by M. N. Forgy
“I will fuck you, spank you, claim you, but only when I’m good and ready,“ Shadow whispers into my ear, his breath hot and humid against my skin. The sudden throbbing that sweeps into my swollen clit makes my legs wobble. I grab onto Shadow for support and he grabs me by the nape of the neck.
“Now that your dad knows about us, you’re more than mine, and everyone will know it.” He says it like it's a bad thing; his change in demeanor now makes sense. My body bemoans at the sudden realization that Shadow is protesting against me because my father has ordered me to live with him. I look at his bandaged arm; his price for being with me. I want to tell him I don’t have to go with him, that we can do this at our own speed, but we both know that’s not true.
“How did you get beat up so bad?” he demands.
I close my eyes trying to think; everything is still blurry in places. Did I ask for this or did they just enjoy inflicting pain on me? My head swamps with images of being kicked and thrown into the door; but why?
A prick of sensation flares to life, reminding me of the overwhelming urge to fight that day. I felt reckless, manic, furious, and ominous; my blood was pumping so hard I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my toes and fingers.
“I felt an overwhelming rage to fight,” I respond. “So I fought; I fought to live. A dark side of me roared through my reason.” Looking back, I could have been killed. That is exactly why I fought; it was kill or be killed.
“I wanted to kill them!” I whisper, remembering the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. How I would have loved to have found a weapon to seal their fates; to end the domino effect they had on other people’s lives. How I would have loved to get even for Shadow.
I sat on the bench, outside of the Principal’s office, swinging my feet as I waited for my mother to come out. I knew I was in trouble; my mother never seemed happy with me anymore, but this was sure to put her over the edge. I got in a fight with Sophie. I hated her. She was ten, just like me, but she was a bully; pulling my hair because I didn’t have long, blond hair like her and her friends; dumping paint over and blaming me, she even managed to ruin any art I made in school; pinching me 'til I bruised, she always left marks on me and sometimes she even drew blood; teasing me because I didn’t have a dad, her dad was a lawyer and rich; kicking me in the ankle as she walked by my desk, I couldn’t walk right for a month after the last time. The teacher and my mom never believed me when I told them what she did, or that she started it. Today wouldn’t be any different. She was every suburbia mom's wet dream; long blond hair, perfect grades, and perfect parents. She was just perfect. I hated her.
My mother came busting through the Principal's door and grabbed my hand to leave. Her grip was so tight I thought she would break my fingers. Once in the car, I knew all hell would break loose; I would be out of the public eye.
“You want to explain to me what happened, Danielle,” she asked, looking at me like I was the biggest mistake she ever made.
“The Principal said you pushed a girl causing her to fall down and hit her head on the pavement. Then… then...” My mother started to sob, making me feel regret for what I had done. I wasn’t sure why I decided to fight back that day; I never had the courage to fight back before. Something snapped, something dark inside of me called me out of my scared shell. I had the fury of a black panther, and Sophie was my prey. If the teacher hadn't pulled us apart, I would have killed Sophie.
“Then you yelled that you wanted to kill her? Who are you? You’re not normal,” my mother yelled at me, making me feel ashamed. I should have just let Sophie throw the ball at my head. I should have done nothing about it, then my mother wouldn’t hate me even more than she had. I don’t know what came over me, but I would never let it happen again.
“Dani? Dani! Where did you go?” Shadow says, slightly jarring me from my flashback.
I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it. Apparently this darkness has lived with me my whole life; my mother just did a good job making sure it was rarely triggered.
“Tell me,” Shadow says, grabbing the nape of my neck roughly and making our eyes lock.
“When I was younger, I fought back a bully. I even told her I wanted to kill her. My mother called me abnormal. That feeling I had when I yelled I wanted to kill that bully, came out when I was kidnapped. Seems I've always been screwed up.” I whispered the last sentence, feeling ashamed of my own darkness.
