And she just couldn’t do it. Not now.
She crossed her arms and hugged herself, sinking down on the bed as she did so. “He’s not here anymore, Kev. He won’t ever be here ever again.” She swallowed. Tell him. “And even if he was, you have no idea what our life together was like or what path we were going down. Don’t make assumptions.”
He looked angry. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
She ought to be offended, but in truth she was just tired. So tired. She’d spent months running away from herself, from her feelings, from the crumbling foundations of a marriage that had been going wrong long before her husband went on a mission that cost him his life.
“It means there are things about my life—and Marco’s—th…that you don’t have a right to know.”
She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t tell Kev that Marco had wanted free of her. She didn’t blame him because she’d wanted free too. But what did it say about her that the man who’d married her and wanted to take care of her—put her on a pedestal, as Kev thought—had changed his mind?
Kev looked confused. And then he grew angry again. He was so beautiful it hurt to look at him. His eyes were clear and hot, his shoulders were broad, and a wave of inked muscles flexed in his arms as he curled his fingers into fists. “It’s clear we can’t work together anymore. If you don’t ask Mendez for another bodyguard for this assignment, I will.”
Her stomach twisted. She knew he was right, that she should ask for one of the other guys—but she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. “If that’s what you want, go ahead. But you’re the only one I trust.”
It was the truth.
He swore softly. “That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair. If it was, Marco would be alive and Al Ahmad would be dead—and all those innocent people he killed would still be alive too.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. How had she let this degenerate into such a mess? “I’ll go after him no matter who Mendez assigns to guard me, because he has to be stopped. But I want it to be you. You’re the one I know best, the one I’m not afraid of being alone with.”
And that was the truth. He’d touched her tonight in ways that would make her come out of her skin if anyone else had done it. She was still reeling from the realization she’d really wanted more. Not just in her head, but her body had wanted it too.
His jaw tightened. “You should be afraid. We both should.”
He turned and walked out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.
***
Lucky stepped into the darkened room at the HOT training facility and gazed at the obstacles in her path. She knew Kev would attack her at some point, and she had to be ready. Her ears strained to hear movement in the darkness and her heartbeat slowed as she regulated her breathing.
Christmas was coming in just three days, but that didn’t mean that training for a mission eased. In fact, Lucky’s training had shifted into overdrive. Every day for the last two weeks, she’d hit the obstacle course, the pistol range, the outdoor range, and the gym.
It was necessary on two accounts. First, she had to be ready or the mission could fail. And second, it kept her busy and exhausted enough that she didn’t keep dwelling on what might have happened if Kev hadn’t backed away from her after that kiss.
He was still her bodyguard, her trainer, her constant companion—but they didn’t talk much anymore. She asked again for her own car and a room, thinking she needed some time to herself before they went to Qu’rim and she and Kev were forced to play husband and wife. Mendez did not approve the request. Not that she’d expected he would.
Though it was awkward as hell, she’d awakened early every day, showered, put on her jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed breakfast and coffee, and piled into Kev’s truck to ride the few miles to the military base that housed HOT’s facility.
And then she spent the days honing her skills with the men who would be staking their lives on her ability to find the evil needle in the sand dune. It wasn’t the same intensity of training they’d gone through to become HOT operators in the first place, but it wasn’t easy either. She worked hard, and every night she went home exhausted and fell into bed before eight o’clock. She didn’t dream because she was too tired to dream.
Lucky forced herself to focus on the terrain. She crept from one point to the next, ever aware of what was happening around her. There were noises—loud bangs, animals, people moving—and then there was silence. She moved forward slowly, trying to be aware of what was happening around her.
And then someone grabbed her from behind and shoved a gun beneath her jaw. Lucky forced down the panic that was her constant companion during the hand-to-hand stuff and let her instincts take over. She just did what she’d been taught, grabbing the wrist holding the gun and twisting from beneath her assailant’s grip. Another flip and twist followed by a sharp blow to the elbow and she had control of the gun.
Kev grinned at her as he shook his arm out. “Great work.”
She dragged in a breath and willed her heart to slow. She knew that if he’d reacted as he’d been taught, she wouldn’t be standing here with the empty weapon. But he’d been acting as an assailant without Special Ops training, and therefore he hadn’t prevented her from taking the gun. She knew he could have done so with terrifying speed, and she shivered beneath her sweatshirt.
“Thanks.” She flipped the gun and handed it back to him grip first. The hand-to-hand combat had been her biggest worry, but she’d made it through. Because of Kev. He’d been the one to initiate her, and he’d been the one to direct her training. He’d told her he couldn’t go easy on her, but he’d in fact been harder on her than anyone else. When she’d faced the others, they’d been tough—but not as tough as Kev.
He’d forced her to work hard and to concentrate on her actions rather than on what he did to her. And that had been the key to making it work. Once she let go of her fear and reacted on instinct, she succeeded.
“Hey, Big Mac,” a dark voice cut in. Lucky spun toward the entrance, her heart kicking up. Her adrenaline was already pumping hard, but the interruption only served to ratchet it up because she was already in fight mode.
