Resurrecting Phoenix

by Isabel Lucero

  “You can grab some drinks from the fridge. I’ll take the plates to the table.”

  Instead of sitting on opposite ends of my table for four, I place Evan’s plate to my right as I sit at the head.

  “Water or soda?” he asks.

  “Sprite, please.”

  “Thank for inviting me over,” he says as he comes around the table with drinks in hand. “I haven’t been grocery shopping recently, and I was about to have to eat a bowl of cereal.”

  “Is that better or worse than frozen pizza?”

  “Definitely better. Milk. It does a body good,” he says with a grin.

  It’s then that I notice his pajamas. They consist of a black t-shirt that’s had the sleeves cut off, showing off his impressive, muscled arms, and the pants are black fleece with a mixture of the Batman, Superman, Aquaman, and The Flash symbols.

  “My sister bought them for me,” he says, noticing my smile as I inspect them. “They’re pretty comfortable.”

  I laugh. “They look it.”

  “I like your pajamas,” he says, eyeing his shirt.

  “Oh.” I blush. “Yeah, I forgot I had this on,” I say with a laugh. “It’s pretty comfortable, too.”

  After about five minutes of eating in relative silence, Evan speaks up.

  “So, how’s everything been?”

  “Pretty good. I met a new friend.”

  “Oh yeah?” he says between bites.

  “I met her at a spouse grief support group. She’s really nice and we get along great, and the fact that we understand what the other is going through is just the icing on the cake. I’m meeting up with her soon for lunch.”

  “That’s great, Phoenix.”

  “I talked to my parents, too,” I add before taking another bite.

  His eyebrows go up. “How’d that go?”

  “Not bad, surprisingly.”

  He nods, taking another bite. There’s more I want to tell him about the conversation with my parents, but I wait until we’re done eating.

  As I’m rinsing off the plates, a loud crack of thunder makes me jump. “Jesus.”

  “It’s really coming down out there,” Evan says, peeking through the window. I can see a flash of lightening light up the sky briefly.

  I walk past him and into the living room. Both of us take a seat on each end of the couch, and the sound of the rain hitting the window is the only noise in the house. I don’t bother putting the TV on, because I know we have a lot to talk about.

  “So, you know how I told you I talked to my parents?” He nods. “Well, I wanted to talk to you about that conversation.”

  “Okay.” He looks concerned, but gives me his full attention.

  “I wanted to talk to them, because I needed to make sure we could get past the issues I have with them. I know, like you do, that life is short, and we shouldn’t put so much energy into holding grudges and being stubborn. So, I got some stuff off my chest.” I pause, beginning to get nervous, and take a deep breath. “I uhh . . . I told them about you.”

  I look up from my lap to see his eyes widen slightly. “You did?”

  “Yeah. I decided to tell them both about you, because I hope that you’ll be around for a while.”

  That was my cop out way of saying, I hope we’ll be together. I hope you can meet them one day. My nerves got the best of me, and I took the easy way out.

  “Well, I don’t plan on moving anytime soon,” he says with a lopsided grin.

  “I wanted them to know how I feel about you,” I say, rubbing my hands together in a nervous gesture. “So, yeah.”

  “How do you feel about me?” he asks, his tone going serious. “I mean, with my job and everything.”

  I sigh. “I want to apologize for how I reacted when you told me. That was an exciting time for you, and I ruined it. It’s just that I didn’t think for a second that that’s what you were gonna say. I wasn’t prepared.”

  “I completely understand. Had I known that your husband was a cop, I would have been sure to break the news not only sooner, but in a more sensitive manner.”

  “I think I would’ve reacted badly no matter what. Look, Evan, I’m gonna be honest here, I really like you. You became my friend and helped me more than you know, and as much as I tried to push my feelings away, you broke through that wall and made me realize that I liked you more than just a friend. I enjoyed being around you. I loved knowing that when I was with you, I would be happy, and that I would laugh. You made me look forward to things, even if it was just the next day. I hadn’t looked forward to anything in a while.

