by Jenny Bloom
“Are you positive?” Anna said.
“I am. It’s just been a long couple of days,” she said.
“You're telling me,” Anna replied with a laugh.
They sat next to each other on the flight. However, Lisa’s mind was racing. She didn’t know how to even start telling Anna everything. Maybe it was best for the best to take a wait and see position at the moment. Then she could figure out how to open up to Anna and reopen old wounds.
As the flight took off, Lisa felt a hand against hers. She stiffened for a moment, looking down and realizing it was Anna. Lisa almost called her Janice which would have been awkward for both of them. Thankfully, she was able to stop herself.
***
The flight was shorter than Lisa wanted. She wished she could spend more time with Anna. The trip was good for her mental health, but Lisa wondered if she was on the right path with everything. When the plane landed, she felt that irrational fear of what may happen next, of whether or not she would ever see Anna again.
When they got up, Lisa looked at Anna once more. There was a pause, and Lisa tried to figure out what to say, but then Anna shook her head.
“We can say our goodbyes when we get our bags,” she said.
“All right,” Lisa said, feeling a bit relieved. It wouldn’t be the end for them.
When they finally got the baggage claim and picked up their bags, Lisa felt a bit apprehensive to say goodbye. She just hoped that the promise of keeping in each wasn’t just words said in the moment.
“I have my ride picking me up outside. What about you?” Anna asked.
“I drove my car here. Since no one is here to pick me up, I should go ahead and go,” Lisa said.
Lisa didn’t want it to the end. She also didn’t want to lose Anna. Before she could say anything, Anna simply grinned at her. She leaned in, capturing Lisa’s lips in one last kiss. Then, Anna pulled back.
“I wanted to give you one last kiss. I hope you don’t forget about me,” she said.
“I don’t think I ever will,” Lisa said.
Anna nodded, blushing once more before leaving. Sometimes a person needed to take a leap of faith. Letting Anna walk away was Lisa’s. Fate brought them together once. Will fate keep them together now?
Chapter Seven
Anna felt a sadness, a longing within her as she exited the terminal. She headed to her waiting ride. When she got in, the driver looked at her and could see a sad look on their face.
“Are you okay?” Anna’s driver asked.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. Thanks for asking,” Anna said.
As the driver took Anna home, she wondered if Lisa would really forget her. She didn’t feel that Lisa was that type of woman. But she was surprised that she didn’t receive at least a goodbye text. She knew she might be reading too much into the situation. For whatever reason, not receiving at least a simple “goodbye” irritated her slightly. Maybe goodbyes were difficult for Lisa too.
When they arrived at Anna’s house, she gathered her things, paid the driver and made her way into her house. She opened the door and set down her stuff. Then closed the door. She leaned against the front door and let out a big sigh. She looked at her cellphone just in case Lisa texted. Then she noticed that Peter had called and texted her.
“Crap,” Anna said, looking at the calls and texts. She quickly hit redial for Peter.
“Hey. I just got home. It’s been a hell of a week,” she said.
“Sorry to hear that. Everything is fine here. Nina was just asking about you,” Peter said.
“Let me catch my breath and I’ll head over there right,” she said.
Anna grabbed her purse and keys. She then headed out the door to her car. While she wished for a few minutes, she missed her little girl and just wanted to give her a big hug.
Not long after leaving her house, Anna arrived at Peter’s place. Nina bolted out the front door, little red curls bouncing in the air and a beaming grin plastered on her face.
“Mom!” she said.
“Hey sweetie!” Anna said, hugging her daughter.
“Were you good for Daddy?” Anna said.
“Yeah. It was fun, but I missed you. He’s a good daddy,” Nina said.
Anna looked over at Peter, who was awkwardly shuffling against the doorway.
“Hi Peter,” she said.
“Hi Anna. Glad to know you’re back.”
“Sorry, about the delay with the snowstorm and all,” she said.
“You’re fine. It was nice having Nina around for an extra couple of days Did you have a good time? How bad was the storm?”
“The storm was terrible. Thank goodness the airline put me up in a hotel room. I didn’t relish the thought of sleeping in the terminal lounge. At least I had an old friend from high school to keep me company,” Anna said.
“An old friend? That’s amazing to travel almost across the country and meet up with someone from school. Who was it?” Peter asked.
“Someone you wouldn’t know. Anna Silvers.”
“Good thing for small miracles having a familiar face around to pass the time. I guess you’ll take Nina this weekend?” he asked.
“Yes. That will give you a little break,” Anna said.
“I’d like that. Thanks Anna,” he said.
Peter hugged Nina and kissed her on the top of her head. Nina looked up at him.
“I love you Daddy! Thanks for always being there for me.”
“It’s my pleasure, Pumpkin. You be good for Mommy and I’ll see you next weekend.”
Anna and Nina walked to her car and got in. Peter waved good and then closed the door. Anna sighed. She wondered if she could talk to Peter. Then, Nina tugged at her coat.
“Are you okay, Mom?”
“I am honey. I’m doing all right,” Anna said.
“Okay. I guess you’re tired,” Nina said.
“I am, just a little,” Anna replied, smiling.
