by Nhys Glover
Compassionate horror had been building inside me as he talked. No, not talked, confessed. He considered this a crime he had committed, even though it had been an accident. No, not an accident. Unintentional. There was nothing accidental about the fire he’d been assigned to start. He’d been a killer for the Godling’s secret army, and he’d been an effective one.
My heart bled for him. Without realising what I was doing, I slid an arm around his neck and brought his head down to rest on my shoulder. Surprisingly, he made no effort to pull away. It was as if he needed the comfort of my arms. The forgiveness I could give him for his crimes.
But how could I forgive him? I was not the one harmed by those fires he set? Yet somehow he needed it from me. Needed me to understand.
There was that word again. Understand! How could I understand what it felt like to kill so horrifically? I had killed with sword and arrow during the war, and it had tainted my soul, infecting my dreams. But fire was so much worse. No wonder he had run away from that life.
Desperate to ease his suffering, I began raining little kisses along this neck and jaw as I ran my hands over his back. A floodgate of emotion rushed up inside me, fuelled by my own self-loathing, fuelled by my grief over the massacre today and the one Zem witnessed suns before. Fuelled by my compassion for this tortured man who couldn’t even allow someone in to ease his suffering in case he caused them harm. It was a like living permanently in one of Laric’s nightmares.
So I soothed and kissed and stroked. I told him it was all right. That it was not him who was responsible for that terrible death but the Godling. He and his minions had created the secret army of Abominations and set them loose on targets they wanted removed. He wasn’t to blame.
I was crying, I realised. Crying for him and his pain. For his loneliness. And my kisses became more earnest, my touch more urgent. I needed him to turn his head. I needed his mouth on mine.
When he stiffened in my arms, I knew I had gone too far. Knew my grief had turned to arousal and was fuelling his own. I needed to step away now. I needed to keep my distance. This was dangerous beyond any danger I had ever faced. Beyond the Devourers.
But still I waited for his head to turn. And when it did, I breathed a sigh of relief as my lips found his, tasted his. For one infinite moment we stood like that, lips melded, hearts open. And it was... beautiful.
Prior pushed away from me hard, sending me falling back against the wall. I cracked my head and cried out from the pain of it, the shock of it. One minute it was perfect. The next it was... not.
“Flame, you push me too far. Gods, you have no idea what you are doing... to me... to my control. I will kill you! Don’t you understand? I will kill you!” He was sobbing, his voice hoarse and raw with pain.
I clung to the wall, needing it to keep me standing. What was wrong with me? Why did I do that to him? I might court my own death, but I didn’t want him suffering for it. He had suffered too much.
Prior turned and strode away. But after two steps he halted and looked back over his shoulder. By then I was well on the way to slipping down the wall, so I could crumple into a heap of misery.
“Don’t stay here. I came to keep you safe from those bastards. I can’t leave you here for them. Come away from here and back where there is protection.”
Wordlessly, I did his bidding, because if the Devourers got me now he would blame himself for it. So I would go back where there were guards and protection.
For him. Though it was the last thing I wanted.
Chapter Ten
I came upon Airsha and her gaggle of serving lasses as they were bringing Shardra back to the apartments. Our seer was hardly recognizable with her short-cropped hair that revealed the beautiful shape of her skull.
I remembered when Airsha had cut my hair like this to remove the bugs and knots. But mine had not been quite so short. I’d kept a halo of soft curls that encircled my head. When I thought back to that time, one of my strongest sensory memories was of the lightness I felt without my matted nest of hair. Without the incessant itching. It was like I’d been given freedom from my past. I’d felt renewed.
Was Shardra feeling a little of that too? Was her head clearer now it wasn’t physically weighed down by all that debris?
Cleaned of dirt, her skin was now revealed to be only a few shades darker than Zem’s. Even her odd coloured eyes looked less strange with her paler skin-tone. Had she had flesh on her bones she might even have been pretty.
