by Allie Faye
He leans across the console. “You know, you look a lot like your mother, Katie. You have her eyes.” He sniffs my hair, and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My hand is gripping the door handle, not that it is doing me any good. If I grip it any tighter, my fingers are going to split open.
“I used to see her. She’s the one who recommended I hire you as a sitter. I think you and me could come to an arrangement. I would be willing to pay you more. I could start driving you home.” He winks at me, and I think I am going to be sick. I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach. I feel as though crows are pecking at the walls of my stomach.
“I’d like to go home now,” I tell him calmly, although on the inside I am slowly dying. My worst fear is coming true.
He cups my face, roughly. “Don’t be scared. I want us to be friends.”
“I have enough friends,” I manage to spit out before he clamps his mouth down onto mine, trying to shove his tongue in my mouth. I press hard against his chest, but he doesn’t stop. My back is pressed so hard against the door you’d think I was melting into it. Why couldn’t I have gone with Penny to Aaron’s party like a normal kid? Then I’d be snowed in there with them, and not here dealing with this insanity.
Realizing I’m not giving in to his advances, he pulls away from my mouth. “Damn it.” He beats his fist on the dashboard. “I’m sorry, Katie, I don’t know what came over me. It’s just that I thought…”
“You thought I was like my mother,” I finish for him.
He disengages the lock, and I don’t waste another second getting away from him. I slam the door shut. My feet sink into the snow. It’s so dark out. The wind is whipping the snow and my hair into my face. I can barely see. I hear him scrambling from the driver’s side. Fearing for what he will do to keep me quiet, I run as fast as my legs will carry me into the dark church. A few candles are still lit giving me enough light to make out my surroundings. I duck into a row of pews and hunker down, breathing heavily.
I feel the draft from the doors opening again. I hear them slam shut. “Katie,” Mr. Miller calls my name in a strained whisper.
Dropping to my stomach, I try to regulate my breathing. I roll under the pew to the left of me.
“Can I help you?” Relief washes over me at the sound of Father Wright’s weathered voice.
“I, uh, ran out of gas,” Jason explains. I hear father Wright leading him further into the church. I am waiting for the perfect time to make my exit.
After waiting a few moments, I roll out from my hiding place. Shoot. I hear their voices filtering in my direction. Not left with much choice, I scurry into the confessional. My hands are shaking. My throat feels hot and dry from the damp winter air. Licking my chapped lips is probably making them worse but I can’t help from doing it.
I peek out of the door when I hear muffled voices passing me by. The doors to the church open and close, bringing in another gust of air. The candles that were providing a little comfort have blown out. I am left in the dark. I dig through my messenger bag quietly looking for my phone. I can use the light from it to guide me out. The sooner I get out of here and get home, the better.
I am fiddling with my phone trying to get it to power on, but the fecking battery must have died. Just my luck. The door to the confessional I am in creaks open. The hair on my arms stands up. “Father Wright?” I ask hesitantly, unable to see a thing. I am shoved roughly against the interior wall.
“Katie,” I hear Becks say.
“Becks?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” he says, shining his phone in my face. “Sorry I didn’t mean to push you. I couldn’t see.”
“What are you, how did you?” I am so confused right now but I am so happy to see him.
“I was following you. Well, I was waiting outside of the Miller’s house hoping to apologize and then you guys skidded, and I waited to see if you needed help, but then I felt weird for following you. Then I saw you running with a terrified look on your face and when you didn’t come back out of the church, I was worried. I came looking for you once Mr. Miller left with Father Wright. Are you okay, did he do something to you?”
“No, I’m fine. Can you just drive me home? Please Becks, I just want to forget this whole weekend. I need none of it to have happened. Please?!” I beg and plead with him to just let it all go.
“If that’s what you want, Katie. Come on.”
Becks drives me the short distance home. He wanted to come in and sit with me, but I can’t be around anyone right now. He said he understood but made me promise to call, or text him later, so that he knows I am okay.
