by Anya Palvin
So," she resisted the urge to shuffle her feet, "that's what I came to tell you."
She took a paused and tried to see if there’s some changes in his expression, then she continued when she found nothing."And since you know this now, I'm going to leave."
Diana thought she must have flown to the door, but she stopped when he spoke.
"I don't know who you are. I don't know if the person I fell for is who you really are." As Diana turned to face him, she saw the torment written all over his face and it broke her.
"It's me. You know who I am, William. No matter how much you deny it, or how often you wish it wasn't, you know it."
"You lied to me."
"I did. But you can't keep bringing that up." She shook her head. "You know the truth, and I've told you I'm sorry. I want us to work through it. I want to be with you. But I want a clean slate."
For the first time since she got to his place, she saw the William she knew. He was hurt, and she took complete responsibility for that. But she wanted him to give her a chance, and what his face was saying went completely against that.
"I don't think I can do that." He said, and the words confirmed what she had already read in his expression.
Even though it hurt – and something told her the full force of it would hit her as soon as she left – there was a release in her chest. She knew deep down that she was doing the right thing---that for the first time since she had met William, she was doing right by him and by herself.
"I hope there’s still a hope to change your mind. The man I met, the one I love, isn't someone who doesn't forgive. But then again, maybe you were lying to me," she smiled sadly, "and that person doesn't exist either. I guess we'll never know."1
She left before William could speak, and made it to the elevator before the first tear slid down her cheek.
12.
William sat at his desk, feet propped on top of it and his hands behind his head. He had almost finished the employee meetings – it had taken him two weeks, but he had managed. There was only one left, and he couldn't decide what to do about it. Diana's face looked at him from his computer screen where he had her employee file open. It haunted him, and at the same time, gave him a comfort he had no business accepting. The file didn't contain much that he hadn't already known. It told him about her qualifications, or rather, the lack thereof, and the years she had spent on the job. She had a number of testimonials written for her – ones he had a sneaky suspicion Connor had added – and they were all positive.
I wanted to come to South Africa because of its history. I thought that my husband and I would have to explore Cape Town by ourselves, but we were lucky to stay at the Grace Hotel where we were offered the services of a tour guide. From the moment we met with Diana, she made us feel like a top priority. She customised our tours so that we could really get a sense of the history of the city, and managed to make us feel part of it. This has definitely been a trip to remember, and it has largely been because of Diana and the hotel's efforts. I will be recommending this trip to all my family members in England!
He knew that the words in the testimonial were the truth, and it gave him even more to consider. Diana was not qualified to do the job she had been employed to do. He had spoken to Connor about it, and though his second-in-command hadn't said as much, William knew that the reason she was employed was not entirely a business decision. That alone should have made her one of the employees he would have to let go. And yet it seemed that she had taken the job she hadn't been qualified for – the one that hadn't existed before she came to work at the hotel – and turned it into something people wanted. Something people saw as being beneficial to the hotel, and that made Grace stand out. The testimonial he had just read had been one of many which had said as much. His business side said it made sense to keep her on, and that she was an asset to the hotel. But the other side of him disagreed. It told him that he could keep the service she was providing without her having to fulfil it specifically. In fact, he may even introduce it in the other Grace hotels. But she wasn't necessary, and he could let her go – he could – and forget that she had ever taken part in his life.
It was the easy solution, one he wished he could follow. But his heart wouldn't allow it. Even his head had been working towards that, giving him reasons as to why she should stay, and why he should give her another chance. She had lied to him, but it wasn't because of that that he was struggling to forgive her. No, he thought, it was more than that, and it had happened long before he had even met her. William was suddenly grateful for the whiskey Connor kept in the office. The one he assured William was only for after work hours. He poured himself a glass and knocked it back, relishing the burn that slid down his stomach and settled there. It was a long time ago, but it haunted him. And evidently the effect was still influencing his decisions – his life – today. Julia's name was all over it, and he knew she’s been playing a big part of the reason as to why he can’t seem to give Diana her forgiveness. And, if he was honest enough, so was his estranged relationship with his mother.
As he looked out onto the bay, he wondered if it was that relationship that had kick-started a string of poor relationships. Julia hadn't been the first, but he swore she would be the last. And he thought she had been, right until the moment he had first seen Diana's face on his computer screen. But now that he had time to think about it, he knew that his initial reaction was because he was angry. Not only at her but mostly to himself because he was clumsy enough to fall for someone who was just as untrustworthy as the other women in his life.
And then he thought about it, really thought about it, and realised that he had been wrong. Gloria's face flashed through his mind, and he could almost hear her scolding him for handling this so poorly. She was the very example of how not all the women in his life were bad. He made a mental note to send her some flowers, especially as he had been avoiding his family since he had found out about Diana. He hadn't wanted to see them since the last time he had been there they'd fallen in love with her.