From the caring expression on Airsha’s face, I concluded she hadn’t yet been found by her husbands and told about the massacre. One look at my reddened eyes and still running nose alerted her to what was to come.
“What has happened now? Have they taken someone else? Were you looking for me?” she demanded in concern.
“There was a massacre. Our troops killed sixty adults and who knows how many childlings in a Cliffling village. No one survived. Darkin and Rama were looking for you to tell you.”
Airsha gasped and let out a little moan of despair. “That wasn’t to happen. The generals assured me they’d keep their men on a tight rein.”
I wiped my runny nose on the sleeve of my tunic and shrugged. What could I say? There were no words. It had happened. It shouldn’t have. And we were all paying the price.
“She saw it would happen. So the priests incited them. The men. Fight the Goddess’ evil spawn. Upstart whore. Fight for what is yours!” Shardra intoned, mimicking a man’s provoking voice.
We all turned to stare at her.
Airsha got her words back first. “When did you see this?”
Shardra shrugged and looked at her clean, sandaled feet, for all the world like a naughty childling caught out in her mischief. “A long time ago. A moon? No. No. More than a moon. I think. I do not think it was recent. But... But I know I saw it. She sees things and then makes them happen. She calls it fulfilling the plan. She is evil. Always evil.”
Airsha looked over at me, suddenly as aware as I was of the gift this woman could be to us. If we could find a way to plumb the depths of her knowledge we might have a chance.
“Shardra, do you see things that will happen that are not connected to the evil hag?” Airsha asked gently.
My tears had dried up now, my own misery forgotten.
Shardra’s head tipped from side to side again, reminding me once more of a featherling. But her voice was sing-songy like a child’s. “I used to. But not so much since she found me. She uses me to see what she wants to see. I could never do that. I could never call up visions when I wanted. But she can, using me. I am her beastling. I am her fuel. I exist to meet her needs. So she says. My comforter says different. He says she has enslaved me. And one day I will be free.”
Airsha placed a comforting hand on her flea-bitten arm. “Yes. One day you will be free. But until then you can be very valuable to us. You can help us fight her and those evil men who wish to destroy the world.”
Shardra nodded her head vigorously again, smiling. “You are special, you know. I saw you when you escaped this place. When you found your men. The hag knew you were special too. She was so happy to have found you. You were part of the plan, you see. Part of the plan. You had to be aided to fulfil your part in the plan.”
All the blood drained out of Airsha’s face, and for a moment she looked ready to pass out. I wasn’t the only one who thought so, because several sets of female hands reached out to support her.
“The Devourers helped me?” Airsha asked, her voice strangled.
“To escape the Godling. Not enough rebels to take down all the Godling’s men. The priests did it. You had to survive, you see. Who knew when the Goddess would find another as powerful as you to do her bidding? And until her magic was free the plan could not move forward.”
I could see Airsha was becoming more and more unsteady on her feet. This was frightening news.
“Let’s get to your apartments so everyone can hear what she has to say. Out here... it’s not good.”
I looked up and down the corridors. At one end I saw a pair of guards patrolling, but if the Devourers came at that moment, would we be able to hold them off? Airsha had incredible power at her disposal, but with so many innocents in the mix she might be unable to act.
Airsha nodded with more determination, the colour returning to her pale cheeks.
“Yes. Let’s go to my apartments. And Darkin and Rama need to be found. Where were they going?”
“To the bathhouse where we thought you took Shardra.”
Airsha shook her head. “Oh, no. We used a private bathing room. It was better that way, considering her condition.”
As we hurried Shardra along the corridor, Airsha on one side of her and me on the other, Airsha began issuing orders to her women. Get her men, get Moyna, get scribes!
“Scribes?” I questioned her last order.
“Do you think we are going to be able to remember everything this amazing woman is about to tell us. No, we need it written down so we can review it later.”
“They killed him, you know. They knew where you would be and they shot him down. He had done his part. He would become a problem if he lived any longer,” Shardra chirped, still in that sing-song voice that was so disconcerting.
