Keep It Safe

by Olivia Snow

  My aunt and uncle never really spoke about homosexuality, but it was clear they didn’t approve from the remarks they would make—more so my uncle. I guess I wasn’t the only one in our family who’d been screwed over by one of our parents. Luckily for me, I was mending my bridge with Rose. I wondered if Declan could ever do that with his parents. My stomach rolled again, gurgling.

  Ugh, that damn pie. Closing my eyes, I started to drift off to sleep when my phone blasted “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” by Frank Sinatra. I scrambled to find my phone, and when I did, Max’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Did you go into my phone and add that ring tone to your name?” I answered.

  “That’s how you answer the phone?” Max grunted.

  “Yes.”

  “Then yes, I did. It’s how I feel.”

  My heart thumped in my chest, my breathing growing ragged. “What is it that you need, Professor?”

  Max groaned into the phone. “Don’t talk to me in that tone, Peaches. All I can think about is you.”

  “You mean my—what is it you love to call it? My tight wet pussy?”

  “No, baby…you, all of you, from what’s inside your head to the tip of your toes. All. Of. You. Ava.”

  My breath hitched, tears burning in my eyes. Why was this so hard to hear? “Don’t, Max.”

  “Don’t what, Ava? Tell you how I feel about you? I’ve only known you for a month and I am completely entirely owned by you.”

  “It’s called lust, Max.” I clamped my teeth on my bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

  “No, babe, I’m older than you. I’ve experienced and felt more than you have. I know what I’m feeling, and it isn’t lust, Ava, it’s a lot deeper than that.”

  “Why?” I breathed, feeling the weight of this conversation on my lungs and stomach.

  “Because you need to know.”

  “You don’t even know me. If you knew my past you’d—”

  “It’s the past, Ava, I don’t need to know what kind of person you were or what you did. I’m not falling for that girl, I’m falling for the one I see every day. For the girl who treats my son like…like he’s the best thing God has placed on this earth. The girl who smiles and giggles around me because I’m the only one who can make her do that, the girl who speaks her mind, who never backs down from a fight. I love that about you. Face it, kid, it’s easy to fall for you.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. He didn’t know me, he didn’t know the things I did, what I still struggle with today. All my mistakes, my dumb choices, crashed into my chest and cut like broken glass.

  He couldn’t fall for a girl like me. All I did was destroy and blacken the life around me. In an effort to push him away, and instead of actually telling him I needed more time, more room to make this work, I spilled everything.

  “I’m an alcoholic. I don’t even know the amount of men I’ve slept with because it’s been that many.” When he said nothing, I continued. “I used to do anything and everything to get by. I sold drugs, sold myself, robbed, beat, and threatened people. I slept with my cousin’s boyfriend because that’s the person I am. You don’t want me, Maxwell. Believe me, you don’t.”

  My voice broke, and I hung up the phone before I rushed into the bathroom to throw up the last of this awful night.

  ***

  The next morning my head throbbed and I was still queasy. I struggled to get ready and focus on anything but my headache. Vanessa hadn’t come out of her room; her door was still closed. Tapping gently on the sleek wood, I called for her.

  “Vanessa?” My voice was laced with exhaustion and pain. “Van?” I spoke louder, opening her door. The bed was empty. I rushed inside, opening the bathroom door before I called her again. “Van!”

  No answer. I scurried through the apartment. Her purse was gone along with her cell phone. Running back into my room, I grabbed my phone to call her.

  “Hello?” She answered after the third ring.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m on my way to Oklahoma.” Her voice crackled as the signal slipped in and out.

  “Oklahoma?” I demanded to speak with Diesel, and I heard Van passing him the phone.

  “Hey, darlin’.”

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Taking Vanessa on a little vacation away from her crazy parents and cheatin’ boyfriend.”

  “Diesel, you’re going to get fired. Worse yet, her mother will make your life and Van’s miserable. You don’t know what she’s capable of.” Diesel mumbled something to Vanessa before getting back on the phone with me.

  “I know what’s at stake here, Ava. But she needs to get away from all that bullshit. She needs space to clear her head.”

