He had a fierce wish that he’d never started this conversation, but the implications of that kiss had bothered him all afternoon as he’d carried box after box out of Charlotte’s house.
He meant what he said. She had been very sweet to him and Olivia. His daughter was finally beginning to heal from the trauma she had endured, and he knew a big part of the progress she’d made the past week was because of all the many kindnesses Celeste and her family had shown them.
It seemed a poor repayment for him to take advantage of that because he couldn’t control his base impulses around her.
He also couldn’t seem to shake the guilt that had dogged him since that conversation with Rafe. The other man hadn’t come out and blatantly told him to leave her alone, but Flynn hadn’t missed the subtle undercurrents.
“Your brother-in-law and I had quite a talk this afternoon while we were finishing the screens for you.”
“Is that right?”
Her cheeks looked pink in the moonlight, but he supposed that could have been from the cold night air.
“He’s very protective of you and wanted to be clear I knew you had people watching out for you.”
She made a low noise in the back of her throat. “My family sometimes drives me absolutely crazy.”
Despite the awkwardness of the conversation, he had to smile. “They’re wonderful, all of them. It’s obvious they love you very much.”
“A little too much, sometimes,” she muttered. “They apparently don’t think I can be trusted to take care of myself. Sometimes it really sucks to be the youngest sibling.”
He couldn’t imagine having any siblings. While he was lucky to have very tight friends, he knew it wasn’t the same.
“I think it’s nice,” he answered. “Having your sisters close must have been a great comfort after you lost your parents.”
Her lovely features softened in the moonlight. “It was,” she murmured. “They may drive me crazy, but I would be lost without them. Don’t tell them I said that, though.”
He smiled a little. “I wish I had that same kind of support network for Olivia, but I’m all she has right now. I can’t forget that.”
“I understand. You’re doing a great job with her. Don’t worry. Children are resilient. She’s working her way over to the other side in her own time.”
His sigh puffed out condensation between them. “Thanks.”
“And you can put your mind at ease,” she said briskly. “You’re not going to break my heart. Trust me, I don’t have some crazy idea that you’re going to propose to me simply because we shared one little kiss.”
“It wasn’t a little kiss. That’s the problem,” he muttered.
As soon as he said the words, he knew he shouldn’t have, but it was the truth. That kiss had been earthshaking. Cataclysmic. He would venture to call it epic, which was the entire problem here. He knew he wouldn’t forget those moments for a long, long time.
He wasn’t sure how he expected her to respond but, as usual, she managed to surprise him. She flashed him a sideways look.
“What can I say? I’m a good kisser.”
The unexpectedness of her response surprised a laugh out of him that echoed through the night. She seemed like such a sweet, quiet woman, but then she had these moments of sly humor that he couldn’t seem to get enough of.
It made him wonder if she had this whole secret internal side of herself—contained and bundled away for protection—that she rarely showed the rest of the world.
She intrigued him on so many levels, probably because she was a study in contradictions. She could be tart and sweet at the same time, firm yet gentle, deeply vulnerable yet tough as nails.
Most of all, she seemed real. For a guy who had grown up surrounded by the artificial illusion of Hollywood, that was intensely appealing.
“It looks as if the other sleigh ride is done,” she finally said. “The kids are probably anxious to get going.”
“Right. Guess I’d better get my carol on.”
She laughed, as he had hoped. At least the tension between them since the afternoon had been somewhat diffused.
As they walked, he was aware of a jumble of feelings in his chest. Regret, longing and a strange, aching tenderness.
For just a moment, he had a crazy wish that things could be different, that he had the right to wrap his hand around hers and walk up to the sleigh ride with her, then sit beneath a blanket cuddled up with her while they rode in a horse-drawn sleigh and enjoyed the moonlit wonder of the night together.
He could handle the regret and the longing. He was a big boy and had known plenty of disappointments in his life.
But he didn’t have any idea what to do with the tenderness.
* * *
Celeste decided a sleigh ride through the mountains on a December evening was a good metaphor for being in love.
She was bumped and jostled, her face cold but the rest of her warm from the blankets. It was exhilarating and exhausting, noisy and fun and a little bit terrifying when they went along a narrow pass above the ranch that was only two feet wider on each side than the sleigh.
She’d been on the sleigh ride dozens of times before. This was the first time she’d taken one while also being in love, with these tangled, chaotic feelings growing inside her.
She was quickly reaching the point where she couldn’t deny that she was falling hard for Flynn. What else could explain this jumbled, chaotic mess of emotions inside her?
“Oh. Look at all those stars,” a voice breathed beside her, and she looked down to where Olivia had her face lifted to the sky.
She wasn’t only falling for Flynn. This courageous, wounded girl had sneaked her way into Celeste’s heart.
She would be devastated when they left.
When they’d climbed into the sleigh, Olivia had asked if she could sit beside Celeste. The two of them were sharing a warm blanket. Every once in a while the girl rested her cheek against her shoulder, and Celeste felt as if her heart would burst with tenderness.
