She pressed her lips into a thin line. "I'll do anything for her. She should know that by now." Nia giggled. "Shoot, when we were in high school, she talked me into skinny-dipping in a pond on a rancher's land. It was fine until she decided to suntan in the buff and one of the ranch hands rode up to check on the water tank. He nearly fell off the horse ogling her."
Josh's eyes went wide. "That doesn't sound like the Randi I know."
"She was always fearless, and ready to do anything. I can't tell you how many times we did stuff that should've landed us in jail or worse, but thanks to her, we always came out unscathed." Nia lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "I think dealing with Raul dying and her father causing it made her reckless. I was always dumb enough to go along with her on her crazy escapades."
Randi was so serious nowadays. He couldn't imagine her laughing or having fun. Except when she was with Toni. That little girl had awakened something in Randi's heart.
"Her mother always made her go to church, but I can't tell you the times she talked me into ducking out the back door and ditching Sunday school."
"Y'all went to the same church?"
"Yeah. They drove into San Antonio for church, and Faustina and my mom became fast friends. That's how Randi and I met when we were very young."
"I hope she'll open up to you."
"Me, too. If she doesn't, I'll sit on her until she talks." Nia winked. "She used to do that to me when we were kids. Anytime there was a guy I liked and wouldn't tell her his name, she'd sit on me until I confessed. Nowadays, I could take her. I have a good fifty pounds on her."
A weight pressed in on Josh's shoulders. Nia had called Randi damaged. Was she beyond repair? He shook the melancholy off. No one was beyond hope. He of all people should know that. If Randi would just allow the Lord to heal her heart, she could lose some of her burden.
"By the time we were older teens, she quit coming to church. She and I still ran around together on the weekends, but I couldn't talk her into going with me on Sunday mornings. After we graduated, she joined the military, and I went to college. I continued to write and email her even though her responses were sporadic. She got back and contacted me. We went out for dinner and back to my house so she could see the kennels. She's always loved animals, and that didn't change, but everything else had. She wasn't the same person."
Josh continued to drive the perimeter and allowed Nia to speak without interruption. "I never stopped, calling, texting, and emailing even though she rarely responded. I wanted to spend time with her, but she avoided me. No matter how often she blew me off, I never stopped. I've been on my knees praying for that girl for years now. I knew she was haunted by something the last time we actually spent any time together, but she refused to talk to me."
They reached the front fence and several infecteds pressed against it. Their faces smushed into the chain-link with skin protruding through the holes. Nia's hand flew to her face. "What do you do to keep them from taking the fence down?"
"We have to kill them. I know it's hard, so I'll take care of this time, but you will have to help me burn the bodies."
Nia covered her eyes and shook her head. "Sweet Jesus, just take us home now."
Josh couldn't have said it any better. He grabbed his AR and put a round into each infected's head. The last one dropped, and he returned to the ATV. "I'm sorry to bring you into this, but you would be much worse off had you stayed at your place."
She rubbed her eyes. "I'll do my part, but I don't know the first things about guns."
"We've been teaching those who don't know how. Including the children. You can join us in the morning, and we'll teach you to shoot, clean, and care for your weapon.
Randi stretched her aching muscles and looked over their complex. They still didn't have enough people on duty to prevent them from being vulnerable. They might never have enough.
Josh and Nia walked out of the ATV barn and headed her way. She pressed her lips into a line. What had they been doing? She shook herself out of the paranoia. Josh had been showing her how to make rounds. She had no business getting her hackles raised because they were spending time together. They had better things to do than talk about her.
"Hey girlfriend." Nia smiled at her. "You built an incredible compound here. If the world hadn't ended, I would sweet talk you into helping me with the rescue. I needed more kennels and runs."
"Too bad things have gotten so out of control." Randi rubbed Jinx's scruff. "Hey girl."
"The kids have had so much fun with the dogs." Nia laughed. "Who am I kidding? The adults have, too. I'm glad we could bring them."
