by C. J. Anaya
Angie studied her cuticles like she didn’t have a care in the world.
“It was just interesting to watch Tie’s reaction, that’s all. One minute you’ve saved each other’s lives, and you’re staring into each other’s eyes like no one else is in the room, and the next minute Victor’s got you wrapped up in a passionate exchange. For a second there, I thought Tie was going to take that rather nasty looking sword of his and plunge it through Victor’s heart.”
“You did? I mean…he looked bothered watching Victor kiss me?”
I wanted to pretend that her answer wasn’t particularly important to me, but Angie read me like the open book she’d pegged me for years ago. She knew exactly how much her response meant to me.
“He looked like his whole world had bottomed out. Not the reaction I was expecting from a guy so wholly indifferent to everyone and everything around him. I tell you what though, he’s got a mean poker face, and he managed to slide it back into place before you finished lip locking with Victor.” She rose from the bed and ran across the room, diving under her own covers, and then letting out an obnoxious snoring sound.
“Angie! Is that it? Is that all you noticed? Is that all you’re going to tell me?” I was desperate to know more.
“Ah ha!” she cried out happily. “I knew you wanted Tie. I’ve known it from the moment you two argued in mythology class.”
I felt transparent and vulnerable. I was so used to this conversation being reversed. I was always the one talking about Angie’s latest love interest. Okay, so I was always talking her out of her latest love interest, but I had never been the boy crazy one. I didn’t feel strongly one way or the other about most of the guys I met. Discussing this with Angie made me feel like I had this large open wound where my heart was supposed to be, and it was exposed for anyone and everyone to see. It was horrendous. I couldn’t believe people wanted to feel this way.
“Okay, so maybe I like Tie,” I said. Angie let out a loud, disbelieving snort, which I chose to ignore. “He’s slightly attractive, his brooding bad guy persona has managed to pique my interest, and he can be witty when he’s not pissing me off.”
“Yeah, and he threw himself in between you and a sword forged from the land of the dead,” she added. “I guess we can add selfless and self-sacrificing to his rather short list of endearing qualities.”
“He just did that because of the veil. If I die, there’s nobody else around to heal the stupid thing.” I spoke more forcefully than I intended.
“Do I detect a hint of bitterness regarding Tie’s true motives?” Angie appeared more pleased with herself with every passing second.
“I’m not bitter. I’m simply stating a fact here. Tie needs me in the same way every other kami needs me. I may be slightly interested in him, but his interest in me goes as far as my involvement with the veil, and how often he can use me to get to Victor.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
I decided to share Victor’s story. I didn’t see why I should hide it from her. It really wasn’t a secret, and she needed to be aware of the conflict between Tie and Victor as much as I did. When I finished, she looked a little perturbed.
“Angie, are you okay?’
She shrugged her shoulders and gave me a crumbly smile.
“Sorry, I just feel a bit weird. Sounds familiar in an odd sort of way,” she said.
“You’ve heard the story before?”
Angie didn’t answer, but continued to stare straight ahead, looking troubled and confused. She shook her head and made eye contact with me again.
“So you think Tie is using you to hurt your boyfriend?” she asked.
I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering if I should press her further about what was bothering her. Her closed expression gave me pause. Just because we’d had one hell of a serious moment together, didn’t mean Angie could automatically jump into the habit of confiding in me.
“Victor is not my boyfriend, and yes, Tie is using me…I think. Wouldn’t you? He lost the only woman he’s ever loved. Victor’s intentions may have been honorable, but his methods were the exact opposite. A lot of time has passed, though. Tie needs to forgive him already.”
“Edana, isn’t the only woman Tie has ever loved,” Angie said.
“Stop. I know what you’re going to say, and it simply isn’t true.”
“You know what I think? I think you’re extremely uncomfortable with the idea of Tie having feelings for you.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Well, if you have feelings for Tie, and he has feelings for you, something could actually happen here. It’s the perfect recipe for a potential relationship.”
“There’s about as much potential for that relationship to come about as there is for an actual marriage to take place with Victor,” I argued.
“Ooooh! And wouldn’t that be an interesting group dynamic? You and Tie fighting this mounting attraction for one another, knowing you’re meant for Victor, while Victor continues on, completely intent on having you for himself.”
I couldn’t stop the eye rolling. I’d been doing it so often during this particular topic of conversation I was actually getting dizzy.
“And to top it all off, our heroine is faced with a heart-wrenching dilemma. Fulfill her destiny and save the world by taking her place at Victor’s side or turn her back on it all by choosing love, one of the most powerful forces in the known universe,” she ended dramatically. “Merciful heavens, this is good stuff! I’m wasting my time attending high school, I tell ya. I should be a highly paid author.”
“Angie, I’m going to go to bed now. I’m going to pretend this conversation never took place and do my very best to become unconscious as quickly as humanly possible.”
“According to Ms. Mori you’re only half human. Hope, the demigoddess.” She shook her head like she was trying to wrap her brain around the idea. “Life is stranger than fiction. There’s no way I could have made this stuff up.”
