by Lilly Purdon
I was too mesmerized to do anything. All I did was stand there and stare, the same thing he was doing to me. After a few moments, I decided to speak. “Hi,” I said in a surprisingly confident voice. I mentally slapped myself after that. Out of all the things I was dying to say to him, all I said was ‘hi’. Where was my brain when I needed it-?
“Hi,” he said back, still gazing into my eyes.
I was in shock that he had replied. My heart seemed to race with the wind. Inside I was jumping up and down squealing happily like a little girl. I felt as if sunlight had just entered my world for the first time, as if it had started to rain the middle of my drought, as if a light had been lit in my darkness.
The feeling I got from talking to my crush to my crush for the first time was absolutely amazing. All I felt was pure happiness, even though we had only said one word to each other. “Do you mind if I join you?” The question slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.
He smirked at me. “What are you, a vampire?” I just stood there as still as stone not knowing how to react. “I’m just messing around.” He chuckled, before awkwardly asking. “But did you get that joke?”
I furrowed my eyebrows together. He was telling me a joke…? It took me a few seconds to process it before I started laughing. “I get it now; vampires have to be invited in.”
“Are you a blonde like me?”
I just chuckled nervously, “I am, I mean- I should be. My hair’s brown right now, because uh… I kinda’ dyed it. My biological mom naturally had dark hair though, so I don’t really know how I got naturally blonde hair… but if you’re talking figuratively, then sometimes I’m quite a blonde-”
I stopped rambling when he started laughing.
I shut myself up, and before I knew it, my feet carried me over to him without me controlling them. The wind blew the door shut which made me jump. He seemed to calm like it was second nature to him. When I caught him stealing a glance at me, I leaned on the railing of the balcony and looked out into the distance.
I looked at the pleasant view of hills and grasslands before me. A few barns decorated the landscape here and there. I felt his eyes on me which made me feel self conscious. We were both silent at that moment. All I could hear was the sound of the wind blowing. His eyes wouldn’t leave my face so I turned to him.
“Is there something on my face?” I asked as I felt my face for any sigh of something alien.
“No, no, no,” he rushed out.
“Then why are you staring me?” I furrowed my eyebrows together.
He turned away from me with his cheeks tinted red. I stared at his cheeks harder. How could it be possible? Axel Storm Spencer- the school’s bad boy was blushing from something I said. It was either that or he was cold… but I liked to think it was because of me.
A smile crept upon my lips as I watched him turn away with flushed cheeks. “So how did you find this place?” He questioned, obviously trying to change the subject. “The last time I checked, no one knew about this place except for a few staff.”
I just shrugged, “intuition?”
“I know you from somewhere,” he suddenly said. “You go to this school?”
“Maybe,” I shrugged.
“You obviously do since you know about this place.” He furrowed his eyebrows together and reminded me of an adorable confused puppy.
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” I replied simply with a small smirk on my lips.
He narrowed his eyes at me. I froze up in fear. Did I just piss off my crush? All of high school I was looking forward to this moment and I ruined it because of being too confident. I was so stupid- A smile crept up on his lips. So he wasn’t pissed… “So what brought you here?” he questioned.
“I don’t really do dances.” I admitted. “My stepmother made me come because she wanted me to be ‘social’.” I quoted with my fingers.
“Really?” he looked surprised.
I nodded.
“I would imagine a girl like you going to every social event.” He smirked a little.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean ‘a girl like me’?” I quoted.
“You know, the popular girl-”
“Stereotypical,” I scoffed. “Never judge a book by its cover.”
He looked at me oddly, “you mean you don’t go to parties?”
“I hate them,” I replied. “I hate all kinds of social gatherings.”
“Why?”
“They make me feel uncomfortable.”
His gaze stayed on me a little longer before he nodded, “me too.” He admitted as he rubbed his hands to keep them warm. I didn’t know how cold it was until I noticed his breath in the air. He looked even far more handsome in person.
Once I thought hard on his reply, I furrowed my eyebrows together. I didn’t understand what he meant by ‘me too’.
“I hate social gatherings and shit like that,” he explained. My eyes slightly widened in surprise. Was Axel not the one throwing the biggest parties of year?!
“If you hate social gatherings, then why do you throw all those parties?”
“You seem to know a thing or two about me,” his joke almost made my heart stop in fear of him finding out how much of a stalker I was, but he continued, “I never said I go to parties I throw,” he smirked.
“If you don’t go to your own parties, then why do you even throw them?”
“For the fame,” he laughed, “so people won’t bug the shit out of me.”
He was the most complicated person I had ever met.
I looked out at the wonderful view from the balcony as the moon crept up higher in the sky. The clouds unfolded slowly, uncovering the moon little by little. I stood there watching the clouds until the moon was full and glowing bright in the sky.
