by Rhonda James
“No, I know, we are, I mean, at least I am. But this week he has been calling more, he sent flowers to my office yesterday, Brooke. Flowers. He’s never done that. It’s like he’s taken a page out of Sebastian’s playbook or something. Do you think he’s getting more serious about me?”
“Sounds to me like he’s serious. Maybe being further away from you has got him thinking. How do you feel about the extra attention? Are you feeing flattered, or smothered?” I knew Jade, she had been in love with the idea of James Dekker for the better part of five years, ever since Paradox hit the music scene. Jade had been an early fan, having had the opportunity to see them perform at their first live show while on a trip to California with her parents. She’d come home raving about their music, and I had no idea who she was even talking about, but two months later their album was released and she’d rushed out to buy it. She’d played that cd to death, and by the time it had nearly worn out we knew all the lyrics by heart and I had become a diehard fan.
“I don’t know, both I guess. I think what I mostly am is scared.” She admitted.
“Scared? Why on earth would you be scared? This is what you’ve wanted for the past five years. You and I are living the dream of most women our age.” I shook my head, baffled by her admission.
“I know, okay. I’m painfully aware that this is what I have spent the last years of my life fantasizing about. I just never in a million years expected it to come true. Before the tour I was okay, things were going along great and I basically knew where we stood. Then he left and we stopped talking as much, most of the time I only heard from him once a week. I’d started to believe that he was trying to end things between us. I had almost gotten myself prepared to hear him tell me it was over.”
“Jade, I am so sorry, I had no idea things had gotten that bad for you two.” I winced, realizing that while dealing with my own heartache and bumpy relationship, I had managed to neglect the needs of my best friend. “I’m sorry that I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t see that you were hurting too.”
“No, it’s okay. I know you’ve had a lot to deal with.”
“But it’s not okay, you’ve needed me and I haven’t been a good friend.”
“Well, it’s okay, honest. I’m not finished with my story. Things between us are different than with you and Sebastian. While you both knew early on that you were meant to be, Dek and I have been trying to find our way. I mean, we had a physical relationship from the very beginning, you know. After that it was hard to move forward with that hanging over our heads. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing. I mean, he's Dek for heaven's sake. I would have been a fool to pass that up." She gave me a sideways glance and I only nodded. I'd known all about their sexual encounters. Jade never had been very good at keeping a secret. Besides, at the time Sebastian had made a point of bringing it up whenever he could, trying to encourage me to take our relationship to the next level. I often find myself wondering how it was that I had managed to hold out for nearly four months. "He’s called me every day this week, wanting to know every detail of my day. I’m not complaining, it’s just strange. Here I thought I was losing him, and now it’s like he’s afraid of losing me.
“So, what is it that you want from him? Calling all the time, or barely speaking?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“What kind of question is that? You know the answer. I’m crazy about him.”
“Have you told him that?”
“Not is so many words. He’s really sweet and considerate, but he's also got this hard ass side to him. I don’t know. I’m not sure what to do.” She sighed, again, even more dramatically than the first time.
“You need to tell him. What have you got to lose? I think he’s just scared to tell you how he feels. He may act tough, but I know he is crazy about you. He talks about you all the time.”
“Oh really, how do you know that?”
“Sebastian tells me things.”
“Sebastian wasn’t afraid to tell you he loved you. Hell, he told you the first week he knew you.” She guffawed.
“Well, our situation was a little different. He had the whole hero thing going for him.” I laughed, and in turn made her laugh. It was great to hear that sound again, I’d missed it terribly.
“Yeah that’s true, not all men can be Sebastian Miles.”
“No, there’s only one Sebastian.” I smiled to myself, feeling blessed beyond measure that there was only one, and he was most definitely all mine. “But, you know Dek is pretty special all on his own. I think you’ve found a real keeper in that one.
“Yeah, I think you’re right.” She giggled.
