“I told him I never wanted to see his face again.” The old man’s hands trembled and his grip on the armrests seemed to tighten. “But I didn’t mean it. Didn’t mean one word of it.”
“Of course you didn’t,” she whispered, hidden tears thickening her throat. This poor man. Living with that grief all these years. “Have you ever tried to contact him?”
“I’ve kept up on him.” His gaze lowered to the ground. “Through other people. He works for the McGowen Ranch down in Pueblo. Tried to send him a letter years back, but didn’t ever get a response.” Another garbled laugh sputtered out. “Can’t say I blame him. He’s built a good life for himself. Even after all he went through. No thanks to me.”
“You’re the one who gave him a foundation,” she pointed out.
“But I should’ve been there for him,” he said sternly. “I should’ve helped him through it.”
“You did your best.” In her estimation, every parent screwed up in some way or another. But Luis loved his boys. That was obvious. “I mean, look at Lance. And Levi. You have a great relationship with them.”
“Not with Levi. He don’t ever want to come home. Stays out on the circuit, away for his training.” The man looked at her with that hollow gaze again. “Truth is, Jessa, my boys deserved better than me. All of ’em.”
That wasn’t the truth. Not at all, but she knew nothing she could say would take away his regrets. The only peace he’d find was through rebuilding what he’d lost with Lucas.
“I sure wish I knew ’em now.” She barely heard the words above the rocking chair’s creaking. “The way I know Lance.”
“I’m sure they wish they knew you, too.” God, she’d give anything to have her father. He wasn’t perfect, but he was still her dad. Surely Lucas felt the same way. “I wish they knew you the way I know you. I wouldn’t have survived this past year without you, Luis.”
That earned a small smile. “I could say the same,” he said, patting her hand. “Buzz would be proud of you.”
“Thanks,” she whispered. So much of who she was had come from her father. And that had to be true for Lucas and Levi, too. No matter what had happened in the past, Luis was still part of who they were. No one knew that better than her. Her dad’s death had left a gaping hole in her life, but Lucas and Levi still had their father. And what if something was wrong with him? Then they might not have him much longer. She studied the tremors in Luis’s hands. What would Lucas and Levi think of the symptoms Luis was obviously battling? Would they say it was nothing like Lance had?
Apprehension built inside her. They should at least know what was going on with their father. If Lance wouldn’t tell them, someone else should.
She stood abruptly, cradling Ilsa against her chest. “I should go inside. I have some work to do.” For starters, she had to contact the McGowen Ranch and talk Lucas into coming home.
Chapter Fifteen
Lance slung his dirty chaps over the stable’s gate and brushed the dust off his jeans. He’d had a stellar training day, no doubt thanks to Jessa’s pep talk and the extracurricular activities that had taken place in his kitchen. God, had it been almost a week ago? Ever since, he’d been out in the corral at the first light of dawn until well after sunset, occasionally breaking to eat or drink something. All in all, he’d managed to bring up his time consistently to eight seconds. His ribs and back might be aching now, but it was a good ache, familiar and dull. The kind of ache that told just how hard his muscles had been working.
Every day, Jessa’s words had driven him. Along with thoughts of seeing her, being with her again. He fantasized about her all the time, but instead of distracting him, those thoughts now drove him. She drove him. But between his training and her and his dad’s long hours at the shelter, he hadn’t seen much of her. A wave here. A quick hello there.
It was not enough for him. Anticipation had built all week, and he couldn’t hold it off anymore. Soon, he’d leave for Worlds. He couldn’t miss out on spending some time with her before then.
So, desperate or not, he’d decided to show up at Luis’s for dinner tonight. Then maybe the two of them could get out for a walk. Or a drink back at his place.
