by C. J. Anaya
And so began an interesting dance of commands and responses, where my ability to follow instructions depended on my focus and mental clarity. I was slow and hesitant at first but became more confident as time progressed.
I wasn’t sure at what point Musubi stood before me, calling out positions and mirroring me as I hit them, but I was no longer dancing alone, and the peace I felt as Musubi stood in front of me, maintaining eye contact and performing the same dance I did was something I had never felt before. He called out one last command, and we ended with our blades centered and touching.
We neither moved nor spoke for several seconds, but openly studied one another. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had exceeded his expectations. Perhaps he was proud of me, and maybe, just maybe, he believed in me.
“You have an uncanny ability to pick things up faster than most of the students I have worked with. Your form and technique are perfectly accurate. I’ve never met someone with that kind of mastery over their person.”
I knew he meant it as a compliment, but I could see my abilities troubled him, and I was afraid that I had, once again, accomplished something no true mortal would have been capable of. If I didn’t temper my abilities, I was going to give myself away. I fought to think of some subject that might distract him.
“What made you decide to join forces with the rebels?” I asked.
Musubi stepped forward and sheathed his sword. I did the same and continued to stand facing him.
“I imagine the same reason you did. I wanted to help those who could not help themselves. I’m also susceptible to lost causes.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You think this rebellion is a lost cause?”
Musubi shifted the sword at his hip. “I don’t think it, I know it. These rebels cannot possibly win against a deity. They can kill all of the emperor’s soldiers if they wish, but as long as Fukurokuju remains in power they will never win, and he will remain in power until The Healer takes her rightful place beside the warrior god Katsu.”
He nearly spat Katsu’s name like a curse. I could feel his anger like heat leaping from his body. I wondered what it was about Katsu that caused him such anger.
“Why fight if you feel the cause is a hopeless one?”
“Because I fight with an entirely different goal in mind. There is someone else who will pay for the wrongs committed against these people and for a very important life lost.” Musubi ground his sword into the stone at his feet. “He’ll pay…and eventually, so will she.”
His response left me with more questions than answers, but the hot anger rolling off of him in waves began to make me feel uncomfortable and a little afraid as well. I tried to lighten the mood by diverting the subject to something that would cool his anger.
“How did you come across Akane? She mentioned that you were the one to train her.”
Musubi’s anger evaporated almost immediately, and a small smile lightened his brilliant eyes.
“Akane started life as a starving orphan on the street, which is where I met her several years back. She attempted to steal some food from my bag when she thought I wasn’t looking. I caught her red handed and forced her to follow me back home. There was a good woman in the village where I dwelled at the time. She willingly gave shelter to Akane, and I decided to teach her how to defend herself. It never occurred to me that anything would come from her training, but she is the fiercest general I have ever met. I’m quite frightened of her now.”
I chuckled at his playfulness, but then I began to feel a bit discomfited as another thought hit me.
“Does that mean you two are lovers?”
Musubi’s eyes narrowed. “You know, for a woman you have a strange tendency to ask very personal questions.”
“Oh, forgive me,” I said, feeling my face go warm all over. Maybe it was the uncharacteristic behavior I had displayed over the past few days or the fact that I had left the palace under false pretenses, or maybe the feel of a sword in my hand had liberated me in some way, but I felt as if I could do anything, be anyone, behave any way that I liked. “You don’t have to answer that question.”
“Well, I’m afraid I must. Otherwise, you’ll always be wondering, and that might make things a bit awkward considering Akane is very much like a sister to me.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. I couldn’t begin to understand why, but his answer had meant everything to me. Then I wondered about other girls and became panicked all over again.
“Well, if Akane isn’t your wife, then who is? Aren’t you afraid to be without her?”
Musubi gave me a look I found difficult to interpret.
“According to Akane, you are my wife.” He chuckled at my sour look, and then his face grew somber. “There was a woman once, but she passed away several years back.”
His anger returned, and the heat from it began to scorch the air with its intensity. I knew only I could feel it, but the emotion seemed to echo throughout the clearing. I wondered how he could survive with such bitterness in his heart.
He didn’t look very old. In fact, he looked only a few years older than myself, but he talked as if his loss had happened centuries ago. That was exactly how old and how deep his pain felt to me. Like it had lasted for centuries.
“I’m sorry for your loss. She must have been a very special individual.”
Musubi studied his sword and fingered the hilt. “She was.”
I felt sad and hopeless. I wasn’t sure if I was absorbing his emotions or experiencing my own, but I wished with all my heart that I could help him hold on to the memory of lost love with a sense of joy instead of bitterness.
“You are a very special individual as well, wouldn’t you agree, Mikomi?”
Musubi studied my face again, and I wondered what he meant. It didn’t sound like a compliment to me. More like an accusation.
“I’m not special. I’m nobody, really.”
He shook his head and closed the distance between us in two easy strides. He lightly took hold of my chin.
“You’re clearly a well-bred woman of consequence, yet you have an amazing amount of knowledge where medicine is concerned, and you take to the fighting arts as if you had been doing it all your life.”
