by C. J. Anaya
I felt myself prickle at his comment. “You feel I am unequal to the task of administering to the sick and injured due to my size? I can assure you, a war zone would cause little trouble for me.”
I bit down on my tongue again as Musubi’s frosty eyes flashed to mine. Where had my caution flown to? I needed to stop drawing his attention to my person. I could have sworn I sensed a smile lurking at the corners of his mouth. Amusement lightly skipped its way through him before the anger, his constant companion it would seem, managed to smother it.
“I think you are undeniably equal to the task…of healing, that is. However, you are untrained to defend yourself should the occasion arise, and I’m almost certain it would. There are other things to consider as well.”
“You want her to live with the samurai insurgents and heal your wounded men?” Daiki let out an incredulous laugh. “It is unthinkable. She does have family, you know, and she is not yet eighteen. She would have to be married to a soldier or her reputation would be lost altogether.”
I nearly laughed at Daiki’s protests. He and I both knew my reputation mattered very little considering the matter of my betrothal to the warrior god Katsu. Nothing I did, no matter how inappropriate, would ever prevent that impending union from happening.
If I were to be honest with myself, I would have reveled in the chance to spend time healing soldiers or even fighting alongside them. I would have given up my position in the palace and my destiny at that very moment if it hadn’t been for two things.
One, my father would search relentlessly for me the minute he discovered my absence, and two, I could never leave the palace for good without my maid, my brother, and our tutor, Kenji. They were some of the few people in this world who knew me and loved me for me and not my title or the birthright that came with it.
“I agree, it was a silly notion,” Musubi said, stroking the fine, firm planes of his smooth jaw. “She will most certainly be missed by her family considering her station.”
I looked at him in surprise. He quirked an eyebrow at me and his lips formed a half smile.
“Your kimono, child. Your state of dress clearly comes from the more affluent classes in this empire. I’m only surprised you were allowed to travel so late at night unaccompanied considering your age and station.”
I squirmed under his shrewd glance. He was far more perceptive than I had given him credit for. I had forgotten my blood soaked cloak in the other room. It would do me very little good to pretend I wasn’t a woman of some consequence now that he could see the fine silk of my kimono. There simply hadn’t been enough time to change into the clothing I usually wore when coming to the village to heal people.
“I admit, my family is unaware of my abilities as a midwife,” I managed stiffly.
He let out a soft chuckle and grabbed my chin in his hand. I gasped at the light contact. Very few men had ever taken such a liberty. My eyes met his, and he considered me thoughtfully.
“Adventurous, isn’t she, Daiki? You wouldn’t think it to look at her.”
I dared an angry glare at him before pulling my chin from his grasp and leveling my eyes to the table.
“Stop it, Musubi. You’ll scare the child, and after I just told her she has nothing to fear.”
Musubi laughed out loud this time. “I get the feeling nothing scares this one.” He sighed regretfully. “It’s a shame she would be missed by her family. I’m sure I could find some soldier willing to marry her for the sake of our armies’ well-being.”
I said nothing, but was fairly certain that my anger at the moment could have rivaled his. It certainly burned just as brightly. Did everyone assume I couldn’t choose a husband for myself? Did everyone assume I was only worth marrying so long as I was capable of healing?
Musubi chuckled again and placed a finger under my chin, gently raising it until our eyes met.
“I am only teasing you, little healer. I enjoy watching you fight to hold your temper in check.”
I couldn’t help but give him a reluctant smile in answer. It was hard to ignore his abrasive charm and joking manner.
“It was nice to have met you, young lady,” he continued. “I hope our paths cross again someday.”
Though his eyes remained a cold, frothy blue, the warmth I felt from his touch traveled slow and steady through the whole of me. He stood up and bowed to both Daiki and myself. I barely managed a short nod of my head, so resistant to the idea that I might miss even a moment of looking at him before he stepped out of the inn and out of my life forever.
Just as he reached the door, he turned around and took me in one more time. He looked a bit confused, and I could sense he felt it as well, almost as if he was unsure as to why he hadn’t left yet.
“I never did learn your name, child,” he finally managed.
“It is probably best that you never do,” Daiki said.
Musubi looked at the innkeeper and nodded, then rested his eyes on me one last time before he opened the door and stepped through it.
“You had no trouble getting away tonight?” Daiki asked.
His question pulled me from my fixation on the door through which Musubi had recently exited. I felt drawn toward that door and the idea of stepping through it to catch up to the young soldier and…and what? Discuss the frigid night air or make polite conversation about the impending fall of the empire? I nearly laughed outright at the absurdity of it all.
A woman approaching a soldier in the middle of the night and initiating a conversation—just as ludicrous to impart to him that the thought of never seeing him again disturbed me more than the idea of never breathing again.
“In truth, I was having a…meeting with my father when Hatsumi’s pains came on.” I kept my eyes on the table and took a sip of my tea.
“A meeting with your father?” Daiki placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “How bad was it this time?”
