Climbing back onto my bed, I try to think about everything Neil just told me. I can’t even begin to imagine the hell Brandon has been through over the past year or two. To have been accused of doing something like this, and at such a young age, it's no wonder he seems so closed off. I’m beginning to think that he was telling the truth last night by the lake. Maybe that’s what he meant when he said he couldn’t have me, because he’s not planning to stay around for long. Either way, it still doesn’t excuse that he slept in another girl’s bed last night.
Neil and Ryan are both right. I shouldn’t get involved with him. I think it would be for the best to keep things how they are now, and stay away from him. I’m not going to change my mind just because he has had a rough ride. He scared the shit out of me yesterday, he admitted he felt something, and then he fell into bed with someone else.
I hear my cell springing to life and remember it sounded out just as Neil came in to talk to me. I grab it from my blanket and open up the main screen.
Did U mean it? U wish U never met me? B.
Does he really want me to answer that question? Yes, I meant it. I wish I hadn’t met him because then at least I’d be concentrating on my classes, rather than having all of my thoughts consumed by him. No, I didn’t mean it. I’ve never felt so drawn to a guy before, but it just so happens he’s an asshole.
I throw myself back on my bed and groan with frustration. Yes, it sounds like he has had a rough ride, but then it doesn’t give him an excuse to keep blowing hot and cold with me.
After a few minutes of trying to clear my mind, there’s another knock on my bedroom door. “Come in,” I call while sitting myself up, but I immediately regret not checking to see who it was first.
“Hey,” he looks exhausted. “You didn’t reply, and I’m going out of my mind here, Alexis.” Brandon stands in the doorway and looks totally defeated.
“I told you to stay away from me, Brandon,” I look away as I answer him. “I’m done with playing games.”
He steps inside before closing the door behind him. “Alexis, I’m not trying to play games with you,” he leans against the back of the door and closes his eyes, with his features looking pained. “Why did you say those things earlier?”
“Why did you lie to me?” I counter him. He never answers any of my questions, so I refuse to answer any of his.
“You mean when I told you I didn’t feel anything?” He asks as frown lines appear on his face. He looks confused by my question before hesitantly steps closer to me.
“No. I mean when you told me you did feel something,” my voice is steady, which I’m grateful for, because I’m feeling anything but stable right now. “I thought that—”
“Alexis… I need to be straight with you about something,” he cautiously takes a seat on the edge of my bed, and most certainly looks guilt ridden about something. “Will you let me explain?”
“How about you explain why you went crazy at the bar with Matt, supposedly when it was something to do with me, and then end up in bed with someone else after telling me you felt the same things that I did?”
“Alexis, I haven’t been able to even look at another woman since Friday, never mind touch one!” He lets out a deep breath while lowering his gaze.
“So, I didn’t hear a woman asking if you were ready to go to bed last night, and I didn’t see the blonde you followed out the back of the bar the other night? I didn’t see any of those things?”
“Wow,” he scratches his temple with his thumb while bringing his eyes back onto me. “You really have a lot going on in your head right now, don’t you?” He looks perplexed as he asks.
“Brandon, I’m not some naïve little girl! I realize I don’t have nearly as much experience as you so obviously do, but I’ll tell you this now. I will never fall for your bullshit again!”
“I used you Alexis, I did. I admit that,” he looks saddened and his voice is barely a whisper. “But I never once thought I’d feel the things I did when we kissed, or when I touched you. Hell, I never thought I’d ever feel those things again!”
I think I’ve heard just about enough from him, “How did you use me? You wouldn’t even let me touch you!” I am feeling exasperated and can’t even think straight.
“It’s not all about sex or who gets off first, Alexis.” He lets out a sigh and places his head into his hands. “You made me feel normal again.”
I stand, and begin to pace the length of my bedroom floor as I try to make sense of what he’s saying. He used me, it’s not all about sex, and I made him feel normal again?
When I walk past him, I feel his hands lightly grip my waist. He’s still sitting on my bed, and turns me around before pulling me forward, so I’m standing in front of him. He slowly stands and I feel his body brushing against mine. His breath breezes over my face, which in turn, sends warm shivers through me from the contact.
“I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m lying. Sex means a lot to you, I get that. That’s why you haven’t allowed anyone to touch you, apart from me. Am I right?” His eyes are boring into mine, and I’m shocked at how personal this conversation has become.
“That’s really none of your business!” I raise my voice at him. Who the hell does this guy think he is?
“I’m right,” he strokes his fingers over my cheeks, and stares right into my eyes as he speaks in a low whisper. I let out a breath and nod my answer.
“The woman you heard me with last night, she’s been there for me through everything. We’ve both lost someone special and helped each other through our darkest hours.” His voice is filled with anguish, and his eyes are beginning to glaze over. “The blonde at the bar is my boss’s daughter. She wanted to finalize some details with me about becoming the events manager.”
I break our eye contact and realize that I may have, may have, been mistaken. He looks like he’s telling the truth.
“You don’t believe me,” he nods his head once, and looks full of regret while letting out a sigh, before dropping his hands from my waist.
