by M. N. Forgy
“I thought they looked new; thanks.”
“I was going to have one of the boys pick up pizza and movies later for you guys. You like sappy chick flicks like your momma?” He sits on the corner of the bed.
My mom liked sappy chick flicks? I never knew that. In fact I couldn't remember the last time my mother sat down and watched a movie with me.
I shake my head from my pity party, “uh, anything’s fine. I watch anything really,” I respond, sitting beside him. He knew so much about my mother and I felt like I knew nothing. What I did know about her seemed completely different from the person he was talking about.
“What happened between you and my mom? I mean, she told me her side of the story, but what’s yours.” His eyes shoot to mine. They go from vibrant and playful to downright sad in a flash. Maybe this topic was truly his living hell, but I need to know. Growing up in the shadow he unknowingly cast for me hadn't exactly been a picnic.
He rubs the stubble on his cheeks, making it sound like sandpaper, lost in thought.
“Your momma and I were inseparable; wherever I was, she was. I remember it like it was yesterday. She was here on spring break when we met. She never went back to New York and dropped out of school to be here with me. Her parents disowned her. They were a couple of Bible-thumpers; so when they found out she was sinning away with me, they cut her out of their will,” he pauses and looks into my eyes. “She was different than any girl I had ever met; classy. She always acted like a lady, but when you crossed her, she was fierce. She told me she loved me one day and I freaked out. She didn’t understand the club... hated I spent so much time there. Hell, I wasn’t even president then, my pops was. I didn’t think I was capable of falling in love and I thought she deserved better. I just needed to get my head straight, ya know... figure out where we were going; where I was going.” He cracks his knuckles and takes a deep breath.
“We had a chick named Roxy, who I slept with a lot before I met your momma. She came to the club one day and started stripping in my room. I told her that shit between her and me was over, but she just kept running her mouth and climbed up on my lap. That’s when your mom walked in. I’m sure it looked terrible. I should have pushed Roxy off my lap, but I didn’t, and the fact that I was high on enough blow to kill a horse didn’t help. Lady ran out before I could catch her and explain.” He exhaled deeply like he was finally releasing the breath he had taken minutes ago.
Did my mother know it wasn’t what it looked like between my father and this Roxy girl? Knowing her she wouldn’t have cared; my mom has too much pride. Still, I hate the image she casts on my father when that image is blurred. If what he is telling me is true, then he is not a bad person. Well, not in the romance department anyway.
“Word around the club was that Roxy had been telling Lady she didn’t belong and that I would tire of Lady and come running back to her. She was in Lady's head deep, from what I’m told. I was blind to the whole fucking thing; your mother never said a word to me about it. After I heard Roxy had been tormenting her, I took care of it.”
This sounds eerily familiar.
“Roxy doesn’t come around much after the ass beating she got from the Ol' Ladies, but now her daughter's a hang-around. Guess being a club whore runs in the genes of that family.” He says exactly what I'm thinking.
“When your mother called me the other day I actually thought I might get her back; that I could fix what I fucked up. But when I saw her, I knew she had made her mind up about me a long time ago, there was no going back.” He is slumped down, his elbows on his knees staring at the wall. I rub his back in respect, not sure what to say.
He cocks his head to the side and looks up at me. “It’s for the best; club life isn’t for the weak. It’s rough on a woman, especially a lady.” His words are laced with regret and blame. I feel for both of my parents at this point. I have seen the women around the club; it is tougher on girls.
“Who is Roxy's daughter?” My nosy side wants to know which of the current whores carries her genes.
He looks at me curiously; wondering why I would care, I’m sure. “Candy.”
Her name hits me like a bus; my breath catches in my chest. The comments she made earlier make more sense now. ”Seems you and she are whores in the same, huh, sleeping with men you have no business messing with.”
I don’t want my father to see the effect that wench has on me. I can handle my own battles. So I swallow the lump in my throat and try to sound as casual as I can.
“Oh yeah, I think I've seen her around the club; the skinny blond?” ...that looks like a coke whore and I want to plow my fist into her face... Man, I've got a lot of aggression built up inside.
