by Otter Lieffe
“Are those falcons?” he asked, pausing and pointing upwards.
Pinar knew before she even lifted her head.
“Kestrels. Actually, it's a pair of males that nest together in the valley. They've been together for a few years already. Ash calls them Bert and Ernie for some reason.”
Pinar had never watched a lot of television.
“They're both males?” Jason asked, surprised. “But don't they need to breed?”
Pinar smiled patiently. “It's quite common. Neither of them have ever bred as far as we know, although they mate with each other all the time. They built a little nest on the cliff a while back.” She pointed. “They seem quite happy there.”
They both watched as Bert and Ernie flew by and called to each other again.
“You know,” she continued, “this whole idea that animals only have sex and form partnerships to make little animals, it's entirely made up. And it's very heterosexist.”
“I had no idea.”
Secretly, he also wasn't really sure what heterosexist meant but was too shy to ask. The resistance was proudly fourth wave and trans-feminist and he'd had a good education as a result.
But it's a whole lot of vocabulary and precise terminology. I can barely keep up sometimes.
“Don't worry, most straight people don't think about these things…” She gave him a playful poke in the ribs. “Watch, they're going to do their courtship flight. It's pretty dramatic.”
The kestrels flew straight up into the air, so high that they almost disappeared from view then in perfect unison they began to rock from side to side, flying close to each other as they descended. They separated for a few seconds, reunited and finally flew off together towards the cliffs overhanging the valley.
“Amazing.”
“It is,” Pinar agreed. “It used to be that they only flew like that in the early spring, but things are different now. Climate change or whatever.” She turned and gave Jason a little wink. “Now it seems they like flirting all year round.”
“So, are there a lot of birds that have gay sex?” asked Jason as they crossed another meadow full of flowers and brambles.
“Of course,” said Pinar. “Animal homosexuality is at least as rich and complex as heterosexuality.”
Jason couldn't hide his surprise. “Really?”
“Yes, dear.” Pinar replied patiently. “Every major animal group has some—at least four hundred and fifty species have been recorded having gay or bi sex, but considering the institutional homophobia in the science world, the real number is probably much higher.”
Somewhere at the other end of the valley, they could hear Bert and Ernie calling each other.
“You know, male elephants masturbate each other with their trunks,” Pinar said, smiling playfully. “And female koalas mount other females from the side while they hang together on a tree.”
Jason looked at her wide-eyed and nearly tripped over a stump as they walked.
I should probably be embarrassed having this conversation, he noticed. But it's fascinating.
“Go on,” he almost whispered.
“Erm yeah, so other examples…female orang-utans for instance, put their fingers inside their female mates and male macaques sometimes have oral sex with each other in the sixty-nine position.”
Pinar was clearly enjoying herself. She'd been considered an authority on 'queer ecology' back in the day, but out here in the forest she rarely got to share her knowledge with other people—Ash had already heard her stories a hundred times and usually checked out when she started talking about them. But I miss this feeling and I like it. I like being listened to.
Jason was watching her expectantly.
“And dolphins for example,” Pinar continued, her voice more authoritative than he'd ever heard it before, her head a little higher. “Male atlantic spotted dolphins have a special soundwave they can produce to stimulate their partner's genitals and female bottlenose dolphins insert their fins or tails into another female's genital slit. Male boto river dolphins have even been seen inserting their penis into another male's blowhole!”
Jason blew air out of his nose in surprise.
“Amazing. How do you—?”
“I did a Ph.D. in biodiversity in the City back in the day.”
“Biodiversity. Isn't that mostly about the number of species though rather than their behaviour?”
“Not when I study it.” Pinar gave him a wink. “Behavioural diversity is absolutely a part of biodiversity and serves many of the same functions.”
“And why don't more people know about it?”
“As I said before, institutional homophobia and biphobia is still a big deal,” said Pinar sadly. “And there's an interesting double-bind. If animals are totally straight and never gay—which is what scientists always assume and what we were always told in wildlife documentaries—then being queer is 'unnatural' and 'artificial'. If animals are sometimes gay and humans are sometimes gay, then human queers are 'beasts, no better than animals.' Either way we lose.”
Jason noticed the 'we' pronoun and was curious to ask more. Instead he said:
“I never thought about it that way.”
Pinar paused by a particularly beautiful flower meadow to rest against an old Mediterranean oak. She was a little out of breath. I'm not used to speaking so much! But I like it.
“Shall we head back to the cabin soon?” she asked after a short while. “It must be lunchtime.”
After all the walking and biology lessons, she was very hungry.
“Sure.” Jason leaned against the tree with her. “Thank you, for sharing all this.”
“You're welcome.”
Jason began to look a little awkward and poked at a root with his foot.
“What is it?” Pinar asked. She could already read him like a book. “If you have a question, just ask, hon.”
He blushed a little. He loved when she called him that.
“Erm…yeah. I wanted to ask you something about Ash. Erm, something personal if it's okay…?”