“I never knew there were so many stars,” Olivia said, her voice awestruck.
“It’s magical, isn’t it?” she answered. “Do you know what I find amazing? That all those stars are there every single night, wherever you are in the world. They’re just hidden by all the other lights around that distract us away from them.”
The whole evening truly was magical—the whispering jingle of the bells on the draft horses’ harnesses, the creak of the old sleigh, the sweet scent of the snow-covered pines they rode through.
Except for Mary—who had stayed behind in the warm house—Celeste was surrounded by everyone she loved.
“I wish we could just go and go and never stop,” Olivia said.
Unfortunately, the magic of sleigh rides never lasted forever. She had a feeling that, at least in her case, the magic of being in love wouldn’t last, either. The in love part would, but eventually the heartache would steal away any joy.
“We’ll have to stop at some point,” the ever-practical Faith said. “The horses are tired. They’ve been working all night and are probably ready to have a rest.”
“Besides that,” Joey added, “what would we eat if we were stuck on a sleigh our whole lives?”
“Good point, kid,” Rafe said. “We can’t live on hot chocolate forever.”
Olivia giggled at them and seemed to concede their point.
“I thought we were supposed to be caroling. We haven’t sung anything,” Louisa complained.
“You start us off,” her mother suggested.
Celeste was aware that while both her sisters seemed to be dividing careful looks between her and Flynn, they did it at subtle moments. If she were very lucky, he wouldn’t notice.
Louisa started, predictably enough, wit
h “Jingle Bells.” The children joined in with enthusiasm and soon even the adults joined them. Flynn, on the other side of Olivia, had a strong baritone. Under other circumstances, she might have been entranced by it, but Celeste’s attention was fixed on his daughter as she sang.
Why hadn’t she noticed during their rehearsals and the songs they had prepared that Olivia had such a stunning voice, pure and clear, like a mountain stream? It was perfectly on pitch, too, astonishing in a child.
She wasn’t the only one who noticed it, she saw. Hope and Faith both seemed startled and even Rafe gave her a second look.
Flynn didn’t seem to notice anything, and she thought of those stars again, vivid and bright but obscured by everything else in the way.
“What next?” Joey asked. “Can we sing the one about Jolly Old St. Nick?”
“Sure,” Faith said. Of the three sisters, she had the most musical ability, so she led the children as the sleigh bells jingled through the night. With each song, Olivia’s natural musical talent became increasingly apparent to everyone on the sleigh, but both she and Flynn seemed oblivious.
“What’s that place with all the lights?” Olivia asked after they finished “Silent Night.”
“That’s the Christmas village,” Barrett answered her. “It’s awesome. Can we stop and walk through it?”
“You’ve seen it, like, a million times,” his sister chided.
“Yeah, but Olivia hasn’t. It’s way more fun to see it with somebody else who has never been there. It’s like seeing it for the first time all over again.”
“You are so right, kiddo,” Hope said, beaming at the boy. “Bob, do you mind dropping us off here so we can take a little detour through the village?”
“Not at all. Not at all.”
The driver pulled the team to a stop, and everybody clambered out of the sleigh and headed toward the collection of eight small structures a short distance from the main lodge.
This was one of her favorite parts of the entire Christmas Ranch. With the lights strung overhead, it really did feel magical.
Each structure contained a Christmas scene peopled with animatronic figures—elves hammering toys, Mrs. Claus baking cookies, children decorating a Christmas tree, a family opening presents.
“This is quite a place,” Flynn murmured beside her.
“The Christmas village is really what started the whole Christmas Ranch. You probably don’t know this, but my family’s name of origin was Nicholas. As in St. Nicholas.”
“The big man himself.”
“Right. Because of that, my aunt and uncle have always been a little crazy about Christmas. Before we came to live with them, my uncle Claude built the little chapel Nativity over there with the cow who nods his head at the baby Jesus and the two little church mice running back and forth. It became a hobby with him, and after that he came up with a new one every year.”
With a pang, she dearly missed her uncle, a big, gruff man of such kindness and love. He had taught her and her sisters that the best way to heal a broken heart was to forget your troubles and go to work helping other people.
“He decided he wanted to share the village with the whole community, so he opened the ranch up for people to come and visit. The reindeer herd came after, and then he built the whole St. Nicholas Lodge for Santa Claus, and the gift shop and everything.”
“This is really great. I have no idea how he did it. It’s a fascinating exercise in engineering and physics.”
She frowned up at the star above the chapel, just a dark outline against the mountains. “Usually the star up there lights up. I’m not sure what’s wrong with it. I’ll have to mention it to Rafe. He has learned the ins and outs of all the structures in the village. I don’t know how everything works. I just love the magic of it.”
Olivia appeared to agree. The girl seemed enthralled with the entire village, particularly the little white chapel with its Nativity scene—the calm Madonna cradling her infant son, and Joseph watching over them both with such care while a beautiful angel with sparkly white wings watched overhead.