  “Your job scares me. Because of how Gordon died, I’m terrified that it could happen again, to you. All I could think about was that I would lose the one person who was able to pull me from my misery, and I wouldn’t have anybody. You’re the only one who seemed to know what to do to help me. I can’t lose my friend,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion.

  “Hey, hey,” he says in a soothing voice, coming closer to me. “I understand your fear. I do. I’m afraid, too.” He grabs my hands. “I’m afraid to tell you certain things, because I worry it will scare you away. I’m afraid that one day you’re going to realize you can’t do this,” he gestures between us, “and you’ll go back into the cave you’ve lived in. I’m scared of losing you, too.”

  “After talking to several people, and having some time to think about everything, I know that I’d rather take a leap of faith and enjoy being with you and the joy that brings to me, than cower in the corner, letting fear keep me from having a life at all.”

  “I don’t think you have any idea how much having you in my life means to me. You say things that make me feel so good, like I’m bringing so much positivity into your life, but you have to know that I feel the same way about you. You brought meaning into my life again. Moving out here was the best decision I’ve ever made.”

  He grins, pulling a smile from me in the process. “Even though there’s only five hundred people here?” I joke.

  “Five or five million, I’d still only see you.”

  My stomach flips at the line. “You always such a charmer?”

  He shrugs. “Only with you.”

  “Oh, you’re good,” I say with a laugh.

  “I have a question for you.”

  “Okay.”

  “This is a serious one.”

  “Okay,” I repeat, dragging the word out as my eyebrows furrow.

  Lightning flashes outside and thunder cracks nearby. The lights flicker as I stare into Evan’s eyes, waiting for whatever he’s about to ask.

  “Will you be my girlfriend?”

  The smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth makes me grin. I laugh as I slap his knee. “You had me nervous.”

  “What? It’s serious. What’s your answer?”

  “My answer is yes.”

  His face lights up and he pulls me into a tight hug. In his arms, I feel comfortable, cared for, and protected. Something I never thought I’d feel again.

  “I’ll always be here for you, Phoenix,” he says, pulling just far enough away to make eye contact. “I love that we’re friends. Whether we’re painting, watching movies, looking at the stars, or eating dinner, we’re always able to laugh and have fun. I think that’s important. I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. If you’re feeling sad about Gordon, I’ll be a shoulder for you to cry on. Don’t ever feel like you can’t come to me for support. Okay? I know he’ll always be in your heart, and I wouldn’t want you to remove him from there, as long as there’s a little space for me, too.” He smiles a small smile and it melts my heart.

  I nod, trying to make sure the tears that are filling my eyes don’t fall. “I’m not sure that I deserve you,” I say, burying my face into his neck. “You’re my rainbow.”

  He chuckles. “Your rainbow?”

  I pull away. “Yeah. You know how it storms, and you feel like the rain is never going to stop, and the wind’s gonna blow you away? Well, even after al
l the rain that has flooded the streets, and the wind that’s destroyed trees, there’s always a rainbow. If you can manage to get through the ugly storm, you’re rewarded with a beautiful rainbow.”

  Evan smiles at me. “I’m your rainbow,” he states.

  We lean forward at the same time, our lips connecting with soft pecks before turning into something more passionate. Evan’s tongue massages mine, lighting a flame within me. My body burns for his, needing a deeper connection, so I climb onto his lap.

  The storm outside rolls on, the rain pelting the windows, and the lightning and thunder making their presence known, and with one bright flash and loud crack, the lights in the house go out.

  “What do you want to do?” he asks in a husky tone.

  “You.”

  My response elicits a growl from him.

  WITH THE STORM as our soundtrack, completely enveloped in the darkness, Evan and I strip each other of our clothes. He gently lays me down on my back across the couch cushions, and then hovers over me, kissing my neck, jaw, and lips.

