A surge of envy seasoned with a touch of jealousy shook Alex. Were his feelings directed toward Laurel because of her rapport with his son? Did he envy Johnny for holding the woman he wanted in his arms? Impossible! Laurel was an heiress, and he knew too well the hell of living with one.
“Daddy.” Johnny ran to the fence. “Come see Laurel. She told me stories ‘bout Africa and Souf Merica and India. She rode an elephant and a donkey and a camel. They spit. She flied on an airplane lots of times.”
Alex opened the gate and swung his son into his arms. Laurel stood in the center of the yard. Why had he let Megan and Sarah persuade him to invite her to stay here? She looked as uncomfortable as he felt.
Too much time spent in her company would intensify his desire. Lust was all he could offer. Johnny consumed his love and his patients needed every ounce of his caring.
Johnny slid down. “Come on, Daddy.”
Alex smiled. “Hello, Laurel.”
“Alex.” She turned away.
“You know her?” Johnny asked.
“She and Aunt Megan have been friends for a long time.” Alex studied her. “You look much better.”
She nodded. “Enough that I’ll go to Megan’s tomorrow.”
“No,” Johnny said.
“Johnny.” Mrs. Rodgers appeared at the front door. “Time to get ready for dinner.”
Johnny ran off. For several minutes silence lay heavy. “You don’t have to go,” Alex said.
“I’d feel better if I was somewhere pulling my share. There’s nothing for me to do here.”
Except make my son laugh. “I’m sure money’s not a problem.” He hated the harshness of his voice, but knowing she was rich made him remember Rhonda.
“You’re right about the money. It’s a matter of pride. I’m used to earning my way. I can’t do that here.”
Alex sucked in a breath and pushed away the thoughts that sprang into his mind. “There’s Johnny. He likes you. I haven’t heard him laugh like that for years.” Though he didn’t trust Laurel, his son did. “Stay. Please.”
“I...I’ll think about it.”
Alex watched her walk away. Would she stay? He strode to the house. Megan sat at the island in the kitchen.
“Did you see Laurel? She looks great.”
“Dad kept me posted on her progress.”
“Don’t you think you’d better face what you’re feeling and do something about it?”
“I don’t have time for relationships.”
“Not even friendship. That’s the place to begin with Laurel. She has a hard time trusting, too.”
Alex walked to the sink. Friendship. The feelings she stirred were too strong for them to be friends. How could he reach for her when he didn’t believe he could trust her?
*****
Laurel sat at Alex’s right with Johnny between Megan and her. The Rodgers sat across the table. The food must be delicious, she thought, but she hadn’t tasted anything. Alex’s nearness made her feel edgy. What she wanted from him was impossible.
“Tell Auntie Megan about the elephants,” Johnny said.
Laurel swallowed her food and reached for the glass of iced tea. “There are a lot of elephants in India.” Brother, what an inane bit of information. Everyone knew about elephants and India.
“She rode one,” Johnny said.
“Did you? What’s it like?” Megan asked.
Laurel told about her ride on the elephant in short terse sentences. Alex’s foot brushed hers and she nearly jumped out of the chair. “What was it like livin’ in all them places?” Sarah Rodgers asked.
“Sometimes I wasn’t sure where I was,” Laurel said. “We moved so often.
“So how many countries have you seen?” Alex asked.
His voice flowed over her like a warm stream. She forgot to breathe. “Too many.” Her voice emerged in a husky whisper. She turned and saw an enigmatic look on his face. What, she wondered. Certainly not what she’d hoped for. Sarah left the table and returned with servings of strawberry shortcake and coffee. Laurel bent her head and began to eat. She prayed the endless dinner would soon be over.
*****
“Bath time.” Laurel watched as Alex hoisted Johnny to his shoulders. The laughing pair exited the dining room. Her fingers curled into fists. She had no memories of that kind of closeness.
Jake and Sarah carried dishes to the kitchen. Laurel rose.
