by Sotia Lazu
God, the man was oblivious.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lexi watched Ric type, a deep vertical line between his eyebrows. His fingers flew on the keyboard. As the department emptied, she got excited, thinking of how she’d make him forgive her. The sense of warmth in her belly, combined with the nervousness over the confrontation that would precede what she had in mind, made for a very jittery Lexi. At least angry sex was good sex.
When she was sure everyone was gone, she waited for Ric to take the printouts he collected from the printer to the photocopy room, and then followed him inside.
“You didn’t reply to my text.” She shut the glass door behind her and closed the blinds.
His back tensed, muscles stretching the cotton of his shirt, but he didn’t turn to look at her. “My mobile doesn’t work.”
“You didn’t ask what text, so you saw it.” She sauntered around him, and insinuated herself between him and the copier. He still pretended to be too busy to talk to her, so she placed a hand over the feeder of the machine. “I called, too. You could have let me know you were okay.”
He finally faced her, and it was the same ice-cold gaze he’d spared her that morning. “Didn’t think you cared.”
“I said I was worried. In the text.” She tilted her head and let her tongue run what she hoped was a seductive path along her lower lip.
He didn’t seem enticed. “Well now you know I’m fine.” He removed her hand from the copier none too gently and turned away, to resume with the next stack of pages.
Lexi wouldn’t give up so easily. She caressed his back, and when he swiveled on his heel toward her, knelt in front of him.
“What the bleeding hell are you doing?” Rex wasn’t out of his system, then.
She looked up at him with a saucy grin and reached for his belt buckle. “Nothing.” She’d never done this for him before and was excited to now. The outline of his cock pressed against the buttons of his jeans. Pride rushed through her veins at having that effect on him even before touching him.
But it couldn’t be because of her. If she were that irresistible, Andrew would have kept it in his pants around other women. Ric was excited because he was about to get a blow job, not because she was about to give him one.
She popped his buttons and pulled him out. Encircling his shaft with her palm, she marveled at how small her fingers seemed against his girth. She felt him pulsate in her hand, felt a little jerk and twitch when her parted lips were close enough for her breath to wash over the head. Her mouth watered at the expectation of tasting the strength and smoothness she held in her grasp, of using the tip of her tongue to trace the small veins that had her entranced…
*
When Lexi entered the room, Ric entertained some crazy notion that she was there to tell him she’d been an idiot and wanted to be with him. Such hope weakened his resolve to give up on her, but he didn’t care, if weakness meant he could have her.
The seductive sway of her hips dispelled his daydreams. Her heart was still out of the equation.
Ric hated his treacherous body for responding to her proximity the way it did. Her scent was enough to send his blood rushing to his lower extremities—and no, that didn’t mean his feet. He wanted her to leave. Wanted to be away from her before he forgot he couldn’t settle for less than everything.
He froze when she knelt in front of him. The fantasies he’d entertained when he first realized he wanted her flashed through his mind. God help him, he wasn’t strong enough to resist when she took his cock out of his jeans and gave it an experimental lick.
She hummed, and Ric squeezed his eyes shut. It was all he could do not to grab the back of her head and push past her full lips, all the way to her throat.
She wrapped those lips around the head and seemed to suck all memories of the previous day out of him with the first pull. All that remained was the scorching heat surrounding him, as she grazed his inner thighs with her fingernails and kneaded his ass with her other hand. He opened his eyes and looked down, wanting to see himself disappear inside her. Hoping her gaze was trained on his face.
It was, but her look of triumph slammed reality into him with a force that made him lose his footing and almost crash into the copier behind him. Lexi kept licking and sucking at him with gusto, rolling his balls in her palm as she tried to take him down her throat. Luckily, the position they were in wasn’t ideal for that, which allowed him some semblance of reason.
He grabbed a fistful of the golden mane and only hesitated a second—one more second to feel her tongue against the underside—before pulling her off him. He kept tugging upward, so she had to stand for his hold not to be painful.
The victorious expression was still on her face, as she leaned forward to kiss him. It turned to one of puzzlement when he held her a hairsbreadth away from his lips. “Is this what you want?” he asked. “Is it what you do?”
“Yes.” Again, she sought his lips, but he drew her head further back, stretching her neck.
He looked deep into her green eyes, searching for any indication of a lie in her words. He found none. She meant it. This was all she’d allow herself. All she’d allow him.
It wasn’t enough.
“Well, you’re no longer doing it with me. I’m done.” He pushed her aside and stormed out of the room, buttoning his jeans on the way out.
*
The door banged shut, but Lexi didn’t react. She was too stunned.
Ric didn’t just stop her in the middle of a blow job.
He did not.
Wasn’t she good enough? Did she do something wrong, while she had him in her mouth?
No, he enjoyed that.
Shit. Maybe her entire approach was wrong. Maybe she’d been wrong all along, starting with the moment she decided to box Ric into her preconceived notions of his gender.
Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn’t be wrong about Ric. If she was, perhaps she’d been cheating herself out of true love, by insisting there were no Prince Charmings out there. That all men were like her father and Andrew.
