by Kat Colmer
I’d stormed next door, the words “divorce” and “Manhattan” swinging like wrecking balls in my head, demolishing the only life I knew. Anger at my parents pulsed off me in aftershock waves. Anger at Dad for putting the Outback Clinic before Mom and me, for having a job that meant he was away more than he was home. Anger at Mom for breaking her vows and cheating, for planning to drag me halfway across the globe in my final year of high school.
That night I desperately needed my friends. Beth wasn’t there.
But Jonas was.
He sat and listened and let me pace, rant, and rave. And when I was done, hot tears finally breaching my icy anger, he reached for me and held me until I cried myself dry. Then held me some more. Past the point where I needed to be held. And into an unfamiliar space where I became acutely aware of every gentle stroke of his hand over my hair. Of the reassuring weight of his palm as it pressed just below and between my shoulder blades. Of his breath as he murmured soothing words near my temple.
About then was when the unexplainable happened. I can still remember the startled taste of him, all sweet, tangy, and warm.
And a colossal mistake.
When I pulled away, confusion and panic clouded his eyes. Much the same as they did now.
“Look, that day… That was a crazy, insane day for me.” I inhaled, filling my lungs until they protested, forcing the uncomfortable truth out on the next breath. “I wasn’t myself, and I may have blurred the line between needing comfort and needing…something else.” The lava-slow burn of embarrassment made its way up my neck, but sheer pride forced me to keep eye contact with him. “It was stupid. I shouldn’t have done it. I… God, Jonas, I’m so sorry. Can we just forget it ever happened?” I shifted on my stool. “I don’t want you acting all weird around me.”
“I’m not acting all weird around you.”
I barked a laugh. “Come on! You’re so twitchy I’m starting to think you’re developing Tourette’s.”
“All right. Fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck. At least it wasn’t another hair tug. “But hell, Cora, you freaked me out that night. I was worried that you, you know…” He glanced at the kitchen counter, the bin liner near the door, the murkiness in his cup of coffee, as though looking for the right expression. When he couldn’t find it, he ran a frustrated hand over his face. “I was worried you wanted things to change.” He looked up, found my gaze, a silent but sharp question hanging in the air, threatening to sever six years of friendship if I answered incorrectly.
Fix this, Cora. Fix it now! “No! The whole thing was a massive lapse of judgment. I acted on a deviant impulse. Of course I don’t want things to change.”
Jonas angled his head. His gaze locked on mine, something alien flickering in his eyes. Something sharper than confusion or panic. “A deviant impulse.”
“Yep.” I hurried on. “Completely whacked, I know. I mean, I’d never see you in that way, never in a million years. It won’t happen again, I promise.”
“Never in a million years.”
“Yes!” Did he have to repeat everything I said? He had to believe I didn’t see us as anything more than good friends. He wasn’t even my type. I had issues with guys who had issues with relationships that lasted more days than they had fingers to count on. As far as I was concerned, that kind of disregard for anything long-term was in my no-thanks basket right next to cheating. For that reason alone, Jonas would never be an option.
No matter how mind-blowing that kiss had been.
He eyed me over the rim of his mug as he took a long, measured mouthful of coffee. That sharp something in his eyes made me shift in my seat again. “Believe me, I just want things to be the way they were before.”
He nodded. “So do I.”
“So that’s settled, then? We’re forgetting it ever happened?”
Another drawn-out sip from his mug before he answered. “Sure, it’s forgotten. Never happened.”
Just like that?
I inhaled a shaky breath. “Okay. Good.”
“Good.” Another nod.
But that sharp something? It never left his eyes.
Chapter Five
Jonas
The late morning sun burned down on my back as I worked to fit the last of the empty pizza boxes into the overflowing garbage bin. It was only after ten, and already the steadily climbing temperature had the flies circling last night’s decomposing leftovers. I did my best to ignore the smell as I shoved at the flattened cardboard, trying to make space where there was none, while mulling over Cora’s words.