“Finish your coffee unless you think it’ll keep you awake,” Megan said.
“Nothing will. What time should I expect you tomorrow?”
“It’s like this. Bright and early tomorrow morning I’m leaving for Pittsburgh. There’s this course I’m taking and then I have two weeks vacation.”
“How long will you be gone?” Laurel’s spoon clattered on the dessert plate.
“About six weeks.”
Laurel stared at her friend. Megan’s presence at dinner had kept her from thinking about Alex’s plea for her to stay as company for his son.
“What am I going to do?”
Megan leaned her elbows on the table. “I’m sorry, but I made these plans long before I knew you were coming and your staying here is the perfect solution. If you go to my apartment, you’ll bury yourself in solitude the way you tried to do in college.”
“Sounds great. Solitude’s what I need.”
“You’ve been sick. My cupboard is bare.”
“I’ll ask Jenessa to shop for me.”
“With her schedule.” Megan put her hands on the table.
“I have boxes being delivered to your apartment.”
“I’ll let the super know. He’ll leave them in the lobby and Alex can collect them for you. Stay. As a favor. You can’t believe the change in Johnny in just one day. He barely lets me touch him, yet he hugs you.”
Laurel shook her head. Alex had said the same thing. Could she stay for the boy’s sake? She knew the answer would set her up to be hurt. She had a real concern when a child was involved. Yet, could she let Megan arrange her life just like the trustees had? And IHRM. “Megan Carter, you play dirty but it’s not going to work. Enjoy your vacation. I’m going to bed.”
“It’ll work out. You’ll see.” Megan paused in the kitchen doorway. “See you in six weeks.”
Laurel clamped her teeth together. Would Alex believe she had known nothing about Megan’s plans? Tomorrow, I’ll find my own place, she thought.
In the bedroom, she pulled a tee shirt from the nearly empty drawer. She entered the green and white bathroom, turned on the water in the bathing pool and added some jasmine bubble bath. Since the summer at the Carter’s, she had used this scent. Alex’s mother had always smelled of jasmine and Laurel had wanted to believe the scent could make her part of the family.
She stepped into the deep rectangular pool. Decadent, luxurious. She could learn to like this. Was the bathroom in the master bedroom as grand?
No fantasies. No dreams of what could never be. She closed her eyes. What would her life had been if her parents had survived the accident?
I wouldn’t be me. A different person would have inhabited her body and made different choices. There would have been no Megan to befriend me. No Alex to build dreams around. Would I have been happy, or would the same minor strains have played through my life?
She rested her head against the edge of the bathing pool. Her thoughts drifted and speculations abounded until the last bubble vanished and the water cooled.
After drying herself on a huge fluffy towel, she pulled on a tee shirt and a heavy cotton caftan. For a time, she studied the paperbacks on the shelves in the living room, noting several she wanted to read. During the past four years, there had been little time for books.
She walked to the door. A half moon rose above the clouds. The air felt cool on her arms. The peace of the garden beckoned. After slipping on a pair of sandals, she strolled across the lawn to the gazebo.
When she reached the octagonal structure, she paused. Alex sat on one of the
benches. She turned to leave.
“Are you all right?” His deep voice made her shiver.
“Tired, but not enough to sleep.”
“Come and talk for a bit.”
She sat on the edge of the bench across from him. Sadness shone in his dark eyes. His golden hair looked as though he’d repeatedly stirred it with his hands. A need to comfort him arose.
“Your home is lovely,” she said. “Megan said you did a lot of the work yourself.”
“Not the major reconstruction. Painting and papering. Helped pass the time. Megan and Dad pitched in.”
She sighed. The closeness among the members of the Carter family had intrigued her. She’d spent long hours dreaming of being part of such a family.
Alex stood beside the bench where she sat. “Johnny enjoyed your stories about elephants.”
“They were just a re-telling of ones I’ve heard.”
“He wanted you to tell him one tonight. I said you would tomorrow. Do you mind? I’ve never seen him respond to any woman the way he has to you.”
