Before I could change my mind, I hurried out of the house and made my way through the darkened night to Georgia’s. Wyatt’s cabin was out of the way, but I wasn’t worried about being attacked in Burden. I was too worked up about Hutch. Maybe leaving so soon was wrong. Maybe he would’ve decided that he was ready to admit we were mates. Maybe when he woke up, he would have been ready to commit. Maybe he would’ve stopped pushing me away.
I shook my head and hurried on. He hadn’t decided he wanted me yet. Heck, I’d had to push his buttons just to get him to have sex with me. A sudden wave of panic hit me when I thought about the possibility that he hadn’t wanted me at all. That his bear had, and he’d just given in to quiet his bear and make peace with him. I wasn’t exactly sure how all that shifter stuff worked.
I sucked in a harsh breath and marched on to Georgia’s. I was doing the right thing. I wouldn’t throw myself at him and confess some stupid undying love when he couldn’t even say for sure if he wanted me for more than a quick roll in the sack.
Georgia was reading on her couch when I got there. She grinned up at me and clapped. “You did it! Now, the resident meek little librarian can truly start to let her freak flag fly!”
I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. I dropped onto the couch beside her and let myself fall apart. I cried into her shoulder as she held me and didn’t stop until I fell asleep, finally too exhausted to do anything else.
*
Forcing me to avoid all temptation to run back to Hutch’s house and beg him to be with me, the girls took me to Dallas early that morning. I didn’t love spending time in Dallas, so close to my very large family, but I also didn’t want to spend the day moping and hoping I would see Hutch. Feeling like a middle schooler with a crush wasn’t great for my confidence.
We ended up shopping all morning. I showed them the specialty shop that had been my little secret until that moment. It sold all the beautiful lingerie that I wore and a few other fun things. We loaded ourselves down with stuff from there and then moved on to other places. On the road, we’d decided that we should get a few more books for the book exchange, so we spent a long time in a naughty book store, too.
By the time we got to lunch, I was tired of shopping and was ready to go back home. Allie looked like she was exhausted, too, but Georgia was fresh as a daisy and ready to go again. We were seated at a restaurant downtown and I was only mildly surprised when my sister walked in.
Jenni Maddox was always a sight to behold. In tight clothing and necklines that drew stares from men ages fifteen to ninety, she was always dressed like an upper class sorority girl from Georgia who was just a little sluttier than the others.
Her green eyes roamed across the restaurant and skimmed right over me. It wasn’t surprising that she didn’t recognize me. My appearance had definitely changed.
I debated not saying anything, but Jenni really was one of my favorite siblings, and I didn’t want to be rude. I lifted my hand and waved to her. “Jenni!”
She looked back at me, did a double take, and after a few seconds, her mouth fell open and she rushed over, ignoring a hostess that was trying to lead her in another direction. “Veronica! Oh, my god. You cut your hair! You look amazing!”
I gave her a quick hug and then turned to Allie and Georgia. “Jenni, these are my friends, Allie and Georgia. Guys, this is my big sister, Jenni.”
Jenni groaned. “Why do you always have to use the big word, Veronica. You know I hate it. And, until this haircut and style change, I could get away with pretending to be the younger sister.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re only a couple of years older than me.”
She motioned towards the empty seat at our table and smiled. “Do you ladies mind if I join you for a few minutes? I never meet Veronica’s friends and I am just dying to tell someone all of the embarrassing stories I have about her.”
Georgia grinned. “I’m pretty sure we’ve got a couple that could top yours.”
I sat back in my chair and looked around for the waiter. I wasn’t even going to ask if it was too early for a cocktail.
CHAPTER 17: Hutch
It was barely noon on a Tuesday and I was getting drunk in Thorn’s bar. Alone. The only other person in the damn place was Thorn and he was working in his office. He’d issued me some warning about being back soon to yell at me, but I didn’t give a fuck. I’d planned to be drunk long before he got back.