Shadow's nails dig deep into my skin, grabbing my attention. “Don’t be ashamed of your darkness. It’s a part of you and it’s easier to deal with it than to try and believe it’s not there. You are your father’s daughter; you are bound to have some darkness swimming in your veins. You are only dark when you have to be, when you’re at your breaking point. That’s understandable.” Shadow pauses, holding back. I can feel he wants to relate, but when he looks into my eyes I can see he just isn't ready to tell me. He is sheltering me; protecting me. His hot and cold attitude is tormenting. He is trying to be cold and withdrawn but it lacks full potential when he shows caring attributes. I understand that my father crossed a line, but is there something else making Shadow act like this?
“Be glad it’s only in drastic circumstances that your darkness wants to be released, Dani,” Shadow says with such emotion; his voice so raw and deep. Looking in his eyes, I can see my darkness is nothing compared to what he lives with. I wonder if I really want him to tell me what darkness he possesses.
Shadow undresses the rest of my body then leans against the wall looking off at nothing in particular.
“Aren’t you getting in?” I ask, confused, since we have taken showers together many times.
Shadow doesn’t speak or make eye contact, he just shakes his head no.
Climbing into the hot jets of streaming water, I instantly feel it washing away the repugnant touch of Ricky. I grab the shampoo bottle and squirt soap into my palm. I raise my hands to my head, stretching my ribs, and yelp with pain.
“Shit,” I mutter. How am I supposed to wash the blood away if I can’t even stretch my arms out?
“Damn it, Dani,” Shadow says, concerned. He rips his clothes off quickly and climbs in. Squirting soap into his hand, he says, “I got it.”
“No, I can do it. I don’t want you to take the role of caretaker,” I respond. I don't want Shadow to feel like he has to take care of me, especially if he is trying to push himself away from me. Just the mere thought guts me. While I was in that shitty-ass house I became hopeless, much like when I was a kid. I was weak, vulnerable, naive and feeble. No one saved me then, but when he delivered in rescuing me this time, Shadow crashed the remaining walls of protection I had, making me ultimately his. What hurts is that now he doesn’t want me.
“Just go. Don’t do this. You don’t have to take care of me,” I mumble, trying to salvage what dignity I have left.
“I want to take care of you. Don’t ever think otherwise.” Shadow plunges his soapy hands into my wet hair; his dexterous fingers work magic on my scalp. My body comes alive from every nerve ending. Internal warmth licks up my spine; gone with insecurity and alive with want. My lips part, my eyes close, as I take in the nurturing affection Shadow inflicts. I have never felt so cared for, so cherished before. Shadow pulls me closer and inhales deeply, I can feel his excitement flick against my lower back as he growls. His hands leave the soapy mess on my head and travel down my shoulders to roughly grab my soapy breast. I moan loudly; his hands igniting my need into a blazing fire.
“Just the sight of your soapy, flushed body has me ready to blow my load all over you,” Shadow whispers against my neck, his confession my undoing. I throw my arms over his neck, ignoring my screaming ribs and roll my neck onto his shoulder, inviting him to take me.
Shadow's moan thunders through his chest, sounding like a man-eating beast. He pushes me off his body. “As much as I want to take you right here in this shower, as badly as I want to paint your ass red right now, it would teach you nothing.” His voice, full of restr
aint and hostility, has my mind overpowering my body. I have had enough of his alpha male ego.
“Excuse me?” I ask, turning around to look at him; my eyes seething with anger.
“You heard me.” His words put out my arousal and light an internal rage.
“You are not to pleasure yourself either. I will know if you do and you won’t like the consequences.” Shadow looks right into my eyes, promising me that if I disobey his wishes I will be punished. He's pushing sanity over the edge, yet making me about to cum at his words.
“I will do what I want, you don’t own me!” I yell, my fury so strong my vision goes blurry. My darkness is trying to rise. It seems it’s wanting to appear more often here lately.
Shadow grabs my wrists and pins them down by my waist. He holds my body against the shower stall. “I do own you. You are mine“! Shadow places his knee in between my legs and spreads them wide. My heart drops at his words; who is this man? I have never seen this side of Shadow before. My body wiggles to try and make contact with his knee; it’s desperate for anything.