Josh stretched. Dark circles hung under his eyes. "Since Miguel and Cooper have moved Gabriele out of the RV, do you mind if I move Nia in with you?"
"I'll take the sofa." Nia bumped her shoulder. "And I promise not to invade your space."
"Sure." If she refused, Nia would hound her until she spilled why she didn't want her in the camper. "You can take the bed, though. I'm used to sleeping anywhere."
Belle, William, Isabella, Katie, and Toni walked up to them. Belle stepped to the front as the group spokesman. "William, Izzy, Katie, and I are trained to shoot. We're mature enough to take guard duty. You ne--"
"No." Randi shook her head and waved her arms. She refused to drag these babies into the killing fields. "That's not going to happen so you need to back off."
Belle jammed her hands on her hips. "Let me rephrase this. We came to you out of respect. If you refuse, we'll go to your dad, who will put us on the schedule." She locked eye contact with Randi. "Please don't make us go around you. That's so disrespectful, but we will be a part of this group and rotate duties along with the adults."
Randi looked at the kids. Their steely glares brooked no argument. "Fine. You may take duty on the inside only. You'll also rotate KP duty, but you will not do perimeter checks."
"No. Y'all are overworked and overtired. You need some relief."
Randi glared at her. "We kill people out there every time we make rounds. I'm not bringing y'all into that. Not if I have a choice. You can go to my dad, but he'll take my side on this. The time may come when you have to take a life, but it's something that will haunt you for forever, so I will delay that as long as possible. You will not do perimeter duty. Period."
"Yes ma'am," all four children said at the same time.
"Adriana's keeping the schedule on the computer now. Her duties on guard and KP have been cut back because she's not feeling well. Find her and ask her to add you." As they started away, Randi called after them, "She may not agree to do it, though."
Toni tugged on Randi's shirt. "Mom, you didn't tell them to have her add me."
Randi's lips trembled as she squatted beside Toni. No way would this baby enter into the insanity. "No. You will not carry a weapon, nor will you take guard duty. Period."
Toni crossed her arms, stuck her lip out in a pout and glared at Randi. "You make me so mad sometimes."
"That's my job." She kissed the girl on the top of her head. "Go tell Aunt Adriana to add you to KP duty. How's that?"
"Okay, but I don't like it."
"I don't care."
After Toni had scooted off to find Adriana, Nia smiled. "When did you have her? You didn't even tell me you had a baby."
"I didn't. We rescued her from the side of the road. She fell in love with me for some strange reason and decided to call me 'Mom'.
They split up, and Randi walked into the tower. Her footsteps echoed on the stairs as she climbed to the watchtower where Ethan was on duty.
"Hey darlin', what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"
Tension eased out of Randi's shoulders. He was so easy to talk to. "Why are you so different from other Christians?"
"Not sure what you mean?"
She flopped down in the chair next to him. "Almost every Christian I've met is judgy. I've told you everything, yet you still care about me and accept me as I am."
"Randi, you're a broken person. We'
ve all been there at one time or another." He took her hand in his. "I have no right to judge you for your past. You grew up in church, so I know you know that Jesus doesn't judge us. He loves us."
"Our pastor sure judged me."
Ethan frowned. "I'm sorry for that. Christians, even pastors are human and mess up."
"I heard him tell Mom that I was hopeless."
"Maybe you misunderstood?"
"Nope. He made it quite clear that he thought I was corrupting the other teens in church and would rather me not come on Sundays. So I quit."
"I'm really sorry, but you know God isn't that human pastor. He screwed up and probably regretted saying it for the rest of his life." Ethan continued to hold her hand in his. "We've talked about how people are messed up. I've said and done things I regret, even when I was teaching Sunday school. That's part of being a sinner. We were born with this sinful nature."
"I still don't get why God would even want me? Jesus didn't die for the likes of me."
"Darlin', you have an overinflated ego."
Randi's eyes went wide. "Huh?"
