stood hand in hand and watched their lanterns rising and rising and rising, until they were swallowed up by the deep blue sky.
And then Nicole and Red stayed and watched the sun set, and the sky was on fire with color.
***
The next day, Nicole informed Red that she did, in fact, want to have a “traditional” wedding.
“That’s what I figured,” he said, as they walked through the empty floor of an office building in downtown Hartford.
The realtor had let them in and told them to just have a look while he waited by the door. Red disliked pushy realtors and had made it clear he didn’t want to be followed around and blabbered to while he assessed the space.
“Are you okay with that?” Nicole asked him. “With having a normal wedding?”
“What do you define as normal?” he said, turning toward the window that looked out over the afternoon traffic. “
How many people do you want to invite?”
“I don’t know. Maybe fifty people?”
Red laughed. “I hate to break it to you, but that’s not a normal wedding. That’s tiny.”
“Well excuse me,” she said. Nicole turned and looked at the ceiling. “Are those water stains up there?”
Red glanced upwards. “Yep.”
“This place isn’t very slick—it’s kind of dumpy.”
“We’re not going for slick anymore. I want an office environment that says grit, determination and hard work. Did you ever see Rocky III?”
“No. I hate violent movies.”
“Too bad. I could have used that movie to illustrate more clearly how Rocky became world champion and got soft, so he had to go back to his gritty roots to regain his eye of the tiger.”
“Sounds really neat,” she said drily.
“My point is, I think what happened to Jameson International is that I got complacent with all of my success—I got soft. So I don’t want to start another slick company with a soft underbelly. I want to be the little guy that punches the big guy in the nose.”
Nicole shook her head. “Back to the wedding. Are you okay with what I said?”
He took her hand and looked her in the eye. “Fifty people sounds like a perfect amount.”
“And I’ll probably want to have the reception at a nice place, so it might get expensive.”
“I don’t think you could plan a wedding for fifty people that would be considered expensive.”
“So I’m not on a budget?”
He shrugged slightly. “I really don’t see the point. Just do what you think is right, I trust you completely.”
“Okay, then,” she said, laughing a little at how easy it was.
They continued walking through the office and when they circled back around to the realtor, Red said, “It’s perfect.”
***
The next week flew by in a flurry of activity. Red was starting to hire employees for the new operation. Not very many—just a skeleton crew of people to form a strong team.
Nicole was required to be there every step of the way, mainly because Red liked to discuss every minor detail with her. She still wasn’t sure exactly what her role was, so one morning she pressed him on it in the car ride over to the office.
“So what exactly do I do at this new company?”
“I was thinking of calling it The Red Agency.”
“I like it. But what do I do at The Red Agency?”
“I’m not sure if the name sounds too feminine, though. Like we’re in the business of manufacturing lipstick or something.”
“Will you please answer me?”
He glanced at her. “Why is it so important to give you a title? We’re partners. Isn’t that enough?”
“Of course it is. But I don’t have equal say in the day-to-day operations of the business. You have way more experience than me, and I don’t want that type of responsibility. Besides, you don’t really listen to me all that much.”
“That’s so not true.”
“I told you I thought the office was a dump and you just went and rented it anyway—like two seconds after I gave you my opinion.”
He made a face. “You’re exaggerating.”
“No I’m not.”
“Well what do you want your title to be?”
Nicole thought about it. “I don’t know. It seems like I’m your executive assistant.”
“Fine then.”
“Is that what you want me to be?”
“Nicole, I don’t care what your title is. I just want you by my side.”
She leaned over and kissed his rough cheek, smelling his cologne. “I love you when you’re being stubborn.”
“I’m not being stubborn,” he muttered, with a grin.
***
That night, she called her mother to tell her about the wedding.
Her mother was ecstatic. “Finally,” she crowed, “we can get down to brass tacks.”
“I think we’ve settled on a date. It’s just over two months from today,” Nicole said. “We want to do it sooner than later, but I also need to give people time to plan.”
“That’s reasonable,” her mother replied, “especially since most people typically send out a save the date note six months in advance.”
“Obviously we can’t do that.”
“Obviously. So you’re doing it the best way you know how.”
Nicole rolled her eyes, switched the phone to her other ear. Red was in the media room watching Rocky III. He’d even made her watch part of it yesterday—the scene where Sylvester Stallone goes back to his old, stinky gym and everyone stares at him with these mean looks in their eyes—they call it “they eye of the tiger.” Red had pointed at the screen and asked her if everything made more sense now, and she’d nodded her head, pretending that she understood.