“Incredible,” I whispered as I watched the bright moon above us.
“I know,” he said, looking straight at me.
The moon glowing in the sky looked so blue. I was hypnotized by the blue moon. Blue had always been my favorite color since I was a child. I didn’t know why, but I just loved it. Maybe it reminded me of how blue the sky used to be when everything was perfect when I was a child…
“I love blue,” I suddenly blurted out. My cheeks got hot when he turned to me.
A smile crept up on his lips. “That’s my favorite color.”
“It’s mine too!” I beamed.
We both had the same favorite color; I knew we were meant to be. I mentally slapped myself. Someone’s favorite color didn’t determine who they were meant to be with. His emerald green eyes melted into mine searching for something. We stood still, staring into our eyes for a moment, before he cleared his throat and looked away.
“So what are you going to be after we get out of this hell hole?” he asked casually. It had to be impossible for someone to be that good looking. The wind blew his blonde hair, making it a little messier. I smiled and folded my arms across my chest.
“I use to want to be an artist,” I admitted shyly. I was never comfortable with sharing my dreams. Because all most people did was try to ruin them.
“An artist?” he parroted. “You draw?” he smiled. I wasn’t expecting that reaction from him. I was expecting something more in the terms of ‘That’s impossible’ or ‘just give up now’.
I tried to play it cool and shrugged in reply. “No one has seen it before so I don’t know.”
“You should show me sometime.” He nudged my arm playfully. At the spot he touched, I felt tingles shoot up my arm from that little gesture. We both froze after the little touch. Was it possible he felt it too?
“No one actually knows about me doing art…” I trailed off.
“Why not?” he frowned.
“They'll laugh…”
“How do you know?”
I shook my head.
“You should.”
“They'll make fun of it.”
“How do you know?”
I shrugged.
“Yo
u don't know for sure until you show them.”
I shook my head again.
“You could show me, I promise I won't laugh.”
I shook my head quickly. I would never show anyone my artwork. What if he hated it? What if he thought I was untalented and suddenly disliked me for it?!
“So what do you want to be when you grow up? Well okay- I’ll rephrase that since we’re technically adults- or almost adults, uhm, what career do you want to go into?” I asked changing the subject.
“Even if I told you, you’d never believe me.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Try me,” I challenged.
“I want to be a vet,” he replied watching my face very closely.
My eyes widened. Once again, I was in shock. A vet? I must admit, I did not see that coming. I should've known he wanted to be a vet, since his super old photos on social media showed him with different type of animals, mostly farm animals though.
I recalled the photos I saved of him from back then. He was always wearing his favorite blue baseball cap. He had an adorable smile in every picture with animals in it. One of the pictures I looked at showed him standing behind a bunch of cows proudly.
I respected the fact that he wasn't embarrassed to show pictures of him like that on social media. I really admired that about him. He didn't give a shit of what other people thought about him. Well, he was hot anyway so that wouldn't matter with girls.
He chuckled. “Don't judge a book by its cover.”
“You’re using my own words against me!”
“I'm one to do that,” he winked.
He was cocky like any other jock or jock-wannabe at times, but he had his own style. He wasn't completely bad like other people thought he was. He seemed so soft, so fragile on the inside.
“So… what made you come to this dance?” I asked.
“A dumb ass psychiatrist my dad hired made me come.”
His words smacked me in the face.
Psychiatrist.
Spencer.
Cleo.
I panicked.
I could not let him know it was my step mom who made him come. If he knew he would never end up marrying me, let alone talk to me because of my stepmother.
“That really… sucks,” I said sounding as if I were constipated.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “So what made you come?”
“My-” I hesitated, but decided to tell him the truth, “step mom.” I secretly hoped he wouldn’t make the connection.
“Don’t you hate step-parents?” He forced out a laugh.
“Well, I guess mine’s not the worst, but she can be annoying as hell sometimes.”
He sighed running his hand through his hair.
“Well, I hate mine,” He said more to himself than to anyone else, “step-dad,” he added, because he didn’t know I already knew details about his family… Yep, I was definitely a creep.
“Why?”
Me and my big mouth! I shouldn't have asked him that! That was so rude of me! How stupid of me-
“He's a rich bastard. Used to beat me with his belt every day after school because I wanted to go live in California with my real dad. My mom of course, didn't believe me when I told her about the beatings. She thought I was lying to her, so that she would send me back to California.” He shook his head. “But thankfully, the beatings stopped. He's always taking my mom on vacations to different countries. They’re never home, but at least they leave me with money.”
I wasn’t expecting him to tell me that much…
His eyes shined with sadness that made me want to go embrace him immediately. I wanted his smile to reappear. I felt pain when I saw the broken look on his face. I was speechless and I didn't know what to say.