"It seems to me that you think you are the one and only person in all of history who is beneath Jesus' love and forgiveness." He shook his head. "Nope. Doesn't work that way. You aren't that special."
Randi stretched her sore muscles and watched with Ethan for a while. She kissed him on the cheek. "I need to head to the RV. Toni plans to spend the night with us, so I need to get her to bed. Thank you for listening.
She walked toward the RV. The chilly night air smelled clean and fresh, and stars shone in the sky. She stopped and stared up at the inky sky dotted with bright lights. Before they lost electricity, she hadn't seen stars this bright. Too much light pollution. She opened the door to the RV and climbed inside.
Nia looked up from her book. "Hey Randi. Since Toni's staying with us tonight, you take the bed, and I'll take the sofa. Randi tucked the little girl in the king-sized covers, and headed for a shower. How did she work up such a sweat in the middle of winter?
Ethan's words played in a repeating loop in her mind. He kept telling her to ask God to show her that He loved her. "Dear Lord," this was so stupid. She took a breath, she had to try. "Dear Lord," she whispered again, "Please show me you love me and forgive me. Amen." She shook her head and switched off the water.
She slipped on her clothes. A scream split the air. Toni! Randi ran to her bedside. Her eyes were large and round. Her screams continued as she scrambled toward the head of the bed, clawing and scratching at the air. The muscles in her face tensed. Wet hair clung to her pale, clammy face.
Randi's pulse quickened. "Toni," she said in a soft voice. She wanted to hold Toni so bad her chest hurt, but she was in the midst of a flashback and touching her might make things worse. "It's okay, baby. The monsters aren't here. Shhh. You're okay."
Toni backed against the wall, covered her face with her arms, and continued to scream between sobs
A vice latched around Randi's chest. How could she talk her down when she couldn't get the baby's attention? "Toni, Mommy's here, and I love you, baby. Come down and talk to me."
The screams subsided, but Toni continued to cower against the wall.
"Baby, come down." Randi held out her hand, and waited for her to make physical contact. She didn't know how to help herself when a flashback came, so why would she know how to help her child?
A few seconds ticked by, Toni lifted her head and looked into Randi's eyes. She flew into Randi's arms. "The monsters were back. They were back." Tears poured down her face.
Randi held her tight. "Shhh, baby. I'm here." Randi crawled into the bed and looked up to find Nia watching them.
Nia walked over and put her hand on Toni's back. "Mommy, Aunt Nia, and everyone else here will fight the monsters."
Toni's body shook as her tears soaked through Randi's shirt. Jinx bounded on the bed and snuggled up to her.
"She's very sensitive to emotional pain." Nia stroked the dog's fur. "If it's okay with Mommy, how about letting Jinx sleep with you tonight. She can protect you."
Toni spun to look at Nia. "You'd let your baby stay with me?"
"Of course." The dog nuzzled Toni again. "She loves you and would like to comfort you."
Toni snuggled down in the bed and lifted the covers for Jinx. "Mommy?"
"Okay, Jinx, I guess you're staying with us."
Randi pulled Toni closer and buried her face into Toni's strawberry shampoo scented hair. A warmth spread from her chest through her whole body. What would she do if something happened to this child? Was the love she felt for Toni anything like God's love?
Chapter 11
Randi shook Toni. "Wake up, sweet pea. It's Christmas."
Toni's eyes popped open. "We still have Christmas?"
"It'll be different than past Christmases, but we're still going to celebrate. Hop in the shower and get dressed so we can go over to the house and join everyone else."
Toni took off. Nia's laughter echoed through the small RV. Randi joined her. "Once we get her out of here, will you help me get their presents ready?"
Nia's mouth gapped open. "You found presents for the children?"
"It's not much, but a little something Josh and I found on a run."
As soon as Toni was dressed, Randi sent her on to the house for breakfast and pulled the backpacks, games, and game consoles from the storage under the bed. "There's candy and soft drinks in the fridge. Toni never looks in there because I kept it turned off to conserve propane, but I turned it on when Mark figured out how to get us on the grid."
