The only things that registered were the words “Certificate of Marriage.” At that point, everything else became a blur. Rosa ripped it from my hands and began rattling off her strategy for how she was going to tweak the custody agreement, and she was already drawing up plans to put Dr. Raul in prison for at least a decade. But all I could think about was the sham the past two years of my life had been. The free-spirited, loud-mouthed, kinky woman I’d fallen in love with had been fucking married.
And at any other point in my life, I wouldn’t have given a shit.
But that bitch had my daughter, and I was done looking through this damn envelope.
“Sum it up, Waterback,” I bit.
Chris slid the rest of the folder over to Rosa as she continued to remove handfuls of documents. Bank statements and credit card accounts, more pictures of them together and buried pictures of their marriage ceremony and honeymoon.
“We’ve got her,” Rosa whispered. “Derek, we’ve got her: her and him.”
“And she’s got my daughter,” I growled before I stood up and buttoned my coat.
“I’m coming with you,” Chris stood.
“And so am I,” Rosa added.
It was then that I turned my icy gaze slowly towards Chris and drew a deep breath through my nose.
“The summary, now, just so I know I’m drawing the right conclusions.”
“She was married when she met you, and my guess is she saw an opportunity for some money and took it. If that wasn’t her aim before, it sure as hell is now. Your cashed checks are spilling into a bank account linked to both of them. My guess is she would’ve played this charade as long as she could’ve.”
I felt the wind rush from my lungs even as I rolled my shoulders back. I could feel the blood pulsating through my ears even as my hands stayed calm at my sides. I shored up my body and turned towards the door, and when I began to move, they followed right behind me. Chris got on the phone with someone and Rosa called her office to start making changes to the document. She said something about needing a hard copy by the end of the day and Chris rattled off something about arresting officers at some address or whatever.
But I wasn’t paying attention.
I wouldn’t be all right until Clara was in my arms and Gracie was in handcuffs.
22
The three of us stood in the elevator, going up, Chris and Rosa still on their phones. Chris was being sent photos of Dr. Raul being dragged out of his office in handcuffs, and Rosa was busy making some last-minute tweaks to the custody agreement before she sent it off to be printed and rushed over. My only fear was the fact that Gracie had caught on and was already running with Clara, but when Chris told me they had that doctor in custody I knew she wasn’t going to get far,,,
…Not without him.
The elevator parted its doors and spilled us out onto the penthouse floor of my home. My legs strode heavily along the floor before my hand darted to the doorknob, and my heart plummeted to my toes when I realized the door was unlocked.
I half-expected her to already be gone.
But, when I opened the door, I saw Clara swinging in her little swing asleep while Gracie shoved clothing haphazardly into a suitcase. I stood there for a second and took in the gleam of her bald head. This woman had gone so far with her ruse as to fake a fucking terminal illness in order to get my money. Did it not even occur to her that I’d give her money simply because she was the mother of my child?
Did it not occur to her that I could actually be a decent person?
It occurred to Madeline that I could be. I was decent around her. She brought out a side in me that I didn’t even realize I had. She took my shit without taking my bullshit, and she was exciting without being a mystery. She was easy to read, easy to decipher, and I almost always knew what she was thinking.
Things were better when she was around…
“Going somewhere?”
My voice pierced the silence and I watched her whip her head towards me. Her wild eyes were already laced with fear before her eyes darted to the two figures that emerged at my sides. Then all Chris did was hold up to her a picture: one showing her practically stripping in public for the doctor who was now being arrested.
“Do you know this man?” he asked gravely.
But all she did was flick her gaze towards me.
“This isn’t what it looks like.”
“Oh, I know. That’s why I had to hire a P.I. in order to figure out what the fuck it was,” I breathed.
Then, Chris took out his phone, swiped at it a few times, and turned it around so that she could see a picture of her husband being carried away by the police.
“Do you recognize him now?”
Gracie strode around the couch and walked up to the phone as tears crested her eyes. She ripped the phone from Chris and enlarged the screen, and before she could say anything I heard the elevator doors open down the hallway.
“That would be my cue,” Rosa said as she stepped forward.
“Here’s what we can offer you,” she began as she held her hand out over her shoulder. Someone was huffing behind us and papers were being rattled, and when her hand appeared back in front of her she had a stack of papers in her hand that she simply held out towards Gracie.
“We can offer you supervised visitation every other weekend, as well as full access to her health and medical records. You’ll be legally included on her HIPPA statements as well as have the ability to participate in whatever parent functions her schools-to-be might throw. In exchange, you forfeit your parental rights, the ability to make any medical or educational decisions on her behalf, and the right to challenge this custodial agreement in the future unless it can be proven that Mr. Blake has become an unfit parent.”
“And I promise,” Rosa said as she dropped her voice, “that no court will find him as unfit a parent as you are, Mrs. Raul.”
Gracie looked like a deer in headlights. Tears were pouring down her red-stained cheeks. Clara continued to sleep soundly in the whirring swing. Suddenly, the suitcase Gracie had been jamming full of clothes popped open and cascaded wildly-colored lingerie all over my living room floor.
