***
It’s just turned eight as I make my way back up to my dorm, after having spent some time over at James’s. His place was empty when we got back, so we had a lot of quiet time to get a few things put together. It has made me feel a lot more positive for when audition day arrives.
Approaching the door to my dorm and turning my key in the lock, I hear a guitar being played, and wonder if the guys have decided to hold band practice here tonight, instead of over at Corey’s house.
“Alex!” Neil practically jogs over to me with an ever-growing smile etching over his lips, as I walk into the dorm. “You will not believe this!”
“What?” I mirror his expression, and find that I always immediately feel better when I’m in his and the other guys’ presence. “You managed to cook dinner all by yourself?”
“Nope, not even close!” He winks as he wraps his arms around my shoulders, before leading me over to the couch.
When I heard the guitar, I assumed it to be Neil playing, but obviously, it’s not. I hadn’t realized Ryan had gotten so good on the guitar. He usually plays the drums.
“Ryan you’ve gotten good at —” I immediately stop when I see it’s Brandon playing, and I feel my smile automatically turn into a frown. Alyssa and Ryan are sitting on either side of him with immense grins over their faces. “Oh.”
“Hi,” he says quietly, and I notice he’s as stone-faced as I feel right about now. “Did you and James have a good time?” His eyes are dark, and I’m wondering what he has to be so pissed about.
I ignore Brandon’s question and turn back to face Neil, “What were you going to tell me?”
“Brandon is gonna write new material for our band!” He looks over the moon about this, and his whole face is beaming brightly. “Isn’t that awesome?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I hang up my jacket, and lean my hand against the wall as I slip off my heels. “I thought Corey wrote the songs?”
“He does, but they’re getting a little stale,” he shrugs, before walking over to sit with the rest of them.
“Play another one!” Alyssa chirps while clasping her hands together with pure excitement. “You’re amazing!” Well he’s certainly worked his charm on her, and then I start to wonder where Seth is tonight. I can see a slight twinkle in her eyes as she glances briefly towards Ryan, and I am sensing it all has to do with the guy on the guitar. Shit. Alyssa likes him.
I shake my head, walk to the kitchen, and grab myself a glass of water.
“Alex, get in here!” I hear Neil shouting, “It’s your father!” My dad? I only just saw him on Friday morning, and although we keep in touch a lot, I wasn’t expecting to hear from him so soon.
I walk back through and grab the phone from Neil. Brandon has stopped playing the guitar, and they’re all chatting quietly amongst themselves as I take the call. We really need to update to a cordless landline.
I spend around ten minutes on the phone, and should have known why he’d be calling me. I tell him I love him and then end the call, feeling even more exasperated than I did earlier.
I hadn’t noticed they’d all been drinking shots, and as I go to walk by them, I see Alyssa blushing at something that has just been said.
“Alyssa, where’s Seth tonight?” I see her face fall at my question, and notice the twinkle in her eyes beginning to fade.
A scowl spreads over her face, “He and I are taking a break,” I knew it wouldn’t take long for them to start quarrelling again. “I prefer these guys’ company anyway!”
“You guys only just got back together, though,” I say, noticing that Brandon’s both watching and listening to our exchange.
“Is everything okay back home?” Ryan turns to face me, and puts an end to mine and Alyssa’s conversation. “Did I hear you say something about theatre tickets?”
“Yeah, he just called about my Christmas gift,” I tell him with a shrug. “I left them behind. Alyssa, can I have some of your wine?”
“Oh, no, you don’t, Alex!” Neil stops me from walking away, spins me around, and then gently seats me on the couch opposite to Brandon, Ryan, and Alyssa.
He sits down beside me and before I know it, he’s handing me a shot glass filled to the brim with tequila.
“Will you use the tickets?” Alyssa sits herself forward, and pays me all of her attention now. “I think it’s time you did, Alex.”
I haven’t been to see a show since before my mom died. We always went together, and it doesn’t feel right to go without her, even though I know I should and that I need to.