  “This is going to end so badly.” I rubbed my aching temples.

  “Most likely, but I’m willing to go through some shit for her. She’s different.”

  Him too? What the hell was in the water lately?

  “Don’t do anything that will force me to chop off a very valuable organ of yours.”

  “Yes, Oh Scary One, I remember what you said.”

  “Good, now let me talk to my cousin.”

  The phone was passed back to her, and she said, “Hey.”

  “She will find out, Vanessa.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you ready for all that?”

  “No, but it’s long overdue don’t you think?” Her voice was full of determination, and my heart swelled with pride. I was suddenly optimistic that she would finally stand up to them.

  “Yeah, sweets, it is. Let me know when you get there, okay?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “I love you.” The line went silent, and I looked at the screen of my phone to make sure I hadn’t lost her. “Van? You there?”

  She let out a jagged breath before speaking, sounding shocked. “You said, you said…I love you too, Ava.”

  “I’m not her anymore Van, I’m not that girl who can’t say I love you.”

  The conversation from last night with Max flooded my mind. I wasn’t her anymore, so why was I still pushing people away? My past had taught me many lessons, but I wasn’t the old Ava anymore. I deserved to be loved, and I deserved to love. Why did I push Max away when all I wanted was to pull him in?

  Vanessa’s voice tugged me away from my thoughts. “You’re right, Ava, you’re not her anymore. You’re Ava, my Ava, you’re back. I’ll call you when I arrive.”

  “Okay.” I swallowed. “Be safe.”

  “You too.”

  ***

  I looked into the rearview mirror, making sure I appeared decent enough. There were bags under my eyes and the color was drained from my face. I was pale and looked as exhausted as I felt. Not to mention nervous and sick to my stomach. My fear was that I’d walk into his house and apologize only to have him reject me. How could I face that? Oh, God, I made a mess of things. I was so good at that. As I grabbed my thermos and purse, a tap on my window startled me.

  “Holy shit!” I felt my heart jump into my mouth.

  “Are you planning on sitting here all day?” Max opened the door, taking my hand to help me out of the SUV, his eyes showing amusement, and that smolder I was becoming so accustomed to. “How’d you sleep?” He stood in front of me, swiping the pad of his thumb under my eyes. I was sure he could see how tired I was. “You’re so beautiful.” Max kissed the corner of my mouth. It took all of me not to break down and cry in relief that he still wanted me.

  “I’m sorry.” My voice was hoarse.

  “I hope you got all that out of your system.”

  “You’re not freaked out? About anything I told you?”

  “Are you truly an alcoholic?”

  “Recovering.” I winced; it was embarrassing saying it out loud. After all, this was a part of my life I’d kept secret for so long.

  “Why are you working at a bar then? Isn’t it tempting?”

  “It is, but it isn’t. My will to never g
o back to that place overrides any temptation or craving I get. Honestly, the smell of it makes me sick now.”

  “I’m going to be brutally honest with you, Ava.”

  “That’s all I ask.” He had my full attention and my heart was in his hands.

  “I’m a little wary about you watching Aidan now.” Max looked down at his feet, as if he was ashamed when he didn’t need to be. He was just being a good father.

  “I completely understand, believe me I do. I’ll just go inside and tell Aidan goodbye and—”

  “Move in with me.”

  My stomach dropped and my depression transformed into dread. “What the hell are you thinking? I can’t move in with you, we hardly know each other. I just told you I’m a recovering alcoholic—”

  “I love you.” He gripped my face with his enormous hands. I sucked in a sharp breath, my body trembling. I fell back against the vehicle for support.

  “You…you can’t do that. You’re not playing fair, Maxwell.” My shaking hands fell to my chest to confirm my heart and lungs were still there. I was having problems breathing, the panic was rising within me.

