by C. J. Anaya
“I was ill for a few days,” I said, brushing his hand away and leaning back out of his reach. If I wanted to keep my thoughts organized, I couldn’t have him touching me.
“Really?” His skepticism enveloped me. “What happened?”
He didn’t believe me, but I didn’t have the strength nor the desire to go into the details, especially if I wanted to keep my cover intact.
“I think we shouldn’t waste time talking about my health when there is something important you have to say. What’s going on? Is there an injury that requires my attention?” I secretly hoped the answer to be no. I’d never manage it at this point.
Akane gave me a sympathetic smile, aware of the damage my ki had sustained, and no doubt wondering how much energy I had used to heal that small girl. She and I had become quite close over the last few months, sharing memories of our childhood and marveling at the many differences they held.
Though we came from different worlds, our desires, morals, and goals brought us together and bonded us in a familial way. In her I found a friend, a confidant, and a sister. Someone who believed in me, encouraged me, and fully adopted me into this world of intrigue and espionage. She even sparred with me after my instructions with Musubi and taught me a secret code she and Musubi used with the rebels; a mixed series of taps and whistles used within the forest.
I aided the rebels in many successful raids by imparting my news to my guards Yao and Chan with this particular code. By employing a series of soft whistles through the door and taps along the wall I could share my information without ever being caught in conversation, thereby furthering to protect their cover.
“At the moment, no one is on death’s door,” Akane replied. “What Musubi and I need from you is some information.”
Musubi let out a dissatisfied grunt, and she paused long enough to give him a stern look.
“We have it on good authority that the emperor is receiving a shipment of gold coming in from the south sea, but we don’t know the day, approximate time or even the exact location.”
“Akane,” he said in warning, but she gave him another hard glare. This argument with Akane was an old one. Musubi had never come to terms with my role as a spy.
She continued, “The emperor may be a god, but even gods need resources to buy supplies, weapons, and soldiers. If we could acquire that shipment before he does, it would cripple his resources and fuel ours. It might also compel him to venture forth out of the palace in search of more resources.”
My father would have to be desperate indeed to consider that.
“Agreed, what would you have me do?”
“We need you to take advantage of your important position as healer for the imperial palace.”
“I am more than happy to do so, but I am only called upon when someone of high ranking is fatally wounded.”
Akane gave me a triumphant look, and I received the impression that I’d said exactly what she wanted to hear.
“It just so happens that the emperor’s first in command has recently been injured in battle and will most likely need a healer soon. The man is being transported to the palace even as we speak. I believe he should arrive by tomorrow if not sooner.”
“And the emperor will most likely send for me.”
“We’re counting on it.”
Musubi grumbled and pointed a finger at Akane. “She’s counting on it. As I’ve said before, I think this idea is dangerous and foolhardy. Akane, you’re putting her in a very precarious position.”
“She will be taken to the emperor’s quarters and left to her own devices in the healing process, as usual, I am sure. There is no way she will be caught retrieving the information we need.”
I sensed the double meaning in that statement. Akane was aware of my methods and knew it to be impossible for my father to catch me scanning the soldier’s memories.
“I’ll agree to the plan. If the emperor should summon me, I will do what I can to gather the information you need.” I dared a fleeting glance at Musubi. His thunderous expression conveyed his dissatisfaction with my response. I tried to assuage the turmoil bubbling just below the surface. “I will be fine. As Akane said, I am usually left to do what I must.”
“Mikomi, I warned you that this was not a game.” He clenched his hands upon the table. “You’ll be inside the palace within close proximity to the emperor and his guards. One false move and you’re captured.”
“I can handle this,” I insisted. “I have successfully gathered information for the rebels for months now. Why do you continue to take issue with my involvement?”
He shook his head, the steady thrum of his anger beating a cadence I both recognized and despised. “You and Akane know how I feel about this. You were to be our medicine woman. Not a spy and certainly not a soldier. I wish I could be there to help you in case something goes wrong. You are a talented student, but you will never survive against the emperor’s guards should you be discovered.”
“Then I best make certain I am not.”
We stared at one another for a few moments. He didn’t want to let this argument go, and I refused to give up my place in this war. We’d arrived at an uncomfortable stalemate.
“I think this is the best option we have, Musubi, and whether I’m providing medicine or gathering information, I’m contributing to this cause in some way.”
“When do you think the emperor will demand your services?” Akane asked.
I ripped my eyes from Musubi’s stormy face, grateful for the brief reprieve. “If the emperor’s first in command is injured as you say, I am sure I will be summoned within a day or two. He cannot afford to lose such experienced men.”
Akane gave me a worried smile. “Am I asking too much of you?”
“Yes,” Musubi grunted.
I ignored him. “You know this is something I can handle.”
She studied me for several seconds before nodding. “All right then. We’ll wait for you tomorrow night at our current base camp location, though I assume you will meet Musubi tonight for more training.”