My father gifted me two tickets to watch Starlight Express at Seattle’s largest theatre, Fifth Avenue. It probably sounds awful, but I’d accidentally left them behind, well, accidentally on purpose. I really have no intention of going to see the show, especially since it was the one my mom and I had been anticipating the most.
“Yeah, maybe. I haven’t decided yet,” I say, before I down the shot and enjoy the burning sensation as it glides down my throat. “Another?” I request, before passing the glass back over to Neil for a refill.
“You’ve had that bad a day?” He asks me, and I say nothing, but let out a grumble in reply. “I’ll take that as a yes!”
“Why wouldn’t you go to the show? You’re studying the arts, right?” Brandon’s face and the tone of his voice are both serious as he shoots me a questioning look.
“I have my reasons,” I mutter, and I think the rest of the guys know not to push me on the subject, so they keep quiet, too.
While Neil pours me another drink, I risk a glance over towards Brandon, and see him watching me as he starts playing the guitar again. He averts his eyes as soon we make eye contact. I’m sure he’s aware I know of his relationship status now.
After we all have a few more shots and a couple of beers, the atmosphere has become much more relaxed, and I’m even finding it more comfortable to be around him.
“Oh, I love this one!” There she goes again. I laugh at Alyssa’s delight as she bobs her head to the rhythm, “I wish I could play!”
“I could teach you if you want,” Brandon suggests and I see her screwing her face up at the mere thought of it. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling frustrated by how they’re so friendly towards each other, and then inwardly curse myself for being overly dramatic. They don’t have any reason not to be. I guess it’s because I want to be the one having a comfortable and easygoing conversation with him. Oh, hell.
“Not with these nails, babe! Besides, I’m all fingers and thumbs when it comes to stuff like that!” She waves her hands up in the air as she wiggles her fingers out in front of her.
I seriously wish I hadn’t taken a sip of my beer at that precise moment, because the amount I just spluttered out of my mouth and all over myself at her remark, has gained everyone’s attention.
“Are you okay?” Ryan jumps up and grabs me a couple of tissues from the coffee table. “What? You don’t think she would be any good at it?”
“Fingers and thumbs!” Alyssa bursts out laughing as she catches onto why I reacted in that way. “’Mr. Operation Orgasm’! We still need to find out who he is!”
I notice Brandon’s head snap up, and feel my cheeks warming when I see a tiny smile playing over his lips, and for a split second, a sparkle bounces around in his eyes. Why can't he be that same guy from Friday, instead of the womanizing man whore that he so obviously is?
“’Mr. Operation Orgasm’?” He’s looking at me with raised eyebrows, and I notice a trace of amusement in his tone. “This sounds interesting.”
“He’s the first guy she’s ever let touch her, and I swear she’s been all dreamy eyed over him since Friday!” Alyssa begins to explain, and I feel my whole face turning a bright shade of crimson. “I can’t wait to find out who this guy is!”
“Alyssa!” I spit out as I try to stop her from saying anymore. “Just leave it,” I hiss as I jump up from the couch and head towards my room.
“What’s the harm? It�
�s not as though we know who he is!” She calls after me with a giggle, and I swear that if I hadn’t of decided to walk away, I would’ve been tempted to throw something at her.
It’s almost eleven, so I decide to change into my pajamas and climb into bed, to avoid any further humiliation. If it wasn’t enough to be feeling embarrassed from his rejection on Saturday night, and to learn he was playing me from the beginning, now I’m feeling completely mortified.
Granted, if the things we did at the ball hadn’t been so intimate, and if he hadn’t of made me feel so special, I probably wouldn’t be so upset about the whole thing. I shouldn’t be mad at Alyssa, it’s not as though she purposely went out of her way to humiliate me. Brandon and I are the only two who know what happened at the ball, and I think it’s best if it stays that way.
4.
Non-existent.
