My heart, that was all over the living room floor a little while ago, has just been stamped and trodden on a million times over, and not only that, it feels like it has been set on fire too.
***
Moment of truth time.
Brandon came out of my room a few minutes after I’d heard him on his cell. I should’ve just questioned him there and then. He came over to sit by me for a little while before he left, although he didn’t really talk. He seemed just as distracted as me.
I guess this is another reason why I’m acting all crazy stalker lady on him now. I’ve never been one to back away from confrontation, but I wanted to make sure I got my facts straight, especially after all the other times I’d jumped to the wrong conclusions. I’m really hoping that I’ve got this totally wrong.
That’s why I followed him here, to the ‘The Majestic Hotel’. A five star hotel.
The lobby area is large so I’m able to sneak in behind him without making him aware of my presence. It would defeat this whole operation otherwise.
I’d expected him to head straight towards the restaurant area, which is located across the lobby and to the right, but instead, I watch as he heads over to the main lobby area. He exchanges words with the clerk, who is standing behind the check-in desk. After a few stokes on her computer, I see her passing him a room key. He booked a room here? That’s what he meant on his cell when he said five zero seven. My stomach has twisted and the bile in my throat wants to pop up and say hi again. What the hell is he doing? I would do anything for him, I would do fucking everything for him!
My curiosity gets the best of me, and although all I really want to do is go back home and cry myself to sleep, with the hope of waking up in the morning and starting this whole semester over again, I want to know who she is. I want to know why he decided to rip my heart out.
As he walks away and towards the elevators, I hear the woman call over to him and say something about the penthouse suite. No fucking way.
I wait five minutes for two reasons. One, so he doesn’t see me, and two, so I can try and control the tears from spilling out from my eyes. Dammit, my eyes are like a freaking waterfall as of late.
After making my way up to the top floor, I find myself standing outside the room he booked. Should I even be doing this? Yes. I need to know, and I don’t think he has any intention of telling me just yet.
He told me he’d heard when I said that I was in love with him. Maybe he felt bad that I spent all my time in the hospital, and that’s why he said it back. Maybe that’s what the guilty look in his eyes was all about.
Okay. One. Two. Three.
I turn the handle of the door and I’m surprised when it opens. I thought I would have to beat the door down or something. Slowly pushing it open, I can see why this is a five star hotel. Wow. It’s gorgeous, and my boyfriend is about to have sex with someone in here, and that someone isn’t me.
There’s no one in the entrance hall so I creep inside. Ahead of me and through the doorway, are floor to ceiling windows which look out over the Seattle skyline. It’s incredible. I hear voices traveling from my left and figure it must be the bedroom. The door is partly open, so I peek through the small gap.
That’s the biggest bed I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s covered in rose petals and…
“We have champagne, rose petals, the hot tub is enormous, and there’s room service twenty-four seven!” No. No. No. I thought this couldn’t get any worse, but it has, it so fucking has! This is the ultimate betrayal.
“This is just beyond all of my expectations. I know you said it was amazing but this is perfect,” Brandon sounds so happy. The happiest I’ve heard him sound for quite a while.
“How long do you have until she’ll expect you home?”
“I have a feeling she already suspects something. I hate lying and keeping secrets. I’ve been really fucking off with her … I can’t wait for this next week to be over with, Alyssa.”
I continue to watch as she puts her arms around him, “The guilt you’re feeling now will be worth it, babe. I promise.”
I’ll save him the trouble of waiting for another week. God, Brandon and Alyssa?
He told me he was heading to the bar. She told me she was visiting friends. Neil mentioned the other day that Alyssa had started seeing someone. I just hadn’t realized my best friend was fucking my boyfriend. I guess it must be pretty hard trying to hide their affair, while we’re all living under the same roof.
Heading out onto the sidewalk, I don’t feel like I can trust anyone anymore. In the space of a few weeks, my whole life, my almost perfect life, has been turned upside down. Ever since I went to that stupid fucking ball.
