by C. J. Anaya
My heart hollowed and dropped as the implications of his words solidified for me.
I stood before none other than the demon god, Amatsu-Mikaboshi! His light hair and frozen blue eyes reminded me so much of Tie it pained me to look at him.
“I assumed the black blossom was meant to sever me from my soul mate and then link me to Tie,” I said. My mind whirred with these new implications, and then the irony of it hit me. I couldn’t help the righteous smirk that graced my lips. “It must have been quite a shock for you when you discovered that I belonged to Tie in the first place. He would never hand me over to you.”
“You belong to me.” His voice came out like the sharp crack of a whip. Then he gave me a serene smile, one filled with undeniable longing as his eyes continued to take me in, roaming over the whole of me in awe and wonder. “It’s true that a few errors were made in regards to the identity of your soul mate, but I’ve been alive for a very long time my dear. I always have a plan B. Of course, I would have preferred you never discover Tie to be your true soul mate due to how much trickier it is to separate you from him. And it has been. So many centuries wasted waiting for your rebirth, waiting for the blossom to finally take effect.”
He took another step forward, but this time my knowledge of his true identity gave me the strength to fight against the intensity of my soul’s reaction to him. I took several steps back before he finally came to a halt. His frustration at the distance separating our bodies was palpable, but his look softened despite his tumultuous emotions.
“It infuriated me when I discovered you had sacrificed yourself to save Tie from Victor’s arrow. I couldn’t understand it and hated you for it.” His level gaze nearly swallowed me whole as he uttered these next words. “Now that the blossom has finally connected me to you, I find it much easier to understand the love that compelled you to save your soul mate’s life.”
“You made certain the blossom eventually connected my soul to yours,” I stated.
He shrugged his shoulders. “Of course. Once I help you ascend as a kami and we combine our powers, there will be nothing powerful enough to prevent the breaching of the veil.”
“You’re wrong. You may have somehow managed to link our souls together, but you’re not my soul mate and you certainly can’t force my hand and join my power to yours. I’m going to heal the veil, not breach it, and I’ll never ever love you.” I meant the words I spoke, but my denial of love caused my soul pain nonetheless. I winced at the sharp stab I felt, but recovered quickly and took another step backward.
“You already love me, my dear.”
I shook my head. “You have no idea what real love is. It isn’t some synthetic replication brought on by powerful magic. Love is given freely and without reserve. It’s the kind of emotion that grows gradually and must be earned. What I feel for you right now is completely against my will. It isn’t what I want.”
He frowned and raised a fist to his chin, folding his arm underneath it as he pondered me in confusion.
“Your resistance to this pull we feel for one another is impressive. I can barely stand to be in the same room with you and not touch you. You shouldn’t be able to refuse me like this. It isn’t how the bond I created is supposed to function.”
“Excuse me?” I felt a drop of sweat make its way down the back of my neck. It was as if talking about the bond made it awaken and respond with renewed vigor.
“You are supposed to be my willing companion. That is, your will should have been stripped from you, though your resistance is actually quite compelling. I have to wonder at how you still manage to maintain a will of your own.”
“That’s simple. I think of the love I feel for Tie, and it trumps your pathetic attempt at binding me to your will.”
His eyes flashed in anger. “That’s impossible. The blossom was supposed to relinquish his claim to you the minute my bond took effect. That’s why his handing you over to me would have been easy for him. With his heart deadened and his connection revoked there would be nothing preventing him from discarding you.”
“Tie’s capacity to love and care for others is far greater than you ever anticipated. Even at his lowest moments, he still took in Akane and taught her to defend herself. You bet your money on the wrong horse.”
“Impossible,” he barked. “You are supposed to be bonded to me and me alone.”
“I haven’t been severed from Tie’s soul, and I promise you, I will do everything in my power to sever myself from yours.”
“You’ll never get the chance,” he said, rushing forward and throwing his arms around me. At least he tried to do so, but his momentum propelled him right through me, his arms finding zero purchase. The intense rush of emotion my soul experienced as his body swept through mine was short-lived. I nearly cried out in pain at the separation but bit my lip and quelled the impulse to reach for him.
“No,” he cried, turning around and staring at me in astonishment. “This cannot be. You are supposed to be here in your corporal form. The bond transports you to the underworld to dwell with me. How is it that only your spirit is here now?”
I had been here in my physical form just moments earlier. I wasn’t sure what had changed now, but I wondered if my bond with Tie was protecting me.
“I still belong to Tie,” I ground out, “and no matter what you think you’ve accomplished, my love for him will never be canceled out by this mockery of a bond you’ve created.”
They were bold words, but my body continued to behave contrary to my own personal convictions. Sweat poured down my temples as I fought against the powerful desire to wrap my arms around the demon god.
Amatsu stepped forward until mere inches separated the solidity of his body and my spirit. I clenched my fists at my sides as waves of longing and desire rushed through me.