Mixing alcoholic beverages is never a smart idea, especially when I have class early in the morning. I realize this now. I don’t know how Alyssa and the guys do it. When I got up this morning, they were all buzzing around the dorm with bright eyes and smiles, while I practically staggered over to the coffee pot due to the headache caused by the night before. I guess I know now why the legal drinking age is twenty one.
I pop over to Starbucks and grab myself a Caramel Macchiato, because the coffee back at the dorm did absolutely nothing for my recovery. If I ever need a little pick me up, or a quick intake of sugar, my favorite flavor of coffee never seems to fail me.
I only have around fifteen minutes before I need to meet James in the staging area for our first class, so that we can try and squeeze in a little rehearsal time before Friday’s auditions.
The pathway leading up to my destination is crowded with students rushing to get to their classes on time. As I round the last corner before the arts building comes into my view, I feel someone grasp my arm from behind, and pulling me into the little side alleyway which separates the music building from the arts one.
“What the—?” I try to catch my breath as I’m pushed a little further down the small path, before finally being turned around to face whoever it is that’s grabbed me.
“Alexis.” His voice is tight and his eyes soulful. “I need to ask you something.”
“Brandon! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I automatically push him back when I see him taking a step closer to me. The look on his face is grim, and his eyes are dull. He’s really starting to make me feel somewhat uncomfortable.
“Is it true?” His eyebrows are arched, and I notice his eyes flickering over mine, as though he’s trying to read my thoughts. “Am I the only … I’m the … I mean the only guy you’ve … that you’ve ever let … touch you?”
I close my eyes and feel embarrassment washing over me again. I can’t believe he’s even asking me this. I’m beginning to question why he even gives a damn anyway. He said it didn’t mean anything to him. I take a deep breath, and reopen my eyes when I feel his body lightly brush against mine.
“Are you happy now?” I snap and take a step back, feeling my back touch against the wall behind me. “What? You haven’t humiliated me enough already, so you thought you’d have another go at it?”
“Alexis, I don’t understand. When did I ever humiliate you?” His facial features are bleak, and I see pain in his eyes as they begin to widen. “I never intended—”
“You never intended on seeing me again, and now you’re worried I’m going to tell your girlfriend!” The realization has kicked in as to why he wants to speak with me. He wants to make sure I don’t tell anyone else. “You know what, Brandon? I don’t plan on telling a soul about us because I wish it had never happened!”
I see his jaw twitch, and his face fall slightly from my remark. He steps back and places his hands on his hips, as though he’s trying to compose himself. I bet he has never been told that before. In a way, it’s true. I wish it never happened because I know it’s not going to happen again. Damn I really want it to happen again.
“Alexis, I don’t have a girlfriend, and if I did, I wouldn’t have dreamed of even touching another woman,” he’s shaking his head and has a look of confusion spreading over his face.
“I call bullshit! I saw her yesterday, remember? James told me about the two of you!” My voice reveals my frustration, and I’m starting to feel even angrier with him. I’m not being fooled by him again. I refuse to be.
He raises his hand and combs it through his spikes, before looking upward and letting out a breath. “James told you? But—”
“He saw you both kissing and heard you say that you love her. Don’t even try and deny it!” I snap at him. I think it’s evident by the way I’m speaking that there’s a hint of hurt in my voice, as well as anger.
“Hold up. Just hold up for a second,” he looks back to me and puts his hands out, as though he’s trying to quiet and calm me down, so that I’ll let him speak. “You think the blonde girl you saw at my place yesterday was my girlfriend?”
“Are you denying it?” I cross my arms over my chest and raise my head a little higher as I ask.
“Yes, because she isn’t! Shit, Alexis! Don’t you ever kiss your father or friends on the cheek and tell them that you love them?”
I try to process the fact that I could have gotten it all wrong. “Of course I do. What? So, she’s family?”
“Yeah, something like that,” he seems calmer now, and he’s watching me guardedly as I digest what he just told me.
I feel butterflies entering my stomach, and immediately try to block the feeling of excitement that’s trying to take over me again. Just because he doesn’t have a girlfriend, doesn’t mean that he wants me. He’s already told me he doesn’t, and if Saturday night is anything to go by, he can have his pick of any woman, at any time, and in any place.