He hauled his gear onto the shelf and stepped out of the barn into the dusky evening. The sun was already sinking behind Topaz Mountain, giving the world that surreal pinkish glow. Perfect mood lighting, he thought as he trekked down the driveway to his dad’s place. He really should stop at home and clean himself up, but if he did, he’d risk missing dinner. Besides, maybe after dinner, he could convince Jessa to soak in the hot tub with him. Just the two of them. Under the stars…
He almost broke into a jog as he veered to the left and over the small rise to Luis’s house. Jessa’s truck sat out front, but there was another truck, too. One he didn’t recognize. Wouldn’t be right of him to barge in on dinner if they had company, but he couldn’t turn around, either. Not knowing Jessa was there. Not when the thought of seeing her made him ache like this.
So he hurried up the porch steps and pushed through the door without knocking. “Hello?” he called inside the entryway, where he stopped to stomp the dirt off his boots.
“Lance?” Jessa careened around the corner and hurried down the hallway.
“Hey.” He let his eyes drink her in, the soft hair that framed her face, the smooth skin that had felt so soft against his lips. She wore tight tapered jeans and a long white shirt, casual, but seductive in his eyes. She could be wearing a snowsuit right now and she’d look seductive. God, he could come apart just looking at her.
But then he noticed the thing at her feet. He blinked. A small black-and-white pig. On a harness and leash? “Uh. What’s that?”
Jessa looked down as though just remembering she was taking a pig for a walk. In the house. “Her name’s Ilsa.”
“Ilsa?” He laughed.
“Yeah,” she shot back. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Just seems like there’s something more suitable. Like Ham Bone. Or Pork Chop. Or Bacon,” he said, eyeing the critter like he was hungry.
“Don’t even think about it.” Jessa scooped the thing up into her arms. “I didn’t know you were coming,” she said, glancing nervously over her shoulder.
“I wanted to see you.” More like had to see her. Had to touch her again. Had to kiss her. He closed the distance between them and skimmed his hand along her lower back, nudging her—and the pig—closer.
A pink glow lit up her face just like the sunset outside.
Voices drifted from the kitchen but he tuned them out. He didn’t care who was in there. He needed a minute alone with Jessa. Now if he could just figure out how to ditch the pig…
“Lance…” Jessa’s breathing had quickened, and her eyes seemed as hungry as he felt. But then she glanced back over her shoulder again. So distracted. He’d have to take care of that right now. First, he gently took the pig out of her hands. The thing squealed and squirmed as he set it on the floor, then it took off down the hall. Which was fine with him. They could discuss the pig later.
“I missed you,” he said, sliding his hand up her back and pressing her against him, meeting her lips in the middle. The need for more of her swelled, threatening to rip him apart. He kissed her harder and her mouth opened to his, a small moan stirring the lust he felt into a fervor.
“Wait,” Jessa gasped against his lips. She pushed back. “Just hold on. We have to talk.”
Right. Talk. He suppressed the urge to take her hand and tow her back to him. They probably should discuss what happened between them. He still hadn’t apologized for abandoning her in the kitchen. “Sorry I had to run out on you,” he said. “I didn’t want to. Believe me.” If she needed proof, he’d be happy to offer it. All she had to do was feel him against her to know how much he wanted her.
“It’s fine,” she said brushing him off with another glance toward the kitchen.
Right. The company. The voices. They’d go. In a minute. But first he had mo
re to say. He had to tell her what her words meant to him. How they’d given him a second wind. “I wanted to thank you for—”
“You don’t have to thank me,” she interrupted quickly. “But I think we should talk about—”
“We can talk about it later. Right now, there’s something you need to know.”
“Jessa!” The call came from the kitchen and knocked the air out of Lance. That voice. He hadn’t noticed when it was subdued and murmuring, but now…
No. No way. That couldn’t be Lucas.
But his brother appeared in the hallway. No longer a kid, instead a man with familiar blue-gray eyes. His hair was shorter and neater than he used to keep it, and he looked clean-cut for a rancher.
Shock bolted Lance’s heart to his ribs. What the fuck was he doing here?