I didn’t even know who was running the shop for the day. I didn’t care. I needed a day to get to be as fucking careless as everyone else got to be. I needed to be drunker.
I threw back another shot of whiskey and growled at myself. “Can’t believe she fucking left.”
I’d woken up to find my bed empty. I was so sure of myself, that I’d assumed Veronica was in the bathroom and stayed in bed, waiting for her to come out for half an hour. When I realized that she was gone, my bear had been livid. With me. He was blaming me for her leaving. I’d shifted without being able to help it and destroyed my bed. Then, in a rage, I’d walked through my bedroom doorway, tearing out wood and sheetrock on either side of it and tripped over my rug crashing through my big screen TV like it was a sheet of tissue paper.
My bear was big. Huge. Bigger than any of my buddies bears. Drunk with anger, I’d stumbled through the streets to Veronica’s house, only to find it empty. Her scent wasn’t fresh there, so I knew she hadn’t gone home. My bear, panicked, had run through all of Burden like the wild, raging animal searching for its mate that he was. He was terrified that something had happened to her. I was terrified.
By the time I’d calmed down enough to trace her scent to Wyatt’s cabin, the sun was high in the sky and there’d been multiple reports of a bear roaming Main Street. She wasn’t there, though. I owed Wyatt a new door, too, because while trying to prove that she wasn’t there, I’d ripped his clean off the house.
“Fuck.” I poured myself another shot and tossed it back.
I’d finally given in to the urges and then she left me. I didn’t know if I’d ever been left in bed alone before. By my mate, of all people, too. Of course, she didn’t know we were mates, but she had to feel a connection with me. I knew she did. How was it so easy for her to sneak off in the middle of the night?
The kicker was that I knew I deserved it. I could’ve had her a year before if I hadn’t been such an idiot. We could have been enjoying each other all that time. I could’ve been enjoying my mate instead of being miserable trying to forcing myself to sleep with other women in some vain attempt to have a good time. The truth was, other than the few times I’d been with Veronica, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d truly enjoyed myself with a woman, or felt at peace.
Thorn appeared in front of me with a nasty scowl on his face. “How long have you known that she’s your mate?”
I poured yet another drink and stared into it. “Long enough that if I tell you, you’ll want to hit me.”
“How fucking long?”
I tossed the amber liquid back and met his glare. “Since the first time we bumped into each other. Over a year ago. Memorial Day weekend last year. I was heading to the bar to meet you and the guys, taking a short cut around the library, and she was just coming out of it. We collided. Literally. She smelled like strawberries and lime.”
He slammed his hand down on the bar. “Over a year, Hutch?! You’ve been avoiding her and treating her shitty for over a year? Rejecting her? Rejecting a mate? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I gestured at him with my glass. “I wasn’t avoiding her. She was hiding from me. Which was great. It was easier to ignore the fact that she was out there when she was hiding in the library like a scared little kitten. Now, thanks to your mate and Wyatt’s mate, she’s turned into a damn tiger. She won’t hide from me anymore and I can’t stay away from her if she isn’t hiding from me.”
“You’re drunk and stupid.”
I grabbed the bottle and tipped it up, pouring whiskey straight into my mouth. “Y
ep, on both accounts.”
“Hutch, brother, how could you do something like that to your mate? Don’t you know what that can do to someone?”
The sincerity in his voice unhinged me. I stood up from the barstool so fast it flipped over. “I wasn’t trying to do anything to her! She came too soon. Fuck, she came too soon. I was trying to save her! I was trying to save her from me.”
“You’re the one who lectured me when I was hiding from Allie. You told me that any one of you would be more than happy if your mate showed up. The whole time you already knew who your mate was.”
“I am no fun. No fun!” I drained the rest of the bottle and dropped it back on the bar. “My life is not about me. My dad died when I was fourteen, you know that. I dropped out of school and started working at the shop right away so Mom and Sterling wouldn’t end up on the streets. I worked nonstop. Still do. I never stop working. You know all of this shit, yet you still don’t see it? You don’t understand? What do I have to offer a woman like Veronica? I missed everything—high school football games, dances, prom, college. My life has been serious and weighty since that day Dad died.