I swallowed hard, but couldn’t break eye contact with him.
“I suspect that you are special in more ways than one could count, Mikomi. There is something you and Akane have not told me, but I will not press either one of you about it just yet.”
“There is nothing to tell. I’m simply a girl who wishes to help your men. That’s all I am.”
Musubi lowered his face closer to mine, and drew a finger down the side of my cheek.
“We shall see,” he whispered.
* * *
“I want to accompany you the next time you have a meeting with Akane,” Saigo said.
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, young prince,” Kenji said. “It is nerve-wracking to have your sister out doing the work she is doing, but to have you there as well without being a fully trained samurai yourself leaves you vulnerable and me anxious. Also, I have no idea how I could convince your father that veil history is something you should be studying along with your sister.”
Saigo grunted sourly and folded his arms across his chest. I reached across the table on my left where he sat sulking and gave his hand a sympathetic squeeze.
“Besides, Saigo, I haven’t received a message from Akane for almost four days. Circumstances between Father and the rebels have quieted for now.”
“Yes, but you get to leave the palace and train every day with a samurai warrior. I’m stuck with our boring staff, and I never have the same sword trainer.”
“I cannot believe you would ever find my lessons boring, Saigo,” Kenji said, pretending outrage. “There can be nothing more thrilling than the study of historical politics and their effect upon our future.”
Saigo made a snoring sound and dropped his head on the table, pretending sleep. I giggled, but soon my tho
ughts returned to my handsome samurai instructor.
A full three weeks had passed since I’d started my samurai training with Musubi and veil training with Katsu. It made me dread the day one minute and then look forward to it the next. I didn’t mind Katsu’s company. He was actually becoming a good friend, despite our many differences and his tendency to overlook and undervalue anyone or anything that didn’t pertain to what he focused on accomplishing.
I was still unable to sense the veil surrounding me, even though he had been very patient with his instructions and my slow progress. We both wanted to avoid having to bring in any more people who were terminally ill, but each time I failed to sense the veil on my own I would be forced to deal with another dying individual during the next practice session.
It was an agonizing process, and made me feel as if a part of me faded away with each life I failed to save. I’d become so emotionally overwrought by it that I had taken to shutting myself within my rooms to write poetry until it was time to train with Musubi. Poetic verse seemed to be my only outlet for the emotional upheaval my trainings with Katsu produced.
The hours I trained with Musubi were quickly becoming some of the most treasured moments of my life. I knew when I held my katana in my hand it was meant to be there. With each new lesson and each new exercise my abilities were growing, and Musubi’s curiosity as to my secret with Akane grew as well. Something else seemed to be growing in strength, though I was sure it blossomed solely on my part. With every new day I spent in Musubi’s company, my affections for him increased.
There were moments when I sensed he might hold some kind of feeling for me also, and other times when I was sure it was only my imagination. He saw me as a student and a peculiar mystery needing to be solved. His interest in me went no further than that of teacher and student. Even though I was aware that my growing feelings were one-sided, I couldn’t put a stop to them, and I couldn’t prevent them from gaining ground and overcoming all of my reasoning and logic.
I knew I had left my heart vulnerable and unprotected where Musubi was concerned, but I couldn’t have fenced in my emotions and shielded my heart even if I had wanted to, and that was exactly my problem. I would have rather experienced this kind of pain than any other kind that had ever been inflicted upon me because that pain brought with it thoughts of Musubi and a chance to be near him.
I was also anxious to learn as much as I could before my eighteenth birthday. With a little over five months left before the marriage ceremony and my ascension as a full kami, I still had no plans for how I would avoid it, only that I needed to become a master in the art of fighting in order to have any hope of survival for Saigo and myself if we had to leave to avoid the marriage and permanently join the rebels.
With any luck, Akane’s plans for taking my father’s throne would happen sooner rather than later. Though the details had not been shared with me, I knew I was an integral part in gathering the information she needed. My father hadn’t summoned me for one of his “meetings” since Katsu arrived, and though grateful for the reprieve, it couldn’t have come at a more inopportune time. Without these meetings, I could be of no benefit to Akane and her goals for usurping my father. I continued to work toward a solution to that problem.
For the last three weeks I had checked for messages from Daiki as well. I didn’t receive word from him for the first two weeks and wondered if something had happened to him. Fortunately, I found a communication from him the previous day as I walked the grounds of the garden. His note was brief but stated there was a newly married girl who had conceived three months ago and was in need of my services. In other words, the young lady in question was most likely malnourished and exhibiting early symptoms of a possible miscarriage.
I had left a note in return, letting Daiki know he should set up a meeting with the young girl for the next day. I felt satisfied, knowing that I would have another opportunity to use my powers for good.