My hands are shaking and my legs are feeling weak. The migraine from earlier wasn’t nearly as painful as what I’m feeling now. Before heading home, I decide to take a seat on a bench across the street.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, but the sound of laughter grabs my attention. Of course Alyssa and Brandon are stepping out of the hotel’s entrance together with huge fucking smiles all over their faces.
Pulling my cell out, I send a quick message to Brandon, telling him that I love him. I want to see his reaction when he opens it up. Next, I call Alyssa’s cell. It’ll be interesting to see how she’ll handle me calling her at this very moment.
Brandon gets to his cell first, while Alyssa fumbles around in her purse for hers. I see him raking his hand through his hair and even having the nerve to hold it up to her. She’s smiling? Fucking bitch.
She checks her caller ID and then I see the smugness being wiped firmly from her face. I’m actually surprised when she answers my call.
“Alex! How’s … how’s it going?” She sounds guilty as sin. Of course she does. Alyssa never hesitates.
“I just wondered if you’d be home soon,” I try to control my voice so she doesn’t hear that I’m both nervous, and thoroughly pissed.
“… um, I’m having dinner with Jen and Kelly, remember?” Wow. Just. Fucking. Wow.
I end the call and head straight home. They didn’t see me sitting there and watching them because they were too busy saying their goodbyes and hugging one another. I’m surprised he doesn’t sneak in to her room while I’m sleeping too. But then again, maybe he does.
***
“Whoa!” Ryan grabs me by the waist and hoists me over to the couch. “Calm the fuck down, Alex! What the hell has gotten into you?”
Pushing him off of me, I storm back to my room and grab some more of Brandon’s shit. If he wants Alyssa, he can fucking have her! They deserve each other and I don’t want him in my bed or room a moment longer.
I was going to approach this maturely, but then I would’ve expected the same thing from them, so I guess this will suit them better too.
“Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?” Ryan’s glaring at me wide eyed and looks completely shocked by my erratic behavior. I think he would maybe understand if he knew what was going on, but I’d personally prefer Alyssa to explain if I’m honest. There’s no ‘if’ about my honesty, they’re the traitors, not me.
“Just let me go about this my way, and go get yourself a beer while you watch me or something. The night’s about to get a whole lot more interesting!” I snap out as I bring the remainder of his things from my room.
Dumping it all on the living room floor, I’m trying to decide whether I should throw it out into the hallway, or put it in Alyssa’s room. Hmm, I think I like the latter idea far better.
“Alright, I’m gonna call Brandon and see what the hell he did to turn you into fucking Godzilla!” He runs to his room and grabs his cell, before coming back out to glare at me some more. “Fucking voicemail!”
Scooping up his clothes, I kick open Alyssa’s door and tip them on the bed, before heading for the rest. Once my room and the living area are Brandon free, I slam my bedroom door shut, lock it, and then slide down my door into a heap, while letting my emotional breakdown commence
.
I love him. I really fucking love him. I thought he loved me too. It was bad enough to think that he was cheating with just someone, but for it to be with Alyssa, my fucking best friend forever? I hug myself tightly and don’t even bother to wipe the tears away. I let them fall. Hard.
***
I think I must have fallen asleep because my cheeks are now dry, and I’m still on the floor by my door. Checking my cell, it’s a little after ten thirty, so I can’t have been asleep for long. It was just before ten when I came in here.
I jump when I hear the door handle moving just above my head. I guess he’s back. I’m also guessing Ryan hasn’t seen him to warn him of my breakdown earlier either.
“Alexis, are you sleeping?” We’re back to Alexis now are we? I just want things the way they were before. I want to go back to Christmas break and change my decision about attending the ball. I wanted to experience everything about college life. I guess I just did. ‘Beautiful?’ I’m not his beautiful. Not anymore.
