His daughter’s death was the only tragedy that had ever occurred in this building as long as I’d been residing here, and it was a result of the doorman taking a longer break that night than he should have.
So when Franz figured that out, he ended up volunteering his time during the night shift in order to cover the breaks the doorman was taking. “No one’s child should end up like that,” he would always say, and he stayed dedicated to his position for so long that they eventually started paying him a wage to do what he was doing.
Maybe he was making up for not being around to keep his daughter safe.
I could only imagine how I would feel if something were to happen t-
“We’re here, Mr. Blake.”
Franz’s voice ripped me from my thoughts before I saw that the elevator doors had opened onto my floor. I strode out and turned to the right, throwing my body down the hallway before my eyes happened to glance upon the door to my penthouse.
And it was hanging wide open.
“Clara! Madeline!” I roared as I ran through the open doorway.
But all I saw was Clara being bounced in the arms of a woman I never expected to see again.
She really was a sight, and didn’t seem to have changed a bit: her thin frame that stood at 5 feet, 10 inches tall remained decorated with the brightly-colored tattoos my tongue had fallen in love with on more than one occasion. Sure, her hips seemed a bit fuller and her breasts hung a bit lower, but her neck was still long and straight and her pixie-cut black hair now graced the middle of her neck and her petite shoulders rocked in a fluid motion while she sang a song lowly to my daughter …
… Our daughter.
And then, she turned around and hooked her darkened stare to mine.
“Welcome home,” Gracie smirked.
My eyes raked over her as she held my daughter close, and I could tell by the way Clara was squirming that she was probably not comfortable. After all, for the last three weeks the only woman’s bosom she had been nestled against was Madeline’s. She had just become comfortable with the arms of another woman, and here Gracie comes swooping in like she had never left –
– Like she had never dropped this beautiful child onto my doorstep without so much as an explanation.
Which begged the question: where the hell was Madeline anyway?
“Aren’t you gonna say hi?” Gracie giggled.
“Where the hell have you been?” I said lowly.
“There’s my Derrie, always wanting to jump in head-first.”
“What the hell happened to you?” I asked louder.
“How’s Clara been? Not too much trouble, I hope. She’s been a rough sleeper, but all in all she’s a good little girl.”
I could feel my eyes growing wild as Clara began to grunt and groan. Without thinking, I strode over to Gracie’s form and took my baby from her mother before I turned to start for the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” Gracie asked.
“To the kitchen: she’s hungry,” I murmured.
“I’ve got food for her right here.”
I turned around and watched as Grace slid her arm out of her tank top. She unhooked a clasp right at her bra strap, and before the entire thing slid down, and before I could protest, her voluptuous breast was swinging freely as it slowly started to drip with milk. Her eyes clashed with mine before she took Clara from my arms, and I couldn’t help but stare as Clara latched onto Gracie’s breast and began to heavily gulp.
“I’m not going to ask you again,” I bit out tersely.
That’s when I heard Gracie heave a massive sigh.
“When I found out I was pregnant-”
“I don’t need the whole story, Grace. I only need the part where you decided it was a good idea to abandon our daughter on my doorstep.”
“She wasn’t ‘abandoned.’ You’re her father!”
“Stop twisting my words around and give me what I want,” I glowered.
“Careful, big boy,” she smirked. “That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.
“What mess? Just explain where the hell you have been for the past three weeks!”
My outburst caused Clara to start crying, and as she choked on the milk currently sitting in her little mouth, Gracie brought her to her shoulder and began to tap her back lightly.
And all the while, her bare breast was bouncing freely in the middle of my penthouse.
“Sshhhh… it’s alright, little one. It’s alright. Daddy’s not mad at you.”
I was infuriated. I ran my hands through my hair before I turned my back on her. How in the world could she sidestep this issue like it was nothing? For all I knew, her coming back had opened Clara up to a host of problems I wasn’t ready to deal with yet! What if she had gotten into trouble? What if she was being tracked? What if she was sick or dying!?
“Get out,” I whispered.
And for the first time since I had stepped foot into that apartment, it was apparent that Gracie felt out of place.
“Derrie, I have-”
“Talk, or get out,” I bit out between clenched teeth. I could feel my shoulders pulling back in anger and my fists balled up by my sides. That was the thing about Gracie: she was breathless and infuriating, beautiful and tainted. She came from a rough family and always wanted for something she would never talk about, and I always had fun figuring out what she wanted before spending any amount of money that was required in order to get it for her. Every day was a game of chase with her, and she was the prey I always enjoyed hunting:
Always enjoyed catching;
Always enjoyed… enjoying;
“I have nowhere to go,” she breathed helplessly.
“Then you better start talking if you wanna stay here.”
I turned around slowly and met my stare with hers. The fire that burst behind my eyes had now given way to the icy exterior I used on all my clients. People who didn’t want to give up their business and their secrets to a wolf like me. People who didn’t want to give just under half of their business to a man who wanted nothing more than to exploit the monetary opportunity and build his portfolio.
