Instead of talking to him face-to-face, I emailed Calloway. Just seeing his name in the address field sent my heart into my stomach. I was so disappointed in him for how much he’d hurt me and because he wasn’t willing to fight to get me back. Perhaps if he gave up Ruin and the dirty shit he was into, we could work it out. But he’d made it clear he wouldn’t change his mind. Good sex took precedence over sensual lovemaking.
That probably hurt most of all.
His assistant called my office phone. “Mr. Owens would like to see you in his office.”
My blood ran cold. I knew it was about the email I’d just sent out. It wasn’t thorough enough, and he wanted to question me. So far, he hadn’t mentioned our relationship while we were at work together, so I assumed I was probably safe. But being alone in his office would still be tense. “I’ll be right there.”
I walked down the hallway and past his assistant’s desk as I headed to the enormous black doors. When I touched the knob, the metal felt ice-cold, just like his crystal blue eyes. I took a deep breath before I walked inside, finding him sitting behind his desk with his eyes on his screen. Normally, he was at the front of the room, close enough to touch me.
I walked inside and took a seat in one of the armchairs, trying to forget the way he’d held me in here just a few weeks earlier. He’d asked me to join him on a Saturday afternoon for a surprise, to meet his mother in an assisted-living facility. Our relationship seemed so tender, built on trust and so much more. And now we were strangers. “Did you want to talk about my request?”
“Yes.” He closed out of whatever window he was looking at on his computer screen. He finally looked at me, showing no emotion other than indifference. He hadn’t shaved in days, and his stubble had grown into a short beard. His blue eyes didn’t seem as bright, like a cloud obscured their natural brilliance. When he looked at me, there was nothing there—just painful acceptance. “I’ve done some digging, and I haven’t found any reports about the epidemic you’re referring to.”
“The news stations aren’t reporting it. It’s not something the general public cares about.” Homeless people were at the bottom of the barrel, even if a lot of them were war veterans.
“Then how did you come across it?” He tilted his head slightly, one hand resting on the desk. His knuckles were chiseled, and his veins were corded. He had the most masculine hands I’d ever seen. I missed the way they used to touch me.
“I know my city, Mr. Owens. I know my people.”
He sighed in frustration, like I’d said something that upset him. “Don’t call me that unless we’re in public.”
I didn’t understand why his name was so offensive, but I didn’t ask.
“If your information is true, then this is our priority. But I’m going to need to see some evidence.”
“How?”
“Show me.”
He wanted me to take him to the different gatherings of the homeless, the ones under the bridges, the ones at the east side of the park, and all the smaller communities scattered across the city. Just him and me. “Sure. Let me know when you’re ready.”
“I’m ready now.” He rose from his chair, coming to his full height. With an expensive watch on his wrist and the black ring on his right hand, he looked like my deepest fantasy. With long legs and powerful arms, he was scorching in his suit. He always made me feel safe even when I didn’t need protection.
I got lost in my thoughts and quickly shook it off, not wanting to make it obvious I was remembering all the nights we’d gotten naked together in his bed. I could feel the way his teeth nicked against my neck when he kissed me, if I closed my eyes and pictured it hard enough. “Do you want me to bring along anyone else?” So we won’t be alone together?
“Your call.” He straightened his suit and headed for the door, staying at least five feet away from me. “But make it quick. I have a lot of work to do.”
I hadn’t spent this much time with Calloway since we went our separate ways. We took cabs to different parts of the city, and once we approached the homeless communities, Calloway knew my information was accurate.
Without taking swabs or running labs, it was obvious the flu had spread to nearly everyone. They were already outside in the cold all day long, so their chances of fighting off the illness were minimal.
When we approached a group, Calloway took the lead and spoke to the men and women as equals, looking them in the eye and even shaking their hands. He pulled out all the cash he had and handed it off to a war veteran who had lost his leg. Like possessions meant nothing to him, he gave everything away.
That was the man I’d fallen in love with.
He kept one eye on me the entire time, coming back to my side when the men stared at me a moment longer than they should. I wasn’t afraid in the least, but Calloway’s protectiveness would never die.
“I think we’re done here.” Calloway came to my side, and his arm immediately wrapped around my waist.
I stilled at the touch.
“Let’s get a cab,” he said into my ear. “Come on.”
I moved with him but still felt uneasy with his hand on me. It was warm and soothing, carrying memories of beautiful nights. But it was also painful, full of affection that I could never receive freely.
He waved down a cab and got me inside before he scooted into the seat beside me. He gave the address to the office, and the cab drove off. The sun had nearly set, and night descended on New York City. Calloway stared out the window the entire drive back, not explaining our sudden departure.
“What’s wrong?”
“One of the men wouldn’t stop looking at you. Made me uncomfortable.”
“They wouldn’t hurt me.”
He turned his gaze on me, his look cold and unforgiving. “You don’t know that, Rome. Never make that assumption. Just because they’re poor and hungry doesn’t mean they’re saints. Don’t make that mistake again.” He looked out the window, dismissing the conversation.