“Bad.” I grimaced into my cup. Daiki knew the phrase “meeting with my father” was just another way of saying my father, Emperor Fukurokuju, had once again used my healing powers for personal gain. It wasn’t something I wanted to discuss further, but I knew Daiki would have questions. He always did.
I had met Daiki and his wife when I was twelve, after sneaking out of the palace in an attempt to run away from a life I felt I could no longer bear. As a child, my one thought was to escape my own personal prison as quickly as was humanly possible. It had been impulsive and ill thought out. By the time I had reached the village, I realized I had no food, water nor shelter and no money to my name. I was an imperial princess but owned nothing save it were the clothes on my back.
I had continued walking down the narrow stretch of road, wondering what my next course of action would be when I heard a scream from within the tavern to my left. Without thinking, I had run into the tavern, weaved my way silently around the many patrons, and headed to the very back where Daiki and Hatsumi’s living quarters were. I could sense Hatsumi’s distress and felt so pressured by it that I walked into their living quarters without asking.
Upon entering I had found Daiki doubled over on the floor with blood dripping from a wound in his thigh. I had immediately walked over, placed my hands on either side of his head and closed my eyes, connecting with his ki. I healed the wound instantly and then released him while stepping back.
I hadn’t dared say anything, especially after realizing what I had done. No one outside the palace knew what the imperial princess, The Healer, looked like. I was never allowed out without a veil covering my face or several guards shadowing my every move. No one even knew my real name.
Daiki had examined his leg for several seconds before saying anything. Not even Hatsumi had been able to manage a word, and she was, as I would soon come to find out, a very vocal individual considering she was a woman.
“How is this possible, child? How…unless you are The Healer. Princess?”
I had merely nodded and kept my eyes to the floor. I knew my plans for escape had been ruined after revealing m
yself.
Hatsumi had rested her hand softly on my shoulder and then squeezed it gently. My own mother had never been the kind to offer much affection. As a twelve-year-old girl, on the precipice of understanding the finality of my future, I felt cold, alone, and directionless. The small gesture Hatsumi gave me was enough to open a flood of tears I must have kept stored deep within my soul for most of my life.
I fell apart in front of a couple who knew nothing about me except that I was the daughter of an emperor whom everyone detested, and that I was the famed girl of prophecy, The Healer. Hatsumi had snuggled me close in her arms and the conversation that followed was one I would never forget. I had poured my whole heart to them and divulged my plan to run away forever.
Fortunately, Daiki had a better plan. He knew of my desire to heal people and wondered if I might consider being the village healer in disguise. Whenever someone needed my help he would find a way to get a message to me at the palace. This usually involved writing a small note and concealing it under a specific rock in the open gardens at the rear of the huge edifice. It was one of the few places I was able to visit frequently outside the palace gates without an army of guards shadowing me.
I checked for messages on the first day of every week, and whenever I found one waiting for me, I felt as if my life held meaning…a real reason for living. I suspected that was exactly what Daiki had been trying to provide.
Daiki’s thoughts must have been reviewing the same memories. “I sometimes wonder if I should have helped you escape five years ago. Your life would have been better, less fraught with pain and suffering.”
I set my tea down and met his remorseful gaze.
“You know as well as I do that I wouldn’t have been successful in my attempt at escape. My father would have found me eventually. You saved me in more ways than you or I will ever know, I’m sure.”
He gave me a tight smile, but his eyes held a hint of regret.
“Who was it this time?” he asked.
I didn’t want to discuss it. I didn’t want to consider what I had been forced to do tonight just to gather information for my father.
“Let’s not dwell on a subject so undeserving of our attention when we should be celebrating the birth of your son, Daiki. After all this time, you finally have a son.”
He smiled down at the small babe nestled snug in his arms. He and Hatsumi had tried for several years to have a child, but she always miscarried before I was able to arrive and offer help. There was never enough time to fix whatever was happening within her body nor with the baby in her womb.
It was a mystery to all of us. There was nothing within her that should have prevented her from carrying a child to term, but it continued to happen with each new pregnancy. I had become more determined than ever to help her deliver a baby to term, and this time we had been successful.
“You didn’t tell me the truth, did you?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“She lost almost all of her blood. I’ve fought enough in battle to know when someone is bleeding out and close to death.” He lifted a shaky hand to his face and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. “You saved her tonight.”
I felt guilt chafing away at my joy. “Yes, that is true. The baby’s home had torn from her womb. She only had a few seconds by the time I joined with her. I should have noticed the bleeding sooner, Daiki. I am sorry.”
He shook his head in surprise. “My wife and my son are alive. You should never apologize for saving lives.”
I fought back the guilt and plastered a smile on my face. I then considered something he had said. “Daiki, when did you ever fight in battle?”
I saw him grimace at what he must have considered a slight slip of the tongue.
“I suppose I should have told you, but it never felt right to say. Before Hatsumi and I married I fought with the rebels against your father. This was when the rebels first organized themselves with Akane.”
