by Nhys Glover
I focused on Calun and heard him say, ‘That was a very frightening quarter turn. It was like watching you wrestle a daemon inside you, sister.’
I grinned. “Wrestled and won. I still have my air magic. Let’s go see if I now have fire magic!”
My men and Airsha’s had been milling around outside the door to the royal apartments, so there was no way we were going to dissuade them from coming along to see what I could now do.
‘Are you all right?’ I asked Zem in my mind.
‘I am now. Why did it take so long?’ came the fast answer.
‘I was wrestling daemons, Calun says. It felt like I was being pummelled from the inside out. Not pleasant. I think my air magic wasn’t happy to give up some of its territory. I guess it had to be torn loose a bit so the lightning could have some space in there. It was scary when I felt my air magic tear away, though. I thought I’d lost me. Glad I was wrong.’
‘I’m glad too,’ Laric said. Had he heard our private conversation or just my side of it?
‘Just your side. You have to learn to focus your intention on one person and close yourself off to the rest.’
‘Thanks. But as I’m over-emotional and lacking in self-control and discipline, it’s unlikely I’ll master it. I guess it’s up to you to stay out of conversations that don’t involve you,’ I said sweetly in my mind.
I could sense Zem grimace at my jab. Good!
The closest open space was the lake around which the palace curved. We made for a large open terrace that overlooked the tranquil turquoise water. It was currently bathed in bright morning sunshine and I spent a moment just soaking in the gentle, cleansing rays.
Was it still morning? It felt like days had passed since I was set on fire by Prior. Every day seemed overcrowded with so much happening that I could feel myself aging far faster than I should. Airsha was right, time as we knew it was running out. A different kind of time was taking its place.
Once we were all out on the terrace, Airsha and I pressed against the stone balustrade, facing out onto the empty space before us.
“All right. Now it’s all about intention. You have to clearly focus your intention and imagine what you want to happen. In this case, imagine a bolt of lightning shooting out over the lake. There are no boats nearby. It’s perfectly safe. You might need to gather the energy, the way you would gather your physical energy if you were preparing to jump. Collect and then release.”
I took in her words, remembering what it was like to prepare to jump, or prepare to kick out at an opponent with all my force. I held up my hand and saw it as a conduit for the fire energy inside me, ready to transform itself into lightning. I felt the energy build. It felt like tiny feathery tickles just under my skin. Letting it loose, I focused on the still waters of the lake about thirty strides distant.
A bright flash exploded from my hand and shot out over the water. The smell of ozone in the air after it hit the water was satisfying. I looked with triumph at Airsha who was smiling at me proudly.
“Well done. It took me quite a few tries before I could do that. You’re committed. Nothing like wanting to prove someone wrong to make you succeed.”
I laughed triumphantly. That was exactly what had driven me. I had to prove to Zem I could do this. I wasn’t an out-of-control, over-emotional woman!
Zem groaned. “That’s not what I meant. I know you’re capable.”
“Then stop second-guessing me!” I fired back in exasperation. “This has to happen, and it has to happen sooner rather than later. I’m going to spend a few turns practising out here. Prior, I’d like you to stay with me. In case the Devourers come for me. Then, if I can work out how to do it safely, I want to bed you. If you’re amenable. We’ll take it slowly... and alone.”
Prior, who had been standing at the back of the gathering, looked surprised and a little uncomfortable. “I am amenable. But only if I’m convinced it will work. I will not burn you again.”
“Good. I don’t want you to burn me again. But we’ll have a bucket of water nearby and Landor will be within calling distance. Just in case.”
Airsha was not finished her lessons yet. “When you get to the point where you are just sending tiny, harmless charges, remember a bolt, no matter the size, has to be grounded somewhere. So always have an intention of where you want to ground the current. Preferably not in the genital region. I have discovered my men don’t enjoy that. If you are running your hands over someone’s back, part of your mind has to see the flicker of charge going down through that body into the ground, or the bed. Somewhere. When you are consumed with passion it’s hard to focus, but you must do it. Letting wild magic loose in an enclosed space could be dangerous. Deadly, in fact.”
I nodded a little nervously. I remembered how I had been with Landor and Zem last night when I was so satiated I couldn’t think straight. If I got to that stage with Prior, how would I be able to focus on controlling the current and grounding it? Fear and uncertainty began to eat at me once more.
God’s balls, I wasn’t about to give up now. I could do this!
I took time for a quick meal and then returned to the terrace. Prior came with me. We set up targets that grew smaller and closer. My plan was to start with mastering the long distance powerful bolts across the lake, then bring it in and reduce the power so I hit the closer targets. Bit by bit, I would bring it down until I was doing what Airsha did in front of Moyna—making little, harmless bolts jump between my fingers.
I had to give Prior credit. He patiently stood at my side as I played with my new magic. Which was how I’d started feeling about it after a while. Not a duty I needed to perform, not work. It was play, and I had a really powerful and dangerous toy at my disposal. It was heady stuff!
By late afternoon I had reached the point where I could send tiny bolts between my fingertips. It tickled. When I mastered it, I turned to smile triumphantly at Prior. His grin of approval only made the success that much sweeter.