“Then why did you want to chat with me if it wasn’t to ask me to keep the other night to myself?” I narrow my eyes on him, and notice he quickly turns away from me.
“When you said you don’t do those things with random guys, and then with what Alyssa said last night, that it was your first …”
“What about it?” I’m starting to feel exasperated, and hope that he’s now gotten the answer he was obviously so desperate to have.
“You said you wished it never happened,” he utters dolefully as he looks down to the ground.
“I wish it hadn’t happened with someone who didn’t feel the same things that I felt. I wish I was standing here right now, with the same guy I was with on Friday night,” my voice is getting louder and filling with irritation. “But he doesn’t exist, does he?”
I can see his eyes glazing over as he swallows. I thought having this conversation might have made things clearer, but now I’m even more confused about everything. His shoulders slouch, and I hear him take a couple of deep breaths before he shakes his head. He places his hands in his pockets and gives me a sad smile.
“No,” he sighs deeply. “He doesn’t.”
“Then I guess we should forget any of this ever happened,” I feel tears filling my eyes from both his words, and the sadness he’s displaying. Because of the lump that’s formed in my throat, I’m finding it increasingly hard to swallow, and the knot in my stomach is becoming tighter by the second.
“Can we be friends?” He places his hand lightly on my shoulder as he comes to stand in front of me again. “I’d like it if we could be, Alexis.” His voice sounds almost like a desperate whisper.
He wants to be friends? Under normal circumstances, I think I could probably handle this, but to me, these are nowhere near normal circumstances. Every time I look at him, I see flashbacks of Friday.
“I don’t know,” I tell him, and I honestly don’t. We were intimate together, and I still feel a strong attraction towards him.
He steps forward and lightly traces my jaw with his fingers, making my heart rate instantly snowball from his touch alone. How does he expect me to be friends with him when he has this much of an effect on me
?
“Please, Alexis,” he cups my chin and tilts my head upwards. Sadness takes over his eyes again, and his whisper is almost unintelligible. The combination of his lips being only an inch or so away from mine, and his breath over my face, sends shivers up my spine. “I …”
“Holy fucking shit!” I hear someone call from the entryway, and so I quickly turn, knowing that I recognize the voice. I’m hoping it’s not who I think it is, but when I narrow my focus to the entryway—Shit. It is. “Well, well, well!” Matt leans himself against the brick wall, and crosses one leg over the other while shaking his head from side to side.
“Who’s that?” Brandon asks quietly. He doesn’t take his eyes off of me, but he moves himself away so that our body contact is broken.
“I never thought I would see the day when Alexis Harper, daughter of a cop, got involved with a fucking dealer!” He spits out in a harsh tone. “Your mother would be turning in her fucking grave!”
If I could move from this very spot and slap Matt across the face, then I would. The words he just said have left me slightly shocked, and I find myself being unable to react. I knew he was an asshole, but I didn’t think anyone could ever be this cruel.
Brandon’s face is full of anger, and I see his fists balled at his sides as he turns and charges towards Matt. Matt doesn’t move from his position and keeps smiling wryly, as though he’s enjoying some kind of inside joke with himself.
Did he just say dealer?
“Oh, I wouldn’t if I were you, pretty boy,” Matt taunts him as Brandon picks him up by the shirt collar, before slamming him against the brick wall. “You assault me, then you go back inside, and I’m sure you wouldn’t wantthat. Right?” Matt lets out low menacing chuckle and his eyes are alight with amusement.
I notice Brandon still at what Matt just said. After a few moments, I see his body relaxing as he lets go of Matt, and watch as he storms out of the small alleyway and back into the college grounds. I really thought he was going to beat the shit out of Matt, and in some way, I would’ve been quite happy for him to do so. My breathing is heavier from their altercation, and I’m starting to feel a little dazed by everything that has happened so far this morning.
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