He nods his head in acknowledgement. He seems unconcerned; mission accomplished. Me disliking Candy, though, just went to an all-time high. She can thank her mother for that.
“Well, I've got club business to get to. If you need anything let one of the boys know. I’m usually at the club, but, if not, they know how to get in touch with me. We will get this Stevin fucker eventually. He's MIA right now, but you’re in good hands, sweetheart; got one of my best guys following you.” He leans down and kisses my forehead, his lips soft on my skin. I've never felt fatherly love before. It's nice.
He leaves me alone with my thoughts. I wonder why he hasn’t told my mother she pegged him wrong. Even if she couldn’t believe him then, she might now. Then again, maybe he has already and he was right; she didn’t care. Who knows. Their relationship is as complicated as ever; it makes my head hurt just thinking about it.
Maybe Shadow doesn't think I'm club-worthy. It would explain a lot. Seeing how Roxy was a shit starter, maybe I should take what Candy says with a grain of salt. Or maybe I should just beat the last twenty-one years of my life out of Candy since it was her mother who really paved my road of hell. I sigh. Where are all these ferocious thoughts coming from? I have never been violent, not even in my thoughts. Maybe my true colors are starting to come through being around my father; my true blood.
It’s dark, all I can see is glimpses of Shadow's sweaty face from the moon light casting a glow through the window. Our bodies are slick with exertion, and our breathing harsh and needy. My body vibrates with greed and intimacy. Shadow's body clings to mine as he thrusts deep inside of me, grunting like a beast.
“I’ll die before I let you go, Dani,” he whispers against my cheek, his stubble scraping my skin, reminding me of the masculine man that claims me. My body arches for more as I plead for him to take me. I don’t care if my mother finds us, and he doesn’t care if my father kills him. We cannot deny the attraction that consumes us, brands us.
“Yes, Shadow, I’m yours,” I pant. “Take me.”
I feel a feathery light touch caressing my cheek, waking me from my dreams. My eyes flutter open and I see Shadow standing above my bed. His calloused fingers cup my chin. I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes with the back of my hand; his touch sensual. He's wearing those low-slung sweats and nothing else again. My hands ache as I try to keep them from reaching out to touch that silky smooth chest.
“You’ve been asleep for a few hours. We got movies and pizza if you want some; you gotta be hungry.” His voice is deep and raspy and caring. The butterflies form in my stomach and my body flushes with the arousal I'm trying to conceal.
“Uh, yeah. I’ll be down in a few minutes,” I respond, trying to look at anything in my room but his god-like perfection. The raven on his bicep, however, lures me into its trap like the ominous predator it is. I'm hypnotized at the way the bird dances on his arm.
“Okay.” He stands there as if he wants to say more but eventually turns on his heel and walks out. The spell broken, I just catch his feet before the door closes. Shadow barefoot is somehow very appealing and lovable.
I stop in the bathroom on my way to join the others to splash my face with cold water, my dream left me a sweaty mess.
I walk into the living room to find the guys huddled around
a couple of open pizza boxes and some movies. They're cussing over which one they are going to watch. I bet none of them asked my mom if she wanted any pizza, but who can blame them. She hasn’t been the most approachable human. I walk over to my mom’s room and hear her talking. The door is slightly open so I stop right outside of her line of vision and listen. Being snoopy is the only way I can find out anything around here. I should have started this a long time ago.
“It’s not like I had much of a choice in coming here!” I hear her snap at whoever is on the other end. “Are you serious? You want me over there?... Fine... She will be fine here. I can come back and if she has seen anything... Yes, I’ll go now,” she says angrily.
Where is she going? What does she mean if I see anything? This is what eavesdropping gets me; more questions and no answers.
I don’t hear her voice anymore, so I knock on the door.
“What!” she yells. I open the door and see her phone in one hand and her chewing her nails on the other. I wonder who she was talking to. Maybe it was my father, but I would be crazy to ask.