I nodded while Musubi continued to glower.
“You must take care,” he said, reaching his hand across the table and wrapping it around mine. “I...we do not wish to lose you, and make no mistake, should you fail to show up for your training tonight, or any other night for that matter, I will assume the worst and storm that infernal palace myself, dragging you out of the dungeons even if I have to slaughter a thousand guards to do it.” He swallowed hard and then abruptly stood up. “I’ll see you back at the camp, Akane.” He disappeared out the door in a hurry.
My hand felt warm and tingly, and in that moment I would have given anything to have sat across the table from him, holding hands and simply enjoying the moment before it slipped away.
Akane cleared her throat, breaking me from my tangled thoughts.
“He is quite taken with you, you know. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone, and believe me, I’ve tried to encourage him to take a wife.”
My eyes went wide at Akane’s openness. “You think he cares for me in some way?”
She let out a soft chuckle. “Musubi is a complex individual with many layers. Just when you think you’ve begun to understand where he is emotionally, you find yourself stonewalled. I may not know many details concerning Musubi’s past, but I can tell you one thing for certain: for as long as I’ve known him he has never looked at another woman the way he looks at you.”
I shook my head, not wanting to get my hopes up. “He is required to pay attention to me because I am his student.”
“Yes, I fully expected an insurmountable argument to deal with when I introduced him to you and told him for all intents and purposes you would play a married couple amongst my soldiers. Yet he hardly fought back. He gave in rather quickly, and Musubi is not one to be easily swayed.” She gave me an appraising look, and a slow smile lit her face. “You care for him as well. I can tell by the rising blush on your cheeks.”
I l
ooked at the ground, embarrassment descending in uncomfortable waves. During all of my many heart-to-hearts with Akane, I had never allowed myself to broach the subject of my personal feelings for Musubi. If I didn’t acknowledge what I felt aloud then perhaps the constant longing and ache for him would fail to be so acute.
“Do you think he has discerned my true affections?”
“Doubtful, he’s too distracted by his own feelings for you and the way he is most likely fighting them to notice that you might reciprocate in any way.”
“Do you think he will continue to fight any feelings he might have for me?”
“Absolutely.”
“Why?”
Akane sighed. “He’s punishing himself for something he has never once been willing to discuss with me. Perhaps you’ll be the one to draw him out where I couldn’t. You’ve healed so many of my men with your power, Mikomi. Would you consider using one specific healing power to fix whatever is broken within Musubi?”
“And what specific healing power might that be?”
Akane smiled. “The healing power of love.”
* * *
I sat at the table long after Akane left, puzzling over our conversation. Though my heart ached to be loved by someone as brave and honorable as Musubi, I had to acknowledge the impossibility of something so wonderful hovering within my reach. My complicated circumstances would be enough to deter anyone from assuming they could change their fate simply by wishing it into being.
But there were other factors weighing in on my life right now. Who was my soul mate, and what would happen when I finally told Katsu the truth? Would he believe and accept the obvious or insist upon our union regardless of the consequences?
There was one thing Kenji mentioned that gave me reason to believe I might find answers to all of these troubling questions.
The prophecy.
If the prophecy was flawed, then I had to get my hands on the original copy. The one written by our First Parents before it was translated into our current form of Japanese.
Which begged the question, how? Would the monks preserving those ancient writings be willing to hand over something as valuable as a prophecy, written in the hand of the gods, to a young woman even if she was The Healer?
I thought not.
Kenji would no doubt have access to it, but even if he copied the entire prophecy in its original dialect, who on earth might be capable of reading it?
I came out of my troubled musings when I realized I had lingered much longer than intended. I needed to hurry back before Katsu noticed my absence. I searched for Daiki and Hatsumi, wishing to bid them farewell, but they were nowhere to be found.
Perhaps they took their son on a leisurely walk.
As I left the tavern and made a right toward the woods, I received the distinct and disturbing impression that someone within the vicinity monitored my movements. I surveyed the sparsely populated roads, taking note of the usual vendors and shop keepers, but they paid me little heed, accustomed to seeing “the village healer” walking from Daiki’s tavern.
I shrugged away the eerie feeling and entered the woods, though I swore the same set of eyes followed me as I continued forward. After a few minutes of crippling anxiety the oppressive presence slipped away, and I was left to wonder if perhaps I had simply imagined the entire incident due to my stressful situation coupled with my damaged ki.
Waves of exhaustion rolled over me. The unusual stillness of the forest preyed upon my frazzled nerves, leading me to wild, paranoid musings, which drained my energy and served absolutely no purpose. I hurried forward and then broke into a run. I didn’t stop running until I arrived at the Ivory Palace.
Just before I broke through the brush, I paused, watching the area for imperial guards who regularly patrolled the palace grounds. I waited for two pairs to pass by and then bolted, knowing I had a ten minute window to sneak back into the gardens and hide myself behind some foliage.
