“I’m sorry too, Lola.”
“Are you happy? Whatever you’re doing now, wherever you are – are you happy?”
“Eric told me you didn’t want to know anything.”
“I changed my mind.”
“I’m happy. I like my job, and working at my dad’s firm… I know I said I was never gonna take anything from him, but, it’s working out really well. He’s letting me be my own man, y’know? I’m getting no special treatment. I’ve got a great apartment, a girlfriend I enjoy spending time with…”
He trails off, and I find myself having to swallow hard. I have no right to feel upset, I don’t get to feel anything. The reason he’s there, in Canada, is because I rejected him for a man I barely knew. My boss. I walked away from the man I loved, that was on me, so I have no right to feel sick or hurt that he’s found someone else. I’m with Evan. Mike deserves to have someone too.
“Are you happy, Lola?”
“Yeah, I’m… I’m happy.”
Another brief silence. And I drop my head and breathe in deep because I’m not sure if this was such a good idea. But, at the same time, I think we both needed closure. Of some kind.
“Are you and Evan…?”
He doesn’t finish the question, but he doesn’t need to. And there’s a lump in my throat that I have to swallow down before I can get any more words out. “We’re together.”
“You gone public yet?”
“A couple of month ago.”
“And…?”
“It was tough, at first. Some of the reactions we got weren’t always positive but, y’know, Jess and Dana have been great. And people have accepted that we’re together now. That we’re a couple. We – we moved in together, a few weeks ago…” It’s my turn to trail off, I’m not sure he needs to know this.
“Is he treating you okay?”
“Yes. Yes, he is… Mike?”
He stays silent for a couple of beats, but I can hear his breathing. “I miss you, Lola.”
I feel tears start to sting my eyes and I know I have to go now. I have to go, back to my desk, back to that life I chose. I have to go. “Yeah. I miss you too.”
I end the call, but I keep the phone in my hand, and for the next few minutes I just stare down at it. It’s only when I realize tears are starting to fall onto it that I pull myself together, wipe my eyes, put my phone back in my pocket and head back to Cavendish King.
“Lola?” Dana frowns at me as I step off the elevator. “Are you okay?”
I loosen my scarf and shake out my hair. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
I look at her, and I nod, but I’m obviously not convincing enough.
“Come on.”
I follow her, and it only takes a second or two for me to realize where we’re heading. Her private office.
She closes the door behind her and goes straight to a cupboard at the back of the room, takes out a bottle of brandy and pours out two measures, handing one to me.
“Here. Drink this.”
I frown slightly, and she smiles.
“One small, mid-morning brandy isn’t going to hurt.”
I take a sip, and I’m grateful for the small shot of warmth that spreads through my body, settling in my stomach.
“I called Mike.” I look at Dana, but her expression is, as usual, pretty much stoic. “Just now. I… I called him.”
She perches herself on the edge of her desk and sips her drink, her eyes never leaving mine. “Is this the first time you’ve spoken to him, since he left?”
I nod and take another sip of brandy. “Maybe I should’ve done it sooner. Got that closure a little bit earlier. I just didn’t think I needed it. But when Jess mentioned him – Mike – this morning I… I knew I did. I needed closure.”
“Did you get it?”
I look down into my almost empty glass, and I swirl what’s left of the amber liquid round and around, watching as it splashes up the sides of the tumbler. “He’s found someone else.”
“You didn’t think he would?”
I look back up. “I knew he would. At some point. I just… hearing him say it…” I sigh and drag a hand back through my hair. “What right do I have to feel anything? When it was me who all but pushed him away? I chose Evan. So if Mike’s found someone else I can’t be angry or sad or jealous, Jesus! I pushed him away. It’s just that… I don’t know. I don’t.” I finish my drink and place the glass carefully down on a small chrome glass-topped coffee table beside me, and then my eyes fall on the couch and I remember how Mike made love to me, on that couch, when we still had a chance to save us. “I loved him, but I chose to walk away.” I look at Dana, but she’s keeping her expression impassive. “I can’t blame him for doing the same.”
“Are you happy, Lola? With Evan? At work you seem fine, you’re a team, you and him. But when you’re at home, just the two of you – are you happy?”
I nod, and I smile, and I feel my heart dance when I think about Evan. Because I really do think I might love him. Now. It’s been a slow burn, and I still find it hard to separate that fierce sexual attraction from something deeper than that, but they’re there; those feelings. They are there.
“Then why do you look so sad?” Dana asks, and I frown again as I look at her.
“I look sad?”
“You look worried. When I ask you about Evan.”
I sit down on the arm of the couch and clasp my hands together. “You and him must’ve been one hell of a couple, when you were together.”
She laughs quietly, and she comes over and pours me another small measure of brandy, winking at me as she does so. “One more isn’t going to kill you.”
I pick up the glass and take a sip as Dana perches herself back on the edge of her desk.
“We were a disaster, Lola. Personally. Oh, I’m not saying we didn’t love each other, because I think we did. In our own way. But we were never a forever couple.”