“I just thought I’d let you know what we were planning,” Nicole said, wanting to get off the phone without allowing her mother to drag her into some needless debate over what was an appropriate amount of time to give advance notice of her wedding date.
“Speaking of planning,” her mother said slowly. “Do you remember Marcie Tilly?”
Nicole wracked her brain. “Hmmmm….”
“She throws those parties that your father and I go to on New Year’s Eve. I’m sure I mentioned her to you before.”
“I think I remember you talking about her,” Nicole said, having only the vaguest recollection of her mom saying something last year about New Year’s Eve plans—and Nicole could have sworn she’d been complaining that she didn’t want to go because it would be such a production.
“Well anyway,” her mother said, clearly not satisfied with Nicole’s lackluster response, “Marcie Tilly does wedding planning now.”
Nicole’s mouth went dry. Oh no. This was not a conversation she wanted to have today. “That’s nice,” she said, already thinking of a way to get off the phone.
“And when we were talking the other day,” she continued, “Marcie mentioned that she’d love to help you plan your wedding.”
“Oh, that’s really sweet of her.”
“So what should I tell her?”
Nicole bit her nail. “I don’t know, Mom.”
“What’s to know? She’s a great resource, Nicole.”
“Let me think about it. I’m not sure I even need someone like that. This is going to be a really small affair.”
“Well it can’t be that small. Your father has six siblings and you have many cousins. And what about Red’s family?”
Nicole’s stomach suddenly felt as though a lead ball had been dropped into it. “We haven’t gotten into those kinds of details yet. We’re just in the preliminary stages.”
“That’s exactly why Marcie could help,” she said. “It can’t hurt to have a consultation with her, at least.”
Nicole sighed. “Can I get back to you on that after I talk to Red?”
“You need to talk to him about having a consultation with someone?”
“Yes, Mom. We discuss everything, we’re partners now.”
“Partners, not Siamese twins.”
“This is what works for us.”
“Nicole…”
“I’ll get back to you tomorrow, okay?”
Her mother sighed heavily. “Everything’s such a big deal with you lately. Okay, okay. Get back to me when you can. I’d love to tell Marcie that she can at least chat with you, she’s such a great person.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Nicole got off the phone and wondered how things with her mother always managed to turn so messy. She felt aggravated and edgy.
Probably not the best time to go into the media room and bother Red, but she couldn’t seem to stop her feet from carrying her there.
He was sitting on one of the large movie theatre style seats, with his feet up, eating popcorn like some teenager. On screen, two bare chested men were pummeling each other and bl
ood and sweat was flying off their faces. Nicole could barely stand to look at the movie, so she just averted her gaze and went to where Red was sitting.
“Can we talk for a second?”
He looked at her. “Can it wait until the movie’s over?”
“You’ve been watching it again and again,” she said. “It’s not like you don’t know what happens next.”
“But I’m enjoying myself—it gets me pumped up.”
“I think we should discuss the wedding,” she said.
On screen, loud horns were blaring from the soundtrack, a recognizable theme that was incredibly annoying just the same.
“Rocky! Rocky!” Chanted the crowd.
“There’s nothing we need to discuss,” Red told her. “I said you have carte blanche when it comes to our wedding.”
“Still, we should probably talk about a few things just in case.”
He turned to her, his expression one of impatience. “Okay, fine.”
“Could you at least pause the movie for two seconds?”
He held up his remote and paused the film. It was stopped on an extreme close-up of the man that Red had told her was “Mr. T.” She hadn’t known anything about him, which seemed to surprise Red to no end.
“Okay. Movie paused. But I don’t want to sit here and pick over every nuance of this wedding stuff, Nicole. That’s your job.”
“Relax, I never said you had to do that.”
“I’ve got a new company to build and run.”
“Clearly,” she said, gesturing to the screen, “you’re hard at work rebuilding.”
His eyes narrowed. “I have my own process.”
“Listen, I don’t want to argue. I’m just trying to figure out what we want in terms of our guest list.”
“Like you said, fifty people sounds good.”
“But I was just on the phone with my mother—“
Red waved his hands. “Oh, God. Oh, no. No. No.”
“What?”
“I’m not going to get into a back and forth with your mother over who we should invite to our wedding. She’s not coming in here and running the show, Nicole. You need to stand up to her.”
Nicole felt attacked. She recoiled. “Who said she’s running the show? You haven’t even given me a chance to explain.”