He said nothing as his brother walked toward them. It’d been so long since he’d seen him. Since they’d agreed it would be best if he cut ties and never came home…
“This is what I was trying to tell you,” Jessa whispered. Or maybe she didn’t whisper. Maybe Lance just couldn’t hear past the blood pounding in his ears.
“Surprise,” Lucas said with a healthy apprehension weighting his eyes. They’d agreed he wouldn’t come back. It was best for Luis that way. Best for Levi. For the family.
The shock of seeing him started to thaw. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, carefully controlling his tone. He didn’t want to startle Jessa, but what the hell? No warning or anything. He’d just decided to show up after years of being away?
Lucas and Jessa shared a look. They shared a look. And suddenly, he had a bad feeling.
“I called him,” Jessa said firmly. “And Levi. I asked them to come home.”
He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t. His eyes were locked on Lucas. “You should’ve told me.” He wasn’t sure if he was saying it to his brother or to the woman he’d slept with.
Lucas stepped up to him. “I didn’t have time. Jessa told me she’s worried about Dad and I wanted to come as soon as possible.”
His head turned slowly, like someone was cranking it click by click, until he was staring at Jessa’s worried expression.
“Luis and I had a talk,” she said, wringing her delicate hands. “And he said how much he missed Lucas and Levi. Given the incidents he’s had lately, I thought it would be nice for them to come.”
Nice. She’d thought it’d be nice. Well, she didn’t know a damn thing about his family. About what they’d been through. Anger prickled his neck. What the hell had she been thinking? She should’ve talked to him first.
He faced his brother. “Can you give us a minute?”
Lucas slipped in front of Jessa. It’d been years, but obviously his brother could still recognize when he was pissed.
“Don’t blame her. She’s trying to help.” Lucas seemed unfazed by all of it. But then he’d always been the mellow one. The one who didn’t worry, who didn’t carry the weight of the damn world on his shoulders. That’s why they’d decided it should be him who went away. By the time he was fourteen, Levi had already gotten caught stealing twice. He’d thrown a rock through the ice cream shop’s storefront and shattered the whole damn thing. He’d been so angry at Luis, who was always out with a different woman, and he’d taken it out on the town, targeting the places where the women worked.
That’s why Levi had gone to the stables that night. He’d seen Luis messing around with the commissioner’s wife. So he found some gasoline and a lighter. He hadn’t meant to hurt anyone, he’d said later. He was just so angry.
Lance didn’t have anger issues, but he was stressed all the time. So he drank. Had two underage tickets under his belt by then. But Lucas…he was too serious for stuff like that. Serious about school. Serious about following the rules. Serious about Naomi.
So they were sure he’d get a slap on the hand. Community service. Maybe house arrest. But they hadn’t counted on the judge being the commissioner’s golf buddy. It seemed he wanted to punish all of them. When Lance heard they were charging him as an adult he’d tried to beg the judge to reconsider. But the man had dismissed him like he was a stray dog, threatening to have him arrested if he came back.
“It was time for me to come home, anyway,” Lucas said quietly, as though he’d resigned himself to whatever consequences this little reunion would bring. “Don’t you think? Dad’s getting older. I want to be around.”
Maybe it was time. But he should’ve had a say in it. They should’ve discussed this, planned out how it would go. Jessa had taken that away from him. As if she had some right to play the healer for his family. His jaw pulled tight as he stared back at Lucas. “Give. Us. A. Minute.”
His brother looked at Jessa.
“It’s fine,” she said, glaring back at Lance and crossing her arms in a fighter’s stance. She wasn’t afraid of him and it was a damn good thing because they were going to have a serious chat about her butting into his family’s business.
Lucas anchored a hand on Jessa’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze before walking away. Seeing him touch her like they had some kind of bond didn’t do much to douse the anger.
As soon as his brother disappeared Lance faced her. “You had no right to do this.”
“What do you mean I had no right?” she fired back. “This isn’t about you, Lance. This is about your father.”
Exactly. It was about his father and Luis already carried enough guilt. How’d she think he’d feel when he learned Levi had started that fire because he’d caught him in the stables with someone else’s wife?