I rolled over in my bed, turning my back to Angie and praying that sleep would carry me away before she was able to bring up any other subjects I wasn’t ready or willing to face just yet. Fortunately for me, it did.
* * *
This time around I knew I was dreaming. My white, silk kimono felt familiar and welcoming. The cherry blossoms raining lightly down upon me were just as I remembered. The path before me would guide me to Tie, and then Victor would stand directly behind me. I eagerly stepped forward, anxious to reach Tie before my dream ended the way it had last time, but as I took one step and then another, I felt drawn in a different direction.
I left my path completely and entered a heavily wooded area. The tall, oppressive trees shut out most of the sunlight, giving the illusion that it was much later in the day. Of course, who knew what time it was? This was a dream, after all.
There may not have been much light to guide my steps, but the fierce pull on my heart gave me all the guidance I needed. After what seemed like hours, I finally stumbled into an open field covered in green grass. On the other side of this field stood Tie. His white formal wear was now black. I broke into a run, feeling an intense sense of urgency. Tie must have sensed it too because he met me halfway and pulled me to him.
I lifted my arms to embrace him and noticed my kimono had changed from white to red. I looked into his eyes, a question forming on my lips, but he appeared ecstatic by the change. He looked over my shoulder and stared into the dense forest from which I’d come. I turned around and saw Victor. The devastated expression on his face made my heart feel as if it was being ripped apart. I didn’t understand why he was so sad, but I moved toward him, determined to find out. Before I could reach him, a nekomata emerged from the forest to my right and came at me with its sword raised high above its head.
I sat up in bed fully awake with my heart pounding and my breath coming in short gasps. I couldn’t remember what I’d been dreaming about, but based on my elevated blood pressure it must have be
en one awesome nightmare. I looked across the room to see if I’d disturbed Angie. I should have known better than to worry. There wasn’t a noise on earth that was capable of waking Angie up before she was good and ready.
“Bad dream?” a soft voice said from behind me.
If I hadn’t been sitting down, I’m sure I’d have fallen over.
I looked behind me toward the window and saw Tie’s silhouette outlined in the white moonlight. He sat in the window seat with one leg on the ground and the other bent close to his chest, his hand resting lazily on top of his knee. His easy looking manner and his ability to startle me left me feeling totally irritated.
“What are you doing in here?” I asked.
“I was checking up on you, sweetheart. Victor and I are taking turns keeping watch over you while everyone sleeps. No need to thank me. You’re entirely welcome.” His teasing tone never wavered.
“Is it necessary for you to be in here to do it? Can’t you just open the door, look in, and get lost?” I gave him my best you-don’t-have-any-effect-on-me-whatsoever look.
Tie leaned his head back against the wall. I couldn’t see his facial expression very clearly, but I was pretty sure he was giving me one of his infuriating grins. Everything I did and said amused him.
“Why are you always so ready to pick a fight with me?” he asked. “You’re much more mild-mannered with Victor.” He said Victor’s name like it was a curse word.
I stood up and walked over to the window seat so I could read his face a little easier.
“What is the deal between you two?” I asked, deciding to play dumb. “When we were attacked by that nekomata you guys were comrades in arms. You seemed willing enough to look out for each other then, but at any other given time you’re throwing out these weird verbal digs. Makes me think you two are unwilling allies in all of this.”
I held my breath, waiting to see if I could get Tie’s side of the story.
His face became a blank mask. He didn’t look away from me, but he didn’t give me much to go on either.
I sat down inside the window seat directly in front of him, stubbornly refusing to leave until he answered my questions. The corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to let me know I’d done it again. He thought this was funny.
“Your personality is exactly as I remembered,” he finally offered.
“You’ve said that before. I take it we were friends in my first life?” I considered the brief memory of our shared kiss. I sincerely hoped it was a memory, anyway.
“You really don’t remember a thing about me, do you?” His gaze never wavered, and his eyes pleaded for a spark of recognition from me.
“Were we friends?” I repeated.
His eyes darkened and his fists clenched at his sides. “We were definitely friends, Hope.” It barely came out above a whisper.
“And I knew you were a deity?”
“Not at first, but then you weren’t very forthcoming with some rather important information either.”
“You sound angry.”
“I am angry, dammit.” He lowered his voice when Angie made a startled snorting sound in her sleep. “I am angry. I know it’s wrong of me to want this, to want…” he sighed in defeat. “After everything we went through—after what I did—I guess I hoped you would recognize me somehow. Feel some kind of pull or attachment to me.”
I did feel that. I had already experienced all of that, but those emotions were wrong, apparently. I was supposed to harbor feelings for Victor. Not that I had any intention of allowing some obscure prophecy to dictate my love life. Tie’s gaze probed my face for a reaction. Like I was really going to throw myself at him just because I was interested. I didn’t remember the time we spent together so I wasn’t about to tell him the truth when it came to my feelings, especially when I wasn’t clear about his intentions.