That’s when I lost it.
I charged her and grabbed her by her upper arms before I picked her up and walked her over to a wall. I felt Chris’ hand come down on my forearm as I pinned her to the wall, and it didn’t matter that I was hurting her. I didn’t care that she was scared, and I didn’t care that my anger was flooding out of control.
All I wanted were two questions answered.
“In the beginning, were you after my money?” I growled. I held her trembling body in the palms of my hands while my eyes burrowed into hers, and her chest was panting for breath before Chris’ hand squeezed harder.
“Put her down, Mr. Blake.”
I dropped her to her feet and she crumbled to her knees. Her hands came to her face and she began sobbing before I heard someone at the door whispering to Rosa.
It was then that I crouched down and hooked my finger underneath her chin to raise her gaze back up to mine.
“Answer my question, Mrs. Raul.”
“N-n… no,” she stammered.
“What were you after?” I asked.
“I will find out one way or another,” Chris butted in. “Might as well answer the man’s question. It’ll save us a lot of time.”
“Trust me!” Rosa called out. “It’s better if she doesn’t answer!”
“Then I have just one more question,” I said lowly.
I held out my hand and she eyed it curiously. She put her trembling hand within mine and a part of me couldn’t help but commit the feeling to memory. For over a year, I had kissed the tops of those hands. For over a year, I had sunk my fingertips into the thighs she was now pushing on to stand. For over a year, I had kissed those cheeks now stained with traitorous tears of guilt; and for over a year, I had grunted the name of a married woman I had intended to one day marry myself.
That’s wh
en I realized what Rosa was doing.
“What is it?” Gracie whispered.
“Are you shaving your head?” I asked as I danced my fingertips over her shiny head, “Or is it Nair?”
The horror that crossed her face was worth more to me than the actual answer. I didn’t care what she was doing. I didn’t care if she was chemically ripping her hair from her follicles. I didn’t care if she was carefully shaving her head so as to not nick herself, or even if she had it removed with some fancy lasers using the money she was obviously stockpiling.
I just wanted her to know I knew.
I wanted her to know I knew everything.
“Gracie Raul, you’re under arrest for attempted fraud and accessory to embezzlement. You have the right to remain silent–”
“Wait, what?” she asked.
“Anything you say can and will be held against–”
“Fraud? Embezzlement?” she squeaked.
“–in a court of law. You have the right–”
“Derek. Please,” she began to beg. “You’ve got this all wrong. This isn’t what it looks like at all, I swear! Please! Please don’t take me away from Clara!”
“If you desire an attorney and cannot afford one–”
“I can afford my own damn attorney!” she screamed as she thrashed in the officer’s arms.
“I bet you can with all that money you were embezzling right from Mr. Blake’s pocket,” Rosa quipped while the officer dragged her out of the penthouse…
…Out of my home.
“Derrie, please!” she shrieked from the hallway.
That was the moment I heard the telltale sign. It was a certain little grunt that started in my daughter’s chest before it rip-roared through her throat and peeled from between her lips. The same little pig squeal that had pissed me off a month ago, now stood as a symbol for the eternal love I had for a helpless human being I didn’t think I’d ever create.
That was when Clara woke up from her nap.
“Come here, sweetheart,” I said before I strode over to her. I unplugged the swing, and unstrapped Clara from her bucket seat. When I picked her up in my arms, she looked right into my eyes and smiled. She held my gaze with her mother’s ferocious eyes; but instead of fire and deceit lying behind them, the innocence of a small infant was staring back at me.
“She’s beautiful,” Rosa murmured beside me.
“She has her mother’s eyes,” I murmured.
“But she has her father’s disposition.”
I lost myself in her ocean eyes. I suddenly wanted to whisk her around the world. I wanted to take her to that little private island that I had bought on a whim and had done nothing with just to show her how her eyes matched the crashing of the waves against the shoreline. I wanted to take her to Bora Bora so we could watch the sunset turn their clear waters the same raging green that shone in hers. I wanted to take her to Italy and let her taste the foods, and whisk her off to Sidney to watch her first opera. I saw all these firsts blooming behind her eyes as I swam in the ocean of possibilities in her own little mind.
What was she thinking about right now?
Did she miss her mother?
Did she love me?
Did she long for something she couldn’t express?
“Is there anything else I can do?” Rosa asked quietly.
That’s when it dawned on me. I realized what was missing from this equation. The last piece of the puzzle I had been clawing to get back.
“Yes, could you make a phone call to Caretaker, Incorporated in an official capacity for me? There’s someplace I need to go and take Clara with me.”
“I can do that. I take it you want the live-in nanny back? Same pay?”
“I do,” I said slowly. I cradled Clara against my shoulder before she started sucking on my suit, and I couldn’t help but smile at the slurping sounds before I turned around.
“Where’d Chris go?”
“With the arresting officer to make sure he submitted all the evidence to them that we saw. Don’t worry. I’ll keep up with it and keep you informed of everything.”