It was the look I used when I needed information.
And that was exactly what I was gunning for.
Clara had stopped crying and was being pressed back to Gracie’s chest, and when the gulping of our daughter queued back up to fill the silent room, I watched as Gracie sucked in a deep breath of air through her lips.
Those lips were still just as rosy as I remembered them.
“There were some… complications during my pregnancy,” she started.
“What kind of complications?” I asked.
I watched as tears formed behind Gracie’s eyes as she looked down at the child eating from her own breast, and I fought to keep my defenses up while internally I was roaring to wrap my arms around her. The woman who had captured my attention and mind had struggled during a time I should have been there with her, and part of me was shrieking with anger that she left.
But part of me was aching that she hurt.
“I uh… developed a tumor. In my –... my uterus while she was uh…”
Gracie sniffed and rolled her eyes before she turned her back to me and began looking out the windows and out towards the city below.
“I always loved this view,” she whispered.
“And it loved you,” I rumbled.
“But it doesn’t anymore?”
“Things that are abandoned have a tendency to do the same in return,” I spat.
I heard her let out a shuddering breath before she sniffed again and continued.
“Anyway; I left initially to have an abortion. But I just… couldn’t, I guess. My rising hCG levels were actually preventing the tumor from growing at the rate it should’ve, and the doctors told me I’d be able to carry Clara to term before things got serious.”
“Did things get serious?” I ventured to ask.
“Not until after I gave birth. Clara was a C-sectio
n and they removed my uterus and the tumor while I was opened up. They said I’d need a few rounds of chemo if the tumor was malignant and I’d be good to go.”
“But…?”
“But…” Gracie sighed heavily, “…someone mixed up the test results. It came back benign and I went home with Clara. Less than two months later I collapsed while feeding her, was rushed to the hospital, and had to undergo more tests before they figured out the first ‘test results had been wrongly assigned’ and that the tumor was actually malignant. It had spread to my kidneys and shut them down completely.”
“Where the hell were you staying that someone wasn’t looking out for you after a C-section?” I breathed.
But her pause told me everything I needed to know.
“You were staying with your mother?” I raised my voice.
“Sshhhh… Clara’s sleeping.”
Gracie turned with tears streaming down her face as Clara snored lightly against her chest. And then, I watched as she ran her hand through her hair, only to remove the wig that was sitting on top of her head.
And underneath was her smooth, bald head.
“I had to undergo some serious chemo in order to battle the growing cancer in my body, and mom was neglecting Clara’s care, per usual,” she spat. “So I had her drop Clara off here.”
“Your mother was the one that dropped Clara off?”
Now I was glad I had no idea who had dropped my girl off in front of my door, because if I’d have known it was Gracie’s mother, I would have chased her down. That woman had been nothing but trouble for Gracie since she was a little girl: she’d hopped from man to man and drug to drug, leaving Gracie alone from the time she was seven to fend for herself while she took random trips to Vegas with men she’d blow for blow before overdosing on blow and ending up in the hospital.
But I felt my blood boiling again as my fists clenched at my sides.
“And why the hell did you run to the likes of your mother instead of me?”
“Because: she’s my mother!” Gracie breathed.
“You know damn good and well I would’ve taken care of you!” I thundered.
And then Clara started crying again against Gracie’s skin.
“My god, are you always this loud with her?” she shrieked.
“I don’t know! Do you make a habit of having your mother toss her on random doorsteps?”
“How dare you use my medical condition against me? I was dying of cancer!” Gracie yelled.
“And after all the love I showed you, you still ran off to your druggie mother instead of the father of your unborn child!”
“That is enough!” Madeline roared.
She darted from the hallway and strode over to Gracie before plucking the child from her arms and cradling her close.
“The two of you get it out of your systems while I take Clara for a walk, and when I get back, she’s gonna go down for a nap. If the two of you aren’t done, then you’ll be the two kicked out onto the street until you are done.”
I could see the fire building behind Gracie’s eyes before I stepped in front of Madeline.
“Fine,” I breathed.
“Some strange woman isn’t taking my child anywhere,” Gracie glowered.
“Well she’s been your daughter’s only mother-figure for close to a month. You want to stay here? We duke this out now. I’ve got questions that deserve answers; and as Clara’s father I have a right to know them.”
And for the first time since I had known Gracie, I watched her back down and concede while she clenched her wig tightly within the palm of her hand.
18
I walked around for way longer than an hour. I held Clara in my arms while I stood in line for coffee, then I walked us around the block until I got to the park. I sat down on a bench underneath the shade of a massive magnolia, slowly drank my coffee, and let my mind swallow me whole.
Coming to live at Derek’s had been an emotional roller coaster: he had been cold, and then he had been hot. He had been fire, and then he had been ice. He could be a dick, and then he could be soft. He acted as if he knew what he wanted, and then he pulled back and practiced restraint.