  My hands roam the ridges of his muscles as my legs wrap around him, trying to bring him closer.

  He pulls away slightly. “As much of a mood killer this may be, I didn’t come prepared,” he says softly, still taking the time to plant kisses on my neck and chest.

  “Oh,” I say, disappointment in my voice. “Well, as I’m sure you know, I haven’t been with anybody since, you know, and I never got off birth control.”

  His mouth moves to my breasts, giving each of them equal attention, causing my back to arch off the couch.

  “I haven’t been with anyone in about six months, and I’ve always been safe,” he says, moving his tongue along my stomach.

  “Mmm, okay,” I moan.

  Nothing, not even talk of birth control and being disease free can kill the mood right now. It was necessary to bring up, and another step in our relationship. Trust.

  My fingers entangle in the long strands of his hair as he keeps a steady pace downwards. When his tongue tastes my arousal, I gasp and pull on his hair slightly.

  “Oh! Oh, god.”

  Evan brings me to the precipice of ecstasy with his mouth, but backs away before I can reach the peak. I whimper, but he’s quick to put me out of my misery by positioning himself between my legs and filling me up with one quick thrust.

  Both of us cry out in bliss and enjoy the connection of our bodies. My legs wrap around him as he continues his movements, and my fingers dig into his shoulders and down the length of his back.

  I was so caught up in the sheer pleasure, that when I open my eyes, I notice the lights have come back on. I can now fully appreciate the look of lust on his face. My body hums every time he caresses me, and my heartrate increases each time he looks into my eyes, because behind those beautiful brown eyes, he’s telling me something. He’s telling me how he really feels. I close my eyes and cry out as my body reacts to everything Evan is giving me.

  Only a few minutes later, as I’m still coming down from the high, Evan finds his own release, and I moan right along with him.

  After we both use the restroom and clean up, we come back to the couch with our pajamas back on, and cuddle under a blanket. I’ve turned the lights out, but turned the TV on and found a movie to watch.

  I tuck myself into his side and he drapes his arm over my shoulder, squeezing me into him. Something that feels this good, this comfortable, isn’t a bad thing. There’s no way someone can tell me that it is, either. I’ve resigned myself to not give a damn about what anybody else thinks. What they have to say behind my back isn’t my concern. I know how I feel, and I know that I’ll always love Gordon. I’ll always miss him. But now I have a man who not only realizes that, but is okay with it, and encourages me to talk to him about it. How can I not make room for him, too?

  “You want some water, babe?” he asks, starting to get up. “For some reason, I’m feeling a little dehydrated.”

  I smile up at him. “For some reason, I am, too. I’ll definitely take a water. Thank you.”

  He kisses my forehead and smiles before going to the kitchen. I watch him with a stupid grin on my face until I can’t see him anymore. He comes back to the couch, getting back in place next to me and asks, “Why’re you smiling?”

  It’s then that I realize I never stopped smiling when he left the room. “Just thinking about you,” I answer honestly.

  “Well, that’s good to hear.”

  I drink down half the bottle of water before resting my head on his chest and eventually falling asleep.

  When I wake up, it’s to the smell of food being made, and in the warmth and comfort of my bed. At some point during the night, Evan carried me to my room, and I’m grateful, because that couch has already given me a few cricks in my neck. A note is propped on top of the pillow next to mine.

  Good morning, beautiful.

  Meet me downstairs. I want to have breakfast with you.

  -Me

  I smile as I place the note back on the pillow. Scurrying off the bed, I go use the bathroom, brush my teeth and hair, then I’m jogging down the stairs.

  As I get closer, I hear music playing, and Evan singing along softly. He goes back and forth between singing the lyrics and humming along. I creep up behind him quietly, enjoying his performance. Even though I know he’s not trying, and he’s not being particularly loud, he sounds like a good singer.

  He uses a spatula to flip a pancake, then turns around, looking for a plate. When he spots me, he startles slightly before smiling.