I feel bad about blowing him off, and I know he shouldn’t be driving in this nasty snow, but I am selfish. Flopping down in my mom’s favorite chair by the window, I shiver. This house is even colder than normal with the power out. I think I am still in shock about Mr. Miller acting the way he did. I never expected him to look at me in that way. He has been my dentist for the past four years or so. I thought he hired me to watch Chase because he thought I was a good kid. I can remember him saying that to his wife the first time they let me watch Chase.
Trying not to feel sorry for myself, I get up and start looking for matches. My mother keeps plenty of candles throughout the house. After finding some in the kitchen, I light a few candles and grab a blanket. Wrapping the quilt around myself, right now I am wishing I hadn’t returned that ugly Snuggie Deloris bought me for my Christmas present. It would be perfect right now. Shoot, I should probably check on her. She is old and alone.
I throw the quilt down in the chair and slip my boots back on. When I get to my gate, I notice Becks is still sitting out here in his car. I tap on his window. “Go home, Becks.”
“Just wanted to make sure you are okay. I thought Mr. Miller might show up.” His teeth are chattering.
“I told you nothing happened. I was just freaked out by the storm and the car skidding. I was running to get out of the cold.”
“Then why were you hiding in the confessional?”
“Let it go, Becks and go home. I’m going to go check on Mrs. Jennings. I’ll text you tomorrow. Okay?” He reluctantly concedes and slowly drives away.
After seeing that my neighbor is okay, I go home and read by candlelight until I fall asleep. Happy Fecking Valentine’s Day.
Chapter 7
The humming of the baseboard heater in the living room is thrumming in my ear. The smell of bacon wafting through my nostrils wakes me from my sleep. I twist and crack my back, feeling stiff from sleeping in the chair. Still half asleep, I wander into the kitchen to see my mother cooking. She never cooks at home. She says she has to see food enough at the diner, she doesn’t want to look at it at home too. She must have had a great date last night. She never buys bacon either. She says it is too expensive.
“This was on the porch for you this morning.” My mom reaches a manila envelope to me from the top of the refrigerator. “Breakfast will be ready in about twenty minutes. I was waiting to wake you. You just looked so cute curled up in my chair. Reminded me of when you were three, you loved sleeping in my chair.” My mom is being all nostalgic and overly sweet, it’s creepy.
“Um thanks,” I mumble, taking the envelope and going to my room to open it.
I lay across my bed on my stomach as I open the envelope, spilling its contents onto my bedspread. Holy shit! There is five-hundred dollars inside. I unfold the letter.
Katie,
My deepest apologies. I am truly sorry for last night. Enclosed is what we would have paid you for the rest of the school year for watching Chase. I know things at home aren’t easy for you. Should you change your mind, please call me at this number 555-2445. It is my private emergency line for patients. I want to see you succeed.
J
I think I am going to be sick. I feel cheap. How does my mother take money from men like him and still have a smile on her face? The only good thing about the money is at least I don’t have to worry about money for a while. I have
been wanting to save up for a car or a ticket out of here. This makes a great start. As happy as I am about the one good thing, my shitty weekend continues. My mother is back to smothering me, wanting to spend the day together since we are snowed in. She wants us to give each other mani-pedis, as we used to. My day only gets worse from there.
Once my cell phone has charged, I have twenty missed calls and text messages from Penny.I call her immediately without checking her messages. Something must have happened last night with Aaron. Either they went all the way, or she has realized what a jerk he is.
She sends my call direct to voicemail. I hang up and call her back. What’s her problem? After two tries, she picks up. “Don’t ever call me again. You are a whore just like your no good mother. I hate you, Katie,” She screams in my ear before hanging up on me.
I hold my phone out as tears sting my eyes. What did she mean I am a whore just like my mother?
I scroll through the messages she sent me last night.
Penny: Did you screw my boyfriend. Did you fuck Aaron?!
Penny: I hate you, Katie! I can’t believe you fucked my boyfriend.
Penny: My mom was right. You are just like your mother. Nothing but whores.