My cell starts ringing, and when I see his name on the screen, I feel like throwing it across my room and watching it shatter into tiny pieces, “Alexis?” He heard my cell so I’m guessing I should get this over with.
Standing up and wiping my cheek with the back of my hand, I unlock the door and open it. He brings his head up and has confusion written all over his face, but when he sees me, his eyes widen and his mouth drops open.
“What the hell happened?” He steps towards me and lifts his hands to cup under my jaw, but I step back and out of his reach. “Alexis, shit! What the fuck …?”
“There you are bro! Dammit, what the fuck did you do to her?” Ryan comes storming from his room and looks furious. “She lost it man! I tried calling you to see why she was going all crazy shit on me!”
Brandon turns back to me, still looking confused, and it appears that he’s waiting for me to speak. “I didn’t do—”
“He broke my heart, Ryan,” my voice cracks and I shrug my shoulders. “Just like you and Neil said he would. Well, congratufuckinglations, Brandon. I applaud you.” There’s bitterness evident in my voice, and when I look into his eyes, I see the brightness immediately fading away.
“I did what? I don’t get—”
“Evening, guys!” There’s the little princess herself. “Oh my God! What happened? Alex, are you okay?” She hurries over, and damn if she can act too. She can look quite the loyal friend when it suits her. I don’t believe any of her bullshit anymore.
Something inside of me snaps and before I can even think about my actions, I lunge forward and grab her perfect, blonde hair in my hands, and pull it hard until she screams. “Fuck!” I feel one of them trying to pry me off of her. “Let her go!” It’s Brandon.
He’s holding me by the arms and pulling me back. As much as I try to get out of his grasp, it’s no use. Alyssa is staring at me and holding her head. She really does play the victim well. Ryan is standing by her side and glaring right at me.
“Why did you attack me?” Her voice is high and filled with shock.
“You first! How was the hotel, Alyssa?” I hiss at her and try to get at her again, but I can’t get anywhere close. I turn to look at Brandon and see him appearing just as shocked as she does. “Did she exceed all of your expectations?” His eyes are unreadable, and he releases me as soon as I speak the words.
“Guys, what’s she talking about?” Ryan flickers his eyes between Brandon and Alyssa with a look of curiosity.
I step away from him and shoot venomous glares between the two of them. They both look at each other, and I see Alyssa close her eyes while Brandon runs his hands through his hair.
“Your things are in her room now,” the flatness in my voice has returned as I head over to the kitchen, before glancing over my shoulder at him one more time. “I fucking love you. I would do anything for you, ANYTHING!” I scream.
“Alex, we didn’t do anything!” Alyssa is screaming now and also has tears welling in her eyes. “It was for you! It was all for you!” Ryan puts his arms around her and throws me a sympathetic look while shrugging his shoulders.
Shaking my head in disgust, I look at Brandon. He’s watching me with a pained expression, and looking completely wounded. “Alyssa spoke with her father and he agreed I could book a room for an affordable price. I haven’t got thousands to spend on a room, Alexis. I haven’t worked because of obvious reasons. I wanted to make your birthday special. I wanted to make your first time, our first time, special.” His voice is full of hurt and sadness.
Oh fuck.
I walk back over to him and see a single tear falling onto his cheek. It was for me? “But you lied. You lied about being in class today. You lied about where you were going tonight! You haven’t been coming home until the early hours, and you called me ALEX!”
He shakes his head slightly and doesn’t even try to deny any of it. “Alyssa, can I grab my things, please?” His eyes are directed right into mine as he speaks, with no emotion in them at all. “I think it’s time I moved back over to my dorm.”
18.
The Kiss.
I watched as Alyssa grabbed Brandon’s things from her room, and I cried when he walked out of the door. Alyssa walked straight by me and into her room, with just as much hurt present over her face. Ryan didn’t know what to say or do, so he ordered himself a pizza.
I’m alone in my bed. I hate this. Why had he been so distant if he wasn’t messing around? He didn’t even try to explain everything. Am I in the wrong here, or is he? Maybe it’s both of us.