He steps to the side, and rakes both hands through his hair while regarding me warily. His eyes are filling with anxiety as he keeps them directed on me.
“When we kissed, Alexis, to me, it was like someone had just ignited a firework inside of me, and it was racing through my body at a hundred miles an hour,” he steps closer, so that his eyes are boring right in to mine. “It was like a deep fire running through my veins, and I didn’t think I would ever want the burning to stop.” His voice turns into a soft whisper as he traces his fingertips along my lips.
I close my eyes and my breathing becomes light from his touch. “You did feel it,” I whisper and slowly open my eyes. He must have, because they are the exact same things that I felt. He looks impassive as I lean forward, and when I notice him tense, I see his eyes becoming empty. “But you don’t—“
“I wish things were different, Alexis. Shit, I really wish they were, but…” His voice is raspy and he looks conflicted.
“You haven’t changed your mind,” I finish what he was about to say, and feel disappointment pushing aside the blissful feeling I was experiencing just a moment ago.
Walking back to my bed, I sit down and take a couple of breaths. I wanted him to admit that he felt it, and he did. I just thought that once I’d heard and believed him, I would feel better about the situation, but I don’t. I like him, but he just flat out told me that we couldn’t see if our feelings would lead anywhere.
The bed dips in as he sits beside me. I feel him watching me, but I don’t look at him. If I do, he’ll see how upset I am, and it probably wouldn’t be fair to make him feel bad when he has so much else going on.
“You look exhausted. I should let you get some rest.” He moves a stray piece of my hair behind my ear and when I turn to face him, I see a sorrowful smile on his face. “Good luck with your audition tomorrow.” He says, before placing a tender kiss on my cheek.
“Thanks, I’m not really looking
forward to it though,” I sigh, but smile back at him in reply as he makes his way over to the door.
“You’ll do great. Just do me one favor?” He stills before opening the door, and then turns back around to face me. “Don’t think of me when you kiss James.” He winks as he says this, but his facial features remain tight, and I can feel my cheeks beginning to blush from what he just said.
“Go home, Brandon.” I can’t keep the smile forming over my mouth when I see a slight grin appearing over his.
“Goodnight, beautiful,” he answers, before stepping out of my room.
He said he wanted to feel normal again. This is what’s making me wonder if he has been hurt before. Maybe that’s why he sleeps around, or at least did. I think that now we’ve had a talk, we could maybe become friends. It would be a lot easier on the other guys if we could at least try.
When I first saw him come in here, I thought I was going to end up handing out the second black eye of the day. He didn’t answer all of my questions, but, I believe him. I do. Maybe I’ve totally lost my mind, or maybe I’ve completely misjudged him. Either way, I’m glad he stopped by.
7.
Everything.
The vibrations from my cell phone have woken me from my surprisingly restful sleep. My bedroom is in darkness when I open my eyes and reach for my flashing cell. I see that it’s a little after midnight. I immediately sit up and switch on my table lamp. It must be something bad. I never get calls or messages during the middle of the night unless it’s an emergency, or if of course Alyssa has been drinking. I shake my head and sigh while opening up the inbox screen.
Are you still awake?
My stomach tightens when I see it’s from Brandon, and a wide smile spreads over my face. Take a deep breath, Alexis. I have to remind myself. He made it clear earlier that nothing can or will happen. I should try and get back to sleep since I have my audition at eleven. I need to be well rested.
Okay, well it would be rude not to reply.
Nope.
That was immature, but it made me laugh and I’m guessing he’ll see the funny side too. It only takes around thirty seconds before my phone vibrates again.
I’m bored.
I shake my head and figure that would be the case. Why else would you text someone at just after midnight to say such a thing?
Then go and find something that will keep you entertained! X
Shit! Tell me I didn’t just put a kiss on the end of that one. Oh hell. He’ll probably stop messaging me now and think I’m coming on to him or something.
U wanna come over n watch a movie? X
Oh. Wait, what? Is he kidding? He must be kidding. It’s late and, yeah, no, he’s kidding … I think. After stifling a yawn, I lay back down, place my cell on the pillow next to me, and try to get back to sleep. I guess it’s kinda nice to know that he’s thinking about me too.
I find myself drifting back off but then hear the buzzing noise again. Is he for real? Wiping my eyes, I check it again.
I’m makin’ popcorn! ;) X
He was serious? I really shouldn’t. Tomorrow is one of the biggest days of the college year. No, I should stay here. I’m nice and snuggled in my bed. Okay, well it won’t hurt. We’re going to try and be friends after all, and friends watch movies together in the middle of the night all the time, right?
I scramble out of bed, throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, and then brush my hair before making my way out. “Hey guys!” I greet them, while making my way over to the shoe stand. Neil, Ryan, and Alyssa are all sitting on the couch and I notice Neil’s guitar laid out on the coffee table. “What are you guys doing?”
“Alyssa wanted to learn how to play guitar,” Ryan jokingly yawns, while trying to stop himself from laughing. “She thinks she broke a nail!”
“Douchebag!” I watch as Alyssa throws a cushion at, and laugh when she manages to hit him right in the face. “Hey, how did your chat with Brandon go earlier?”