This outing had been too risky. With Katsu’s overbearing smothering and my father’s endless attempts at summoning me, my absence would be that much more apparent.
I prepared myself to slip past the cherry trees and begin an innocent stroll along the path—as if I’d been there all along—when I saw my maid, Aiko, come around a bend in the garden, followed by a man I recognized.
I wished with all my heart I hadn’t!
The last time I’d laid eyes upon the seasoned soldier was through the memories of my father’s generals. This man was responsible for dispersing kami blood amongst the emperor’s highest ranking officials. He, along with my father, experimented with my father’s blood, eager to bond it to their men and create a kami army.
I couldn’t believe my poor Aiko had succumbed to the charms of this horrible individual, but I was definitely going to put a stop to it before he broke her heart any further than the news of his betrayal was certain to. I almost placed myself on the path before them, but was brought up short again when Aiko pulled from within the folds of her kimono a large vial of red liquid and passed it to the soldier.
He discreetly slipped it inside his sleeves, gave her a small bow that she reciprocated, and then they parted ways, never once looking back at one another.
Nothing could have horrified nor devastated me more than to come to the awful conclusion that Aiko, my friend and confidant, had just handed over a vial of what appeared to be kami blood to a man involved with my father.
My stomach churned as pieces of the puzzle clicked together. All of those nightmares she claimed I was having, all of those sleeping draughts to keep me unconscious and unaware, my exhaustion and inability to recover as I was accustomed to, and the small wound on my arm when I awoke from healing my mother were due to Aiko’s duplicitous actions as she slowly bled me. All this time I assumed my father willingly gave his blood to his soldiers. I nearly wept at my own stupidity. As if the emperor might sacrifice his own blood for any venture.
And Aiko?
Did she understand what was being asked of her? Had she been coerced into following along with this plan? That had to be it. I knew Aiko, under normal circumstance, would never deliberately harm me nor help the emperor. She hated him as much as I did. I needed to talk to her, tell her of my discovery and offer her a chance to escape the palace before my father hurt or used her to force my cooperation.
I hurried to my rooms, praying that Aiko’s involvement didn’t extend any further than what I had just been witness to.
After summoning Aiko, I paced back and forth within my room, anxious to face this confrontation head-on. I was already prepared to forgive Aiko anything so long as she simply told me what my father had done to her and how I might assist her now that I knew.
“Mistress,” she said as she entered the room, “you wished to see me?”
I motioned her forward. “Aiko, please sit down. I must speak with you concerning an extremely disturbing revelation.”
She placed herself at the edge of my bed as I grabbed one of the chairs and brought it within close proximity. I sat so that our knees were almost touching and then placed her hands in mine.
Her expression revealed nothing but a burgeoning curiosity, and I struggled to get a read on her feelings. “Mistress, what has happened that has you behaving in such a disconcerting manner?”
I waited to give a reply, still seeking a connection that didn’t exist. How long had she been blocking me from her emotions? That thought alone gave me cause for worry.
“I saw you in the gardens today, Aiko. I saw you with that soldier, giving him my blood.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Mistress, I don’t know what you’re talking—”
“Aiko, please, spare me the posturing and your useless words of denial. I think you are aware that my father has been attempting to bond my blood to his men under the guise of those ridiculous healing sessions. I’ve already noted the foreign entities in their bloodstreams. I simply had no idea it was my blood they were imbibing until I saw you hand a vial of red liq
uid to that man in the gardens.”
Aiko’s hands shook visibly in mine. She pulled away, wringing them together and then forcing them to rest on her lap.
“You’ve been bleeding me while I slept, haven’t you, Aiko? That’s why my sleeping draughts have been administered with more frequency. I didn’t really need them after all.”
Tears slipped down her face as she nodded her head.
“What you must think of me,” she whispered.
I grabbed her hands, anxious to reassure her, to give her a reason to trust me like she always had.
“I don’t think you did this because you wanted to. I don’t blame you, dear friend, please believe me.”
Aiko threw her arms around my neck and began heaving tired sobs. I ached for her as I held her and rocked her gently in my arms just as she had for me for the past seventeen years. Her grief appeared raw and real, but I was still troubled by the wall I continually ran into each time I attempted to sense her true emotional state. She had never been so closed off to me.
“The man you saw me with…he…he…approached me several months ago and informed me that the emperor wished to see me.”
“You weren’t summoned by my father’s regular guards?”
She pulled away, leaning back to look at me. “No. It was all very quiet and secretive. I didn’t see a single guard along the way, and there weren’t any in your father’s study. Once I arrived, the emperor informed me of his concern for you and your health. He claimed that his physicians needed samples of your blood for testing purposes to make certain you would be ready for your ascension.”
My eyebrows rose at the audacity of such a bold-faced lie.
“What was your response to that?”
She let out a frustrated grunt. “I told him that you were the very picture of health. You had never been sick a day in all your life. He...had that man hit me a time or two after that.”