Sebastian~
It was Sunday morning, and I had awakened with the realization that I needed to call my mom. We hadn’t spoken in a couple of weeks, which was unusual, but with the tour schedule and the way I had been feeling, I felt it was probably for the best that I get my head together before calling her and making her worry. After the birthday fiasco, and my shutting down for three days, she’d been pretty worried about me. Although she hadn’t voiced it, I was pretty sure that she had been worried I would relapse, given my history and how I’d dealt with loss in the past. It wasn’t until I heard her voice that I realized just how much I’d been missing her. What I wouldn’t give right now for one of mom’s hugs. Between being away from mom, and not seeing Brooke, I was mildly concerned that my ribs would weaken in the absence of their strong holds.
“Hey, Mom, how are things going with you and Dad?” I asked, relaxing back onto the bed, one arm slung behind my head.
“Oh, how’s my baby boy?” She gushed, loudly, drawing the attention of my dad in the background. I could hear him calling out hello to me, making me smile.
“Tell dad I say hi back.”
“He says hello dear,” she called out. They bantered back and forth for a few minutes while I listened. Just hearing how they interacted with one another made me miss them that much more. “I’ve been so worried about you, Sebastian. How are things going? How was your visit with Brooke? I am so glad you two worked things out.” She spoke quickly, as if trying to get it all out before I interrupted her, which was usually the case. This time, however, I just sat back and let her speak, enjoying the sweet sound of her voice. I missed being home, there was absolutely no denying it. With the waste of the past two years, except for the last eight months with Brooke, I had lost a lot of precious time with my family, time I could never recapture. I hadn’t spoken to the guys yet, but I had already made up my mind that after this tour I needed a break, and by break I meant I needed to take a step back. The desire to settle down and start a family had started to weigh heavily on my mind, that wasn’t going to be an easy thing to do if I had to take off and go on tour every eighteen months.
“We had a good visit, a bit awkward at first, but it’s all good. Seeing her again was exactly what I needed. Things haven’t been easy, I’m really ready to be home. I miss you and dad. Being with my family, and the people I love, has suddenly become very important to me.” I sighed, the weight of the six thousand mile distance between us feeling like a noose around my neck.
“Sweetheart, it sounds to me as if you are ready for a family of your own. Have you and Brooke been able to talk about the possibility of getting married and starting a family?” She asked, hopefully.
“Not exactly. I haven’t felt like the timing has been right, you know? She’s over here, and really stressed with work, and I’m here and there, freaking out about some guy answering her phone while she’s in the shower. Things haven’t exactly worked themselves out, if you know what I mean.” I pulled a hand down over my face, tugging absentmindedly on my piercing and listening to the clink of metal as it tapped against my teeth.
“What do you mean another man was answering her phone? Is she entertaining someone else while you two are apart? That doesn’t seem like the Brooke I know and love. What’s going on, Sebastian? Are you two okay?” I could hear the concern in her voice, carry
ing all the way from L.A., as if she were right here with me. Oh, how I wished she were.
“I don’t know, mom. We’re trying. One minute I think we’re alright, the next I’m wondering how much more I can take. I know she’s the one for me, I feel it in my bones, but I don’t know how to get past all the little things that seem to be standing between us. Right now the obvious is the distance, but I can’t help feeling like there is something bigger going on. It’s nothing that’s been said or done, it’s just a feeling that I have, it keeps waking me up at night.”
“Are you not sleeping well again?”
“I slept fine when Brooke was here with me. She’s coming in tonight, for a short visit. We’re going skydiving tomorrow.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wished I could reign them back in.
“Skydiving? You’re not back on that adventure seeking stint, are you? Please tell me you’re not doing anything that’s too dangerous. You know how I worry about you. Is Dek going with you?” The elevated pitch in her voice made my insides cringe with guilt. The worry that Dek and I had caused our parents, specifically our mothers, had been hard on them, I hated that I had slipped and made her worry again.
“Yes, mom, he went with me one other time. We aren’t getting crazy, we just went skydiving once to help us unwind. I promise I’ll be careful.”
“I’m sorry Sebastian, but you know how I worry about you. I can’t replace you. If something were to happen to you, I don’t know what I would do.” I heard a soft sniffling and sighed to myself.