We stopped for a break and then, as the sun started to set, I resumed my play. This time I wanted to practise on him.
The terrace was cooler than it had been during the heat of the day, and I could hear the featherlings settling in for the night in the trees along the shore. The water had changed from turquoise to deep blue and the sky a dusky pink. It was beautiful and still. Magical.
“Do you trust me?” I asked Prior cheekily, trying to cover my own nerves. This could go terribly wrong. If I lost focus for even a moment it could go wrong. My foolish pride could end up losing Prior his life, as his had cost that girl her life so long ago.
I felt him flinch at my thought. Immediately contrite, I reached out for him, running my palm along the heavily muscled contours of his upper-arm. He placed a hand over mine.
“Absolutely,” he replied with a steady smile.
And he seemed to mean it. I suppose all the work I’d done throughout the afternoon had convinced him I was capable of handling this. I hoped that was the reason. As he was closed to me I couldn’t be sure.
I slid my hand down to his forearm, feeling the tightly corded muscles and sinews beneath his black-as-night skin. I imagined my little flickers of current running up his arm and down his back, his legs and into the tiled terrace beneath us.
For a moment nothing happened, then Prior jumped back and broke the contact.
He laughed. “Gods, I was prepared for that. But when it happened I couldn’t help but jerk away.”
I looked around. Had there been time for the bolt to go to ground? I couldn’t see any harm a wild surge had caused.
“Did it hurt?” I asked
“No. Definitely not. It tickled and scratched at the same time. I can’t think of anything to compare it to, but not pain.” He grinned at me. “Again? Now I know what to expect.”
I nodded and placed my hand on his arm again. I sent the magic out, and though he shivered beneath my hand, he didn’t move away. After a moment, I broke the connection and looked at him for his respons
e.
“If that is what sex with you will involve I look forward to it. That was... nice.”
I pulled a face, mildly offended. “Nice? I can assure you that sex with me is nothing as bland as nice.”
He surprised me then by pulling me in for a deep kiss. After the initial shock, I gave in and let myself enjoy the edge this man brought to a kiss. It had to be his pent fury and passion that gave him that edge. He was so different to the emotionally uninvolved man I’d mistaken him for up to yesterday. It was only yesterday, wasn’t it?
Before I got too lost in the passion, I sent out the little current of lightning along his shoulders and down his body to the tiled ground. He moaned and thrust into my mouth with his tongue, so close to losing control I grew a little afraid. But I kept the current flowing until Prior broke away, panting, eyes a little wild.
“I have never gotten that far before without burning everything down around me,” he gasped jubilantly. “It’s working. My fire can’t engage with yours.”
I grinned. “Good. I’m glad. I want to spend the night with you. Are you ready for that, do you think?”
His look of fear had me taking a step back. The bucket of water, which sat at his feet, incinerated on the spot, the water only useful in putting the fire out once it had devoured most of the wood.
“I guess you need to keep your arousal under control unless I’m using my magic,” I said doubtfully.
Prior looked at the wet pile of ash sheepishly.
“I’ve had plenty of practise.”
Chapter Sixteen
SHARDRA
I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. It didn’t matter that the sun was still shining in the window or that it should have been too warm for sleep. I was weighed down by guilt, fear and grief. So weighed down, in fact, that my meagre reserve of energy had been totally depleted, and I was too exhausted even to think. Although there were still some thoughts, that circled my head like cawls around a carcass, until the very last moment of consciousness.
Those thoughts were simple and viciously cruel: I am betrayed. I was never loved. All I have ever been is a means to an end.
It didn’t surprise me to find myself surrounded by his arms and his wings. To feel comfort and caring infusing me as surely as his physical touch soothed my skin.
“Go away. I don’t want to be here. You lied to me. I believed you, and you used me,” I spat out, tears already pouring down my cheeks. Had I actually stopped crying since finding out the news that I consorted with daemons? It didn’t feel like it.
“Would it help to know I am not pure daemon? That I am a halfling, one of those lost between the elements, lost between the worlds?” he asked me gently.
“You told me your nature was cruel. That makes you a daemon! A marauder, a rapist. How could you put on such a kind and loving face for me when your heart is black and empty?”
I tried to sit up, to escape those glorious wings. But I was nothing against his strength. Nothing. And he would not let me go. How easy it would be for someone like him to take what he wanted, without care for the feelings of the one he took from.
“I am the child of one such rapist. I would never do that to anyone. My mother’s heart was broken. Just looking at me brought her pain.”
It sounded as if he was genuinely hurting. As if the grief over his mother’s pain was real.
“Why did you not tell me you had been waiting for me all this time because I was the one who would help free you from the underworld? How could you let me believe you loved me?” I wept.
He pressed his forehead to my shaking shoulder, his chest heaving. Had I not known it, I would have thought he too was weeping, or was close to it.
Fool! I was a gullible fool!
“I will not be freed when The Jayger is released. I am not locked in the underworld. Mayhap I would have been happier there. Mayhap daemons like my father would not have looked on me with horror because of my blood, my heritage. Although they would likely have looked on me with disgust instead.”