I still work my ass off, to make sure Mom is taken care of. To make sure that if something happens to me, like something happened to Dad, they’ll be taken care of. I’m fucking stressed. I don’t remember ever not being stressed. And the only time it gets any better is when I’m talking to a pretty girl and going back to her place for a quick hook up. And even that’s not fun anymore since I met V.”
I sighed. “Besides, what does a guy like me have to give her? She’s a librarian. She’s fucking smart, Thorn. I dropped out of school at fourteen, remember? Even before that, I wasn’t good at school. You want to know how many books I’ve read in the past ten years? Zero. Zero books. A dumbass like me is never going to be enough for a smart girl like her.”
Shame settled heavily on my shoulders, joining the weight of the rest of my world, and I was embarrassed to have to fight back tears. I angrily scrubbed at my eyes and turned my back to Thorn. Fuck, I was drunk and making a pussy out of myself.
“Brother, you can be an asshole. That’s for sure. You’re also one of the best, most honorable guys I know, usually. The two of you were paired for a reason. You already know this shit. If she’s your mate-”
“She is.”
“If she’s your mate, then you were meant to be together. I don’t know how you got the idea that having a mate is going to be this seriously weighty responsibility that takes away your every last ounce of freedom and slaps a ball and chain around your ankle while ridiculing you for not being rich enough, or smart enough, or good enough. It isn’t. You haven’t even given that girl a chance. I have more fun with Allie than anyone else in the world. She fucking makes my day, every day. You could have that, too. You could have someone to come home to who would take that weight off your shoulders for a while, not add to it.”
I straightened the bar stool and sat back down. “Hand me another bottle.”
He did like I’d asked and shook his head. “Ronnie is amazing. She’s not who you think she is. You should see her in here. She keeps every woman around her on their toes. She’s a wild card. You don’t know what you’re missing.”
I sank even farther into my seat. “I do know. I took her back to my place last night. I think I fucked it up too bad. She snuck out when I fell asleep. She’s over me.”
Thorn glared at me. “I should kick your ass.”
“Go for it. Nothing you can do to me will hurt me any more than I already do.”
CHAPTER 18: Veronica
After an embarrassing lunch that resulted in Jenni calling my brother Aaron to join us, we did some more shopping and then drove back to Burden. It was already dark by the time we got close and I was exhausted. Jenni was always so high energy that just talking with her wore me out. I’d also had a few too many mimosas and I was feeling it.
I wanted to climb into my own bed and slide my naked body between the cool sheets, but Georgia was alone again, while Wyatt guided a tour group up the mountain, and wanted company. I didn’t even know if I’d be decent company at that point. I felt like I was dragging my feet.
We dropped Allie off and then drove to the isolated cabin. Georgia hissed and shut the car off. “I think your boyfriend stopped by.”
I followed her gaze and frowned. “You think Hutch did that?”
The front door was leaning against the side of the house. Georgia nodded and groaned. “I guess this is my karma for coming up with fun ways to fuck with him. Come on. Let’s go make sure he didn’t let any wild animals into the house.”
I snorted. “Now, that’s a good one.”
She bumped me with her hip. “I don’t know why you’re laughing. You’ll have a wild animal in your house before long, too. You’ll get to deal with the cranky morning bear and the dirt. So much dirt. I’ve never seen a man be so dirty before. And the hair. They grow beards so fast and cut them all over the sink. Ahh…there’s so much to look forward to.”
I thought about Hutch’s house and grunted. “I didn’t even think to look at Hutch’s house last night. It could’ve been coated in a layer of slime and I wouldn’t have noticed.”
“Are you ready to tell me how it was?” She stepped past the splintered door frame and tsk-ed. “Your mate has a lot of explaining to do.”