Like reaching to like, she thought. Alex’s shadow covered her. “I’m a soft touch for any child who’s hurting. After the accident, if the nurses hadn’t shown how much they cared, I would have escaped into catatonia.” Her eyes burned, but she couldn’t cry without showing him how frightened and lost she’d been long ago and today.
He reached out and touched her cheek. Laurel inched away. She’d revealed too much. She didn’t want his pity any more than she had wanted Neil’s false comfort.
“I’m going in,” she said. “It’s been a long day.”
He caught her hands. “Let me explain why I turned you over to my father.”
“You don’t have to.” She freed her hands and rose.
He drew her into a light embrace. “I’d like to try.”
She looked up and tried to read his eyes. She couldn’t discern a meaning in his steady gaze. She couldn’t look away.
“It’s not what you think...I wasn’t...I couldn’t...”
She watched his mouth move without hearing what he said. The movements of his lips, the way his tongue wet them mesmerized her.
He bent his head and brushed her face. The warmth of a tropical shower washed over her. She had dreamed of this. The kiss had more power than any fantasy. He pulled her close.
She didn’t resist. Instead, she slid her hands up his arms and rested them on his shoulders.
Once more, his mouth touched hers, this time demanding a response. His tongue slid along her lips.
Not daring to believe, yet filled with yearning and hope, she opened to him and met his tongue with hers. The gentle showers became a storm of sensations, new, frightening and exhilarating.
His embrace tightened. She felt tension in his body and the fullness of his desire. For so long, she’d fantasized about this moment and her surrender. The reality raised a tempest of fear and desire. Her body trembled. She couldn’t stop the involuntary reaction.
Slowly, he released her. “That’s why I couldn’t remain your doctor. I want you, but desire and lust are all I have to give. Johnny’s the only one I’ll ever give more to.”
Laurel turned and ran to the house. Her own need for him had frightened her more than his passion. If he had asked, she would have given him everything he demanded and strived to give him more. She reached the door of the guest suite and glanced over her shoulder. He remained statue still in the opening of the gazebo.
She closed the door. Through the window, she saw him standing in the moonlight and she sighed.
Chapter 4
For the past week while she vegetated, the days had slipped past like clouds blown across the sky. This afternoon, for the first time, she felt energetic.
“Would you like to go?” Johnny asked.
Laurel saw anticipation on the boy’s face. Sunlight poured through the kitchen window and burnished his blond hair. “I’m sorry, honey. I was daydreaming.”
The knowing look on Sarah’s face dismayed Laurel and nearly triggered a denial to a question that hadn’t been asked. Laurel looked away. For once, she hadn’t been immersed in memories of Alex’s kiss.
“Want to take our lunch outside and have a picnic?”
She smiled. “What a grand idea. We can pretend we’re on a safari.”
“What’s a ‘fari?”
“People visit Africa to take pictures of elephants, lions and other animals.” And to hunt trophies, but she wouldn’t tell him that.
“Don’t have a camera.”
“Me either, but we can pretend.”
Johnny’s grin made her want to hug him. Realizing she had done what she hadn’t planned, she inhaled. Alex’s son had found a place in her heart beside his father.
She rose. “If we’re heading for the jungle, I need to change my shoes.” She wiggled her toes against the soles of her sandals. “Wouldn’t want a tiger to nibble.”
Johnny giggled. “Do you think we’ll meet one?”
“It’s our safari and we can imagine anything we want. See you in a few minutes.” She hurried across the lawn to the guest suite.
What was she going to do? Having Alex’s love was as much make-believe as finding a tiger in the woods.
With a sigh, she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on her socks and sneakers. Alex and Johnny were being woven so deeply into her life that when she left, she would never be free of dreams and foolish hopes. The kiss and Alex’s evident desire had become her bedtime story. She groaned and headed for the door.