“No,” he choked out. “I don’t understand what went wrong, but I will find out, and once I do, you will be mine, mind, body, and spirit.”
I shook my head and shut my eyes, picturing Tie in my mind and the way the softness of his embrace always alleviated my fears and left me feeling safe, secure, and comforted.
“No, Hope. You are mine. You cannot leave me now. Not after I’ve finally had the chance to see you. To speak with you.”
Amatsu’s voice was frantic but also sounded far away. I felt myself drifting from his realm and back into the world where I belonged. Just before my spirit collided with my body, his voice surround me with the softness of a lover’s embrace.
“It’s merely a matter of time, my love. I shall see you again.”
My dreams were starting to get on my nerves. I didn’t remember much about them, I just always awoke with this awful sense of impending doom while simultaneously longing for something just out of reach. I knew it had to be Tie who I dreamed about, but the bad vibes that followed didn’t bode well for the future. This last dream had left me especially out of sorts, and the only cure for that was Tie.
I marveled at the fluttering in my stomach as I knocked on his hotel room door to see if he was ready to head to the “conference” Victor had called to order. My anxiety tended to ratchet up several notches whenever Tie was out of my line of sight. I recognized this as a truly unhealthy and co-dependent response to our relationship, but I simply didn’t know how to push away the fear that if I lost sight of him, I might very well lose him forever.
I was obviously suffering some emotional backlash from everything we’d been through, and now that I remembered my first life, it was easier to understand Tie’s desperate and sometimes puzzling behavior during that first day of school, starting with his arrival in Folklore and Mythology. If the tables had been turned, if I had watched Tie pass away a thousand years ago and then waited for that first moment when I finally saw him again…well…I don’t think talking would have been my first order of business.
I nervously shifted back and forth, waiting for him to answer. I was a basket case on so many levels. Bad dreams were one issue, but the true origins
of my anxiety had to do with my inability to sense the veil.
Yeah. Still unsuccessful in that department, and time was not on our side.
How will I heal the veil when I can’t even find it? Might as well usher in the Apocalypse and throw it a house party.
“Who’s there?” The low tones of Tie’s voice brought a fleeting memory to mind. One with a cascading waterfall, a hidden cave, and his teasing voice as he taught me how to defend myself.
I smiled at the simple joy that warmed me from within, nearly choking on a lump of emotion before swallowing it down and answering, “It’s just me.”
The door swung open before I even finished my three-word sentence, and Tie’s arms flashed around me, engulfing me in an embrace I hadn’t realized my body had been aching for. His lips captured mine with little preamble as he lifted me off my feet and pulled me into the room. My world fell into place once more as I clung to him and gave just as good as I got. After several moments of this wonderful exchange we finally came up for air. Tie studied me with an intensity that made breathing a virtual impossibility. His love for me was more than obvious in the tenderness within his gaze and the soft set of his mouth.
“Not sharing a room with you is absolutely killing me,” he said. His voice came out a bit raspy due to the emotions he fought to contain. “I spent the entire night right outside your door just to make certain no one attempted to break in and take you from me.” He leaned in to gently kiss my forehead and then he rested his own against mine.
“It’s good to know I’m not the only one suffering some severe separation anxiety.”
He barked a laugh and tightened his hold on me.
“I just feel like this situation is too good to be true. This is what I’ve wanted for thousands of years. It’s as if every opportunity for love is taken from me just when I’m starting to feel safe, to trust in what is being offered.” He kissed me again, light brushes of his lips against my own, making me want to cry at the tenderness of it all, at the reality of having him with me and knowing it to be one hundred percent right.
“I don’t like this any more than you do,” I said as he pulled back to study me again. “But this life is really different from my first one. Seventeen-year-olds don’t generally get married in this day and age. College educations, worldly experiences, and coming to terms with who you are tends to be the formula for everyone’s path in life even if most people aren’t practicing abstinence. My dad is of the opinion that sharing a room with you is one hundred percent inappropriate.”
“Forget sex,” he said. “I’m not pushing for that kind of intimacy with you right now. I can wait until you ascend and we’re married.” He gave me a lopsided grin that was absolutely adorable. “We may live in more modern times, but you’ll find that I’m terribly old-fashioned.”
“Good to know.”
“I’m serious, Hope. I’m not anxious to share a room with you just so I can have my wicked way with you. Although my noble intentions won’t prevent me from checking you out and holding you close every chance I get.” He gave me a naughty grin at that before his face sobered into an earnest expression. “I need to be there to protect you. I need to hear you breathing in and out. I need to know that no one is breaking in and taking you from me.”
“I can defend myself. I had a pretty good teacher, if you recall.”
“You may know everything you need to know up here,” he said pointing a finger to the side of my temple, “but your body isn’t conditioned for the same type of training. Your reflexes are slower, your stamina isn’t up to par, and your body—”
“Tread very carefully with your next utterance.”
