“Long hours, late nights, you know the score, Mike. We all work in the same field, we all know how it is.”
He leans over and kisses me quickly and I taste beer on his lips. “So I’m being a bit overprotective. Sue me.”
I smile again and lightly run my thumb over his mouth. “Know any decent lawyers out there I could use?”
He laughs quietly and kisses me again before he resumes his conversation with Kat and Eric about the Jenson Taylor case, or the parts he can talk about, anyway. Which includes the reaction of over half the female staff of Cavendish King when the mega-famous TV actor made an appearance in the offices for his meeting with Dana and Mike, and Evan, as it turned out. It had been quite amusing to watch metaphorical panties drop as he strode through the building in jeans and a T-shirt that clung to his undeniably impressive six-pack. He’d come straight from the set of his TV show so he hadn’t had time to get changed, not that most of the women around complained. But I’m kind of tuning out of the conversation, I’ve heard a lot of it before. Because of Mike and Evan I know every detail of the Jenson Taylor case, I don’t need to go over it again.
“So, have you guys put any more thought into setting a date?”
Now my attention’s piqued. Thanks to Kat.
“We’re going to try a slightly longer engagement this time,” I reply, barely leaving a beat. “Aren’t we?”
I look at Mike, and he smiles slightly, then takes another sip of beer, dropping his gaze to the table. “Well, yeah, I know we agreed to try that, but…”
“Try that…? Mike…?”
He raises his gaze and his eyes are deadly serious. “I know you wanted a longer engagement, Lola, but… I don’t. I don’t, okay? I want to marry you, and I want to marry you sooner rather than later.”
“Why? In case you change your mind again?”
He stares at me, and I immediately regret saying that.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Well done, mouth. Look what you’ve started now.” Eric directs that at Kat, who just shrugs. Then he looks at me and Mike. “We should get going. Leave you guys to it.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I say, but they’re already out of their seats and grabbing their jackets.
“It’s getting late.” Kat comes over and kisses me on the cheek before she does the same to Mike. “And I’ve got to be up early to help my boss prepare for a court case on Friday. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Lola. Okay?”
She throws me an apologetic look and I smile slightly, watching as they head out of the door.
I start to gather up the empty plates and carry them over to the counter.
“What the hell was that?”
Mike’s voice has a harsh edge to it, but I don’t turn around, I continue to stack plates and retrieve glasses and cutlery from the kitchen table. “I thought we’d settled on a long engagement, Mike. So why are you suddenly changing the goalposts?”
“In case I change my mind?”
I stop what I’m doing and I turn to look at him. “I said I was sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to say that.”
“But you must’ve been thinking it, right?”
“No…”
“Do you still want to marry me?”
“Of course I do!”
“So why are we waiting?”
“I told you, Mike, I want us to enjoy being us again.”
“And we can’t do that when we’re married?”
“Of course we can…”
“So, I’m not seeing a problem here.”
I place the glasses I’m holding down on the countertop and walk out of the kitchen. “I need a drink.”
“Lola!”
He follows me into the living room.
“Come on, we need to talk about this.”
I pour myself a shot of whiskey and turn to face him. “What is so wrong with waiting a little longer, Mike?”
“Because I don’t see the point, Lola. We were almost there, we were this close to being married…”
“Until you decided it just wasn’t your thing.”
Our eyes lock and he laughs again – a cold, humorless laugh.
“Yeah. You’re just gonna keep on throwing that back in my face, aren’t you?”
I close my eyes and breathe in deep, and when I open them he’s just staring at me. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I really didn’t mean...”
“If you can’t get past that, Lola – if you really can’t get past that then I don’t see how we can move on.”
“Mike! Come on, where are you going…? Mike!”
He strides toward the door, grabbing his jacket on the way. “Don’t wait up, okay? I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“Jesus… Mike!”
He slams the door behind him and I slump down onto the couch, swallowing my drink down in one.
“Shit!”
I don’t even know where most of that came from. I just know I didn’t want it to end like that. But his sudden rush to get married, I’m not sure where that came from, either. And why am I so reluctant to move forward with our relationship? I love him, and I was ready to marry him before, why aren’t I ready now? What’s changed?
I close my eyes and sink back into the couch, and I know – I know why I’m not ready. I know what’s changed. And that’s what scares the hell out of me.
Twenty-Five
Lola
He didn’t come home last night. I fell asleep on the couch, and when I woke it was almost seven thirty, the bed was empty, and there was no sign that he’d been back to the apartment. And I had no time to ring Kat or Eric or anyone else he might have gone to, I had to get here. I had to get to work. But I’m tired and frustrated and angry that last night had to happen at all.
And then I look up, and I see him in the distance talking to Jess, and the fact he’s wearing a suit tells me he was either at Eric’s and borrowed one of his, or he’s been home since I left.
“Lola. Can I have a word?”
I turn around at the sound of Evan’s voice, and he’s standing in the doorway of his office, hands in his pockets, handsome and tall and everything I should have avoided.
I don’t answer his question, because he isn’t really asking one. He’s summoning me, so when he turns and heads back into his office I get up and I follow him.