“I suppose you expect that reaction from all the girls you meet,” I said..
He smirked at that. The soft moonlight caressed the contours of his beautiful face.
“Well, most girls are completely enamored with the god of love and marriage. They can’t help themselves. In all fairness to them, I am a rather attractive individual.”
That got a derisive chuckle out of me.“I don’t understand. Women who meet you fall in love with you?”
“Not necessarily. As the god of love, I’m made to look like the epitome of what a lover should look like. I’m the one that guides women to their soul mates. Stands to reason I’m one hot looking deity myself, don’t you think?” He raised his eyebrows at me, daring me to contradict him. “You; however, have always intrigued me. You’re constantly giving me attitude.”
“You thought I’d be totally enamored when I saw you?”
“Yes, though part of that has to do with what happened in the past.”
“What did happen?” There was no way to mistake my impatience at that point.
I think Tie must have realized he was saying too much. His mouth closed into a thin line, and he folded his arms across his chest.
“Look, if you remember the past, then great. You certainly have every right to know what happened to you, and what you’re really up against here.” He lifted his hand to my cheek, rubbing his thumb softly along my cheekbone, his expression sad and wistful.
I wanted to lean into him. I wanted to keep this side of Tie, this open, honest part of him, all to myself, but it ended all too soon. The softness in his look hardened, and he pulled back his hand like I’d burned it.
“I can’t explain any of this to you. It’s not my job. It’s dear old Vicky’s. My job involves uniting two people meant for each other. That’s it. That’s all I’ll ever do.” Resignation laced that statement.
I couldn’t help the next words that left my lips. “What if you fall in love with one of your subjects?”
Tie’s face took on a hard edge.
“It’s happened before, a very long time ago, and I actually cared enough to believe in it. Twice.” A muscle in his jaw started to twitch.
Twice?
Victor had only mentioned one woman, not two.
“Who were they?”
Tie took a deep breath through the nose and stared at me again with that look that begged me to remember something, anything at all. He must have realized that I hadn’t the foggiest idea who these women were.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. I lost them both, and there was very little I could do about it.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. I was frustrated that Tie had avoided mentioning Edana specifically or the other girl for that matter.
“I’m sorry. I honestly can’t imagine anyone not leaping at the opportunity to be with you.”
His eyes widened at that, and he leaned forward, grabbing my hand in his. The elation building within him made me wonder what he could possibly be so excited about.
“Do you really mean that, Hope? Do you…” he swallowed hard, “…feel anything at all when you’re near me?”
His behavior confused me. He said we were once friends, but acted as if he’d been expecting more than a friendly reaction out of me.
I hastily backpedaled. “I’m just saying you’re a handsome guy. You’re kind, funny, and selfless. I mean, you’re willing to throw yourself between your friends and a blade from the underworld.” I shrugged. “What’s not to like?”
Do I have to sound so lame?
I registered the brief disappointment on Tie’s face, but he covered it with more indifference.
“A glowing recommendation.” He released my hand, and I was sorry for the aborted contact.
What was I supposed to say? Hey, I’ve known you less than a day, but I never want to be without you again? It sounded crazy and left me vulnerable and exposed. There was no way to know what his reaction might be, and I was more than a little out of my element. I decided to change the subject since I didn’t have a firm grasp on what we were specifically talking about anyway.
“So do you always use a cherry blossom to make people fall in love with each other?”
“I don’t force what isn’t there. The blossom won’t join a couple together if love doesn’t already exist, but for the most part, yes, I use cherry blossoms to bind people to one another. There was one occasion in particular that stands out to me, but I can’t talk about it until you remember.”
I was sick of his cryptic remarks. It was all one big tease.
My annoyance showed in my next comment. “So you intend on binding me to Victor without giving me a choice in the matter?”
“Well, you certainly don’t seem to mind his company. I’d just be unearthing the love that’s destined to exist between the two of you.” he remarked snidely.
“What are you talking about? I’m not in love with Victor.” I told myself to calm down. No need to get defensive.
“I didn’t say you were in love with him. I’m just saying that was one heck of a kiss.”
Pompous, arrogant deity! As if I asked for that kiss. Though I did ask for the last one.
I threw my hands in the air and walked back to my bed. “At least Victor doesn’t think he’s god’s gift to women.”
I heard a grunt come from Tie’s general direction and decided I wasn’t done with him yet. I turned around to face his arrogant frame.
“You, however, seem to think rather highly of yourself, believing you can force me to love whoever you want. Messing with my choices as if you had the right. You’re so full of yourself, you probably think you could get me to fall in love with you.”
I was baiting him. I knew it was stupid, but he was so good at unnerving me. I wanted to unnerve him a little, but from what I could discern in the faint moonlight, it was having the opposite effect. His cocky smile continued to grow as he stood up and shortened the distance between us.
“Perhaps we should put your little theory to the test.”
I needed to back down and step away from him. It was obvious he knew something I didn’t. Instead of putting a little space between us, I inched myself forward until my face was just a few centimeters from his.