Penny: I actually felt sorry for you all these years, but you just wanted what I had. You always wanted my life, you and your whore mother. I know all about the two of you. Becks told me about you and a married man. Aaron wasn’t good enough, so you went after an older man with a family too, you are nasty.
The messages continue with her calling me a whore. Why didn’t I ever tell her the truth about Aaron? I don’t know what to say to her. If I say no, that makes me a liar. If I say yes, I lose my best friend. Why is she saying this and what did Becks say to her about Mr. Miller? And what in the hell does she know about my mom? I feel sick. The room is spinning.
I try calling Becks and it goes to voicemail, of course. I start texting him.
Me: What did you say to Penny? She is calling me names and telling me she hates me.
Becks: She told me what you did. You slept with Aaron. Guess I wasn’t cool enough for you. I saw Mr. Miller leaving your house early this morning. You are a liar and whore Katie. I can’t believe I ever thought I was in love with you.
Me: Becks, please, you are one of my best friends. I didn’t do anything with Mr. Miller. I love you but not in that way, please don’t shut me out. Don’t be this guy Becks, it isn’t you. Aaron was a stupid mistake the summer before ninth grade. I would never do that to Penny.
Becks: Delete my number, Katie, and by the way, I won’t be waiting for you in the morning.
The tears don’t stop streaming down my face as I wail into my pillow, my pain staining the blue case. I don’t even bother to look up when my mom comes in to see what I am crying about. She picks up the letter from my bed. I watch as her eyes scan the note, her eyes growing darker.
“What happened last night, Katie? What did Jason do, why is he sorry? Did he touch you?”
“He tried to kiss me. Apparently, everyone thinks I am just like my whore mother,” I shout in her face.
Her hand whips back and strikes my cheek, sending my head backwards, giving me the feeling of whiplash. My cheek is stinging. I grab the money and my phone, shoving them in my bag.
“Where are you going, Katie? He pays good money. You should have taken him up on his offer.” I run toward the front door away from her. She is crazy. “Don’t you walk away from me. This conversation isn’t finished,” she shouts out the door as I run down the sidewalk. As I go to turn the damn corner, I go sliding and fall, busting my ass on the patch of ice.
“Fuck,” I shout at the sky and pound my fist into the sidewalk.
“What did that sidewalk ever do to you?” I look up to see Raven trying to hold back a laugh.
“What are you doing?”
“I am on my way to The Grind. My shift starts in a few. Walk with me, and I will get you a latte, my treat.” She extends her hand and helps me up. Only thing bruised is my ego. “Rough day?”
“You have no idea.” I fall in beside her and walk with her to work.
“Katie, if anyone knows what it is like for people to spread rumors about you that aren’t true, it’s me. I heard about Aaron and how you are having an affair with an older man.” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t believe any of that ya know.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?” She looks at me quizzically.
“For being nice to me.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” She says as she opens the door to the coffee shop.
“I don’t know…you said that Kai has a thing for me, but you guys have like a thing, right?”
“Kai and me are complicated Katie, but he is free to date anyone he wants, including you.”
I don’t get to say anything more as she goes into the back and clocks in. A few minutes later, she brings over a latte for me. I smile and thank her, feeling forever grateful. Today has been pure crap.
The door dings and Kai walks in, looking mysterious and broody. When he sees me he stiffens. Great, even my annoying face licker thinks I am a whore. Khloe is holding his hand tightly, dressed in tights, a red tutu, and a long-sleeved heart shirt. Raven comes from behind the counter handing Khloe a cookie.
“Khloe-bug, I am so glad you came to see me today,” she cries and Khloe giggles as she crams her cookie in her mouth.
Kai scratches the back of his neck, something I notice he does often. Khloe starts running around the shop barking and laughing. Kai and Raven are whispering, and my ears grow hot. I suspect they are talking about me, but I can’t be sure.
Khloe sees me, and I wave at her, unsure if she remembers me from the other day. She comes right over, stretching her arms up to me and says, “Khloe sit.”