“But you – you were this successful lawyer with these huge, amazing dreams and you got there. You achieved your ambition, you got your law firm. I’m just a legal secretary. I don’t have those dreams or those ambitions because…”
“He doesn’t care about that, Lola. He doesn’t.”
“Doesn’t he? I’m not you, Dana.”
“And that’s why he loves you. He doesn’t want another me. I was never any fun. And I’m really, really boring in bed.”
My eyes widen and she laughs out loud.
“It’s the truth. I’m just not a huge fan of sex, I never have been, whereas Evan – Evan needs it. He craves it. And he likes to play the kind of games I never wanted to partake in. I couldn’t give him that. All I wanted to do was work, in the end, which is when we started to realize marriage was the problem in our relationship. We never should’ve gone there. In business we are one hell of a team. In bed, not so much.”
“He just wants me for sex, then?” But she knows I have my tongue in my cheek when I ask that.
She smiles, and she finishes her drink. “Evan isn’t a man who gives his heart easily, Lola. Men like him think it’s a weakness, showing emotion. So if you’re getting any hint of that from him, anything even resembling emotion then you have no place worrying. And as for just being a secretary, you aren’t just anything.”
“It’s a bit of a cliché, though, isn’t it? Secretary falls for handsome boss. Handsome boss sweeps her off her feet… who knows if there’ll be a happy ever after?”
“That’s one thing no one can guarantee,” Dana sighs as she pulls herself away from the desk. “But you changed him, Lola. I see a different man when I look at him now. I see a man who’s realized work isn’t the only thing that makes him happy. So just go with it, okay? Go with him, be happy together. And just let the future happen.” She walks over to me and gently squeezes my shoulder.
“You said he had his demons, Dana.”
“We all have our demons, Lola.” Her eyes bore into mine for couple of beats before she breaks
the stare, and she smiles at me. “You’d better get back. Evan’ll be wondering where you are.”
“Yeah. Yeah, he will. I… thanks, Dana. For the drink. For the talk.”
She just throws me one more smile and opens the door, indicating that I should leave first. And as I walk back to the elevator; back to the 43rd floor, I try to get the sound of Mike’s voice out of my head.
He misses me.
I miss him.
I still want Evan.
Thirty-Three
Evan
She looks stunning tonight in a cream dress and sky-high heels that make her legs look impossibly long, and I can’t wait to get her home and feel those legs wrap themselves around me as I pound into her; as I take her fast and hard. And after that I’ll take her again, only slower, and I’ll watch her expression change, look into her eyes as I make her come, over and over; hear her cry out loud and scream my name. She’s mine now. But does she truly belong to me? Not yet, maybe. But she will do. Soon.
I watch her as she sips her coffee, and then she looks up and her blue eyes widen.
“What?”
“Nothing. I was just looking at you.”
“You verge on creepy sometimes, do you know that?”
I laugh, because her sass turns me on, it always has done. The fact her mouth doesn’t always have an off switch is one of the reasons I need her in my life. I’m done with the female versions of me, the lawyers and the assistant DAs; the associates who think fucking me will get them further up the legal ladder or, at the very least, an office. I want someone real, someone who doesn’t see me as a stepping stone. I want someone who sees me as a challenge. I want someone who challenges me. I like the fight. It’s what spurs me on; gets me excited. I don’t like them too easy. Where’s the fun in that? Lola wasn’t an easy fight. And that makes her all the more special.
“Are you thinking about work?”
Her voice drags me back into the room and I look at her again, those blue eyes of hers still wide and beautiful. “No, baby, I’m not. I’m sorry, I just – I just drifted off there for a second.”
“Nice to know I can hold your interest.” She throws me a smile and I grin back. “You can think about work, y’know. You can even talk about it, if you like, I mean, sometimes we need to talk about work, don’t we?”
“Not tonight. Tonight is all about you and me and…”
I stop talking, and she narrows her eyes slightly. “And, what?”
I reach into my pocket and pull out a small, dark-red box. And when I flip it open I can see I’ve caught her completely by surprise, her expression’s confused.
“Lola King has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”
Lola
I stare down at the white-gold ring nestling against a cream suede cushion; at the tiny twinkling pale yellow diamonds surrounding a larger but still understated rectangular one. And I can’t deny it’s beautiful. This man has exquisite taste.
“I love you, Ms. Burrows.”
“I…” To say I’m speechless is an understatement. My throat’s so dry I literally can’t get another word out.
“I’m asking you to marry me, Lola.”
I finally tear my eyes away from the ring and they lock with his. “Yeah, I get that, I… Jesus… Evan, I… marry you?”
He takes the ring from the box and reaches across the table for my left hand, and I watch as he slips the ring on to my third finger. “Do you want to think about it?”
He raises his gaze, and he’s got that slow, sexy smirk on his face and I am all over the place here.
“No, Evan, I… No.”
He arches an eyebrow, and I can’t help but smile.
“No. I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?”
“It’s been three months, Evan. That’s all. Just three months.”
“No, Lola, it’s been almost ten months since this whole, crazy journey began. Ten months since I first saw you sitting there, at that bar, poking your mojito with your straw. Ten months since I first heard your voice. Ten months since I first kissed you; touched you; made love to you.”