I looked at the mess and winced. “Maybe we should stop messing with him.”
“Honey, don’t forget that the man who, I’m sure, gave you earth shattering orgasms last night is the same man who has ignored and shunned you for the past year while he caroused with other women. He deserves to suffer a little bit. He deserves to suffer a lot.”
“But, your door…”
She laughed. “Thorn dented a travel trailer once for Allie. Shit happens when you’ve got a giant ass bears roaming around your house.”
We went through the small cabin and then settled with our bags on the couch. I kicked off my shoes and curled in on myself. I was so tired. I felt like I could sleep for a week straight.
“Now, tell me how it was.”
I let a slow smile lift my lips. “I don’t think there are words.”
She laughed and nodded. “The men in this town are delicious. And good at what they love.”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t exactly use the l-word with Hutch. After all, I had to coerce him into sleeping with me.”
With an eye roll, she just got comfier on the couch. “You’re his mate. The way shifters feel about their mates is unstoppable. That man likes you. He’s just fighting it for some reason. We’re going to fix that, though. Part two of our plan starts the day after tomorrow. You just have to manage to avoid him until then.”
I swallowed. “That might be easier said than done. He took down your door.”
“He won’t be able to get to you. Tomorrow, we’re having the naughty book exchange club.”
I thought about it. I tried to tap into the hurt and anger that I’d felt for so long. It wasn’t hard. Hutch had made me suffer. He was still making me suffer. I had no doubt the man would still be happily avoiding me if I hadn’t come out of hiding.
“Fine. I’m game.”
I stretched and groaned at the aches I felt throughout my body from Hutch. I didn’t want to play these games. I wasn’t enjoying this at all. I just wanted to be with him. I was tired of being alone when there was a man so close to me that was made especially for me. I was tired of the drama. I was ready for Hutch to wake up.
“Come on, Ronnie. It’ll all be okay. Hutch will come around and then this whole thing will just be a funny story you tell your grandkids one day.”
A whimper caught in my throat. “I don’t think this will ever be funny to me. Having your mate reject you for over a year is just pathetic.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her side. “He’s the pathetic one for not chasing you. You’re amazing. Now, come on. We’re going to bed. You can stay with me because there�
��s no way you’re sleeping down here on the couch with the door wide open.”
I couldn’t argue with that sound reasoning.
CHAPTER 19: Hutch
“Oh, no, no, no, you don’t want to bring your car here! Honey, there’s a nice guy over on Elm who works on cars in his mom’s yard. Go see him!”
I jerked upright and banged my head on the hood of a minivan. I recognized the voices of Allie and Georgia and dropped the hose I’d been trying to get on and hurried outside. I was hoping that Veronica would be with them.
My head throbbed painfully from the horrific hangover I was sporting and my dick was just as angry. I’d dreamt of her all night long. My bear turned his back to me and I hadn’t even been able to shift for a run that morning.
I was having a bad fucking day and now it was compounded as I stepped out into the too-bright sunshine and didn’t see Veronica. Allie and Georgia stood on the sidewalk in front of my shop, chattering to a potential customer about how I was mean to women. Not women, one woman. My mate.
My chest felt like an elephant had stepped on it when I heard that. “Mate?”
Allie nodded. “Yeah. We know Ronnie is your mate and you’ve been rejecting her. We should kick your ass.”
“Does she know?”
Georgia rolled her eyes. “Of course, she knows, dipshit. Who do you think told us?”
Oh, Jesus. She knew? Veronica knew that she was my mate. And that I’d been rejecting her. “How long has she known?”
They both shrugged and I had the urge to take each of their heads and knock them together, gently, just once.
“Where the hell is she?”
Georgia put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Don’t you swear at us. We’ll kick your big furry ass all over this town.”
I roared and got the satisfaction of watching them both shiver. “Where is my mate?”
Bears of Burden: HUTCH Page 7