Jack Hunter stood silhouetted against the door, as quiet, deadly, and coolly handsome as always. Man, he gave her the shivers. “Mendez wants to see us in the ready room.”
“Give us a minute.” Kev’s voice came from behind her, equally calm and cool.
“Sure.”
Jack disappeared and she turned back to Kev. His gaze pierced her. “It’s not too late to ask for another partner on this mission.”
Lucky’s belly flipped. “I told you I didn’t want anyone else.”
He stared at her for a long moment. And then he shrugged. “Just thought you should know that I understand if you’ve changed your mind.”
“I haven’t.” But she knew he wished she had. After that hot kiss they’d shared, after the way he’d had his mouth and hands on her starved flesh, his indifference hurt more than it should.
He turned away from her while her heart throbbed with hurt. Lucky sucked it down and followed him. He put the weapon and their gear away, and then they walked through the corridors to the ready room. Mendez sat at one end of the conference table while the rest of the guys ranged around it in positions of utter relaxation or knife-edged readiness.
Lucky took a seat and concentrated on the colonel. He looked grim—but when didn’t he?
As soon as they were all there, he launched into it.
“We’ve had information. The king’s forces are strained at the seams, and there’s been some dissension in the ranks. We think someone on the inside is communicating with the Freedom Force, but we can’t be sure. And the king is unwilling to believe anyone in his inner circle would betray him.”
“The mine?” It was Matt who’d spoken.
“Still in the government’s hands, but we’re no longer certain that matters as much as we thought it did. If someone is conspiring with Al Ahma
d, the government could collapse much sooner than we expected. The balance of power could shift at any moment. I don’t have to tell you that we can’t let that happen.”
The men murmured agreement. Lucky’s heart pounded as she thought of the film and what Al Ahmad would do if he had that mine. What if he changed his mind about the chemical weapons and someone gave him nuclear technology instead?
The looks on the male faces around the conference table told her they’d all thought the same thing.
“We’re inserting before New Year’s,” Mendez said, and Lucky’s stomach dropped. She’d always known they were going to Qu’rim, always known she would be that much closer to Al Ahmad—but having a definite date rattled her in a way that all the training and planning hadn’t yet managed.
She glanced over at Kev, found his eyes on her, and jerked her head back to the front of the room as Mendez punched a button, and a PowerPoint presentation flared on the screen in front of them.
“Here’s the plan…”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Kev read over his brief again and glanced at Lucky, who was still reading hers. He was a photographer covering the unrest in Qu’rim, and she was a teacher. They were newlyweds, which kicked him deep in the gut and made him want to howl in frustration. How was he supposed to play the newlywed with this woman? He had the part down about being unable to keep his hands off her—but he wasn’t going to let that happen.
He couldn’t. What would it say about him if he did? About his respect and love for Marco?
It was bad enough he’d kissed her. That he’d done more than that and had his mouth on her breast, even if there’d been a T-shirt between him and her flesh. He’d been wrong to push her and helpless when she’d admitted that she wanted him too.
He should have walked away before things got out of hand. But he hadn’t.
And now he’d spent the last two weeks thinking about the way she’d looked, kneeling on her bed, her head thrown back and her breasts thrust toward him. He’d been thinking about the way she tasted, about how he wanted to taste her again. Worse, he’d gone to bed hard and aching every night, knowing she was there, knowing she’d been ready to melt beneath his touch.
He had to get his head around the fact she was going to Qu’rim with the team. This was the first time they’d gone on a mission with a woman as part of the operations team, and if anyone had told him he’d be the one pretending to be her husband, he’d have laughed his ass off and told them it was too far-fetched for belief.
But HOT was evolving, and so too were their missions. He was a Special Operations soldier, but it seemed he was also an actor these days as well. Whatever it took to get the mission done.
They’d been planning the mission for a while when Mendez scraped back from his chair and stood. Everyone snapped to attention—including Lucky.
“As you were,” Mendez said. “It’s been a long day, so why don’t you all get some rest? Back here tomorrow at oh seven hundred.”
Everyone looked at each other as Mendez walked out. “You heard the man,” Matt said. “Go home for a few hours. Come back in the morning ready to work. And oh,” he said, turning back to them when he reached the door. “Evie’s cooking Christmas dinner. Since nobody’s going home for the holidays, we’re happy to have you celebrate with us.”
The guys all said their thanks and Matt left with a nod.
“Who’s Evie?” Lucky asked, leaning in close so no one else could hear.
“His fiancée. Our Richie Rich went home for his sister’s wedding this summer and came back with a woman.”
Lucky’s mouth formed a soft O. He found himself wanting to press his lips over hers and experience the fire and sweetness of that kiss again. He clamped down on the desire and forced himself to think of something else. Cleaning the toilet. Washing dishes. Anything to get his mind off her mouth.
“That’s awesome. I guess she’s not military, hmm?”
“Nope. They were childhood friends.” Kev huffed a laugh as he thought back to the drama of the summer. It hadn’t been fun at the time, not when he and the guys had used HOT assets to help Matt—against orders not to get involved—but everything had turned out all right in the end. They’d busted an organized crime ring and dismantled a huge illegal operation. That kind of thing was always satisfying. It was the reason he did this job—to make a difference and stop the bad guys. He hadn’t been able to stop his father, but he damn sure could try to stop as many men like Dan MacDonald as possible.