I pick her up and allow her to sit in my lap for a minute. She starts twirling her fingers around in my hair. “Khloe make you pretty?”
“Okay, make me pretty.” I smile.
She starts twisting strands of my hair into knots that I am not sure I will ever get out unless I cut them.
Kai and Raven both look over at Khloe and me, laughing. “Never let this one get ahold of your hair, Katie,” Raven says as she removes Khloe’s death grip from my hair. “Hey, Kai, did your mom ever get a sitter for Khloe? I think she likes Katie a lot.”
“No,” he answers, awkwardly.
Khloe starts singing, “Khloe and Katie friends forever.” Raven winks at me.
Kai says to me, “Well if you are interested, my mom is in need of someone to watch Khloe three days a week. It’d be Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights after school until about eight or nine, depending on when my mom gets home.”
“That’d be great. I won’t be watching Chase anymore, so should I give you my number for your mom, or you can just let me know something at school.” I feel excited about the idea of having another job so quickly. I needed something good today.
“Yeah, here.” He reaches his phone to me. I put my number into his contacts under Kat, since that is what he always calls me.
“Well, I gotta get to work. Thanks for bringing Khloe-bug in today Kai.” Raven pats his arm as she tells Khloe bye.
“I have to go too,” I say handing Khloe over to her big brother. His shirt rides up over his hip exposing a tattoo of a music note. It’s sexy. It makes my cheeks flood with warmth.
I quickly look away and wave at Raven as I go out the door. She calls out my name before the door shuts and I have to catch it with my foot. “I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow.” I nod with a smile. At least I have one friend. Oh, God, the color drains from my face as I walk home. School is going to be horrible tomorrow.
Maybe I can fake sick, blame it on my period or something. I don’t want to show my face around Penny or Becks after the things they said about me. And I still have to face my mom.
When I get to my house, my mom’s car is gone. I can’t remember if she had to work today or not. I find the remains of this mornin
g’s breakfast on a plate in the refrigerator. I heat up the leftovers, grab a bottled water, and go hide from the world in my bedroom.
Taking my phone out, I have a missed call from my mom. I choose to ignore it. I am not in the mood for her to yell at me for walking out on her earlier today. My phone has an incoming call from a number I don’t recognize. I am almost afraid to answer but I hit accept.
“Hello, is this Katie?”
“Yes,” I squeak out. The woman on the line sounds so official. I feel guilty. What if my mom was calling because she needed me?
“Hi, this is Kai’s mom. He gave me your number and said you were interested in watching Khloe for me?” I let out a sigh of relief. I am just paranoid as usual. “Do you think you could come over this evening, so I can meet you and see how well you interact with Khloe? Kai says you have worked for the Miller’s. Is five o’clock okay?”
“I will have to call my mom to see if she can drive me. Can I call you back?”
“I can have my son, Kai, pick you up and drive you back home.”
“Um, sure okay.” We hang up after she confirms my address.
After I get out of the shower, I stick a note for my mom on the fridge so she doesn’t worry about me. Not that I’m sure she would. I finish getting dressed and straighten up the living room while I wait for Kai to pick me up.
A knock sounds at the front door. I figured Kai would just blow his horn. I didn’t expect him to come to the door for me.
“Just a minute,” I call out, grabbing my purse. I have my certificates for CPR just in case Kai’s mom wants to see them. I open the door open to find no one on the other side. That’s strange. I frown and walk out onto the porch looking for Kai’s car. I shrug and turn to go back inside and that is when I see it…in bright red letters spray-painted on the front of my house is the word WHORE!
My mom is going to freak out when she sees this. I choke back the sob in my throat and force my tears away. I go inside and grab a bucket, filing it with warm water and bleach. I get a scrub brush from the laundry room and get busy scrubbing, and it is only just smearing and making it worse. Dropping the brush into the bucket, I think of my options. I can try to paint over it, but what am I going to do until I can get the paint to cover it. I sit in the cold on my front steps with my head buried in my hands, feeling utterly defeated.