Since it’s almost one o’clock, I really should try and get some sleep.
“Alexis!” Alyssa is banging on my door and shouting for me. If I was wrong then why is she even talking to me? I know I wouldn’t want to speak with her if things were the other way around, and she didn’t trust me. “Alexis, please open the door!”
Will she punch me in the face? No, that’s not really Alyssa’s style. She’s more likely to dig her nails into me until she draws blood. Climbing off of my bed, I walk over to my door and hesitantly open it.
Her eyes are dancing as she grabs hold of my arm and pulls me from my room, “What is …?” I try to ask why she’s acting the way she is, but then my eyes land over by the main door. Brandon is standing there and watching me.
“Can we talk, please?” His voice sounds strangled and his eyes are red. He looks like he’s been crying too. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I called you Alex, although that is your name … I didn’t realize it would upset you.” He takes a step forward and closes the door behind him, but all the while, he keeps his eyes on mine. “I’m sorry you thought I would do that to you. I’m sorry that I’ve been out most nights. I’m sorry—”
“He’s sorry,” Alyssa nudges my arm with her elbow while bobbing her head encouragingly in Brandon’s direction.
Brandon doesn’t do this. He doesn’t usually come back once he’s walked away. “Where did you go so late each night?” Please tell me you were reading or something.
“Back at my dorm,” he rolls back on his heels and I notice his shoulders tensing. “You see, I couldn’t spend time with you, knowing I was lying to you, but, the reason I lied was because it was supposed to be a surprise.” He lets out a deep breath and ruffles his already untidy head of hair. He looks like he’s been tugging on it for the past two hours. He most probably has.
“The hotel?” I glance between both Alyssa and Brandon, and notice her shaking her head ever so slightly at me, before looking back over to Brandon. He takes another step closer.
Alyssa leans towards me, “I’m going to my room. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” I nod at her, before placing my full attention back on Brandon.
“Something else, other than the hotel,” he looks nervous, really nervous. “I was writing you a song. I was going to, next week at the show, I was going to sing it to you for your birthday before taking you to the hotel.” His brow creases and I notice his hands are sha
king as he answers me.
“But you said you don’t sing anymore,” It’s me that takes a step closer to him now. He looks so anxious and nervous and maybe even a little scared.
Placing his hands on his hips, he lets out a deep breath and looks towards the ceiling. “There were a lot of things I didn’t do until I met you,” his bottom lip is quivering as he speaks. “You’re my light, Alexis. I can’t be without you. I want you, and only you, forever.”
My eyes are glazing over from his words. He was going to sing a song he wrote for me on my birthday, before taking me to a hotel and making love to me. I really did mess this whole thing up didn’t I? “I need your permission, beautiful.” His voice is shaky and almost pleading.
“My permission?” I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
“I’m dying over here,” he’s bending his knees slightly as though he begging me. “I need to kiss you. Right here. Right now.”
Oh! My heart’s racing so hard in my chest that I can feel the blood surging through my veins. He really doesn’t need my permission. He’s never needed my permission, “Yes! Dammit, kiss me already!”
His face says it all. He looks relieved, happy, and nervous. You name it, he’s showing it, both over his face and in his eyes.
As he slowly walks over, I step back a couple of steps and open my bedroom door. He smiles and his eyes look as bright as I remember on that very first night.
After closing the door behind him gently, he turns to face me. He threads his fingers up into my hair and tilts my head back, so that I’m gazing directly into his eyes, “I love you, beautiful,” he speaks softly as he leans closer, and my breath hitches when his lips gently brush mine. “Forever, Alexis.”
He’s still staring deep into my eyes, and I nod as I feel warm tingles rushing through my body, “Forever,” I whisper. Closing my eyes and placing my hands on his hips, I feel his warm breath hit my mouth, just before he tenderly presses his lips to mine. His heart is thundering in his chest and his hands are trembling.
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