“I can take care of myself, Calloway.” I’d been doing it for a long time before he came along. I would do just fine without him. I’d lived on the streets, begged for food, and had a life just as hard as his. I saw the good in people because I knew it was there—along with all the bad.
He didn’t look at me again. “I never said you couldn’t.”
“You implied it.”
“I’m just giving you a lesson.” He finally turned back to me, his jaw clenched. “By now, I would assume you’ve figured out that not all men are as they appear.” His meaning was just as clear as crystal.
“I guess I’m a slow learner.”
When we returned to the office, everyone had already left for the day. The lights were off, and the monitors were black. I went to my office and grabbed my things, pissed that Calloway had the nerve to say that to me—like he was the one who’d been wronged.
I hated him.
But I still loved him.
And that made me hate him more.
I darted to the elevator as quickly as I could, determined to get out of there so I wouldn’t have to see his obnoxiously handsome face.
But he was already there—waiting for me. He hit the button, and the doors opened.
I hoped this wouldn’t become a habit.
We got inside, and the elevator began its descent all the way down to the bottom floor.
I gripped the strap of my purse so tightly the skin of my palm turned red. I pretended this breakup didn’t wound me as much as it did, but my anger just proved how devastated I was inside. I wanted more than an apology from him. I wanted more than he could possibly give.
“I’m sorry I let my anger get to me back there.” His words broke the tension, slicing through it like a knife. “I haven’t been myself lately. I haven’t slept since…you left me.”
His apology just made me angrier. “Poor thing, I made you lose sleep? It’s not like I lost anything…” Bitterness escaped in my voice, thinking about all the things he took from me.
Not only my virginity, but he made me believe in love and trust. Then he shattered them like some cruel joke.
He turned his head my way, the elevator still descending. “Everything I felt for you was real. It still is, Rome. You have no idea how much I miss you. You have no idea how much I hate that bed now that you aren’t in it. Before you, I couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping with anyone, and now, I can’t sleep without you.”
His confession tugged at my heartstrings, but I still didn’t cave. “I’m sure you slept with all those subs at Ruin just fine…”
He slammed the STOP button with his face, bringing the elevator to an immediate halt.
“What the hell are you—”
He cornered me against the back wall, his arms pressed against the metal on either side of me so I couldn’t hit the elevator buttons. “You are the only woman in my life, Rome. When I was at Ruin, I was in the office doing payroll, inventory, schedules, and other shit just as boring. Not once did I lay a hand on anyone else. I can accept you walking away, but I can’t accept you believing that bullshit. Do you understand me?”
I kept my hands to my sides, seeing those smooth lips that I used to kiss over and over.
“Vanilla, do you understand me?” His hand moved around my neck, and he squeezed me gently, his fingertips pulsing against my skin.
“Don’t call me that.”
“I’ll call you whatever the hell I want. Now, answer me.”
“I don’t know what to think, Calloway.”
He pressed his face closer to mine. “If I’d fucked someone else, I would tell you. I have nothing to hide. You know I own Ruin, and I feel no shame in that partnership. You were my whole world when we were together. Why would I look at the moon, when I have all the fucking stars right in front of me?” He finally released my neck but didn’t step back. He kept me boxed in, away from the elevator buttons.
I believed him. He gave me no evidence of his claims, but I didn’t need any more convincing. When he was this passionate, this angry, I knew he was being honest. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?” he snarled.
“I believe you.”
He finally stepped back, but he looked just as angry as when the conversation started. He slammed his hand onto the green button so the elevator would start back up. He leaned against the wall, not looking at me. He crossed his powerful arms over his chest as the hum of the elevator came back to life.
I remained in my spot, hardly breathing because so much electricity ran through my veins. The chemistry was exactly the same, unbelievably scorching. I felt my fingertips and toes burn from the heat.
He sighed then looked up at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. “Sweetheart, it would be different with me… I would never hurt you.”
I didn’t expect him to fight for me. It was the first time he’d mentioned anything since we went our separate ways. A part of me was glad to see his unkempt beard and the exhaustion in his eyes. It made me feel important, that our relationship really did mean something to him. I could have sworn he loved me, with all those kisses and heated looks, but then I found out the terrible truth. I feared I didn’t matter to him, that while I was madly in love with him, I was just some woman he would forget about. “You know I can’t do it, Calloway.”
“You trust me.”
“I did trust you. Not anymore.”
He kept his eyes on me. “I’m the same man you fell for. Nothing has changed. Just give me a chance.”
“I don’t want to be your sub, Calloway. I want to be your girlfriend—nothing else.”
His eyes darkened, his thoughts unreadable.
“That’s nonnegotiable.”
“Are you saying you would take me back on those terms?”
I avoided his gaze, surprised by the question. “I don’t know…”
“Rome, is that what you’re saying?” he repeated. “You would be with me again if I made this sacrifice?”
“I never said that. I’m just saying—”
“Then what the fuck are you saying, Rome? Because I need to know this goddamn information.” He came back to me, standing in front of me with his arms by his sides. The elevator finally came to a stop, and the doors opened, revealing an empty lobby.