A deviant impulse? She made it sound like kissing me went against all laws of nature. I punched the topmost pizza box, much like Cora’s words had done my ego. It didn’t escape me that this was the exact outcome I’d been after; I didn’t need my only female friend developing some stupid infatuation with me.
I swiped at a fly buzzing about my face. So why did Cora’s explanation sting so much? Sure, no guy wanted to be told he’d been kissed as a result of a fricking “deviant impulse”—what the hell was that, even? But the real burn lay in the fact that she’d been desperately trying to wipe the memory of the event from her mind, like the experience had scarred her for life, never to be repeated. Her exact words? “Never in a million years.”
Which is exactly what you wanted, you asshat! Yeah. So why the hell was I beating the shit out of my garbage?
I scrubbed a hand over my face—I knew why.
Because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the memory of the event out of my mind.
A mind that knew without a doubt that kissing Cora was all kinds of wrong. In all the years we’d been friends I’d never even considered the option. She was off-limits, too important to me to pull a stunt like that and risk screwing up our friendship. She was the girl I went to when I needed a sympathetic sounding board, an honest opinion, or when I wanted to hang, be myself. She wasn’t a girl I locked lips with.
But did I remember any of this that night a year ago? No. Instead, as she cried in my arms, a desperate need consumed me to take away her pain in any way possible. I wanted to wrap myself around her, shield her, slay all her demons so she wouldn’t have to face them ever again. Hell, if she’d asked me to, I would have stormed next door and kicked her father’s sorry ass for caring more about some kids out in the fricking bush than his own daughter.
So when her lips sought mine, it didn’t occur to me how wrong it was to kiss Cora; it was all about infusing that kiss with comfort and soothing, all about taking her ache and making it mine. The fear and panic only set in when it dawned on me how right it felt to be kissing Cora, how damn good it felt to hold her in that way. I’d give a kidney to wipe the memory of all that from my mind—because it scared the shit out of me.
And if Beth ever found out, she’d make a matching set of egg warmers out of my balls.
I whacked the near-pulverized cardboard one last time for good measure.
“What’d the trash can do to you?”
I turned to find Leo walking up the drive, bright orange T-shirt blinding in the sun, the words I code while you sleep a cursive black smear across his chest. The guy really was a nerd. But to some people—like those who looked to connect on an “inner nerd level”—cheesy coder T-shirts might be a turn-on.
Shit, Jonas, what do you care?
“Bin. It’s a garbage bin,” I said through clenched teeth.
Leo grinned, not in the slightest put off by my foul mood. “Hungover or not enough sleep?”
I banged the bin lid with enough force to scatter the flies. The slap of sound snapped me out of my misdirected anger. I took a calming breath. “Neither. Just acting on a deviant impulse.”
“A what?”
I looked up to find Leo’s face scrunched in confusion. “Never mind. Thanks for coming to help.” I started for the veranda stairs.
“Dude, I said I would.” Hands in his pockets, Leo fell into step beside me. “So, is Cora going to be here?”
I missed a step, just managed to grab the veranda railing, narrowly avoiding a close encounter of the face-plant kind with the sandstone. What was wrong with me? Tripping up the stairs was Leo’s talent, not mine.
“She’s inside with Beth,” I told him.
“Sweet.” He leaped up the last two steps, predictably wobbly on his landing but way too eager for my liking.
You don’t care who Leo dates. You don’t care. You do not care. I bit down the impulse to turn back to the garbage bin and do some more pounding.
“You don’t date, remember?” Should have bitten my damn tongue as well.
Leo’s hands shot up like I’d aimed a gun on him. “Whoa! Hold up, dude.” He turned to face me. “I didn’t realize it was like that.”
Ah, shit. Now he thinks I… Ah, shit!