Throwing her a scowl, I notice Neil and Ryan immediately turn around and narrow their eyes on me. “You two talked?” Neil asks, with a curious tone to his voice.
“Yeah,” I answer. “We agreed that friends is the best thing.” I throw them a small smile while grabbing my jacket from the coat hook.
“Great!” Ryan replies with what appears to be joy. “Because, now we can all hang out together and it won’t be weird!”
Neil nods and winks, before turning back around and picking up his guitar.
“Where are you going?” Alyssa asks, while knitting her eyebrows together in what appears to be confusion. “Can’t you sleep?”
“I’m just going to go and get some fresh air,” I say as I turn away. Alyssa knows me too well and she can always see when I’m not being completely honest. I’m not usually dishonest, but I think that’s because I’m really crap at lying. “Nervous for tomorrow, I think.”
“Have you got your cell with you?” Neil inquires. Bless him, he’s so protective. That’s one of the things I love about him. Both he and Ryan are like mine and Alyssa’s protectors or something. I say my goodbyes and then head out of the dorm.
***
If twelve hours ago someone had told me I’d be here, and about to knock on Brandon’s door, I wouldn’t have even entertained the idea. It’s twenty to one in the freaking morning, and I feel like I’ve just snuck out of my bedroom window or something.
We can be friends. Friends are good. After composing myself, I knock lightly on the door, so as not to wake up any of his roommates. I can hear movement from the other side and start to feel nervous.
The way he left my room earlier was nice, considering the serious discussion we’d had while he was there. I like that he made light of the situation when he left. It made me feel more comfortable, and I guess that’s why I’m standing here right now.
Hearing footsteps approaching the door, I swallow and stand a little straighter, just before the door swings gently open. “Hey,” he smiles, and damn if he doesn’t look hot in just a pair of pajama bottoms. Oh hell, did he really have to not be wearing a shirt?
“Someone said there was popcorn?” I smile, and watch as his turns into an all-white, teeth glowing grin. He steps to the side, ushers me in, and I already see the bowl full of goodies on the breakfast bar.
“You only came over for my popcorn?” He acts offended as he helps me out of my jacket. No, Alex. Don’t be getting all hot and fuzzy. Friends. Just … friends.
“Well, there’s that, and the fact that some guy woke me up with pestering messages in the middle of the night,” I answer teasingly as I remove my boots. “Will your roommates not get pissed with you for having someone over so late?”
He hangs my jacket on the coat stand and shakes his head. “There’s nobody else here,” he shrugs. “James went to babysit for his kid sister and the other guys stay over at their girlfriend’s most of the time.”
Just the two of us? I really shouldn’t be feeling happy about this, but I am. “So, what are we watching?” I inquire, while following him over to the couch. The black, leather three-seated couch is in the middle of the room, and opposite to the widescreen that’s hanging in the center of the wall.
He motions for me to take a seat, before heading into the kitchen that’s just behind us. I sit myself down on the right side and then feel my cell vibrating in my jean’s pocket. Upon taking it out, I see that it’s Alyssa calling me. I glance around, and since Brandon is currently searching through the refrigerator, I go ahead and answer it.
“Hi, is everything okay?” I whisper. She knows. I know she does. “Listen I can’t—”
“I want details tomorrow!” She says before cutting the call off. I love my best friend. She’s not happy unless she knows everything. No matter how big or how small it is, she wants details, and she’s damn good at getting them out of you when she’s desperate to know something.
I didn’t hear him come back in the room, but I sense his presence at my side and turn to face him. “
Wine for one,” he hands me a glass of white wine, while holding a bottle of beer in his other hand.
“Thanks,” I answer, and take a small sip before placing it down on the coffee table in front of me.
He walks around the back of the couch, and dims the lights before sitting down beside me. His leg brushes with mine, and I feel the very same electricity running through me that I did at the ball. He leans forward, and passes me my glass while holding his beer up in front of him with his other hand. “Friends?”
“Friends,” I clink my glass with his bottle in reply. Since he’s shirtless and so close, my eyes wander over the tattoos on his biceps. There’s one on each and they look to be Chinese symbols. “What do they mean?” I ask him while tilting my head towards them.
He lets out a breath, and I notice his eyes losing the sparkle that was present just a moment ago. “This one,” he places his bottle down and points to his right arm, “this means loyalty.” He turns his body around and then points to the one on his left arm. “This one, um … this one means faithful.”
Eyeing me warily, he stands up and adds, “Listen, if you’re just gonna be checking me out through the movie, I think I’ll go grab a shirt.” He smirks at me as he takes a swig of his beer, before disappearing through the doorway on the opposite side of the room.
Well I have to admit, his toned abs were kind of distracting. Loyalty and faithful. They must mean something, or why else have them permanently inked to your body? He looked withdrawn when he told me their meanings.
He comes back into the room wearing a black tank that makes him look delicious, grabs the bowl of popcorn on his way back to the couch, and takes his seat beside me again. “What’s the movie?” I ask, when I see him grabbing the remote from the arm of the couch.
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