And who could blame them? A voice asked, forcing him the face the simple fact that had made him reconsider everything else. He loved her. More than he'd loved anyone before. It was unlike to what he had felt before with anyone, this feeling is definitely different. It didn't have the slight taint that his relationship with Julia had had. He'd loved Julia. He wouldn't have stayed or fought as long as he did if he hadn't. But he remembered thinking that if that was love, he didn't want any part of it. It was like someone had placed all their weight on his chest, and he had only really been free to breathe when he'd left.
It wasn't like that with Diana. No, he thought, being with her was like inhaling on the first day of spring. He didn't think she could pretend to have the light that glowed around her. She was kind and caring – she was genuine and pure. And that was something that Julia had never truly given him. After thinking about it, he knew he believed Diana when she had told him she was scared. Hadn't he been, too, when his mother had left? He remembered the nights he would get up to check that his father was still there, and that he hadn't been left alone. Diana had been older when her parents had died, no doubt, but he knew that when someone was close to you, losing them seemed like the worst thing in the world---regardless of your age is.
He sighed now, and made his way back to his desk. The picture still stared at him – the reality of his choice was still there. He was going to have to make a decision about her---professionally and personally. William slid a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to pull when he realised which choice was the more important one. He tilted his head as he considered. He had been working late over the last few days, and had done everything in his power to avoid Diana. And he'd managed, but it had been torturous at the same time because he was so aware of her. He knew she worked late, too. For the last evenings, she'd left after eight, and he would make his way to his penthouse after then, grateful for the security cameras he had access to from his compute but since it was s
till six now, he thought that she might still be at the hotelwhich would mean that he didn't have to wait another day to speak to her.
He made his way to her office, ignoring the curious looks he got from the staff that were on duty. He couldn't blame them, since he hadn't been the most pleasant person for the last few weeks. He supposed the curiosity was a way of testing the waters, and checking whether or not he was approachable. He nodded in greeting to Kate who was on duty, and merely smiled at the raised eyebrow she gave him when she saw the direction he was walking in. The door to Diana's office was slightly open, making him effortlessly nudged it open and was about to speak when he saw her. She was shaking her hips to the left and right in a way that made him realise she wasn't aware of his presence. He felt the smile creep onto his lips as she continued the dance, and cursed when he pushed the door to get a better look and it creep open.
"Please, don't stop on my account." He said when she started and turned.
"I..." Diana knew her face was coloured with embarrassment. She cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?"
His face sobered somewhat. "I was hoping we could have the talk?"
She took a deep breath, waiting for the excitement she had felt a few moments ago to subside. Her heart was thudding in her chest, and she knew it wasn't entirely because she was tired from her impromptu dance. This is probably the moment he tells me I don't have a job anymore. She gestured for him to sit on the two-seater couch, and contemplated sitting next to him, but then realised it would bring her closer to him than she was comfortable with. She walked to her chair instead and moved it so she could sit across from him. She knew she looked ridiculous, but it would help her keep her sanity.
"I was wondering when it would be my turn for the employee meeting." She said, hoping to break the ice. "If I'm not mistaken, I must be the last person you're meeting with."
"You are, although this isn't about that. It's not work-related, I mean." William said quickly. "I wanted to apologise."
Diana stared at him and couldn't find the words to respond. She took a moment, and then cleared her throat again. "What does that supposed to mean?"1
"I wanted to apologise to you for the way I treated you when you came over to my place. I was still mad at that time and I couldn't recollect well to my mind the whereabouts of my manners. I'm sorry for being impolite."
"Impolite." Diana repeated, hating herself for the feeling of disappointment that pushed at her. "Well, I forgive you for being impolite." She stood now, and moved her chair to its usual place, hoping he would take the hint. He frowned, and remained seated, so she said, "You don't have to stay."
"That wasn't all I wanted to say."
Diana sighed. "William, if you're going to tell me you going to 'let me go', that's fine. But just do it quickly. I'd like to go home."
"I told you this isn't work-related." He sighed now, and the mixture of emotion on his face nudged her at heart. "Look, what you did – lying to me – it wasn't right. But it wasn't that you lied that bothered me. It was that it meant I couldn't trust you.
"I haven't had the best relationships in the past. I think the thing with my mother made me think that that was how relationships were supposed to be. You were together until something happened that messed things up, and then you left again. I used to keep waiting for something to happen, for my partners to do something that would make me unhappy. Or that I would do something that made them unhappy. And then we'd break up, and I'd start the cycle all over again. But the last relationship I had..." He pushed a hand through his hair. "It messed me up pretty badly, and I swore that I wouldn't get into another relationship without being sure I could trust that person. I would be able to trust in that relationship. And I thought you were that person for me."
Diana watched him as the emotion played out on his face, and she felt her heart lurch. "But I wasn't?"