“They bought pizza and movies; want to join us?” I ask lightly, not wanting to piss her off any more than she seems to be.
“What? No, I’m fine. I’m going to the club. Will you be okay here by yourself?” she asks, putting her shoes on.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I have my cell phone if anything goes wrong,” I remark, trying to ease her mind from leaving me behind. But why was she going to the club?
“Great. If you see anything you’re uncomfortable with, give me a call, okay?” She walks past me into the living room.
“Can one of you take me to the club?” She worded it like a question, but her voice made it sound like a demand.
“Shit,” Bobby says, taking a slice of pizza. “Yeah, I can if you let me eat first. I’m starving.”
“That’s alright, I got it, boys,” Charlie says, finishing a slice of pizza.
“Great! Let’s go,” she says, walking out the door.
My mother hates my father, I wish I could say I was optimistic and my parents will get back together, but I know hell would have to freeze over for that to happen.
I grab a slice of pizza and flop onto the couch opposite of Shadow and Bobby. I dig my phone out of my pocket to stalk the social networks; anything to keep from having to look at Shadow and his gorgeous body. I can feel him looking at me; eye-fucking me. I need to keep him at arm's length. I have been burned enough.
“Ping”. My phone lights up alerting me to a text message from an unknown.
“Seems someone has been playing on my phone. – S”
Shit, that picture I put in there this morning, before everything really went to shit. What was I thinking?
“Just delete it, it was a mistake, don’t read into it. - D”
“So, you moaning my name in your sleep, was that a mistake? - S”
My nostrils flare, and my face turns red with embarrassment. Before I can reply my phone pings with another text.
“Oh, and I’m not deleting it! I want to remember you like that, thoroughly fucked by me. - S”
Reminded that I am nothing but a sex toy to him, my body vibrates with rage. At one point, a point when I was over stimulated and high on Shadow, I didn’t care what the terms were I just wanted him. After realization slammed into me this morning, I cannot allow myself to be that weak again. I have to maintain my self-control. I turn my phone off and shove it in my pocket. I focus my eyes on the movie; it appears to be a comedy of some sort. I can feel Shadow staring at me, making me uneasy. I glare back and he gives that wolfish grin that makes my panties wet.
“Well, that movie sucked,” Bobby proclaims, after the ending credits come up. He reaches forward and grabs his beer off the coffee table, his TCB tattoo again catches my attention.
“What does TCB stand for, anyway?” I ask, genuinely curious.
Bobby eyes his hand. “Taking Care of Business. You like it?” He flexes his fingers making the tattoo move slightly on top of his hand.
“Like the song, 'Taking Care of Business“? They both start laughing; full-blown belly laughs. What's so funny? My ears and cheeks go warm, the blood rushing to them in embarrassment.
“No, it’s just something we say a lot around the club. Taking care of business,” Bobby informs me, after he gets his laughing under control. I look over at Shadow, his eyes hooded with desire. It seems like every time I make a fool of myself he gets turned on.
“Oh, do you have any other tattoos?” I ask Bobby, knowing he’ll show me. He rises from the couch and pulls his worn black shirt over his head of blond curls. His body is as toned and tanned as Shadow's but covered in tattoos. I stand up and with my finger trace a skull tattoo he has along one pectoral muscle. Without breaking contact, I glide my fingertip across his golden chest to follow the outline of 'Live To Ride, Ride To Live' inked just above his other nipple. I can feel his body stiffen under the caressing trail my fingers leave behind. He is definitely ravishing, but I don't feel anything when I touch him; not like the flames I feel with Shadow. I look over and see Shadow’s jaw clenched, he is staring straight ahead and taking a swig from his beer intently.
“They're nice,” I say cheerfully. “I would like to get a tattoo myself.” Seeing all the ink around me these last few days has me seeing tattoos in a different light.
“You do?” Shadow and Bobby say at the same time, clearly shocked that someone of my upbringing would want to ink herself.
I trail my fingers over Bobby’s shoulder blade and make my way to the kitchen to grab a beer for myself. I can't resist looking over my shoulder to see how my actions play out.