And now Gracie was back, and of course she trumped it all. She was Clara’s mother! If she took Clara back, I had no job. If she stayed, there was no need for a nanny. Either way, I knew change was coming my way.
Change always came to me when I no longer wanted it.
I thought about how good it had felt to hear from him that morning. How the vibrating of my phone piqued my curiosity right before my heart fluttered at seeing his name. I couldn’t keep playing stupid about my own emotions any longer, like some childish schoolgirl who proclaimed to be stronger than she was.
My body had weakened for Derek Blake, and my heart was beginning to do the same.
He would stand tall and proud on most mornings in the rising sunlight within his own penthouse. His hair would be ruffled from sleep and his robe would always be just a little too loose. I’d catch a glimpse of the slope of his hip muscles, and the only thing I could think about was dragging my teeth across them. Whenever I showered, I wanted him to slip in behind me. Whenever I ate, I wanted him to be eating with me. Whenever I slept, I wanted to roll over and sling my leg over his body.
Whenever I trembled with want, I wanted to fall to my knees and beg for his touch.
Clara’s squealing giggle ripped my attention away from my thoughts; that’s when I realized how low the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. My coffee was lukewarm and the chill of the shade was setting in, so I got up from the bench and tossed the coffee cup in the garbage.
I had to make my way back to Derek’s home and get Clara back to her mother.
I walked as fast as I could back to the complex that I had called home for the past three weeks, and Franz nodded his head and smiled. He opened the door while I clutched Clara close, and I couldn’t help but feel a mysterious rush of panic flow down the back of my spine. It clenched my lungs and made it hard to breathe, and when I finally stepped into the elevator I realized Franz had stepped in behind me.
“Going up?” he asked.
Tears rose to my eyes as Clara tried to turn around to see the dark-skinned man standing beside me, and just as they streamed down my cheek Franz’s voice wafted in the confines of the elevator.
“She that bad?”
I whipped my head over to him as my eyes grew wide, but before I could offer him an answer the elevator whipped open. I cleared my throat and gingerly stepped out into the hallway, but when I turned to begin walking to Derek’s front door a sight that made me sick caught my eye.
My suitcase was sitting outside of the opened door.
I felt my knees begin to knock together while I slowly approached the door, and had I been paying attention I would’ve realized the elevator didn’t shut behind me. My jaw began to tremble and my neck was being bathed in my tears. When my body finally got around the corner, I saw Derek standing at his full-length windows with his shoulders pulled back tautly.
And Gracie was dragging another zipped luggage bag with the rest of my belongings.
“Oh, there you are,” she breathed. She kicked the bag with my things in it towards me before ripping her daughter from my arms, and my soul cried out for an explanation.
It cried out for Derek to do something.
“Derrie and I did some talkin’,” she began, “and since I’m gonna be staying, there’s no need for a full-time live-in nanny now that Clara’s got her mother.”
She’s staying.
Gracie was… was staying with… with him.
With Derek.
With the man I’d fallen in love with.
I nodded lightly before I swallowed down the last of my sobs. I didn’t want to cause a scene. Derek’s life had already been upended enough in the past month, and I didn’t need to cause any more heartache.
Mr. Blake.
I suppose I needed to start calling him “Mr. Blake” again
.
“I’m sure Clara will love to have you back,” I managed to breathe.
“I’ve missed her so much…” Gracie trailed off.
“We’ll still need you Tuesdays and Thursdays,” Derek’s voice rumbled into the room.
“Derrie, there really isn’t-”
“I will renegotiate her contract with the agency, Gracie,” Derek commanded.
I meant – Mr. Blake.
Gracie pursed her lips before she slowly turned her head towards me. She wasn’t anything like I imagined or anything like Mr. Blake had described. From what little he had told me of her, she was carefree and free-willed; spontaneous and strong; always smiling and always needed, her own needs forced on her lest she burn herself out taking care of everyone else.
But the woman standing before me was none of those things. I looked into her sea foam eyes and she seemed … secretive… and … conniving.
As if she knew there was another ace stashed in the card deck, waiting, just for her.
“You’ll start next week,” Gracie nodded.
I analyzed Mr. Blake from where I was standing. His body was pulled tightly upright and his shoulders were rolled back, but he didn’t seem to be standing very tall. His head was slightly cocked and his hair was more disheveled than it usually was during the day, and I could’ve sworn I saw his hands trembling as they clasped behind his back.
“I’m sure someone from the agency will call,” she breathed before she reached out for the door and slowly began to close it on me.
The thump of the door shutting in my face jolted me from my trance, and suddenly I was alone again. The girl who dropped out of graduate school and took a job at a grocery store was slowly beginning to claw her way to the top, and the only thing I could think about was where I was going to sleep that night. Mr. Blake’s penthouse for the past three weeks held my bed, my bathroom, and my company. It held my food, my water, my safety, and my emotions for what seemed like ages.
Filthy Desires: A Romantic Suspense Collection Page 44