“Do you know what Luis told me?” Jessa asked.
It must’ve been a rhetorical question because she hardly paused.
“He told me that his biggest regret in life is not making things right with Lucas. Did you know that? Do you know how much it tears him apart?”
He almost laughed, it was so absurd. That was nothing compared to what he’d regret if he found out the truth. “You don’t understand.” The anger had drained away, but he tried to hold on to it. Anger was easier than the other emotions he was going to have to deal with now that the past stared him in the face. “You have no idea what you’ve done.”
“What I’ve done?” she repeated, her face hardened with indignation. “What I’ve done is brought your brothers home. And you know what? When your father saw Lucas walk through that door, he was so overjoyed he cried. He cried.”
That revelation freed the guilt. It flowed out, overpowering everything else. He’d done what he thought was best at the time. They all had. Hell, they were only kids. The day they’d hauled Lucas away, they’d all changed, each trying to atone for it in their own way. Luis stuck around the ranch more, cooked dinner, helped with homework, all the stuff he’d been too distracted to do before. And Lance and Levi trained, taking out the anguish in the arena as if that could bring back their brother.
But it was too late.
“Lance…” Jessa moved closer, studying him carefully. “Why are you so upset? Don’t you want your brothers around? Tell me how this could possibly be a bad thing.”
“I can’t.” They’d never told anyone. They’d tried to protect their father. But there’d be no way to keep the secret now. It would come out. Everything would come out.
“What’s up, bro?” Levi bounded down the hall and captured him in a bear hug, lifting him off his feet. Typical. They’d always protected him from ever having to deal with reality. He was the party boy, the fun one. Which was ironic, considering he had more to lose right now than any of them.
“Let’s head out to the old watering hole and celebrate the fam getting back together.” Levi slung an arm around him. “What do ya say? Drinks are on me.”
Jessa still stared at Lance, her eyes focused and intent, demanding an explanation, but he turned away and clapped his long-lost brother on the back. “As long as you’re buying, I’m in.”
God knew, he could use a drink right now.
Chapter Sixteen
/> Well, this is awkward. Jessa sat in the back seat of Lance’s extended cab, wedged between Levi and Lucas. No one had said a word since they’d gotten in the truck, the jovial tone of the reunion between Luis and his two sons deadened by the eldest son’s stony-faced silence.
For the life of her, Jessa couldn’t figure out what she’d done wrong. Lucas and Levi had obviously simply needed an invitation to come home. When she’d called them, both of them had been concerned about their father. Both had said how much they’d missed him. And Lance, for that matter. Levi had gotten away from Oklahoma as soon as he could and Lucas had picked him up at the airport in Denver. Now all three Cortez boys were together with their father and no one was saying a damn word.
She drummed her fingers on her thigh. She’d had a feeling Lance would be surprised to see his brothers, but this is not how she’d pictured things going. Lucky for them, she’d always been good at breaking the ice.
Scooting forward, she peered between the seats at Lance and Luis. “So how was your training today?” she asked politely.
“Fine,” he muttered.
“Training?” Levi, who was sitting behind his oldest brother, ruffled Lance’s hair. “Decided not to hang up the spurs yet, eh, old man?”
“Nope.” Jessa watched Lance’s grip tighten on the steering wheel.
“So, Lucas,” she turned to him, hoping to steer the conversation away from Lance’s retirement status, which had definitely been a sore subject lately. Having Levi poke fun at him would not end well. “How are things at the McGowen Ranch?” she asked, as if she had some sort of clue as to who the McGowens were and what they did on their ranch.
“Good,” he answered dutifully, but he was eyeing Lance as though watching for an impending explosion.
Another silence fell like a heavy blanket, smothering her visions of a happy reunion for a father and his sons. Yes, okay, she was a bit idealistic, but she’d imagined chatter and laughter, not a wary distance. Even Levi, who was always the life of the party, seemed subdued, staring out the window like he wanted to avoid eye contact with everyone else.
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