I saw Airsha’s face lose all animation. Mine must have looked the same. We both knew who the he was that Shardra referred to. Trace! The Devourers had been the ones to come after us that night, not the Godling’s men. They had fired the arrow that ended Trace’s life.
I wanted to scream! I wanted to throw this pathetic woman to the ground and grind her beneath my feet. Why hadn’t she told us? If she had known what those beasts were doing why didn’t she tell someone?
“Flame! Enough! What is done is done. We have the future to look to now,” Airsha snapped at me, her face no longer blank.
“We could have done something!” I cried. “He didn’t have to die. It wasn’t the Goddess’ Will, as we thought. It was these fraggin’ Devourers!”
“Calm yourself. You’re upsetting her.” Her words came to me through gritted teeth now. She was beyond furious at me.
I looked at Shardra. Airsha was right, I was upsetting her. She was trying to pull out of my hold, her eyes wild with fear.
I was an idiot! None of this was this mad woman’s fault. It was as acceptable as kicking a baby wadja to take out my fury and pain on her.
Sticking a conciliatory smile on my lips, I patted Shardra’s arm. “I’m sorry. I’m just very sad to hear this news. Trace was a friend. He was Airsha’s...”
I shut my mouth. It wasn’t my place to give Trace a place in Airsha’s life. He was her kidnapper. All else was between the two of them.
“Lover,” Shardra provided. “A potent male. Powerful. A potential threat to the plan.”
Airsha blanched anew and then she blushed bright red. “You saw us?”
Shardra nodded over and over again. “Yes. He was part of the plan, but once his part was done he had to be removed.”
Airsha’s jaw tightened. “He was not just part of the plan. He was a worthy man with many goods suns left to him.”
Shardra seemed to bring herself back from some other place. She looked sadly down at our grieving Goddess Incarnate.
“I am sorry. If I had known he was real... It is never easy to tell, you see. You were all... just dreams to me. I look at you now and still wonder if you are real. If all this,” she gestured elegantly to indicate the old palace around us, “... is real. Mayhap I will awaken to find myself back in my cave at any moment.”
Airsha gave her a shaky smile of gratitude. “I can’t imagine what it has been like for you. I am sorry your magic has been such a burden to you.”
Shardra shrugged and smiled sweetly. “It gave me my comforter. I could never regret that.”
We had reached the apartments and one of the remaining serving lasses opened the door. Inside a sombre mood greeted us. Darkin and Rama were there, and they glanced quickly from Airsha to me before deciding I must have told her.
“You know of the massacre?” Darkin asked, wanting confirmation of what he already knew.
Airsha nodded. “It is worse than you think. It seems the Devourers incited that confrontation. They have been behind quite a few events in the last few suns. I have sent for scribes. Shardra has a great deal to share with us.” She led the fragile woman over to the buffet. “First though, she must eat. May I suggest light fresh food like fruit? Your stomach will handle that better than heavier fare.”
Shardra nodded vigorously. “I have not had fruit for a long time. It is too hard to keep. If I do not eat it immediately it goes off. My mother did not like to see it wasted so she stopped sending it. My fault. I should have eaten more. But time... time gets away from me.”
From the looks sent Shardra’s way by my men, they were surprised by how clear-headed she sounded. I must admit she surprised me as well.
Once Moyna, along with another of the council members I didn’t know, and several scribes arrived, Shardra had finished her meagre meal and was sitting on a cushion, sipping juice. Her cheeks had gained a more healthy rose tint and those odd eyes of hers were sparkling a little.
“From what I have gathered, Lady Shardra is a conduit of sorts for the Devourer’s Soothsayer,” Airsha started. “Laric told us the hag was blind, and yet she seemed able to see when she looked into her scrying pool. The reason for that is now clear. Shardra was her eyes, and may well have been the power behind those glimpses she gained into other places and times. Shardra has been doing this for many suns. Have I got that right?”