So far, my extra activities with the samurai insurgents had not raised any suspicions from my father. The precautions we were taking enabled me to continue training with Musubi and helping the rebels however I could. The only thing that continued to trouble me was my nightmares. According to Aiko, I screamed and thrashed in my sleep every night now. She had taken to routinely giving me my sleeping draughts, hoping to prevent possible spies or other guards in the area from relating my alarming behavior to my father.
I appreciated her concern. My father had been known to beat me for what he called a mental weakness when it came to my nightmares. Troubled dreams were the direct result of a weakened mind incapable of controlling its own thought processes. I was always punished severely whenever he learned of them. Now that Katsu had arrived, I hoped he wouldn’t allow my father to lay a hand on me, but I didn’t want to discuss my nightmares with my betrothed unless I absolutely had to.
A tap on the door broke me from my quiet musings, and conversation between Saigo and Kenji stopped.
“Enter,” Saigo called out.
One of my guards opened the door.
“Princess, your father has summoned you. He wishes for you to meet him in his receiving room as soon as possible.”
I felt a chill sink deep within my bones. I wanted to run to my rooms and hide away for the remainder of the day, but I knew if my father was interrogating someone for information it might be an opportunity to gain some helpful information for Akane, and it was the first time since Katsu’s arrival that I had been given such an important opportunity.
“Does Katsu know about this meeting between myself and the emperor?”
He had made it very clear to my father that I would no longer participate in any further interrogations.
“No, Princess.”
I nodded. “We need to keep it that way, if you understand my meaning.”
His eyes narrowed, and he nodded his understanding.
“Be safe, and don’t take any unnecessary risks while you’re gathering your information.” Saigo gave my hand a squeeze.
Kenji gave me a supportive smile laced with worry but refrained from saying anything. I had always suspected that he somehow knew the extent of my father’s maltreatment, and if he did, then I was grateful he refrained from discussing it with my brother.
Feeling strengthened by their concern. I rose from my chair, squared my shoulders, and left the room.
I may have been putting on a brave face, but I was very practiced at that. On the inside my stomach clenched in knots while anxiety, and apprehension threatened to snuff out the breath in my lungs. I had a strong desire to run to Musubi and never return to the palace again.
As I walked with my guards, my wish to get to know them better resurfaced.
“Please, what are your names?” I whispered.
The guard who had summoned me missed a step, most likely surprised at my addressing him.
“I am called Yao, Princess. The man on your left is Chan. We are honored to be of service to you.” He kept his voice lowered.
I recognized the danger of conversing with my guards as we traversed the winding hallways through the palace toward my father’s receiving room, but I felt a pressing urgency to know these men who risked so much for the rebel cause.
“Will you be waiting for me when I have finished?”
He looked at me sideways from the corner of his eye and nodded.
We finally arrived at the doors of the receiving room. As they opened, I felt Yao give my hand a quick, encouraging squeeze. It was a bold move to make, considering men were not allowed to touch me. Without looking at him, I smiled a half smile to acknowledge his kindness, and then walked with purpose through the heavy ivory doors.
My father already paced the room. A shroud of anxiety mixed with excitement coiled tightly through his person. Whatever he had summoned me for must have been important for his guard to have dropped. Generally, I never had much success in getting a handle on his emotions. Of course, he usually tended to remain angry and hostile, and I never nee
ded to rely on my empathic abilities to sense when he felt like that.
He stopped his pacing and rushed to me, not even giving me a chance to bow to him as protocol dictated. “It took you long enough to arrive,” he muttered in a harsh voice. Grabbing my arm, he walked to the right of the room and opened up the door to his study, a room he used to entertain dignitaries and his most trusted officers.
The ivory walls of the room were layered with paintings of ancient warrior kami such as Bishamonton and Hachiman. The frames were painted with real gold leaf, and the furnishings within the room matched the opulence of the framed paintings. Golden silk cushions were placed in a circle in the middle of the floor. Underneath the cushions the area was covered in gold matted flooring. White candles with gold floral patterns were held aloft by thin, tall holders and spaced evenly around the room. Incense burners hung from each corner of the room, letting off a sharp scent of wild cherry blossom.
Japanese characters were inscribed in gold across the ceiling as a means of protection against my father’s enemies. I thought it all superstitious nonsense, but if the prophecy was real, and nekomata did in fact exist, then who was I to turn my nose up at the idea of magical properties emanating from Japanese symbols?
Two of my father’s higher ups in his army sat on the floor with various injuries needing attending. I recognized one, General Li, a man just as power hungry and cutthroat as my father. I had healed several of his injuries before and disliked the way he looked at me during the process. He was in his fifties, large and muscular from countless years of service in the battlefield.
The other general was a mystery to me. I had not yet met him and was sure I wouldn’t like him when I did. He looked quite young to have ascended the ranks in my father’s army, and to be the beneficiary of a healing by the emperor’s daughter was a high honor indeed, at least, according to my father. The man looked to be in his early thirties.
Akane hadn’t yet requested my services for gathering intel, but I recognized the opportunity presented to me and decided now was as good a time as any to see if my idea would work. I needed to be extremely careful, however. My father watched me like a hawk during these healings.