I blinked back more tears and considered his answer. It surprised me. “If not there then where? You have told me more than once that you are in darkness, alone and in despair. If not there then where?”
“I could not tell you while ever you were tied to the hag. But now I can.
“I am the key that opens the gates to the underworld. I was chosen by the Goddess to take the elements of my birth, which run through my veins, mix them with the earth, and use them to open the way. The moment The Jayger was drawn in, I closed that gate. Once my job was done, She hid me in the mountainside not far from the gate I had opened. And there I have remained through the eons.”
He had my attention fully now. I looked up into his beautiful face, with its sky blue eyes and skin the colour of tarnished silver. I saw tears glossing those eyes.
“You are what we seek? How is that possible?”
He shrugged and gave a chagrined smile. “All things are possible for the Goddess. And yes, The Five seek me. I am all that stands between you and destruction. She told me back then that if I did this thing for Her—if I worked this elemental magic for her and saved her creations—one day one of those creations would love me. In all the Universe, throughout all time, there would only ever be one being who would truly love me. So I had to protect her, protect her race. Because life without love is emptiness beyond bearing.”
I lay still in his arms then, listening to my heartbeat and his. I did not realise an elemental life force would have a heart, or that it could beat as mine did. In time with mine.
“Only one? How could there only be one? And how did you know it would be me?”
He rubbed the side of his face against mine, the touch soft and soothing.
My comforter.
“I do not know why only one. Because I was created from pain and fear and fury? Because the gulf between the two worlds—fire and air—was so great that none could look on me without despising half of me. That being locked in my prison, safely hidden from the world, made finding anyone to love or be loved by, impossible for all but one creature. One being who was born to walk the different realms and could reach the realm I had created for myself. One being who could see me. Could love me for who and what I was.
“Only you, Lady Shardra, only you. And it is fitting that you came when I would be needed once more. Because only you can find me. Only you can lead the Five to me, so we can stop your world from being destroyed. To save you, I have lived eons of suns in darkness and despair. And it has been worth it, because the preciousness of love is beyond measure.”
I lay a little longer listening to his heart, feeling his soft breath on my cheek, in my hair.
Love. He had waited to be loved. He did the Goddess’ Will and then consigned himself to darkness for eons because She promised him that one day one of her creations would love him. That he needed to protect my ancestors, because one day I would be born to give him the greatest gift of all.
My heart opened. My soul soared. I believed every word. And daemon or half daemon, cruel monster or tortured soul, I did love him with everything that I was. Everything I had ever been or would ever be.
I leaned my head up so I could touch my lips to his. I had never done such a thing before. He had kissed my cheeks, my hair, my shoulder as we lay together like this, but he had never kissed my lips, and I had never kissed his.
His sharp intake of breath told me how much the gesture meant to him. How long he’d waited for me to show him affection. It had always been him who showered me with affection. How selfish I had been.
No, not selfish. Lost and confused. A fragile essence barely struggling to stay alive, caught between worlds just as he was. Unloved and feared by all. Hidden away in a cave in the mountainside. Used. Oh, yes, we were so alike. So very alike.
And yet he had rejoiced with me when I was found by The Five and taken into the care of the Goddess Incarnate. He had told me he was overjoyed that I was accepted and protected. He want
ed me to be happy, even if he was not part of my happiness.
That was true selfless love. And until I was found, and accepted, protected and valued for who and what I was, I could not love in return.
Now I could. Now my heart opened and let him in.
I kissed him again and again and again, not knowing how to make him realise what I was experiencing. How to show him how much I loved him.
But I shouldn’t have worried. He had always been able to see into my soul. From the very first time I awoke in his self-created realm he had been able to see into my soul. And he knew I had no understanding of the way humans shared love, shared pleasure.
He gave a little humourless laugh. “It is good that you do not know, because then my inept fumblings will not seem laughable to you. Because I too have never shared love or pleasure with another. I have only ever held you in my arms and kissed you. Loving you has been everything to me.”
So much of what he had told me over the suns made sense to me now. He had not found me as much as I had found him. As a child I had wandered onto whatever plane of existence he’d created for his non-corporeal form, and because I had looked on him and not been afraid, he had known I was the one. He had poured his whole heart into loving me for the few short suns of my existence. It did not seem enough. I could not be enough for all he had suffered.
He kissed me then, deeply and passionately, then broke from the kiss to answer my thoughts. “If I had only loved and been loved by you for a moon, a day or even a turn, it would have been enough. Love cannot be measured in the turnings of a sandglass. It stands outside of time. It is eternal.”
I reached up to run my fingers through his long silver-grey locks that always fell so artfully around his perfect face. He looked so human, until he smiled and his fangs were revealed. And I would never have known about his talons if not for the day we had walked in the orchard, and he used one to cut fruit from a tree and sever it into edible portions for me.
My fingers began to explore his hard, muscular body. It had been pressed against me so often, but until this moment I had never felt the need to explore it. No, I had never felt I had the right to explore it.