  “You’re sneaky.”

  “You were singing.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Hardly.”

  “I thought you sounded pretty good.”

  “Come give me a kiss.”

  I do. I take a few steps in his direction, and lock my hands behind his neck, giving him a passionate good morning kiss.

  “Good morning,” I say, smiling against his lips.

  “Good morning.”

  I grab the plates for him, and he piles three pancakes on each one.

  “Those look amazing,” I state right as my stomach growls. “My stomach thinks so, too.”

  He laughs. “Good. Let’s eat.”

  “You have plans for today?” I ask.

  “Just being with you.” He pauses and looks up at me. “Unless you have plans.”

  “My only plan was to go to the school today and see if I can start working there again, but other than that, I’m free.”

  “What time are you heading over?”

  “I should probably do it early. Just get it over with, you know?”

  “That works. I can go home, shower and get dressed, and then we can meet up once you’re done.”

  “Okay.”

  His hand squeezes my thigh under the table and then he finishes shoveling the pancakes in his mouth. He’s done before I’ve even finished half of mine. He kisses my forehead as he walks around the table, taking his plate to the sink to wash off.

  “I’m gonna head out. I want to make sure I have enough time to get some stuff done before you’re done.” I open my mouth to ask what he needs done, but he leans down and shuts me up with a kiss. “Good luck. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Text me when you’re home.”

  “Thanks. I will.”

  He slips on his house shoes he left by the door last night, and walks to his house in his pajamas. I laugh to myself, then finish eating breakfast.

  After I shower, I throw on some wide leg, gray slacks and a white blouse, finishing the look with some black pumps. My hair is left down in loose waves, and my makeup is the bare minimum, just making sure to color my lips, and highlight my eyes.

  The office has summer hours, and I just hope the principal is there. If not, I can at least ask when he may be in. My teacher certification is still valid, I just have to hope Jack trusts that I’m back to my normal self.

  I walk towards the brown, brick building, noticing the red trim looks newly painted. Walking throug
h the wide, double doors, I take a deep breath and walk to the front desk.

  One woman is going through files and paperwork on her desk, and I hear another voice coming from the principal’s personal office. The woman—a plump, redhead—looks up at me. I don’t recognize her from when I worked here.

  “Hello,” I greet politely. “I was wondering if Jack McKanna was here.”

  Her brows furrow and she looks over towards the office. “Liz, you know Jack McKanna?” She looks back at me and gives me an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I’m new.”

  “Oh,” I say with a chuckle. “That’s okay.”

  Elizabeth Monroe comes waltzing out of the office. “Jack?” she questions, but then she notices me. “Oh my goodness, Phoenix! How the heck are ya?” the older woman asks, coming through the door to give me a hug.

  Liz worked here when I did, and long before then as well. She has to be in her early sixties, but she’s still got some sass.

  “I’m doing good,” I reply, and for the first time in a while, it doesn’t feel like a lie.

  “That’s good to hear, sweetie. I’ve missed you around here. You know we don’t have many young’uns in this building. It’s a bunch of us old folkies.”

  My laugh comes natural. “I’ve missed being here,” I admit.

  “So, you’re looking for Jack?”

  “Yeah, I wanted to see if there was any chance I could come back. Hopefully you guys need another second grade teacher,” I say with a smile.

  “Well, darling, I hate to break it to ya, but Jack doesn’t work here anymore. He went on and retired.”

  “Oh? Who’s the principal now?”

  She smiles grandly while extending her arms. “You’re looking at her.”

  “No way!” I exclaim. “Wow, I’m so happy for you!”

  Liz was always my favorite teacher here. I had no idea she was interested in becoming a principal. There’s only a dozen or so teachers at this school, and she’s right, most of them are forty-five or older, and when I was here, a third of them were men. I got along with them all, but they weren’t people I could really become good friends with. Not outside of the school anyway.