Nia's face lit up as she scanned all of the gifts. "This will be so fun."
"I think your dogs were the best Christmas present of all, though." Randi rubbed Sapphire's back. Jinx had followed Toni to the house. "Is Jinx protecting Toni?"
"Who knows? I gave up trying to figure her out. She's smarter than most people I know. When Toni had her meltdown last night, I knew Jinx wouldn't leave her side for a while. That dog has a knack for comforting and knowing when people need that special touch. What's Toni's story, anyway?"
"We found her on the side of the road. She was running from a rabid that killed her father and twin sister. Her mother died when she was a baby. There's no telling what the baby saw."
"No wonder she wants a gun and to be on duty with the bigger kids."
"Yeah. She doesn't understand why I won't let her, but I can't have her in that situation. It's hard enough allowing the older children to join in."
"You made a good call, though." Nia leaned forward and propped her arms on her knees. "If you'd refused, they would've rebelled. They need to feel useful, like they're helping keep everyone safe. They can't control this messed up life, but if they're on guard, they have a sense of being in control of something. Loss of control of everything at their age is devastating. Shoot the loss of control at my age is hard."
"So how do I help Toni?"
Nia studied her for several long seconds. "How would someone help you? You've got PTSD in spades. What can we do to help you learn to deal with it?"
"What has Josh said?" Randi clenched her hands into fists ready to punch the man in his fat mouth. "He had no right."
"No." Nia cocked her head to the side. "Josh didn't say anything. I've volunteered with a recovery group for soldiers. Honey, I can see it in your eyes. You may hide it from others but not me. That haunted look, I've seen it time and again in men and women who had their own demons tormenting them. All I want to do is help."
"If I don't know how to help Toni, how do I know what kind of help I need?"
"Maybe we could talk."
Randi flinched. "Talk? You don't want to hear ab--"
"You can't tell me anything any worse than the stories I've listened to. I facilitated support groups. Those men and women did things, saw things that they've carried around with them. You can't run me off. No matter what."
"I'll think about it. Let's get these presents over to the house." She grabbed se
veral of the backpacks and started for the door.
Nia sighed. She picked up the rest of the presents and followed Randi.
They walked in just as Mark finished singing and her father took his place in front of the room. Great. Why didn't she time her entry to miss his hypocritical teachings?
Sasha bounded to the front of the room and sat at her father's feet. The dog's eyes scanned everyone in the room.
"What's she doing?" Randi whispered.
"I told you she's protective. She's watching over the group. She can see her people, and if anyone comes in who doesn't belong, they'll answer to her."
Her father cleared his throat. "Good morning. Today's Christmas. While there doesn't seem like much reason to celebrate, if we focus on the Gospel, we know that Jesus came to redeem us. No matter what things look like in this world, He's still on the throne, He's still our Savior, and He's still in the business of redeeming us. For me, that's a reason to celebrate. I know our life expectancy is short. We must do things that revolt us in order to survive, but none of this surprises God. He knows what we're going through, and He'll walk through it with us."
"Amen." Nia smiled.
Still the Jesus freak. She hadn't changed at all. Randi glanced around the room. Ethan sat on the floor with Jinx and Toni. Josh had pointed out that she could talk to Ethan with no problems, and he was a Christian. It was almost like Josh was hurt by the fact she was close to Ethan, but he accepted her and looked past her flaws instead of always trying to fix her. He told her what he thought, but he never told her what to do.
Her father finished his sermon and grinned. "Randi has a little surprise. She and Josh went shopping and now they're going to play Santa."
Randi took half of the backpacks and gave them to Josh. She picked up the other half and motioned for Nia to get the game console. It wasn't wrapped, but she didn't think anyone would care.
"The first present is a shared one. I'm sorry we didn't have wrapping paper."
Nia held up the game console. "Randi said we can hook it up in the RV, and you can play on it there."
Dark Days (Book 2): Inquisition Page 10