“Do you want to run now? Do you want to deny that you're mine“? Shadow asks, his voice gruff. This is wrong; I’m not a possession, I’m not a submissive. It’s not fair that he is playing with my mind. He says he wants me, but acts differently.
I'm too weak to say anything. I want Shadow; he made me want him. My body is on high alert wanting more of Shadow's touch. My folds, dripping from kindling arousal, disagree with my mind; wanting to be owned and loved by Shadow. Giving Shadow everything, maybe he will see how much trust that takes from my side; maybe that will open his mind to trust me. My internal battle has me confused, but my body speaks volumes over my mind.
“No, I’m yours.” I don't realize I've spoken the words out loud until Shadow's lips turn up into a wolfish grin.
“Good.” Shadow smashes his lips on mine hard, opening the cut on my lip, demanding and imprinting his mark to seal the deal. Making it official; Shadow is my kryptonite.
My eyes widen at his behavior; I'm confused but intrigued nonetheless.
“I’m not any different,” Shadow asserts, reading my facial expression. “I demand control; I don’t do well without it. I have always been like that. When you were taken against my will, I lost control. I never knew another person could have such an affect on me until you were taken.” Shadow steps out of the shower, leaving me with a confusing amount of feelings. He's trying to prove to himself he doesn’t need me; the reaction he felt when I was taken is new to him. I shouldn’t be okay with this; I shouldn’t be turned on by this, but I am both. My lips turn upward into a grin. I will prove to Shadow he needs me as much as I need him.
I wake up in bed alone. I’m sure Shadow has church again this morning, seems like I will have to get used to waking up alone if I want to be with him. I know church is important to the boys; I bet they have a lot to talk about after the kidnapping.
I sit up and my ribs wake with pain. They're not as sore as they were yesterday, maybe the hot shower helped. My head feels a lot better, too. Everything is not as fuzzy, and it doesn’t feel like a rock band is playing in my skull.
I climb off the bed and realize I’m naked. I don’t even really remember going to bed after the shower. I do remember Shadow, though. He was… different; stubborn, distant, dominant, pissed. Pissed? I don’t think pissed is the accurate word to use; he was beyond that. I knew getting on the back of Charlie's bike was a bad idea; I just didn’t realize how bad.
I walk over to my suitcase to find some clothes. Everything is clean and folded and sitting on my suitcase. Hmm, I wonder who did that. I grab some black leggings and a gray tunic. I love this tunic, it is wide and loose at the top, hanging off my bare shoulders, and tight and stretchy at the bottom as it hugs mid-thigh.
I make my way to the bar where everyone always seems to congregate and smell food immediately. My stomach kicks in high gear, pissed that I haven’t fed it in twenty-four hours.
“You must be hungry, doll. Here, have some eggs and toast, and this cup of O.J. It will make you feel like a million bucks.” Babs slides a plate over the bar.
“Yes, please. Thank you.” I scarf down the eggs, toast, and juice like a starving child in a third world country. I could barely taste the food I ate it so fast.
From the corner of my eye, I see my dad sit down next to me. He sips on a cup of coffee and I can feel the tension radiating off of him. He is still pissed about me and Shadow. I avoid eye contact and finish my food; our silence thick and heavy with unspoken words is enough for me.
“Thanks, Babs. I’m going to go pack up my things. Looks like I’ll be staying with Shadow for a while.” I push away from the bar, trying to flee from the talk I didn’t want to have with my dad.
“Aww, you are more than welcome. I cleaned your clothes for you, by the way,” she takes my dish and puts her hand on her hip, waiting for my thank you.
“You didn’t have to do that, Babs. Thanks.” I start to turn.
“It was a breeze; a lot easier than washing these dirty bastard's clothing. Anyway, you going to help me bartend after the Bike Rally in a couple of weeks?” Babs shifts the plate in her other hand and eyes my father, asking him more than me.