“Mom, I know you worry, and I’m sorry. I’ll try harder to stay in touch more often. I really do miss you guys. Listen, I better get going. Give my love to dad and Nikki, and I’m sending you a virtual bone-crusher.” She chuckled on the other end.
“And I’m sending one right back at you, baby boy. I love you.”
“Ouch, mom,” I teased. “That was a powerful one. I needed that, thanks.”
“Always for you my sweetheart. Take care of yourself, and say hello to Brooke for me.”
“Sure thing, mom. I’ll call you later this week.”
I’d no sooner hung up the phone with mom when it rang again. I took a quick glance at the screen before answering, smiling when I saw who it was.
“Hey honey, I was just thinking about you. I just got off the phone with mom, she says hello.” I chattered on excitedly, looking forward to seeing her in just a few hours.
“Hey,” she answered, weakly.
“Whoa, what’s up? You sound funny.” I asked, my mood shifting slightly.
“Baby, I am so sorry, but I’m not going to be able to leave.” The tremor in her voice was evident, even over the phone. “We’ve had a fire at the restaurant, there’s utter chaos going on right now, there’s no way I can get away.”
“No!” I groaned, banging my head lightly against the doorframe. “What about Max, is he with you?” Pathetic hope resonated somewhere beneath my guarded surface. Lately it seemed that we’d become a little too comfortable in not going the extra mile. This was just another tick on the long list of growing issues between us, and something that I was not at all comfortable with.
“He’s in L.A., one of my crew was going to cover for me, but they’re not ready to deal with something like this. This is major, Sebastian. I know you’re disappointed, I am too, but please try to understand.” She pleaded. Even in my saddened state I tried my best, I knew she couldn’t help what had happened.
“I know,” I sighed, deeply, forcing myself to smile through my frustration. “It’s fine, we’ll do it some other time. I’m good. Go do what you’ve got to do and just call me later.”
“I’m so sorry, baby. Thank you. I’ll call you tonight, I promise. I love you.”
“I know. I love you too.” I pressed end before sliding my phone across the counter. Now I just needed to find something to do with myself for the next two days, trying to somehow keep my mind off what I was missing. I leaned forward, snatching my phone back up. It only rang once.
“Hey man, you feel like going skydiving tomorrow?”
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Yes! That was freaking awesome!” I yelled over my shoulder at Dek, throwing my fist in the air for good measure. We had just landed in Interlaken Valley after skydiving through a section of the Alps. This time we’d gone up in a helicopter, seeing the snowcapped peaks of Mount Eiger and Mount Jungfrau, before jumping at 14,000 feet.
“Awesome doesn’t even begin to describe it. That was insane. We’ve got to do that again before we leave. Helicopter jumping is wicked hot.” He replied breathlessly, still shaking from the adrenaline. He looked around the valley before bending to collect his chute. “This area is beautiful.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “I sure wish Brooke could have made the trip.” I crouched down, gathering the nylon material between my fingers. “It’s a shame she missed out.” I shook my head, not willing to allow that heaviness to kill the rush I was currently feeling.
“You wanna stick around, maybe grab a bite to eat?” Dek asked, sidling up next to me as we made our way to the extraction crew waiting on the edge of the valley.
I took one last look around before answering. “Sure, we’ve got nothing better to do. Besides, I’m so hungry my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.”
We loaded our gear in the back of the van and took our place in the middle row of seats, asking the driver for a recommendation on a restaurant.
“It depends on what type of food you’re in the mood to eat.” He glanced over his shoulder, taking in our appearance. We weren’t dressed for fine dining, and frankly I wasn’t in the mood for champagne and caviar. I wanted bar food, the greasier the better. I knew it wouldn’t sit well with me later, but right now I needed something that made me feel better, even if it was temporary.
“Any good bars around?” I inquired, shrugging a shoulder at Dek’s questioning glare. “I’m not going to drink anything.” I muttered, quietly. “I just want a good burger and fries.”
“Yeah, we’ve got plenty of those.”