Ric might cherish her heart, not break it.
She couldn’t have been so wrong.
Letting herself believe this meant admitting she’d chosen the sterile safety of loneliness over the real reward of letting someone in, not over the heartbreak that came with false promises. If she lost her certainty of who she was and what she wanted—what she could expect—she was left with nothing.
A sound of pure despair ripped from her throat and reached her ears. Her voice was unrecognizable. She opened the door with trembling fingers and leaned against the jamb. “What do you want from me?” The words stumbled over a sob. She hugged herself, feeling small and weak.
Hunched over his desk, Ric turned to look at her. Even in the dim light, Lexi saw his eyes were bloodshot. “Thought I’d made that clear,” he said, his voice harsh. “I want you. All of you.”
She shook her head and tried to sound calm despite the tears gliding down her cheeks. “I can’t… What we had was fine. Why change it?”
“What we had?” He snorted. “We had nothing. I was just another notch on your belt. Just a good fuck, is all.”
He was right, but it hurt to hear him say it. “And what’s wrong with that? Why does it have to be more?”
“It has to be more. All. Or nothing. Can’t keep doing this.”
“Why can’t you?” She ached to reach out to him. Touch him. Remind him how they both felt whenever he was inside her. “Why not?”
“’Cause you only let me inside your body, and bodies I can find at prices lower than my heart. ’Cause I’m falling in love with you. Might already be there.” His tone was harsh, his gaze challenging.
The words lingered in the air between them that was so thick with tension, Lexi couldn’t breathe. If she could take a deep enough breath, she’d be able to answer. Able to tell him…
What? That he couldn’t be falling for her? That she wasn’t worth it? That there was no love?
/> What if love existed, and it was staring her in the eye? What if Ric was the one? The one?
She shook her head. Was she able to take this leap with him? She let herself love a man before, and her feelings had been thrown back in her face, together with her dreams of forever. She’d spent the past year or so convincing herself there was no happy-ever-after.
Steeling herself against what Ric asked of her now.
This hurt she felt inside when he wasn’t touching her—the void—was it love?
No. It couldn’t be.
Could it?
She pushed away from the doorframe, fiddling with her hands, trying to keep from holding them out to him. Her entire body tensed. She was torn between asking him to make her love him and walking away.
The wall she’d spent years of building around herself—the one Andrew first pushed through and then reinforced—won the debate between her mind and heart once more.
Lexi ran.
She ran down the stairs, heedless of the tears blurring her vision and making her hasty descent dangerous.
Her escape was halted when she crashed into what felt like a boulder. She raised her gaze from the thick chest she’d collided with and saw Chad’s round, sweaty face above her.
“What’s the hurry, Ms. Adams?” He closed his meaty paws on her shoulders.
Lexi pushed free from his grasp. She never liked him, but now he seemed menacing. His posture, the look in his eyes scared her. It was a stupid fear, she decided. “None of your business,” she said and tried to sidestep him.
Chad moved with her, blocking her path. “Oh, I think it is my business. You see, as a security guard here, I have to keep an eye on all after-hours activities.” He stole a glance in the direction of the monitor console. “And of course, report everything to Mr. Pedelty.”
There was a definite threat there. Lexi narrowed her eyes and took a step back, careful not to trip on the stairs behind her. “What would you have to report?”
“Nothing. At least, not if someone was willing to ensure my silence.” He reached for her, but she climbed up the bottom step.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You seemed so eager to be touched just moments ago. You were gagging for it.”
Lexi felt faint. Chad had seen her and Ric? “Not by you.” Her whispered words still carried all the disdain she felt. Edmund would never believe Chad over her.
“So I’m too lowly for you? The princess won’t put out for the hired help? He’s an employee here too. It didn’t stop you.”
“It was different with Ric.” God, that was as good as a confession. “It’s you I have a problem with, not your status. You make me sick.”
Hatred radiated from Chad’s expression, but he said nothing. He turned his back to her and returned to his station.
Lexi was surprised by his apparent surrender, but took the opportunity to flee before Ric caught up to her and she had to face him and her fears once more.
She resisted the urge to run to her car. She wanted to seem as self-composed as possible. In case Ric was looking out the window.
No. It was to show Chad she wasn’t afraid of him.
Lexi slid in the driver’s seat of her car, buckled the safety belt, and slumped forward, to rest her head on the wheel. Part of her hoped Ric came after her and forced her to admit that she wanted more too. That she was afraid and hurt and aching to be proven wrong.
She silenced that part. Ric meant nothing. He was just a great lay, and she could find that anywhere.
Something caught her eye in the rearview mirror. A movement. No, a… spray? Could be glitter. Cornflower-blue and shiny, it looked like a cloud of sparkly dust hovering over her back seat. She turned to take a better look. There was nothing there, but the air smelled like leather and smoke and home. Like Ric. He’d never been inside her car, yet his scent surrounded her like an embrace. How was that possible? Was her subconscious telling her something?