“You guys are welcome to hang out, but we’re going to head back to the house,” Faith said after about fifteen minutes. “It’s cold and I know my two are about ready for bed.”
“We need to go, too,” Hope said, pointing to a sleepy-looking Joey.
“Thank you all for taking us on one more ride,” Flynn said. “I appreciate it very much. Olivia loved it.”
“You’re very welcome,” Hope said. “It was our pleasure.”
The rest of her family headed back up to the ranch house while Celeste and Flynn walked with Olivia to the lodge’s parking lot.
“I’m glad you both came,” Celeste said when they reached their vehicles.
“This is definitely a memory we’ll have forever, isn’t it, Liv?” Flynn said as he opened the backseat door for his daughter. “When we’re back in California enjoying Christmas by the ocean, we’ll always remember the year we went caroling through the mountains on a two-horse open sleigh.”
She had to smile, even though his words seemed to cut through her like an icy wind whipping down the mountain.
“We’ll see you Tuesday for the performance.”
He nodded, though he didn’t look thrilled.
“We’ll be there. Thanks again.”
She nodded and climbed into her own vehicle, trying not to notice how empty and cold it felt after the magic of being with them on the sleigh ride.
Chapter Twelve
“Are you sure we’re not too early?” Flynn asked his daughter as they pulled up in front of the St. Nicholas Lodge on the night of the show. “It doesn’t start for quite a while.”
She huffed out her frustrated-at-Dad sigh. “I’m sure. She told me five thirty. This is when I’m supposed to be here, Celeste said, so they can help me get ready with my hair and makeup and stuff. I get to wear makeup onstage so my face isn’t blurry.”
Yeah, he was terrible with hair and didn’t have the first idea what to do about makeup. Here was a whole new stress about having a daughter. Soon enough she was going to want to know about that stuff. Good thing he had friends in LA with wives who could help a poor single dad out in that department.
She opened the passenger door the moment he pulled into a parking space. “Okay. Thanks, Dad. I’ll see you at the show.”
When he turned off the engine and opened his own door, she gave him a look of surprise. “You don’t have to come in yet.”
He shrugged. “I’m here. I might as well see if they need help with something—setting up chairs or whatever.”
“Okay,” she said, then raced for the door without waiting to see if he followed. Clearly, he was far more nervous about this whole performance thing than she was.
She had made amazing progress in a short time. In a matter of days she already seemed much more at ease with herself and the world around her than she had been when he brought her to Pine Gulch. She used her arm almost without thinking about it now, and she hardly limped anymore.
He wasn’t foolish to think all the pain and grief were behind them. She would be dealing with the trauma for a long time to come, but he was beginning to hope that they had turned a corner.
Children are resilient. She’s working her way over to the other side in her own time.
He gave no small amount of credit to the Nichols family, for their warmth and acceptance of her. She had made friends with the children and she also completely adored Celeste.
Would he be able to keep that forward momentum when they returned to California? He had no idea, but he would sure as hell try—even if that meant figuring out the whole hair-and-makeup thing on his own sometime down the line.
He pushed open the front doors after her and walked into the lodge, only to discover the place ha
d been transformed into an upscale-looking dining room.
What had been an open space was now filled with round eight-top tables wearing silky red tablecloths and evergreen and candle centerpieces. The huge Christmas tree in the corner blazed with color and light, joined by merry fires flickering in the river-rock fireplaces at both ends of the vast room. Glittery white lights stretched across the room and gleamed a welcome.
The air smelled delicious—ham and yeasty rolls and, if he wasn’t mistaken, apple pie.
Like iron shavings to a magnet, his gaze instantly found Celeste. She was right in the middle of everything, directing a crew of caterers while they laid out table settings.
His stomach muscles tightened. She looked beautiful, with her hair up in a dark, elegant sweep and wearing a simple tailored white blouse and green skirt. Again, the alluring contradictions. She looked prim and sexy at the same time.
“Hi, Celeste,” Olivia chirped, heading straight to her for a hug, which was readily accepted and returned.
He didn’t understand the bond between the two of them, but he couldn’t deny the strength of it.
“Looks as if you’ve been busy,” he said, gesturing to the tables.
“Hope and Rafe did all this while I was working at the library today. It looks great, doesn’t it?”
“Wonderful,” he agreed. “I was going to see if there was anything I could do to help, but you seem to have everything under control.”
“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” she answered with a rather frazzled-sounding laugh. “I don’t know what I was thinking to agree to this. If Hope ever tries to rope me into one of her harebrained ideas again, please remind me of this moment and my solemn vow that I will never be so gullible again.”
He smiled even as he was aware of a sharp ache in his chest. He wouldn’t be around to remind her of anything. Some other guy would be the one to do that—a realization that he suddenly hated.
“Thanks for bringing Olivia early. She wanted her hair fixed the same as Louisa’s.”
“She said it was going to be a big bun on her head,” Olivia said. “That’s what I want.”
A Cold Creek Christmas Story Page 15