“My real mom left when I was 7,” I took a deep breath to hold back emotions, “she was an alcoholic and a drug addict. Abusive to me… and finally left.
My dad got me.
He runs a business though, so he’s never home. I’m left with his new wife… I mean, she’s never beaten me or anything, just a few slaps here and there… I guess it's better than nothing.”
He stared at me… the emotion in his eye wasn’t pity… but it seemed almost like admiration…? We both shared very valuable information about our lives to each other.
“Is that why you always act bad?” I broke the silence.
“Huh?”
“Is your stepdad the reason you’re failing and getting in trouble? Is it a way to persuade your mom to come home and divorce him?”
His eyes widened, he was speechless.
The look on his face was clear that I had hit the bull’s eye.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“You’re intelligent beyond your years… you know that right?”
I shook my head, “I’m just observant.”
“Plenty of people are observant, yet they still can’t conclude that.”
I shrugged, “call it a talent.”
“You know, you’re not like the other girls I met before.”
I didn't know how to react. Was that a compliment? Or was that an insult? I didn't know what to say, I was speechless. No reaction from me. Whenever I would get in a socially awkward situation, I would freeze up.
“That's a compliment,” he quickly said.
“I don't know what to say,” I admitted.
“You aren't like other girls. You don't drool over me, you don't rudely gawk at me, you don't act stupid or change your personality to try to get me to notice you, and throw yourself at me.”
That was a lie, and I knew that by heart. I drooled over him, I gawked at him, and I tried to get him to notice me by acting stupid and if I had the chance I’d throw myself into his arms and beg for him to sweep me off my feet. I was a whole different person behind this mask I was wearing.
I felt bad and I felt like a liar.
You know that nagging sensation in your stomach when you lie? Well, that was exactly what I was feeling.
“You don’t judge people… and I love that.”
At least that part was true. I smiled awkwardly and thanked him.
Suddenly, I heard a soft song with a nice beat. I started tapping to it as he stared at me smiling.
“You dance?”
I turned to him and shook my head, “no.”
“You should.”
“Why?” I asked.
“You've got a nice f-form.”
I stood there confused, “Form?”
“Uh,” he scratched the back of his head, “body.”
I didn't know what to say again. I was hoping he couldn't see the blush rising up on my cheeks through the dark. He offered his hand to me.
I looked at his hand then looked up to meet his magnificent green eyes again.
“What?”
“May I have this dance?”
~*~
Chapter 11 REALITY
Waking up from a wonderful dream is hard, but waking up to a bad reality is harder.
The night of the dance was probably the best night of my life. The first time of my life being noticed by… him.
The first night talking to him- heck even being able to have a deep conversation with him. Just the thought of it made me smile and blush crazily. I would’ve given anything to go back in time and replay that moment over and over again.
I wish that moment never ended.
But of course, like a fully bloomed flower… it lasted but a minute of my tragic hour.
Just like every other good or happy moment, it had to end.
Going our separate ways.
Snuggling into my pillow deeper, I tried to remember the minty breath he had when our lips were an inch apart. How his wonderful green eyes glowed in the moonlight.
I never wanted to wake up. I wanted to lie like that forever and replay the wonderful moment in my head again and again. My heart pounded against my chest crazily every time I thought of him, every time I replayed the moment.
I was so out of touch with reality. Still in my costume, I dreamt of the future I wished we could have.
I wanted him so bad last night.
Thinking of how his wonderful blond hair was being blown by the light wind. Of how the sexy golden/red mask covered half of his face making him look mysterious and beyond hot. How his perfect full lips looked so… yummy.
I probably sounded like a pervert, but if anyone were in my situation, they’d be thinking the same thing. I was in love with him since I started middle school, and I was graduating this year. I spent those six years stalking him, figuring how he acted, why he did what he did, and pinning up photos of him when no one was home.
He was a puzzle I desperately tried to solve.
Yep, I was a crazy stalker madly in love with the school's badass, someone I had absolutely no chance with.
One thing I didn't get was why Layla nice to me. I expected her to be a total bitch to me for dancing with her 'best friend'. A mystery deemed to be solved.
I felt so lucky I was able to even talk Axel, for getting to know him better. I thanked the skies above for the opportunity to be alone with him.
He was troubled.
Misunderstood.
Left out.
Judged by others.
He had trust issues.
I coped with my heartbreak by obsessing over him.
He coped with his by shutting everyone else out.
I grew to understand how he wasn’t able to have any best friends or maintain relations with any females.
The one time he tried getting involved with a girl who was three years older than him, but she cheated on him at a party with the entire football team... He didn’t seem too upset though, his ego was just hurt. She even blamed him for not ‘giving her anything’, so she had to get it from other guys.