His grin widened as he bent to give me a quick kiss. “Your body doesn’t have the muscle memory it needs to put your wealth of knowledge into action.”
“I held my own against those three nekomata at Ms. Mori’s house.”
“Those nekomata were not expecting you to be able to fight at all. I’ll admit your technique was tolerable, but your reaction time would have gotten you killed if they had been prepared for a ninja princess instead of a helpless teenager.”
“I feel like I should be outraged right now, but my heart’s just not in it.” I locked my lips with his and nearly smiled at the soft growl he let out as his arms cinched tighter around me. After a few seconds he pulled back and shook his head.
“You’re trying to distract me.”
“Is it working?”
“Of course it is.”
I took his face in my hands and gave him another gentle kiss. Then I pulled back to study those crystal blue eyes. “I will talk to my dad about it again. Maybe if he sees you as a bodyguard rather than a potential husband who is trying to steal his daughter away from him, he’ll be more lenient.”
“I don’t care if we’re chaperoned. Your dad can be in the room, Kirby can be in the room, even Angie can be there so long as I’m present and ready to defend you should the need arise.”
I stiffened at the mention of Angie and then cursed myself for my own insecurities. Tie’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly as he noted my discomfort.
“I don’t love her anymore, Hope. You do believe that, don’t you?”
“Of course I do, and I know my jealousy is incredibly stupid. It’s just that you were so in love with her for so long…I guess girls can’t help but compare themselves to one another. It’s the first time I’ve ever done that with Angie.”
“Well, stop it because it isn’t the same thing. She isn’t even the woman I fell in love with. Angie and Edana are two very different people…believe me.”
“I believe you.”
I hadn’t been given much time to process everything that happened in my first life before Angie’s true identity had been revealed. I wasn’t the only one given a second chance at getting things right. In her case, Angie had lived over twelve hundred years earlier as Edana, the woman who Tie and Victor had fallen in love with.
And guess what! She hadn’t really killed herself. She was murdered by a nekomata as a way to cause a rift between Victor and Tie, two people Amatsu-Mikaboshi felt compelled to pit against in order to facilitate his own evil plans. If the god of love and marriage was in cahoots with the demon god, there would be no chance for Victor to unite with the one destined to heal the veil between the living and the dead.
The Healer.
Me.
I was so freaking sick of that stupid title.
But let’s not stop there. Not only was Angie previously known as Edana, she was also my dear friend Akane, the commander of the rebel army. Now one might think that having Akane back in my life would negate the loss I felt when she died in battle.
One would be wrong!
I loved Angie, but she wasn’t Akane. Not the Akane I knew, though their fierce spirits and unwavering loyalty were identical. Still, it was an entirely different relationship than the one I had experienced with Akane. I’d spent a little time discussing Akane with Angie. She joked that I had run into a much more mature version of herself. It’s interesting how one’s circumstances can weigh in so heavily on an actual personality.
“Besides,” Tie continued, bringing me out of my musings, “I think I was more in love with the idea of having someone in my life than the idea of actually loving Edana. I’d been angry and bitter about my situation long before I met her. She was the first person I’d encountered who was completely untethered to another human being and when that rarity, that miraculous situation was offered and then taken from me…well, I think it gave me an excuse to give in to the bitterness and the loneliness I’d experienced for so long.”
“That’s why you went to Amatsu?” I searched his face as his eye narrowed.
“I never should have forced that piece of magic on you, Hope. We don’t know what kind of repercussions we might be facing. And to think I actually offered it to you in this life when I was trying to be the better man and fix things. When I was trying to change. I can’t seem to keep my head when it comes
to the idea of losing you. I don’t behave rationally.”
“I don’t either. I practically ran to your room the second I got the chance, and I’m pretty sure I dreamed about you last night. When I woke up this morning, that awful ache in my heart was suffocating.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head against his chest. The rhythmic cadence of his beating heart was such a comfort to me. “I know you’re worried about the possible side effects of the black blossom’s magic, but I sincerely believe we have nothing to fear. It was meant to sever me from my soul mate and connect me to you. In the end, I’m connected to you. Win-win.”
“Definitely a win for me.”
He lifted my face to his and softly kissed me, pulling me flush to his chest and deepening the kiss while I forgot about all the dangers we now faced and the many obstacles preventing us from thwarting the demon god’s plans.
Tie’s ki gently wrapped itself around mine, causing an explosion of warm gold and amber hues to spread out and swirl together. The gold colors soon began to take on an electrifying light of their own and my kisses became more desperate as the colors became more insistent. I felt them building toward something, but I wasn’t sure what that might be. A small wave of energy threaded itself between our souls and tugged, merging parts of my soul with his and giving me even more access to his emotions.
What in the world?
The threads of energy stitched us closer together and caused this feeling of euphoria to build within me. I had no idea what was happening, but I wasn’t about to interrupt it or complain about it.