My body responded to his like it usually did, making my stomach ache and my heart weep with longing. “It doesn’t matter what I said. You aren’t going to change. You made that perfectly clear. And I’m not gonna change either. I want marriage, kids, a goddamn white picket fence and to be so madly in love that people want to vomit when they look at us.” I didn’t care if he judged me for being a hopeless romantic. I didn’t care if he thought I was like every other woman in the world who wanted a Prince Charming.
His hand moved to my cheek, this thumb brushing over my bottom lip. His eyes were glued to mine, his gentleness coming out of nowhere. “Would you want all of that with me?”
The air left my lungs at the question. “I told you I loved you, didn’t I?”
His thumb paused at the corner of my mouth. “Then your answer is yes. You would give me another chance?”
“Would you really give up your…preferences?” I knew what his answer would be before he gave it.
He lowered his hand and stepped back, not answering the question at all. The elevator doors began to close, so he held them open with his arm. He gave me a nod, telling me to walk out first.
I hid my disappointment when he didn’t reconsider. I wanted to burst into tears because I felt rejected all over again. He wanted me, but not enough. He’d rather have a new woman in his life, one who would take a whip and like it. It was better than trying to make it work with me, to having vanilla sex every night with a woman who actually cared about him. I headed straight for the doors with my head held high. He’d just wounded me all over again, but like last time, I wouldn’t let it show.
I refused to let it show.
“Rome.” Calloway caught up to me on the sidewalk, his hand moving to my upper arm.
I twisted out of the hold. “Don’t touch me.”
He pulled his hand away, the hurt in his eyes.
“Good night, Calloway.” I veered to the left even though it was in the opposite direction of my apartment. If I had to loop around on a different block, that was still better than moving around him. Without turning around, I could feel his gaze pierce into my back. He watched me walk out of his life once again.
14
Calloway
“When are you going to snap out of this?” Jackson walked into my office, catching me off guard even though he never bothered to be quiet when he entered without knocking. “When you were with her, you were boring. But now, you’re super boring.”
I ignored his comment—like all the others. “I hired some new dancers. They’ll start this Friday night. I think it’ll shake up the entertainment.”
“Dancers?”
“In cages with gas masks.”
“Ooh…maybe you’re a little less boring.”
I cracked a smile—a fake one. “I’ve got a new vendor who asked me to put his vodka in our bar. Tastes pretty good, so I thought I would give it a try.”
“New booze. That’s always nice.” He fell into the armchair and interlocked his fingers behind his neck. “So…I talked to Isabella today.”
“I sincerely hope you didn’t tell her I was available. It’s one thing to reject a woman when I have a partner. But it’s just cruel to reject her when I’m free.”
“Reject her?” He moved his arms to the armrests. “I assumed you two would pick up where you left off.”
“No.” I didn’t do back-to-backs. Wasn’t my thing. I’d had a long relationship with Isabella. It had its ups and downs, but it was over. I couldn’t put it more simply than that. “I’m not looking for anything right now.”
“Why? They say you should get back on the horse, right?”
“There’s only one horse I want to get on.”
He rolled his eyes. “Still brooding over her
, huh?”
I pressed my fingertips together, what I usually did when I sat at my desk and busied myself with depressing thoughts. “Yes, Jackson. Just as devastated as I was last week.”
He knew I wasn’t in the mood for his taunts. “Why don’t you just make it work with her?”
“She doesn’t want to be my sub.”
“Then don’t make her. Just be her boyfriend. If you’re this miserable anyway, what’s the harm in making the compromise?”
“I can’t do that.” I shook my head, my jaw clenched. It wasn’t in my nature. I was surprised our vanilla sex had lasted as long as it did. If it were any other woman, I would have lost interest a long time ago.
“Then how about you meet each other halfway?”
“There is no halfway, Jackson. Maybe you need to get your IQ checked.”
“What if she’s not your sub, and you aren’t her boyfriend?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Then what are we?”
“Whatever you were before. But you do your Dom stuff without her around.”
“So, you want me to cheat on her?”
“I never said cheat.” He held up a finger like he was correcting me. “A Dom needs control. He needs to be obeyed from beginning to end. You could get what you need from a different arrangement so you don’t feel frustrated with Rome. I’m sure Isabella wouldn’t mind being bossed around again—even if she doesn’t get sex.”
The idea had never crossed my mind. But it didn’t sound so bad. I would love to have someone submit to me again, to not even look me in the eye unless I gave her explicit permission. Rome was far too strong to bow to me—even though I loved that about her. It was a contradiction, one that didn’t make any sense.
“What do you think?” Jackson asked. “It’s a win-win.”
“I doubt Rome would be happy about it.”
“Who said she has to know? You didn’t tell her about Ruin for six months.”
I still didn’t like the idea. “Thanks for trying to help, but I can’t do that.”
He shrugged and leaned back into the chair. “Then, what? How long are you going to mope around for?”
Black Diamond (Obsidian Book 2) Page 14