"That's what I thought when I found out. I thought that you were just like the others and that I should cut my losses while I still had the chance. But you weren't." He stood and moved towards her. "I want to believe you, Diana. I want to believe that the person I fell for is still there, underneath the lie. Tell me she is."
He placed a finger under her chin, lifting it up slightly so that she was forced to look him in the eye.
"She is." She said, and licked her lips. His eyes flickered down and she felt her body respond to the heat she saw there.
"That's what I thought." He leaned in and very slowly, touched his lips to hers. She felt herself melt to the floor and she let herself enjoy the feeling. Tentatively she placed her hands on his arms, the muscle she had seen first-hand weeks ago fresh in her mind as she felt them tighten beneath her fingers. Thoughts of his sudden change in opinion flew out of her head as he deepened the kiss, still softly, still slowly, until she could no longer think of anything but him. He pulled back and looked at her, brushing his finger over his lips.
"Diana, will you start over with me? I want to be with you, without the lie between us."
She stepped back from him and her legs pressed into the back of her couch. She very deliberately walked to the other side of her desk, and sat, her legs too unstable to hold her reliably. "Where is this coming from?" Now that her senses were back – almost – she realised that he hadn't given her an explanation. "What's so different now than two weeks ago when you wouldn't even listen to my apology?"
"I've had time to think about what you said." He sat down across from her. "And there was a lot in there that hit a little too close to home for me. I know what it's like to lose someone. Yes, my experience was a little different to yours, but I understand how that can affect you."
He leaned forward, and took the hands she hadn't realised lay on the desk into his own. "I don't want to be the person who didn't forgive you. I want to be the man you fell in love with."
Diana heard her heart pounding in her ears, and thought that maybe she didn’t put much effort in understanding him properly. "Do you believe me when I say that I didn't mean to hurt you? That I am the person you thought I was?"
It suddenly became very important for her to hear him say that he did.
"I do."
She turned her hands so that they were holding his, and squeezed. "Then I have something to tell you." She saw his face close, but pushed through. "I told you that a part of the reason why I lied was because I was afraid to lose this job. It gave me meaning. It gave me hope that life could go on after my parents died. And I've clung to it because of that."
She let go of his hands and folded hers in her lap. "But after we last spoke, I didn't want to rely on it because I didn't know if I would still have the job or for how long. So I drew up my CV and I started applying to other hotels, tourism companies, and just before you came in, I heard that I got an interview for one of the jobs I applied for."
She waited for the explosion she thought would come. But it didn't. William was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "You weren't going to get a retrenchment package. I've read your employment record. The testimonials someone placed in there spoke of your value to this company. As much as I had wanted to let you go, I couldn't do it." He paused. "Do you still want to go for that interview even though you know you have a home here?"
"I –" Thoughts jumbled through her head. "I don't know. I thought I did, so much so that the dance you caught me in was in celebration." She flushed at the memory. "And then you tell me this, and I suddenly have no idea what I want."
"You don't have to decide right now. You can go on the interview and then decide. How's that?"
She smiled. It felt so unfamiliar, so different from all the tears. "That's perfect."
He smiled back, and she felt her world shift into place again. "Would you like to grab something to eat before you go home?"
Yes,everythingfelt right again. "I'd love
13.
"Diana, your two o'clock is here." Kate popped her head around Diana's office door, but was gone again before Diana could say thank you
.
Things were crazy at the hotel after the retrenchments. Although none of her friends had been let go, Diana had had to adjust to the loss of familiar faces. On top of that, the workload had been divided between the significantly less staff, which had caused a bit of frenzy. Diana couldn't even remember the last time she and Kate had been able to chat for longer than the "hi" and "bye" their conversations had recently entailed.
She gathered her things, and looked over the itinerary for the day one last time. The brother and sister she had met with a few weeks back were from South Africa, but lived in a very small town just outside of Johannesburg. They were scholars, and interested in the Cape Town culture which they would be writing a joint paper on. Diana had used one of their set packages called Experience the Cape Town culture as a basis, and then tailored the experience so that they would be able to find a little more to write about. Her stomach fluttered with excitement. Somehow she knew it was going to be one of those tours that made her love her job even more. When she reached reception, she saw her guests first, but noticed that they weren't alone. Her heart skipped a little when she realised they were speaking to William, and the smile she had ready for her clients widened.
"Hi Jasmine, Dorian." Diana greeted them warmly and shook each of their hands giving off her sweet smile before she turned to William. "I see you've met our regional manager Mr King."
"Oh, it's William." He answered with a gleam in his eye. She narrowed her eyes, and resisted the urge to laugh.
"William was just telling us about how he would be joining the tour today." Jasmine said, her eyes starry from the effect William had on women.
"Oh?" Her heart started beating faster.
"Yes," William interjected quickly, "I, of course, ensured them that it was completely up to them. Grace's custom tours are meant for our guests to experience as they wish."