On the day she left the hospital, she should have gone to the hotel, but she had been unable to find the energy to fight with Megan. Too tired or too caught in the web of dreams she had spun for ten years.
She should have left here the next morning, but her exhaustion had been deeper than she’d realized. Last week, she had reveled in the unknown luxury of being pampered. Sarah Rodgers had prepared her favorite foods, had kept her supplied with iced tea and snacks. Jake Rodgers had brought her flowers and moved the chaise from sun to shade. Johnny had been her shadow, full of questions and fascinated by the stories she remembered or invented. He had made her smile and laugh. Until now, she hadn’t realized how somber her life had become.
And Alex -- She stepped into the sunshine. Alex had been reserved, remote, and yet, sometimes she had caught the flash of a promise in his dark eyes. Though she’d yearned to cultivate his interest, she didn’t know how. Nothing in her life had shown her how to sow the seeds of love.
Johnny ran across the lawn. He held two paper bags. When he took her hand, a flood of emotions washed through her. She had to leave, but she didn’t want to go.
Since her arrival, she had remained at the house, never venturing further than the mailbox at the end of the drive. Megan was away and Jenessa busy with marriage, work and school. There had been no way to escape. Though she could have asked Alex to drive her to town, she didn’t want to force her company on him. Since the night he’d kissed her, he’d used Johnny and the Rodgers as barriers against further intimacy.
A rustling noise entered her awareness. She looked at Johnny. “Do you think there’s a tiger lurking in the bushes?”
He peered toward the undergrowth between the trees. “Not a tiger. It’s an elephant. How neat.”
“You’re right. Look how big he is and how wrinkly his skin.” Laurel laughed at Johnny’s wide-eyed expression. “Do you know how the elephant got his trunk?”
“Tell me.” Johnny skipped at her side.
As they walked through the woods, Laurel related the Kipling story. “So that’s how it was. The other animals pulled and pulled on the elephant’s tail until the crocodile lost his hold, but the elephant’s nose had stretched and still remains that way.”
Johnny laughed. “That was funny. How do you know so many stories?”
“When I was a little girl, there were no other children to play with, so I read books and made the characters my friends.”
“Just like me.
‘cept I have friends at school and ‘cept I can’t read.”
“You’ll learn soon.”
“Who teach you?”
“One of my nannies.” Laurel sifted through the faces of the women who had come and gone like tropical rainstorms for the one who had been patient enough to teach her. She couldn’t remember.
“What’s a nanny?”
“Someone like Mrs. Rodgers.”
“Did your daddy come home like mine does?”
Laurel swallowed. “He couldn’t. He died.”
“And your mommy?”
“She died, too.”
He took her hand. “That was sad.”
Laurel nodded. “Where are we going?”
“To my secret place.”
“Are you sure you want to share it? If I know, it won’t be a secret anymore.”
He looked up at her. “You won’t tell. And you can come when you’re sad.”
She squeezed his hand. How well this child understood her. “Thanks.”
Moments later, they emerged from the shade into bright sunlight. Laurel blinked tears away.
Johnny let go of her hand and ran toward the fence that edged the hillside. “Come on,” he called.
Laurel joined him at the gate. Her gaze traveled down the boulder-strewn slope to the lake below. Johnny unlatched the gate. “Follow me.” He started down the gravel-covered path.
“Does your father know you come here?” The scene brought flashes of memories she’d blocked.
“He knows ‘bout my secret place.”
Laurel frowned. Did Alex know where Johnny came to be alone or just that he had a secret place? She stepped onto the path.
Bits of gravel shifted. Unable to keep her balance, she fell and slid down the hillside. Her heart pounded in her chest and fear made her forget the pain caused by the fall. She bit her lip against the memories that threatened to obliterate her hold on the present. A scream echoed in her head. Had she yelled? When her forward progress halted with a jar, she opened her eyes. A boulder jutting from the ground had saved her.
“Laurel, Laurel.” Johnny threw himself into her arms. “Are you okay?”
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