“Yes, I have heard of her. I must admit the idea of a female general leading a large army of Samurai into battle makes me feel as if anything is possible.”
Daiki chuckled softly. “Akane makes everyone feel as if anything is possible. I ended my fighting with the rebels after marrying Hatsumi. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I knew if I continued I would most likely be killed. The wound on my leg that you healed the day of our meeting…I had acquired it in battle. As soon as you used your powers, I knew I could never fight again, but I also knew I had found another way to fight against the emperor.” He pointed a finger in my direction.
“Me?” I wondered.
“You. I believe you are the answer to this war between the rebels and your father. I truly believe you can bring peace to this empire. It is partly why I encouraged you to stay.”
“What was the other reason?”
“You felt like my daughter, and I could tell Hatsumi felt the same way. We couldn’t have let you go even if we had wanted to.”
I smiled into my tea as I brought it to my lips, but before I could take another sip a thought came to me. “Daiki, have you been helping the rebels again?”
He was silent for so long I wondered if he would answer me.
“I’ll admit I have provided shelter and food for some of the men over the past few years. I’ve even sent for you to heal some of the more badly injured ones.”
I’d thought some of the men I had healed didn’t look like rice farmers. Their injuries had been severe, disturbingly so. I must have been blind not to see it. Many of the wounds had to be healed slower than I would have liked in order to avoid divulging my true identity, but several wounds were life threatening and had to be dealt with quickly.
“It was good of those soldiers to refrain from voicing any suspicions they may have had concerning my identity,” I said.
“They fight against your father, my child, but in many respects they fight for you. Most of the rebels believe that you are the key to harmony in this empire. The fact that you were willing to heal some of the men merely strengthened that belief and their morale.”
“Why do they feel they must fight against the emperor on my behalf? My father will give the throne to my brother Saigo, and I must go live with some obscure kami who is no doubt just as cruel and unfeeling.”
“Exactly. You are destined to leave, but the people need you to stay. You are capable of healing much more than the veil or the pains that life inflicts on its inhabitants. You could heal a whole nation if given the chance. The rebels are fighting to give you that chance.”
“I’m just a princess trapped in a palace. The situation seems a bit hopeless.”
“With Musubi joining the rebels, I think there is most certainly hope.”
My ears perked up at the mention of Musubi. “Who is he, Daiki, and how do you know him?”
“He is a close friend of General Akane. I’ve heard stories of his prowess in battle, but wasn’t aware that Akane had convinced him to come join our cause.”
“Perhaps his idea of having me heal his men isn’t so ridiculous.”
Daiki snorted. “A young, single woman on the battlefield would not survive.”
“No, but what if I learned to fight, and what if I only came when I was needed? It isn’t necessary to live with the rebels in order to help their cause. Perhaps we could spin a tale that I was married and widowed within a short time.”
“A very short time, considering your age,” he muttered.
“I could do this. I could help!” I looked at him with fierce determination and saw that he might actually be considering my proposition, but then he shook his head.
“It isn’t safe. I would worry about you, and Hatsumi would have my head if she thought I had allowed it. Even widowed, you would still be single. I’m not suggesting these soldiers are without honor, but without a man claiming you as his wife, I don’t see how you would be able to keep your identity a secret, and you would have to keep it a secret amongst the rebels. The ones I brought to you were men I trus
t with my own life, but there could be other rebels planted as spies by your father.”
I considered his arguments, and although I thought each one to be valid, I still longed to be a part of the solution.
“Maybe we could find someone you trust, someone willing to pretend a marriage with me. Claim me as his wife, and no one would be the wiser or look to unearth my background since the matter of marriage would be settled.”
Daiki chuckled. “I know of no man I could trust to take on that kind of role with you. He would have to be invincible on the battlefield in order to keep you safe, and if he were killed in battle, we’d be right back where we started.”
I sighed, feeling frustrated.
He tucked the cloth more firmly around his son. “Besides, I would worry about you. I may not be your father through blood, but my love for you as a father would rival that of any other. This war is best fought by those capable of doing so, and your job in this battle is to live long enough to pick up the pieces of this broken empire once your poor excuse for a father is finally out of the picture.”
I shook my head, knowing the rebels’ fight was futile. “My father is a god, a major kami created by our First Parents. He cannot die, he cannot be beaten. What do these samurai insurgents believe they will accomplish by fighting an immortal as strong as he?”
Daiki leveled me with a frank look. “Death is just one of many ways to overcome an opponent, and in my opinion a more merciful one. Once captured, there will be very little your father can do to stop the insurgents from handing the empire over to you.”
My eyes widened at that bold statement. I didn’t necessarily want the life my parents had plotted for me, the life they felt was fated through a prophecy given long ago by ancient kami, but ruling an empire as broken as this one also left me feeling overwhelmed and trapped. I was only seventeen, and though I wanted to heal everyone and everything, I couldn’t imagine being in a position where I might actually be expected to do just that.
My noble desires mixed with my feelings of total inadequacy made for an uneasy mind and a troubled heart.