The blue cloud was still apparent in her mirror when she sat back in her seat and put the car into gear. Had to be a smudge—one that swayed and moved, and pulsated like a heart. The smell lingered as she peeled off the curb. It made her ache inside and at the same time tugged the corners of her lips into a smile. This wasn’t something she could deal with alone. She needed to talk to someone. Two someones.
****
Ric was proud of how he handled the situation.
He wanted to smash his head against his desk, but he was proud nonetheless.
His self-restraint had been stressed to its limits, yet he managed to stand his ground.
And he’d lost her entirely. Great job. Now he had nothing. No chance of opening her eyes to the reality of his feelings.
He shouldn’t think this way. There was the glimmer of hope Lexi would realize he wasn’t what she thought and change her mind about being with him.
Nah. She was too set in her ways. By rejecting her sexual advances, he severed the only connection she’d allowed him. Was he going to survive the loss?
He had to. Settling for less than what he wanted would eat away at him, until he was as hollow inside as she was. He’d hoped to fill that hollowness of hers—that she’d let him try. Her eyes betrayed her inner struggle, and he’d remained optimistic until the last moment. Part of her wanted to give into whatever the future had to offer.
In the end, however, she didn’t. She ran, from him and from herself.
There was no hope.
Not giving a shit about the law or company policy, Ric lit a cigarette and smoked it at his desk. He needed his heart to settle in his chest.
He didn’t want to go back to his empty, lonely apartment, but staying in a place suffused with her memory wasn’t an option. He had to figure a solution for that too. He didn’t want to leave his position with Pedelty, but he might ask to be moved elsewhere. When he made his way downstairs, it was with feet made of lead.
The security guard stood with his back to the corridor, a wireless phone cradled between his head and shoulder. “Something has come to my attention, and I would like to discuss it with you as soon as possible,” he said into the receiver.
Ric was too exhausted, mentally and emotionally, to berate the man for his lack of vigilance, so he just passed him by.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lexi rang the doorbell a second time. The girls were probably out, enjoying the things couples did in the evenings. Or maybe they were having sex. She should have called first, damn it.
The moment the door was open, she flew into Angie’s arms. Sarah looked startled, and Lexi gave her a bear hug too. “I’m so glad you guys are home. I need to talk to you.”
“Sure.” Angie wrapped an arm around Lexi’s shoulders and led her toward the living room. “What’s up? You look… Huh. I can’t think of a positive way to finish this sentence. ”
“I don’t know how to handle him, Angie.”
Sarah and Angie exchanged a look.
“What?” Lexi asked. “Is this a bad time? I should go.”
“No, no. Stay. I’ll go make some herbal tea,” Sarah said. She must have had some ready, because she was back in no time, a steaming mug in hand.
“Is this about Ric?” Angie asked.
Lexi nodded and focused her attention on the cup in her hands. “Herbal tea. He likes herbal tea.” She took a tentative sip and scrunched her nose when the liquid burned the tip of her tongue. She was prepared to chug it all down, if it would save her from having to explain. She needed to talk but the girls would take his side. They’d found true love, so they believed in all that romantic crap.
“Ric likes herbal tea?” Angie asked.
Lexi nodded.
“Well, it’s cleansing, and the one Sarah makes helps settle the nerves,” Angie said. “You have to get the mix of herbs right, of course, and she’s much better at that than I am. We get the herbs from a small shop on the other side of town. It’s got all sorts of—”
“Baby, I doubt Lexi is he
re to talk about tea.” Sarah turned to Lexi. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” The words spilled out, reluctantly at first, but soon Lexi found herself telling them about the sex and the truce and what she saw as the beginning of the end—the not-a-date.
When she and Ric got to know each other better.
When she caught glimpses of what they could be like together.
“And then he asked me to be with him. Be with him.” Lexi sniffled, tears streaming down her cheeks and soaking the neckline of her shirt. “I can’t fucking be with him. I’m not lovey-dovey girlfriend material. I’m not. You know I’m not.” Andrew sure knew it. “Right?” She waited for even a nod of confirmation from her friends. They just looked at each other. And the blue cloud had to be in her eye, because now it surrounding them. She rubbed her eyes, and when she looked again, the sparkles were gone.
“What did you tell him?” Sarah asked, after a heartbeat.
Lexi wiped her nose with the back of her hand. She wasn’t crying now, but her eyes still burned. “I told him I couldn’t, and I left.” She’d been honest up to that point, but couldn’t find it in herself to relay the entire conversation or how she’d been a mess when she walked away.
“And what did he do?”
“What does it matter? He tried to stop me. Insisted I give us a chance. What does it matter?”
“So let me get this straight,” Sarah said. “He tells you he wants to be with you, after amazing lovemak—sex, and you run away?”
“Well, yeah. I felt pressured.”
“So you needed time?”
“I needed him to see there can’t be more between us. And then he went broody on me, ignoring me at work and not taking my calls.” She sniffled. Her cheeks felt sticky with dried tears.
Angie spoke up. “That makes sense, sweetie. Your rejection hurt him. Can’t you see?”
Lexi was getting pissed off. “I was hurt too, when I got on my knees to suck his dick and he pushed me away, so I guess we’re even.”