“We did not make love that first night, Evan. We had dirty sex.”
“I like dirty sex.”
“So do I.”
“Okay… So, it’s been ten months since we first had dirty sex.” He looks at me, raises that eyebrow again, and I smile. “And I know a lot has happened between then and now, but…”
“Mike happened.”
He drops his gaze but he’s still holding my hand. “Yeah. Mike happened.” He raises his head and his eyes meet mine. “But he’s gone now, Lola.”
“I know.”
“And I want you in my life, baby. Whatever I was in the beginning – whatever, whoever you thought I was, I’m not him anymore. Because of you.”
“Evan…”
“I love you. And you don’t know how hard it is for me to say those words.”
I hold up my hand so our palms touch, his fingers sliding between mine.
“I know you better than you think I do, Lola. We live together. We work together. Some days we’re with each other twenty-four-seven and it still isn’t enough.”
I drop my gaze, looking at the ring he slid onto my finger without waiting for me to give him any kind of answer. Was that his arrogance showing itself again? Or does he genuinely feel the way he says he does? I can’t think straight, I wasn’t expecting this, and while my heart’s screaming yes, marry this man, he’s as damn close to perfect as you’re going to get, my head’s telling me to take a minute. Too much has gone on; too much has happened for me to rush into anything.
I lean forward and I kiss him and I squeeze his hand tight. “I love you too, baby.”
“Then marry me.”
“I’m still a mess, Evan.”
“And you think I’m not?”
I look into his eyes and the man I’m seeing now – he isn’t the man I first met. And then I remember Dana’s words: he has his demons. Do I need to know what those demons are, before we take this any further?
I kiss him again, and I feel his fingers squeeze mine.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” I let go of his hand and he frowns. And I don’t want him to think he’s messed up or ruined anything, he hasn’t. I really do just need a second. So I stand up and I go over to him, leaning in to kiss him one more time. “I love you, Mr. King. I just need a minute, okay?”
Evan
I watch her head off in the direction of the restrooms before I drop my gaze to the empty box in my hand. The ring’s on her finger, I put it there, but whether it remains there, only she knows the answer to that. She hasn’t said yes, she hasn’t said no, I never really gave her a chance. She needs a minute. And I know why. She spoke to Mike today. Dana told me, and not because she’s trying to stir anything up or stop me and Lola from happening, she genuinely wants me to be happy. She wants us – me and Lola – to be happy. So, yeah, I know she’s spoken to Mike. She needed that closure she’s never really felt like she’s gotten. And I don’t know whether she feels like she’s got it now, but I still asked her to marry me. I still did that, because it’s the only way I was going to know what that woman really feels for me.
I snap the box shut, slide it back into my jacket pocket and settle the bill before I push my chair back and stand up.
She’s not the only one who needs a minute.
*
I often come here, to my office at Cavendish King, when it’s late, and the building’s quiet. Sometimes I just stay here, until almost everyone’s gone and I’m practically alone. I like the solitude. I can think, when it’s like this.
I hear someone come in and I know it’s her. I can sense her; smell her perfume. But I don’t turn around, I stay facing the window, I keep my back to her, my hands in my pockets as I stare out at the city below.
I’m taking my minute…
Lola
“Y’know, I’m getting a little tired of men just upping
and leaving without so much as a goodbye.”
I throw my purse onto the couch and walk over to him, but he keeps his back to me.
“How’d you know I’d be here?” he asks, bowing his head.
“Call it an educated guess. This place is your life, Evan. You’re very rarely not here.”
I’m right behind him now, running my fingers over his upper arms, I need to touch him. I lean in against him, rest my forehead against the back of his neck, my hands on his shoulders, and I close my eyes as a silence takes over.
I hear his breathing, but he doesn’t really move. He keeps his hands in his pockets, and then he raises his head and stares out ahead of him.
“It was a shock, Evan. I wasn’t expecting a proposal, and this, coming now, from out of nowhere… because as far as me and marriage is concerned…”
“I’m not Mike, Lola.”
I feel his body stiffen and I slide my hands down into his pockets, my fingers slipping between his. “I know.”
He squeezes my hands and I keep my eyes closed as I snuggle in closer against him, breathing him in, the smell of his expensive cologne filling my head.
“I’m sorry, Evan.”
He gives my hands another squeeze. “For what?”
“For having so much baggage.”
“I’m hardly traveling light myself, Lola.”
“For all of this being so complicated.”
“Challenges excite me. You know that. If you hadn’t been so difficult to overcome who’s to say I’d have even been interested?”
I can’t help smiling, and he pulls my hand out of his pocket and brings it to his mouth, kissing it gently.
“I’m sorry, for walking out on you like that. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Believe me, I’m getting used to it.”
He turns around and his eyes meet mine and I don’t know what to feel. I don’t. I need him to help me here, I need him to guide me, tell me what I should be doing because I don’t think I can do this on my own.
“Marry me, Lola. Put all the shit behind you, and I’ll do the same. Marry me, and we’ll start again, together.”
Lawfully His (A Dirty Business Novel Book 1) Page 27