“It’s not like that.” I rubbed at a sudden kink in my neck. “Cora’s like a sister, I don’t want her getting hurt, and I’m guessing you’ve got some serious baggage from whatever went down back in New York.” I glanced down at the small round shape pressing through beneath his T-shirt. “So I’m just saying it’s not a good idea, you and her. It’d almost be as messed up as you and Beth.”
Leo palmed the ring through the cotton. “Dude, relax. I’m not interested. The girl isn’t my type.” Then he angled his head and eyed me silently for a few seconds. “You think Beth and I would be messed up?”
“Hell yeah.” Not that I made a habit of thinking about Beth with anyone. Way too disturbing.
He peered at me from beneath his mop of dark hair for a second longer, then started down the hallway. I moved to follow him when my phone rang. A glance at the caller ID and… Ashley. I swallowed a groan. I only had myself to blame. I’d been interrupted last night, but now was the time to cut things off with her.
Resigned, I pressed talk. “Hi, listen, I’d like to talk, and it’s probably better if we do it in person—”
“Actually, I’m only calling to let you know I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Couldn’t say I was disappointed, but her sudden change of mind made me pause. “I don’t understand.”
“I was keen to…well, you know. But now…” She took a lengthy breath. “Look, Jonas, the thought of being with you, I…I don’t know how to explain it but…I can’t. Not now. Not ever.”
“Wait, you’re kidding, right?” This had to be a joke. She’d been all over me last night.
“No, I’m not. Good-bye Jonas.” And she hung up.
I stared at the phone. Did this just happen? This didn’t just happen. But Ashley’s name, and the duration of the call—thirty-four seconds—stared back at me from the screen, proving that it had.
I found Leo, Cora, and Beth out back, elbow-deep in empty drink cans and beer bottles, so engrossed in their conversation they didn’t notice me step out onto the deck.
“I’m with Cora. The remake sucks,” Leo said.
“Come on, Jackie Chan is a god.” Beth let a bottle drop into the garbage bag Cora held out for her.
“I’ll give you that. Jackie Chan does a half-decent Mr. Miyagi, but the rest of the movie has nothing on the—” Leo swallowed the rest of his sentence when he saw me. “Dude, you okay?”
I must have looked as stunned as I felt. “No.” I toyed with the phone in my hand. “That was Ashley.” I flicked a quick glance at Beth and Cora. How much of this did I want them to hear? “I think she just dumped me.”
“Ashley? Viv’s cousin?” The hitch in Beth’s voice was a good indication I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Could be?”
Channeling her demented elf queen from last night, she thumped me in the chest. “You know the rule: my friends are a no-go zone.”
Before I could stop myself, my eyes sought Cora’s. Smart girl that she was, she avoided my gaze and busied herself extracting a beer bottle from a half-eaten slice of birthday cake. Still, I caught the creep of color across her cheekbones. Egg warmers. Matching set if Beth ever finds out.
Resisting the urge to adjust myself at that thought, I looked back at my sister. “Friend’s cousin.” I rubbed at my chest. “She’s Viv’s cousin. You didn’t even know her before last night.”
“I don’t care. You do not hit on family members of friends, either, you hear me?” She jabbed the spot she’d just thumped.
“Ow! Quit with the poking already. And for the record, I didn’t hit on her. She came on to me.” Like they always did.
She rolled her eyes, all haughty demented elf queen. “Ever thought of saying no?”
Lately? More often than not.
“Is that a first?” Cora asked before I could answer Beth. Her blush was gone, a smirk tugging at her lips instead.
“What? Me saying no?”
“No, you being dumped.” There was challenge in her eyes, sparks in the hazel.
“Why? You got some advice to offer?” The snarky words were out before my brain could filter them. But if they hit a sore spot, Cora didn’t let on.
“Can’t help you there.” She slid a dirty paper plate into the garbage bag. “None of the guys I’ve dated felt the need to dump me.”
None of the guys? How many had she gone out with? She hadn’t said anything about a boyfriend while she’d been in Manhattan.
“What did you do to tick her off?” Beth asked.