  “I’m not getting any younger, kid. I had a very unhappy marriage with the woman I thought was it for me. Since then, I’ve dated, but no one makes me feel the way you do. What I thought I felt for Gwen doesn’t hold a candle to what I feel for you. I can’t stand being apart from you. I want to sleep in the same bed with you, and wake up next to you. All day I look forward to coming home, finding you waiting for me, and when you leave it rips me apart. I miss you the second you walk out that door. Please, Ava, live with me. Complete me.” My breath picked up and the air rushed into my lungs, making it hard to breath. I gasped, looking into his eyes. He was serious. Deadly serious. “Breathe, baby. In and out, in and out.” He whispered as if he were praying. In his eyes, I found the answer to everything. I found my home. He was it.

  “Okay.” Tears filled my eyes.

  “Okay?”

  I nodded, a smile spreading across my face. Max grinned as he placed his hands over my ribs and lifted me up against the car. I squealed, wrapping my legs around his waist, and giggling into his neck. He grabbed my face to look me in the eyes.

  “Oh, Ava.” He placed little kisses all over my face. “I.” Kiss, kiss. “Love.” Kiss. “You.”

  And I loved him. But I just couldn’t say the words out loud. I was still afraid, and I didn’t know why.

  “Is she moving in?” We were startled by the little voice to the side of us. I was mortified to find Aidan watching us.

  “You told him?” I asked, looking at Max.

  “That you’re his girlfriend or that you’re moving in?” Aidan asked. When I gaped, he added, “I wasn’t born yesterday.”

  Max and I both laughed.

  “Yeah, buddy, she’s moving in.” He lowered me to the ground, and my feet met the pavement.

  “Yes!” Aidan charged us, jumping into Max’s arms before he reached over to hug my neck.

  Looking up at the professor, my heart swelled, and his sweet smile told me I was in for quite a night. But all that was quickly doused like a freezing rain.

  “Mommy called,” Aidan exclaimed. “I told her you were outside with Ava. She said she’s coming home!”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Ava

  After dropping Aidan off at school, I went back to the apartment to pack an overnight bag for the next couple of days. Max suggested I start packing up, but I wasn’t quite ready to move all the way in.

  When Aidan said his mom was coming home, Max seemed distracted and distant. He no longer seemed excited about me moving in, and the sensation made my heart ache. I was in major need of some advice so I took the silence of the peaceful apartment to call Zia Teresa.

  “Pronto?” She answered after four rings.

  “Zia, sono Ava.”

  She gasped in excitement, continuing our conversation in Italian. “Ava! Hello, darling, how are you? Is your family treating you right?”

  “Yes, everything is pretty calm for now. Vanessa and I are a lot better off than when I left.”

  “Oh, good, I was worried that evil wench you call an aunt was spitting the poison she usually does. I thought maybe I needed to go over there and kick her ass.” I laughed; Teresa and I weren’t blood related, but I liked to think I got some of my sass from her because it sure wasn’t from Rose. Rose was as sweet and composed as they come. “Is everything all right?” Teresa continued.

  “I, uh…I met a guy. A man.” I scrunched my face up at the thought of her possible expression.

  “What do you mean by a man?” Sitting on the couch, I covered my face with my free hand, already sensing how this conversation was going to go.

  “His name is Maxwell.”

  “Okay?”

  “And, he’s ah…he’s twenty-nine.” The line went dead silent. “Aunt Teresa, are you—”

  “I’m sorry, Ava, can you repeat that? I thought I heard you say he is twenty-nine?” She laughed in disbelief.

  “No, you heard correctly, he’s ten years older than me.”

  “Ava.” A second later, she started flying off the handle, arguing with herself and swearing Italian curse words and sayings I’d never heard before. I strained to understand her.

  “Auntie, calm down. With all due respect, I didn’t call to get mothered. I’m sorry, I know he’s older, but he makes me happy…happier than I have ever been with anyone. You know how big that is.” She stopped instantly, and we were both silent for a moment before she exhaled into the phone.

  “Yes, you’re right. You’re a smart girl, wise beyond your years. What is it, then? You’re not pregnant, are you?”

  “What? Christ no!”

  “Don’t use his name in vain.”

  Sometimes I forgot how religious she was, even after going to Mass with her every Wednesday and Sunday. “Yes, ma’am, sorry.”