“Just pick one and drop us off, please.” I sat back in my seat, giving a terse nod to Dek.
“You sure about this?” He spoke out of the corner of his mouth.
“Yep.” We rode the rest of the way in silence. He watched me through narrowed eyes, while I sat there trying my best to keep my mind occupied.
“That girl over there appears to be checking you out.” Dek smirked, tipping back his glass of soda and crunching down on chunks of crushed ice. It hadn't gone unnoticed that the guys had stopped drinking around me since my stint in rehab. I'm sure they indulged when I wasn't around, but having them forgo it in my presence helped take the sting out of my loss. Yeah, after all this time it still felt like a loss. Even though I knew my head was clearer, and I was a much better person without the booze, I still craved it from time to time. I suppose that is the case with any addiction.
“Seems I can’t take you anywhere.” He shook his head. I turned slowly, peeking over my shoulder at the girl in question.
“Not bad,” I raised a brow, nodding in her direction. “Looks like she has a friend. Must be your lucky day.” I bit my lip, forcing back the laughter. He always gave me a hard time about getting all the girls, but I could rarely recall a time when Dek didn't have a woman tagging along. A few moments later we were joined by the two young women, around our age, both dressed in tight jeans and low-cut T-shirts. My heart may have belonged to someone else, but I was still a man, and I had eyes. These girls were cute, with curves in all the right places. I smelled trouble with a capital T.
“Hi.” They gushed, in unison. Giggles erupted soon after. “You guys aren’t from around here, are you?” I did a quick survey of the other male patrons, non of which sported tattoos or piercings of any sort, and chuckled softly.
“Afraid not, sweetheart. We just finished jumping out of a helicopter and landed here in your lovely town.” I laid it on thick, fighting off every urge I had to tell them to
get lost. I wasn’t in the mood to be chatty. The usual rush I enjoyed after a jump quickly disappeared after they’d approached our table.
“Mind if we join you?” The brunette asked, not bothering to wait for an invitation as she slid in beside me. Her friend made herself comfortable next to Dek, maybe a little too comfortable, as I watched him noticeably squirm to inch away from her.
“So, how’s it going ladies?” I asked, giving Dek a look that said ‘just roll with it’ before turning my body to face my new friend.
“Oh, it’s been a pretty uneventful week, but things are starting to look up.” Brunette winked at me. “I’m Mia, and this is my friend, Julia.” Julia gave a small wave, I returned it, smiling my largest forced smile.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mia. You too, Julia.” Dek countered.
“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you both. I’m--” I began.
“We already know who you are.” Julia gushed, barely containing her enthusiasm. I silently prayed they wouldn’t create a scene.
“Don’t worry, you’re secret is safe with us. We wouldn’t want everyone to know that you’re here, then we would have to share you.” Mia cooed, inching closer, which by now meant that she was practically in my lap. By now our thighs were touching, actually they were pressed tightly together. I reached for the back of my neck, pressing firmly on the knot that was beginning to form as my discomfort level slowly began to creep up. This was certainly not the way that I wanted to spend my post-jump evening. I needed to think of a polite escape plan, and fast. Being this close to another female made me slightly uncomfortable, and aroused, which in turn made me feel incredibly guilty. I pulled away, my body tensing with both dread and longing. There was no denying it, I missed my girl, and Mia was here in front of me. I had to admit that once I’d taken a good look at her I found her to be very pretty.
“Ease up, baby. There’s no reason to be nervous around me.” She spoke softly, placing a warm hand on my forearm. “You know, you’re not the first famous musician to come through these parts. Let me guess, you two just finished jumping out of that chopper, thought the town was quaint, and wanted to check it out up close?” My mouth gaped open at her directness, not to mention her accuracy. “Don’t look so surprised. We’re used to it. This area is known for bringing in your kind. Just last month we met the drummer of another American band. Most men find the women around here to be very hospitable.” She purred, placing strong emphasis on the word ‘very’. Then, she took my hand in hers and wrapped it around her shoulders. I sat there in stunned silence.