Soulless, conscienceless bastard.
The guys filed toward the door. Billy called out, “We’re going over to Buddy’s for a few beers. You two want to come?”
Kev opened his mouth to say no, but Lucky turned with a smile on her face—she didn’t smile like that at him, dammit—and said, “Thanks, that would be great.”
He waited until everyone else was gone before he spoke. “You need to rest, Lucky. Once we go in, it’ll be nonstop.”
Her pretty eyes were solemn. “I know that. But I think we deserve a night out for once, don’t you? Maybe we can forget, for a little while, what’s about to happen.”
He knew from experience that wasn’t possible but he nodded anyway. “All right, if that’s what you want.”
They drove to Buddy’s in silence. When they arrived, Billy waved them over to a round table tucked into one corner of the bar. It was a dive in some ways, but Buddy always welcomed the guys warmly and the food was good. Around the table, the guys laughed and joked as if there wasn’t a critical mission coming up. Lucky sat down next to Ryan Gordon, who turned his killer smile—part of the reason his team name was Flash rather than just the obvious Flash Gordon reference—on her while Kev tugged out the only remaining chair across the table and tried not to scowl as Flash leaned in and said something that made Lucky tilt her head back and laugh.
Billy shoved a beer at Kev and gave him a sympathetic look that made Kev frown all the harder. He didn’t like that knowing look at all.
Garrett Spencer got up and ambled over to the jukebox while a waitress hustled over with more beers and some extra menus. Kev studied his menu intently, which was ridiculous considering he knew everything Buddy’s had, and tried not to lift his gaze over the top of it to look at Lucky sitting there with Flash, laughing at every third thing he said and tossing her mane of hair playfully over her shoulder.
“Maybe Flash should play her husband,” Billy said sotto voce, and Kev stiffened. “They look a lot more natural together than you two.”
Kev turned a page in the menu. He didn’t see what was written on it anymore. “Fine by me.”
Billy snorted. “No, it’s not.”
“Mind your own business, Kid.”
Billy lifted a bottle of Sam Adams to his lips. “I am minding my business. I know what Marco meant to you, and I know you care about Lucky too. And if you can’t do this job without emotional attachment, you put us all at risk. Let someone else play the part, dude.”
Kev resisted the urge to punch something. “I already tried. She trusts me—and I’m sticking with her because I promised Marco.”
Billy let out a breath. “Copy that. Just be careful, okay?”
Kev nodded as Billy took another pull from the beer. He knew his teammate cared, but there was no easy way through this job when Lucky twisted him up on the inside the way she did.
Iceman must have made a selection because the jukebox rattled to life and the strains of a dance tune filled the air. It wasn’t too fast, but it wasn’t slow either.
Flash stood up then, and Lucky stood with him. Kev started to stand too, but Billy gave him a look that made him sink back down as the pair of them walked over to the area that had been cleared off to make a dance floor. Kev sat stiffly, waiting for Flash to take her into his arms and praying he wouldn’t—because Kev would probably bolt off this chair and rip her out of them.
But nothing of the sort happened as Flash and Lucky lined up and began moving in sync. Kev realized then
that it was a stupid line dance and he let out a long breath. Iceman joined them while Knight Rider stood and went over to the door as his professor fiancée walked inside and launched herself into his arms.
Sam wrapped his arms beneath her ass and lifted her up while she put her legs around him and kissed him like no one else was in the room.
“Damn, those two could ignite a rocket,” Billy said softly.
No kidding there. Sam set Dr. Georgeanne Hayes down and they walked over to the table, wedged tightly together as if they couldn’t bear to be parted. He pulled a chair over for her, but she plopped down on his lap instead and wrapped one arm around his neck. He certainly didn’t seem to mind.
“How are y’all doing today?” she said in her Texas drawl, plucking Sam’s beer off the table and taking a drink.
“Great, ma’am,” Billy said. “How about you?”
Georgie laughed. “Fabulous now that I’m here with my man.”
The waitress came back to the table, and Kev ordered a burger. The other guys had already ordered and the waitress said she’d come back for Lucky’s order when she was done on the floor. Kev took a long draught of the beer she’d set in front of him and tried not to scowl as Lucky laughed and kicked up her heels with abandon.
He hadn’t seen her that relaxed in… well, he couldn’t remember.
It wouldn’t last, though. Tonight, they could all pretend nothing was wrong, that life was normal, but tomorrow they’d be back to work, worrying about the mission and how they were going to find—and extract—Al Ahmad. Kev wished like hell they were killing the bastard, but the order from the top was to capture.
It wasn’t going to be easy, nor was it going to be like other missions since they were taking Lucky along for the ride.
The song finished and Lucky came back to the table with Flash behind her. He pushed her seat in for her and then looked up at Kev. Whatever he saw on Kev’s face wiped the smile from his own, and he sat down and grabbed his beer. He made sure not to sit too close to Lucky after that, and Kev felt like an asshole.
Dangerously Hot (A Hostile Operations Team Novel)(#4) Page 9