Anna had a lot on her mind to figure out. She wasn’t ready to tell Nina the truth about her sexuality. And Nina certainly wasn’t ready to be told about Lisa. Anne still expected at least a call or text. There was nothing.
When she got home, Nina went to her room to unpack and play. Anna put some clothes into the laundry. Anna wondered what would happen next. Anne had expected Lisa to at least communicate with her. When she put the last of her clothes away, she thought about calling Lisa and telling her that she was safe, but she didn’t. Her hands dangled over Lisa’s name. Then she shook her head.
“No, it’s for the best,” she said with a sigh.
***
After the laundry was done and the clothes were folded and placed on hangers, Anna walked to Nina’s room with her clothes. Anna opened the door and walked in. Nina was sitting on the floor playing with her dolls and laughing. Nina looked up and saw the distant look on Anna’s face.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Nina asked.
“Oh, nothing. Just thinking about my trip,” Anna replied.
“Did you have a good time?” Nina asked.
“I did. It was a long trip though. I was ready to come home a few days ago. But I got to spend it with someone who I use to know years ago. I thought she would text Mommy, but I guess not,” Anna said.
“Hopefully they do. Once they do, you’ll be happy again,” she said.
Anna laughed and said, “Yes, that would be nice.”
Nina went back to playing. Anna walked out of her room, closed the door and headed to her office. Anna checked work at her computer. That was when she saw an email.
Hey Anna. I hope you made it home safe. Boss wants you to do a show at the art exhibition next week. They’re looking for investors, and your promotion’s already making waves. Let me know if that works. It’ll be next Friday at Seven.
Bill
Anna’s eyes widened. They already want me on another project? That was insane. Then again, the investments the company she worked for were diverse, because that wa
s what made the sales. She agreed to it, saying she would love to and pressed the send button.
Anna picked up the phone and immediately called Peter. She wanted to let him know of the situation. She wanted to make sure that he was fine watching Nina for a few more days. Peter enthusiastically agreed to it.
“You’re such a good dad. Thank you so much,” Anna said.
“I know I am,” Peter said, laughing.
Then he said, “Anna, I know it’s none of my business, but you need to find someone. I know you’re lonely and work is a way for you to escape from the loneliness. I know we weren’t meant to be together. But, Anna, I care for you and I want you to be happy.”
Anna paused. “There is someone, but I doubt she will ever call me back,” Anna said.
Anna didn't know if she would ever see Lisa again. She chalked it up to a “fling” and nothing more. Besides she needed to focus on the upcoming holidays with her family That was the way it was done.
Chapter Eight
When Lisa arrived home from the airport, she saw the pile of mail—either bills or requests for art. She put down her luggage, sat down and sighed. It had been a long time. She took a few minutes to relax and breathe.
Then she got up and walked over to her computer. She turned it on and went to her email account. Then, she saw email about the art show she was in next Friday, and the work she would showcase.
“Damn, that’s next Friday. I thought I could catch a break,” Lisa said with an annoyed tone of voice.
The loneliness of the house was eating away at Lisa. She continuously wondered whether it was right to pursue Anna. She has a child and an ex-husband. Lisa just didn’t know how she would fit into Anna’s life.
Then again, she always wanted a child. Raising one alone as a single artist wasn’t her idea of fun. She worked on her art instead, living vicariously through that.
Still, she wondered how Anna was doing. Lisa opened her phone and found Anna’s number. She thought about calling Anna, to find out what was going on, but she didn’t.
“Nah. She’s probably busy anyway,” Lisa said.
That was the excuse she always used with women she saw. They were all busy. They would never have time for little old her. It was better this way. Or at least, that was what Lisa would tell herself.
She continued finding herself thinking about Anna and their time together. Maybe it was fate messing with her. Perhaps it was time to find love again. The whole situation was much too much at the moment. She needed a break. Lisa knew the exact place to go.
When Lisa got to the local bar, she saw Lauren working there. Lauren looked up and smiled at her.
“There you are. I’ve been missing my favorite regular,” she said.
“I was stranded in an airport. Winter is rough,” she said.
Yeah, you’re telling me. What can I get you?” Lauren asked.
“The usual please,” Lisa said.
“Coming right up,” Lauren said.
Lisa smiled as the young bartender took care of her order. She wondered what Lauren was up to these days anyway.
“So, how are things?” Lisa asked.
“Good. Robert and I are doing well. What about you? Did you finally meet someone?” Lauren asked.
Lisa tensed, and Lauren looked over at her, immediately clicking her tongue.
“I knew it,” Lauren said.
“What are you talking about?” Lisa asked.
“That look just now. You did, but you’re worried about pursuing a relationship. So, spill the beans. Who is she?”
“Her name is Anna. She’s someone I knew in high school. She lives in Monroe and has a young daughter. We reconnected in a very strange situation,” she said.
“How strange are we talking?” Lauren asked.
“In an airport. We were both stranded and on the same return flight. We had dinner and shared a hotel room. Then, we went from there,” she said.
“Oh damn. Well, is she cute?”
“Amazing. Really curvy body. Beautiful red hair, and that smile,” she said.