Airsha looked at Shardra for confirmation and the other woman nodded mutely.
“How did she draw you in, do you know?” Airsha asked gently.
Shardra shook her head. “On the Nether Plane the essences blend. Time has no meaning. I must have somehow connected with her in passing there and she sensed my gift and latched onto me. Tied me to her somehow. I could come back to the Physical Plane, but whenever she wanted my power she could use the cord that binds us to pull me back to her. There were others before me. But she sucked them dry. I have lasted longer than those others. But she will soon suck me dry too.”
Into the silence that fell after she stopped talking I decided to add my bit. “When I was in the Devourer priest’s nightmare I felt like that. I came back very thirsty, like whatever was happening was drawing on the water inside me. But it wasn’t mine, of course. But that was what it felt like for the priest.”
“The Jayger is water. The Devourers must use water to work their magic,” Darkin offered up the possible rationale.
“The scrying pool, the transportation pool and the dissolving people all use water,” I agreed.
“I am very thirsty all the time,” Shardra said. “As if she can take the water from my physical body as well as from my essence.”
“Essence... Soul? Is that what we’re talking about here?” Jaron asked.
Shardra nodded. “I think so. Although I do not think it goes on after death. If that were so she would not have need to find new essences to drain.”
“This is no time for a theological exchange. Let us stick to the point,” Moyna announced imperiously.
Airsha appeared about to argue with the Chancellor, but instead nodded her agreement.
I noticed the door to the apartments open and Prior duck in. He looked as calm and in control as always. No one could have guessed how close to breaking he’d been so recently. I knew my face still bore the marks of my tears.
“The most pressing questions at this point,” Airsha said, keeping her voice calm and gentle for the seer. “Do you know where we can find the Godling and how does he plan to unleash The Jayger?”
For a moment my heart plummeted. That vague look was claiming Shardra’s eyes again. We were losing her.
Then she surprised me. Her voice was as clear and present as it had been when she apologised for Trace.
“He is deep in the mountain. Only one Cliffling knew of the en
trance and could follow the map to the core. They killed him once his usefulness was over. It amuses her to see your soldiers running around like ants in a disturbed nest, knowing they could not find her. Them.
“The high priest thinks he is in control, but he is nothing. Hers is the power. She is to be The Jayger’s new consort. That is his promise to her. Infinite life, infinite power.”
For a moment Shardra paused, her head tipping from side to side. My heart began to sink again. We were losing her. Then she started to speak in a deep, hypnotic tone she had not used up until now.
“The spell they use is very ancient. Written by one such as her back at the beginning of Time. Back when the Goddess whore was still worshipped by her creations. But none know the old language and there have been mistakes in the translation and pronunciation. Much blood has been spilled already from the failed attempts. The fool gets impatient and pushes too hard. If he was not part of the plan she would end him. But they were getting close, nevertheless. As long as the bitch’s Five could be stopped all would go according to the plan.”
When the last words stopped reverberating around the large living space the silence was complete. My mind was in chaos. So many questions needed to be answered. Which one to ask?
“Do you know the way to the core?” Darkin demanded a little more tersely than was advisable, given Shardra’s fragile state.
Her mismatched eyes turned to him. “You were always the variable. She could not predict which way you would go. Many futures led from you. But you chose the right one. She was pleased.”
“Who? The Goddess?” Darkin demanded in shock, his focus shifting with this strange pronouncement.
“The hag. The Jayger’s promised bride.”
Darkin’s eyes grew huge and his mouth dropped open. Airsha rushed in to explain.
“Do you remember how disturbed we were when we learned that there was a prophesy that foretold that the rise of the Goddess would bring about the end the world? That at first it sounded like we had been tricked into making a monumental error? But then we realised that it wasn’t the rise of the Goddess that would cause the end of the world as much as it would provide the fodder thwarted evil would use to have its way. The Godling would not need to end the world while ever he controlled it, after all.