  “Well?” she asked.

  I inhaled deeply, letting out the entire story from how I got the job to how Maxwell reacted, to his wife coming home and everything in between.

  “Oh, Ava.” She sighed, her disappointment clear. “He’s still married and they’ve been separated for five years. That is a huge red flag. Why haven’t they divorced?”

  “I don’t know. He said he’s filed, but she hasn’t signed the paperwork.”

  “If he truly wanted a divorce, there are other ways around that.”

  I thought back to the one conversation we had about this, after we had sex for the first time. Was he lying to me just to get into my pants? If that was the case, then why tell me he loved me? Nevertheless, I knew he wouldn’t let Aidan know about us if I was just a girlfriend on the side.

  “I don’t know. Maybe now that he has me, he’ll press the issue.”

  “Don’t choose to be blinded by what’s in front of you, Ava.”

  “I…” Sighing, I rubbed my aching temples as the pain returned. “I’m not.”

  ***

  While I drove to pick up Aidan, Teresa’s words kept playing in my head. Fortunately, I kept busy all afternoon talking to Dr. Parker, Declan, and Vanessa. Vanessa had arrived safely in Noble, Oklahoma. To say she was in culture shock was an understatement. Vanessa was a world traveler; she’d been to Europe several times, Australia, Asia, a number of other countries, but leave it to a little unknown town in Oklahoma to get her all riled up.

  “Van, it’s not that much different from Denver.”

  “Oooh, yes it is. Maybe not if you’re looking from afar, but if you look closely it is a whole lot different.”

  I could already picture her looking around with wary eyes at what was in front of her, or even picking up a piece of something in disgust. I loved her, but she was still very much a princess.

  We spoke about Diesel’s brother and uncle and their uncommon names before she was interrupted by Diesel and got off the phone, promising to call me back before she went to bed. I hadn’t told her about moving in with Maxwell
yet because I still wasn’t certain I wanted to. I waited for Aidan in the same spot I always did, and he greeted me in the usual way, with a tight hug around my neck.

  On the ride home, he rambled about his day and what he’d learned in science class. He said their next experiment was to make an active volcano out of any materials they wanted as long as it was safe and didn’t involve fire of any sort. We agreed to start researching it after dinner.

  For dinner, I made a simple spaghetti aglio olio e peperoncino—spaghetti with garlic, oil, and hot pepper. I didn’t add as many peppers as I normally did, for Aidan’s sake. While Aidan read about volcanoes on my tablet, I poured the spaghetti in a serving platter. Soon enough, the front door opened and Aidan jumped up, running to his dad. I heard Aidan giggle and squeal before coming into the kitchen in his father’s arms. Jesus, they were beautiful.

  “Smells delicious.” He grinned, making my stomach tighten into a knot. “It’s time for dinner, wash your hands,” he said to Aidan.

  Aidan jumped down from his father’s hold and flew out the kitchen. Max took a giant step in front of me, held my face in his hands, and devoured me. Pulling at my bottom lip, and taking in my tongue, he nipped gently at my flesh.

  “I missed you,” he said in between kisses. I groaned, placing my hands on his backside and squeezing. “Tonight, Peaches.” He stepped away, my hands fall limply to my side as we heard Aidan running back. “You’re mine,” Max mouthed, and my legs quivered.

  We finished dinner and Aidan’s homework, and after reading him The Giving Tree, he easily fell asleep.

  “You’re so good with him,” Max said, closing Aidan’s bedroom door.

  “He makes it easy for me.”

  Max held my hand, kissing it gently before he kissed my mouth. The words were on the tip of my tongue. I love you. Except they didn’t come out, I was still such a chicken-shit.

  “Let’s dance.” Max pulled me to the living room. Taking out his phone from his front pocket, he let go of my hand to plug the phone into the speaker dock on the mantel. He was still in his professor attire with black fitted slacks, a blood red button-up shirt folded up to his elbows and a charcoal colored tie. He looked menacing and tempting all at once, and he was all mine.