“I think she wants me,” Bobby teases Shadow as he grabs his beer off the coffee table and takes a sip. Shadow punches Bobby in the arm, reverberating the room with a 'smack'.
“Ow, fucker!” Bobby yells, rubbing his arm where Shadow just plowed his fist.
“So what are we watching next?” I ask, plopping down on the couch opposite of them. I take a sip of my beer, watching Shadow as he stands up to put in the next movie.
“I got one for you,” Shadow says, his gorgeous mouth curved into a malicious grin. As soon as the movie starts I hear eerie music playing. He sits down right next to me.
I know what he is doing. He put a scary movie in hoping I would edge closer to him at the scary parts. Bastard. I scoot as far away as I can on the couch. Maybe not being able to eye-fuck each other will allow me to actually watch this movie. But sitting near him brings his scent to my nostrils and my body becomes aroused instinctively. His presence right next to mine might make this harder than eye-fucking from a distance.
Just like Shadow planned, every time something unexpected happens in the movie I jump and edge myself a little closer to him. Near the end of the movie I am so close, I can feel his hot breath on the back of my tender neck. He lays his hand on my knee, teasing me as he slides it slowly up my thigh. My heart is racing; thumping so loud I’m sure he can hear it. I look up through my thick dark lashes and see his stormy blue eyes staring back at me intently. I’m drawn to Shadow like a moth to a flame. I stand no chance of defying his magnetism. Whether he wants me only for sex or something more, at least he can’t seem to leave me alone either.
“Oh shit!” Bobby exclaims, making us jump apart and snapping me back to reality.
I need to distance myself from Shadow. Being this close to him is a sure way to wind up in bed with him again; only waking up regretting my actions.
“Uh, I’m going to bed,” I say, jumping up from my seat.
“Night, Darlin',” Bobby says, waving his hand in the air, not taking his eyes off the screen.
Shadow stands up as I start walking up the steps. “Please don’t follow me. Please don’t follow me,” I say to myself. He doesn’t and now I’m kind of disappointed. My body and mind are making me feel bipolar.
I slip off my shoes, socks and shorts and untie the knot in the Devil’s Dust shirt. I remove my bra
like a ninja but leave the shirt on to sleep in. I’m not even tired; I guess I can listen to some music. I dig through my purse for my iPod when all of a sudden I hear something similar to firecrackers.
Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!
The walls vibrate with every pop. I fall to the ground and put my hands over my head in panic. I hear someone yelling my name from a distance. Suddenly, my door flies open and Shadow throws himself over my body.
“Stay down, Dani,” he shouts above the chaos. I can feel his heart beating as his chest covers my back, protecting me from the hostile world around us.
As fast as it started everything goes silent and still.
“Wh- what was that?” I ask, frantically.
“Bullets. You okay?” he asks, lifting his body off mine.
Bullets? Someone was shooting at us? I can feel my hammering heart trying to catch up with my frenzied breathing, causing me to feel light-headed.
Shadow takes my face in both of his hands. “Look at me. Breathe, baby,” he says calmly, his tenderness not going unnoticed.
I grab his wrists and stare into his stormy eyes as I inhale a deep breath.
“Baby?” I repeat, confused that he would call me that. Baby is a term you use for someone you care about. I’m not that, am I?
Shadow's eyes widen. He didn’t even realize he called me that in the heat of the moment. He drops his hands from my face, breaking contact instantly.
I look down at my body and feel around; making sure my limbs are still intact. Still looking down at myself, I spot blood dripping on the floor. Where is that coming from? I’m sure I wasn’t hit. I retrace the thick bloody drip to find it coming from Shadow's arm.
“Shadow, you’re bleeding. You’ve been shot!” I yell, pointing at his arm.
He looks down at where I'm pointing, “Oh, shit. I have been shot,” he says surprised.
“I’ll be fine. Are you okay?” He looks at his arm again then back at me. Seriously, that’s his reaction to being shot? I nod my head that I'm fine, physically. Mentally, I’m not sure yet.