“Close the door.”
I push it shut and walk further inside, stopping just beside the dark-gray couch at the back of his office.
“I think we need to clear the air. Don’t you?”
I look at him, and I nod, I’m kind of on auto-pilot here. And I’m only really half listening to what he’s saying because I’m distracted by Mike passing by my cubicle. I need to talk to him, I don’t need to be in here. But, right now, Evan still comes first. My job, that comes first, when I’m here, inside this building.
“I’m sorry, okay?”
His surprise apology resets my focus, because I wasn’t expecting that, and I cock my head to one side as my eyes meet his again. “Sorry?”
“For being, as you put it, a dick.”
“I… maybe I shouldn’t have…”
“No. You were right. I was a dick, sort of. So I want to apologize, for that. And believe me, Lola, I never meant to drive any kind of wedge between you and Mike.”
I narrow my eyes, because I’m just not convinced. I don’t trust this man, I don’t trust what he’s telling me. “I think you did.”
He briefly drops his gaze, and when his eyes lock on mine again I can see he’s trying to look sincere. I’m just not sure that what he’s feeling is genuine.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Lola, believe me.”
“This is so fucked up, Evan.”
He moves a little closer, and I feel a warning shot being fired, I can almost hear the alarm going off, but I don’t react to it. I stay where I am. I don’t move.
“I don’t want you to go, Lola. I know, I can see it on your face, you want to walk a
way again, you want to leave, but there’s only one reason why you feel the need to do that.” He takes another step forward, and I still can’t move, how the hell does he do this to me? And why do I still let it happen? “The only reason you want to walk away from Cavendish King is because you’re worried. You’re worried that staying here, working with me; being this close to me – you know what’s happening, don’t you?”
I shake my head and I hold his gaze, he’s wrong. I have to try and believe he’s wrong, even though every fiber of my being knows that he’s right.
“You can’t walk away from me, Lola. Because you don’t want to.”
I can’t say anything. My mouth won’t move, no words are coming out, and I hate him for this. Hate him for spelling out everything I already knew?
“You don’t want to leave here, because you don’t want to leave me.”
“So-fucking-arrogant.”
He smiles, and I feel a hundred kinds of pain flood my body. I love Mike, I love him so much, but I want this man here. I want Evan King like I’ve never wanted anything or anyone before. He’s my drug, my immoral high; my wrong and fucked up weakness. And I hate him, for this. For making me face up to the truth of how he’s messed up my world, invaded my life. And now I really can’t walk away. But I can’t go there again, I can’t. I won’t. I’m not doing that to Mike, he doesn’t deserve that.
“I want you, Lola.” He moves closer still, and he reaches out and touches my cheek and for a moment or two I forget where we are, how exposed we are, and I’m shocked that he doesn’t seem to care about the amount of shit we stand to lose if the truth behind our relationship comes out. “And I know you want me, too, so let’s quit playing games, baby, all right?” He leans in to me and he kisses me so lightly his lips barely brush mine, but it’s enough to send another warning shot coursing through me. One so brutal it’s like a cold, hard slap to the face and I step back from him.
“I need to get your coffee…”
I turn to go, desperate to claw back some normality even though I know I can’t. We’ve crossed a line – another line. And the rest are too blurred for us to even know where they are anymore.
I’m fucked.
Evan
I watch as she leaves my office, and I sigh and lean back against my desk as she goes to fetch my coffee. And my stomach turns and I feel sick at what’s happening here, but I can’t shut it down. I’ve just kick-started something I’m not sure either of us have any control over, and I’m not ashamed to say I’m scared. I’m nervous as hell. But I want her so much I think I’d do anything now to make her mine.
I go back behind my desk, and I’m about to make a phone call when Mike comes crashing into my office.
“What the hell was that?”
I say nothing for a beat or two, I just look at him, because I’m slightly confused. “I’m sorry…?”
“Just now, in here, with Lola. I saw you, Evan; saw the way you touched her, the way you looked at her, Jesus, the way she looked at you… Are you screwing her? Are you fucking my fiancée?”
“Do we have a problem here?”
I look over as Dana joins us, closing the door behind her, her expression stoic.
“Well? Evan, are you going to answer Mike’s question?”
I look from her to Mike, and I feel nothing but a great weight about to be lifted from my shoulders. “We’ve slept together, yes. But when you and her got back together, Mike, all of that stopped. It ended.”
“Jesus Christ…” Mike turns away from me, raking a hand back and forth through his hair as he paces up and down my office floor. “Now it’s all starting to make sense.” He looks up and his eyes meet mine, and they’re blazing with an understandable anger. “Now I know why she’s in no hurry to get married.”
“We’re not sleeping together anymore, Mike.”
“You think that makes a difference? You went there, Evan. You touched her, like that… Jesus…!”
“All right, let’s just calm down,” Dana says, because I know she’ll want a lid kept on this. The last thing any of us need is for everyone in Cavendish King to hear rumors and snippets of the truth. They don’t need to know anything yet.