“So, what’s the problem?”
“I’m just apprehensive ,” she said.
“Come on Lisa. You’re older than I am. I know that you’re holding back because of the past. When are you going to learn that the past isn’t something to be scared of? Holding onto it will only make you miserable,” Lauren replied.
“I know. Like I said, I’m worried,” she said.
“I know you are. But how long has it been since Janice?”
“Almost two years, but you know how it is. These things take time. Time does heal wounds sure, but can I really recover?”
“Not with that attitude. Trust me, Lisa, you’re only going to feel worse if you continue to hold back and feel miserable. It’s been long enough. You will always love Janice and hold on to the good memories. You don’t deserve to string yourself along,” Lauren said.
“You’re right. Do you think she’ll understand what I’m going through at the moment?””
“Maybe. Who knows. She has a child though. Is that a problem with you?”
“No. I’ve always wanted a child myself. I don’t have any parenting skills. Her daughter may not like me,” Lisa said.
“Children are honest when it comes to make a parent’s ‘new’ friend. If you’re nice and friendly, then there shouldn’t be a problem. Robert doesn’t have any children, but I have dated a few people who have. Mostly a few women in the past who ‘gave’ up on men after having a child. Then they wanted me to be their ‘lesbian’ therapist,” Lauren said.
“I’ve dated those types too. But Anna seems different. Anna has a good head on her shoulders, a daughter she adores and she’s trying her hardest.”
“Well throw caution into the wind and go for it. Why are you waiting? It’s obvious your mind is made up,” Lauren said.
“When the dust settles and she realizes I’m just a lonely depressed woman, what will she really think of me?” she said.
“Lisa, you can’t continue to hold onto the pain of the past or the people you couldn’t save. I know the past isn’t, and hasn’t been, easy but give yourself a break. Stop beating yourself up. I honestly think it’s time to move on and move forward. You don’t have to lose the past. Embrace it. I’m pretty sure Anna has a past, too,” she said.
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, maybe I just have to do some soul searching on my end,” Lisa said.
“I think that's for the best. Anyway, enough about that,,” Lauren said.
“Thanks, Lauren. If we hadn’t been so different and wanted different things, maybe we would have found ourselves together. But, at least you’re still a good friend,” Lisa said.
“I’ll always be here for you. I cherish you and our time together. I love you and always will. We just weren’t compatible in that way,” Lauren said.
Lisa nodded. She remembered after what happened to Janice, she leaned on Lauren for support. Janice had just died and she was so despondent. Lisa confused Lauren’s comfort for something more intimate. However, Lauren gently let Lisa down and gave Lisa support and friendship instead. Lisa realized that not having that special someone in her life was slowly killing her. It was made her realize what was going on in her life.
“Do you think I can fall in love again?”
“That depends. I know it’s close to Christmas, but don’t rush it. Anna could be the one, though,” Lauren implied.
Lisa nodded. “I want to believe she is, but I also don’t want to push it. Why is it so hard? I shouldn’t be so hyper-focused on everything. Maybe it’s just my way of coping since I have a damn show in the next few days,” she said.
“You should focus on the show. Then, figure out for yourself what you can do and how to go about making Anna happy. Otherwise, obsessing over everything will only make you feel worse,” Lauren said.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll figure it out. I’m glad I have you, Lauren. You make things easy.”
“Relationsh
ips are never easy, Lisa. Remember that. You and Janice had a very stable and loving relationship. The future is unknown. It’ll be better if you’re with someone who makes you happy,” Lauren said.
“I’ll remember that. I don’t expect life to be a walk in the park, but you know how it is. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. But I wish I didn't have to lose that love, because I adored her.”
“And she loved you. Anyway, a couple of other customers came in, and I need to serve them. You’re fine with sitting tight for a moment, right?”
“Yeah. I can do that.”
As Lauren ran off, Lisa sighed. She knew her feelings for Anna were there. She was just a bit timid falling in love again. It was all new to her. She hadn’t loved another person in the last fifteen years besides Janice. So, she just had to find a way to move forward and to figure out how to love again. That was all she wanted. To love again.
***
That night when Lisa got home, she saw the pictures of Janice in the living room. She knew holding onto the ghosts of the past wasn’t good for her. She knew she would either have to tell Anna how she felt, or just leave everything the way it was.
Lisa didn’t want to do the latter. She wanted to tell Anna how she felt, even if it killed her.
For the next week, every time Lisa tried to call or text Anna, she held yourself back. That little bit of fear of rejection and denial crept into her thoughts. So, she’d end up stopping herself. “Maybe it’s better if I do this after my show,” Lisa said.
Lisa felt terrible for putting it off for a week. It had been about a week since she had seen Anna. Maybe, just maybe, the separation was what she needed, and the best course of action for her. It would better for her to take things with Anna slowly.
Chapter Nine
A few days after she arrived home and settled into her daily routine, Anna finally decided it was time to send a quick text to Lisa.
Anna: Hi, just wanted to say hello. Hope all is well. Let me know how you’re doing. By the way, thanks again for a special reunion.
Anna still expected a reply text or possibly a call from Lisa. But she didn’t receive a reply.