I tore my gaze from Cora’s face to look at my sister. “Nothing.”
Beth cocked an eyebrow and, fearing for my safety, I took a precautionary step backward. “I swear! I had no time to screw up thanks to the search party you sent out.” I tipped my head in Leo’s direction.
“So what did Ashley say?” he asked.
“She said she couldn’t stand the thought of being with me.” Saying it out loud made it sound even more ridiculous. I glanced Leo’s way. “You think it’s got anything to do with that letter?”
“What letter?” Beth dropped an empty can into the garbage bag and frowned at me.
“He got some voodoo letter last night,” Leo said.
Garbage bag still in her hand, Cora crossed her arms. “There’s no such thing as voodoo.”
“Can we see?” Beth asked.
I pulled the fancy envelope from my back pocket where I’d stashed it last night and handed it to her. “Someone slid this under the front door during the party.”
Beth turned the envelope over in her hands, silently acknowledging the unusualness of something so elegant showing up on our doorstep. When she’d looked her fill, she slid the parchment out. Cora sidled closer, and they silently read the cursive text.
Then Beth laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Annoyed, I snatched the letter from her.
Cora shook her head. “You’ve really ticked someone off, haven’t you?”
Leo gave me an I-told-you-so look.
“Yeah, but whoever sent this really doesn’t know you,” Beth added.
I rubbed at my eyes. All this talk about ticking girls off was giving me a headache. “What are you talking about?”
“Your twisted love letter here warns you only have three chances to find true love or spend your life alone.” Beth shook her head at me. “Like you care!”
An uncomfortable silence descended over the deck. I thumbed the parchment in my hand, the smoothness of the paper reminding me of Cora’s silky green top from last night, of what I imagined it might have felt like against my fingers.
Choose well and plant love’s seed in fertile soil.
Or suffer on your own Love’s Mortal Coil.
Beth had it right; whoever wrote this didn’t know me at all, because planting love’s seed was the last thing I wanted to do. The emotion was a weed. Left unchecked, it choked everything around it
like it had choked the life from my father.
Enough of this bullshit. I went to fold the letter into its envelope when I noticed one corner of the coiled triangle watermark had completely faded, leaving only the other two. Expensive paper, my ass. This whole thing was a cheap joke.
Leo was the first to break the uncomfortable silence. “Dude, forget about Ashley and this voodoo crap.” He took the letter from me and stuffed it back into my pocket. “What you need is a distraction. I hear Jess Tanner is having one of her famous pool parties.” Leo looked at me like he’d just handed me the answer to all my problems.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Dude, come on!”
The idea should have been appealing, but it wasn’t. “I don’t want a late night. I need to get to the pool before my shift tomorrow.”
“It’s a pool party. You can swim laps in the Tanners’ pool,” he pressed.
“I’m not in the mood, Leo.”
“But I am, and you know I’m no good at parties alone.”
He was playing the new kid card. He could save it; he wasn’t that new anymore.
“Cora and I’ll go with you,” Beth said.
“We will?” If Cora’s expression was anything to go by, then this was news to her.
Leo’s smile spread slowly across his face. “Sweet.”
Shit. Bastard knew he’d won; there was no way I was letting my sister and Cora go to a Jess Tanner pool party alone.
I squeezed my eyes shut against the growing throb in my head. “Fine. I’ll go.” Because it wasn’t like this day could get any worse.
Chapter Six
Cora
Beth was already waiting beside the Beetle when I came out. One look at my uninspired Kung Fu Panda T-shirt and denim skirt, and she shook her head. “Nice to see you made an effort.”
I shrugged. “I’m not out to impress.” And tonight, next to her, I stood no chance. Her knee-length sundress floated about her slender frame while long blonde hair feathered bare shoulders. In the dimming evening light, she could have passed for one of those organic shampoo commercial girls, all lithe and ethereal. That was Beth; she could wear a garbage bag and still draw all eyes her way.