“I don’t want to be calm. I want to find out what’s gone on between him and my fiancée. I want to know what kind of hold he has over Lola…”
“Lola has a mind of her own, Mike. I don’t think Evan has any kind of hold over her.”
He’s still looking at me, still staring me down with crazy eyes and there’s a part of me that feels sorry for him. Because he only saw what was going on, he didn’t hear anything. If he had, he might have reason to feel even more nervous than he already does.
Dana places a hand on Mike’s shoulder, and he looks at her. “What?”
“I think you should go talk to Lola.” She fishes a key from her pocket and hands it to him. “No one will disturb you in here, I promise.”
She’s giving him the key to her private office, the one she only uses when she has top-secret meetings that need to stay well away from prying ears. It doesn’t get used very often, but she doesn’t hand that key out lightly. She’s never given it to me, that’s for sure.
Mike takes the key and stares down at it. And then Dana switches her gaze to me.
“Is that true, Evan? That whatever was going on between you and Lola– it stopped when she and Mike got back together?”
“It’s true.”
She looks at Mike. “I believe him, Mike. And I know when he’s lying, so, trust me on this one. Okay?”
Mike’s eyes meet mine again, and even though they’re not quite as angry as they were before, I wouldn’t say he was even close to calm. Not that I can blame him. This is a mess. It always was a mess. It’s just got a bit bigger now, that’s all.
“Go talk to Lola, Mike. And let’s try and keep this to ourselves, all right? I don’t think any of us need it to become public knowledge so, let’s try and sort this out, between us. It’ll be far less messy that way. Agreed? Mike?”
He leaves it a couple of beats before he looks at Dana again, and for a second or two his expression borders on confused, but then it’s like a switch has been flicked and he nods.
“You understand what I’m saying here?” Dana continues. “This is a shock, and I can’t blame you for your reaction, but, we really need to keep a lid on this so, do I have your word? You’ll go talk to Lola, and you won’t say anything to anybody about any of this?”
He nods again. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
“Thank you. She’s in the partners’ kitchen. Take her to my private office, it’s two floors down, at the end of the corridor. Turn left when you exit the elevator.”
He waits a beat before he turns and leaves, and Dana watches him go, and I can tell she’s still a little uneasy about all of this. But I think Mike understands the importance of keeping this quiet. I hope he does.
“What the hell are you playing at, Evan?”
Dana’s tone is no-nonsense, she’s pissed, and she probably has every right to be. But I’m still relieved it’s all out in the open now, relieved that I can start telling the truth; that Lola will finally have no choice but to face up to what we have. What we can’t let go of.
“It just happened, Dana.”
“It just happened.” She comes closer, and her eyes; I’m way too familiar with that look. It’s partly the reason we got divorced. That, and a thousand other reasons. We should never have got together in that way, it was far too volatile a relationship for it ever to have worked. Professionally we’re dynamite, personally we were explosive for all the wrong reasons. “Do you want to expand on that, Evan?”
I don’t have much of a choice, and she listens, keeping her expression stoic as I tell her how Lola and I first met; our potted history, if you like.
“Would it not have been wise to let her go the second you found out your new secretary was the woman you’d shared a one-night stand with? Or, at the very least, not go there again. But, do you kn
ow what? We’re talking you here, aren’t we, Evan? You let your dick do the thinking, what the hell possessed you?” She folds her arms and starts pacing the floor. “At any point did you force her to do anything against her will?”
“Jesus, Dana, what the hell is this?”
She stops pacing and stares at me, her gray eyes steely cold. “Did you, at any point, force your authority on her unnecessarily? Just answer the question, Evan.”
“What’s happening here, huh? Am I under goddamn fucking oath? No, for Christ’s sake. Everything that happened; everything we did, she wanted it just as much as I did.”
“Did anything happen here? Inside this building?”
“What do you want me to tell you, Dana?”
“The truth. I want you to tell me the truth, Evan.”
“It ended the day she went back to Mike, I promise you. That’s the truth. That’s when it stopped.”
“And you can promise me that you accepted that? That you put it behind you and left her alone to get on with her life?”
“In the beginning, yes.”
“In the beginning? Evan…”
“I tried, Dana, I really did…”
“You tried?” She walks back over to my desk. “You still want her.”
She’s not asking a question, she’s making a statement. And she’s right. She knows she’s right. So I don’t say anything, I don’t respond, I don’t need to.
She sighs heavily and drops her gaze for the briefest of beats before her eyes once more bore into mine. “How did Mike find out? Did he see something? Hear something? Was something going on here, in this office, that he might have seen?”
“We were talking… she was threatening to leave…”
“Why?”
“Why the hell do you think, Dana?”
She leans forward, her hands palm down on my desk as she continues to stare at me. “How did Mike find out?”
“The only thing I can think of…” I drag a hand back through my hair, and I hate the fact I’m showing nerves around this woman, but this whole situation is so fucking alien to me. “I kissed her. We were talking, and I touched her face and I… I kissed her. I forgot where the fuck I was and I kissed her. He must have seen it happen, but it was…”
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