“Thanks, Rosa,” I said quietly. I turned my head towards her while I patted the back of my daughter. Her phone was to her ear and her beady little shark eye gave me a sly wink, so when she started talking to the Nanny Agency on the other end of the line I made my way to the kitchen. I fixed up some bottles, shoved a few things into a plastic bag, and went in search of Clara’s car seat.
She and I were going shopping to find a few things in order to decorate Madeline’s room.
23
I layered the whipped garlic potatoes on the bottom of the pan before I started spreading the frozen peas. I’d decided to take advantage of some sales at the store up the road, which meant a lot of forward prepping with meals. Franz was here for breakfast, but usually not for lunch. Then, if he was here for dinner, it was always after I’d gone to bed. So, I got up to make breakfast every morning, only bought stuff for me to have for lunch, and decided to cook up some freezer meals so I could leave him something low in the oven for when he did come home. Freezer meals made dinner cooking easier for me, and it helped to cope with the fact that I was alone.
I wasn’t upset with Franz not being home all the time, but even when I was living in a two-bedroom apartment with five other people there was always someone around.
I had come to dread Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’d been running this new schedule for a little over two weeks now, and it felt weird. I smelled him every time I entered his penthouse and I couldn’t help but wonder if the smile on Gracie’s face, on those mornings, was because of him. I know that when I thought about him, it made me smile, so I could only imagine what the mother of his child might have to smile about each day.
I smelled him in every corner, and I never ceased to cry endlessly when Clara was sleeping.
When she was awake, things were wonderful. Gracie had made it a point to never be around me. Whenever I’d walk through at 8 AM with my steaming coffee in hand, she’d practically sling the little girl at me before grabbing her purse and saying something about doctor’s appointments or whatever. I’d taken up the habit of cleaning up the place a little bit. Gracie was an absolute slob, and I’m sure it irked Derek. He wasn’t necessarily clean, but he took pride in his surroundings and in what he owned.
Gracie didn’t seem to care, given that her brightly-colored bras were slung in all the corners of every single room.
I couldn’t help but tear up every time I picked one up off the floor. I imagined the pride Derek took in ripping them off and casting them aside. I found myself wondering what she looked like underneath all those clothes: she was tall, with long legs and sprawling tattoos. Her eyes raged behind her green irises and her neck was long and thin. I bet if she had hair, it would be cut at the nape of her neck, accentuating its length and teased to the nines. I bet she wore the beautiful dresses he probably bought for her perfectly. I imagined her in backless dresses that showed off her adorning tattoos that he probably enjoyed running his tongue across at night. I bet all those silky and glittering fabrics hit her at just the right length, with her chest that gave Clara nourishment swaying lightly underneath the fabric.
Sometimes I’d sink to my knees and sob against those full-length windows, and curse the skyline of the city that did this to me while Clara slept in her room.
I felt lost. Every time Gracie dropped that little girl into my arms, I couldn’t help but see Derek in all of her. Sure, she had her mother’s eyes, but she had Derek’s nose: and his chin; and his smile; and his cheeks that never seemed to stop being rosy. Clara might have had part of her mother, but she was all her father.
And sometimes holding her was a chore in and of its self.
However, one night Gracie called me. It was a Sunday, the day I was supposedly on-call, and she informed me that she and Derek were going out, and that I was due at their home no later than five. At first, I had been excited. For the first time in almost two wee
ks, I’d get a chance to lay my eyes on Derek. I knew I’d never have him. I’d never be able to give in to him like I should have that night, or have the opportunity to memorize his physical features underneath the moonlight, but I could at least embrace his presence as we switched positions in his home.
But when Gracie opened the door, I couldn’t even register Derek in the background. She looked stunning: a little black dress that rose up to her mid-thigh, with heels that were at least five inches. They accentuated her height and flexed her long, languid legs. Her breasts were hiked up in a bra that was probably a push-up, and the jewelry that glittered from her ears and around her neck only seemed to pale in comparison to the way her eyes glittered.
She was breathtaking…
… and I was not.
I kept my head down when I went in, and even though I could feel Derek staring at me, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. If I had, I might have risked showing him my soul. I might have risked my eyes screaming at him about how I felt, how stepping into his home was eating my soul directly out from my stomach. I was scared that if I had looked at him, he’d see the love I had for him and the hopelessness I felt every time I looked at Gracie, and that then he would fire me. I was scared he would rip me from Clara and throw me back out onto the street.
I was scared it would be as if I never existed; as if they had simply… died.
I put Clara down at eight that night and stood at the windows overlooking the city. Tears drifted down my face while I leaned my head against the glass being pelted by the rain, and I watched my tears drop onto the hardwood floor. The city was crying alongside me, sympathizing with my hurt but having no ability to reach out and do anything about it. It felt as if the city was pulsing on my side, rooting me on in my quest to root myself into the marred soil of its garden. It was feeding me water, hoping to mask my tears and help my roots to stretch out and grow.
It was like the city was begging me to stay, even though it was so easy for Derek to throw me away.
Filthy Desires: A Romantic Suspense Collection Page 47