“What Bike Rally?” I ask, looking at my dad.
“It’s something the town does every year. MC’s and bike enthusiasts come from all over; we go every year. If you want to help bartend you can, as long as you keep your hormones to yourself and don’t fuck any more of my men.” He looks up from his coffee and cocks his eyebrow.
I scoff and go to my room. How dare he talk to me like that; acting as if I was sleeping around with the whole club. I sit down on the bed seething with anger and play with my bottom lip. Have I worn out my welcome here? Maybe I should have gone with my mom.
“You ready?” Shadow asks, opening the door to the room.
“Yeah, that’s my-“ Shadow zips up my suitcase and walks out of the room before I can even finish my sentence. My heart feels like it’s being chipped away at. My heart aches with the harshness Shadow is displaying toward me.
I grab my purse and walk behind him; exiting the clubhouse.
“Get in, I'm driving you there.” My dad yells from the front of the black SUV.
Fucking fuck, fuck.
I climb in the passenger side of the SUV and look out the window, praying Shadow doesn't live far and my dad doesn't utter a word to me.
We make our way out onto the road, the sound of the wheels on pavement filling the silence. Shadow is following us on his bike. I miss riding, but I know my ribs are in no condition.
“I don’t approve of this, Dani.” My dad finally speaks, his words slicing through the thick tension. I keep my eyes out on the passing buildings, the taste of salt becoming thicker. We must be headed toward the beach.
“My brothers have been dishonest; they lost a part of my trust, something not easily earned.” His tone drips with harshness, his wisdom about earning trust not going unheard. I nod.
“Shadow, he’s no prince charming. He has his...” he pauses, “his shadows, but he will protect you. I know he wouldn’t go under my nose if he didn’t really feel for you. He’s like a son to me; he wouldn’t jeopardize my trust for just anyone.” He speaks like a wise old man.
“I ordered you to stay with him. I can’t have you staying at the club; having cat fights and my men fighting is not something I am willing to tolerate.” I could feel him look over at me, looking for a reaction.
We pull up to a building that is as tall as my eyes can see. I would have to stick my head out the window just to see the top floor. The front is redbrick and covered with balconies. Palm trees with spotlights at their bases scatter the front entrance. It looks expensive. How can Shadow afford such a beautiful place? In fact, he seems to have lots of very nice things; the nicest bike, name brand clothes, and now this apartment in an obviously upscale neighborhood.
My dad stops the vehicle and turns to look at me, his face
etched with worry lines. He looks much older than usual. “Just remember, Dani, our world is different than what you're used to. Don’t go running before you truly understand it.” He's acting like I'm a frightened animal ready to flee at any moment; like my mother.
“Lust like a saint, trust like a sinner,” he chants as he puts the vehicle in reverse. My door opens abruptly with Shadow holding my suitcase and waiting impatiently for me to get out. I look at my dad one more time before climbing out, curious what the hell that last comment meant.
In the elevator, Shadow hits the button for the fourteenth floor. The ride is silent. He doesn’t even look at me; he just stares at the digital screen showing what floor we are passing. When we finally make it to Shadow's apartment, it is a typical bachelor's pad. To the left of the entrance is a brown leather couch and matching recliner with a huge, bulky coffee table between them. On the far wall is a large flat screen TV littered with game consoles and games.
If you walk straight, there is a small kitchen with stainless steel appliances and an island with barstools to separate the living room from the kitchen. To the right of the living room are double glass doors that lead out to a patio. I will be checking that out later. To the left of the living room is a guest bathroom and two bedrooms, both with their own private bathrooms. The apartment is littered with pizza boxes, fast food bags, beer bottles, soda cans, and dirty clothes. I walk into the kitchen to get a feel for the apartment and see a condom sticking out of the overflowing trash can. I look at Shadow in disgust, my mouth gaping open at the thought. So much for me being his and him being mine. I can feel my skin flush with anger as Shadow rounds the bar and sees what I am staring at.