“Is it about her being trans?”
Pinar had known Ash for a very long time and she could no longer count the number of people she'd had to give a queer education to on her behalf. She usually didn't enjoy it—people could be so uncaring, so naïve—but she knew Ash hated it even more.
“No, no. Not at all!” Jason put up his hands defensively. “That's none of my business.”
Pinar looked relieved. Jason bit his lip and poked at the root again.
“Actually I wanted to ask about the two of you…erm…if you, you know…have a thing together?”
Pinar was surprised by the question. She'd never seen Ash in that way, they were best friends, practically sisters.
I can't blame him for being confused though, after all these years, of course we probably look like lovers.
“We have a lifetime together. But we're not romantically attached if that's what you mean. Ash doesn't do that in general. And although I've certainly been with plenty of women, I'm mostly into guys these days.” She smiled at him. “Particularly younger, handsome, revolutionary guys…”
Jason blushed and looked at the valley, the sky, a random mossy rock.
Anywhere but those green eyes.
Pinar knew she was embarrassing him, but she couldn't help herself. He's adorable, far too young for me of course, but entirely adorable. And the resistance has trained him well.
She remembered when most activist men his age were arrogant and macho.
But that was a long time ago, before the fourth wave, before the Femme Riots.
Pinar enjoyed talking to him, showing him the valley and hearing his stories from the struggle. She knew he would be well enough to go back to the forest soon, that he needed to find his compañeras and rejoin the struggle. But secretly, she wanted him to stay for a while longer. She wanted to be close to him.
They pushed off the tree and headed h
ome. They walked in silence for a while and, as they crossed the riverbed again, Jason asked:
“Would you mind if I sang a song for you? Something from my village? It's kind of a love song between a man and the land he works on.”
Pinar turned to look at him and smiled. It was then that she realised that she badly, badly wanted to kiss him.
* * *
The kiss was as violent as Danny could manage. He lifted his head and said in his most dangerous voice: “Give me the secrets, salope. I know you have them.”
He was beginning to enjoy himself. He was wearing a bandanna over his mouth and nose and was straddled over his client, his hands on his throat.
Being an angry rebel is much more interesting than being a desperate room attendant.
His client, sweating in his suit, with his hands and feet tied to the bed rails was the abducted State officer. His eyes were wide open with intoxication and affected fear and he was rock hard with excitement.
“I…I don't know anything Sir.”
“Don't give me that bullshit, pute,” said Danny giving his client a playful slap. “You're going to tell me everything you know.” He always swore in French, his mother tongue, and he found it a much more interesting language for domination than English.
“Well, I might know something…” implied the client, coyly. “More wine might loosen my tongue…Sir…”
Danny smiled. His client was terrible at staying in role. He reached for the bottle and took a swig of wine. Below him, the client smacked his lips with anticipation. Slowly and as seductively as he could, considering how much he'd already drank, Danny dribbled the wine from his own mouth into the client's.
Just like a baby bird.
“Now you'll tell me how to shut down the Life Accounts computers, salope!” said Danny, getting back into role.
“The computers, Sir?” the client looked a little worried.
Danny wasn't really sure how far he could push the role play. After all, for me, none of this is that far from the truth—I really am resistance and some intel on the State's ancient computer system could be very useful indeed.
He knew he should be careful, but the sleepless night and the wine were kicking in. He felt like taking risks and besides they were both having fun.
“More wine first, boy. Then you'll tell me how to bring down the computers.”
Chapter nineteen
Danny woke up with a blinding headache.
He was alone in the bed.
Suddenly through the fog of alcohol, last night—and this morning—came back to him in a flash. After yet another bottle of wine and plenty of enacted torture, Danny got some very important information out of his client. Something that—if it was accurate—could entirely shift the balance of power in the City.
He rolled over and saw there was a note for him by the side of the bed. Squinting in the bright morning light, he read it.
“Good morning my darling, L.
You were so sweet while you were sleeping, I didn't want to disturb you.
Check out is at 14:00 so just let yourself out when you wake up. Please don't stay later though, I don't want any trouble.
Thanks again for last night. It was very intense. You were amazing as always.
Love, Y.”
Danny looked at the small clock on the desk. It was eleven-thirty A.M. He had a resistance meeting that evening and he was desperate to share what he'd learned.
But he was also tired. The hotel bed was seductively soft, and he'd only gone to sleep at 9am after his client had finally passed out from the wine.
I can sleep for a couple of hours and still make it out of the hotel and to the meeting in time.
“Just a little hour.” Danny mumbled to himself as he lay back on the giant pillow that still smelt like last night's sex and fell back asleep.
* * *
The sun was already above the trees when Pinar and Jason got back to the cabin. They could hear Ash inside clattering around in the kitchen.
“I'll go and get some water from the well and check on your herb garden if that's alright,” said Jason.
“Don't you want to eat first?” asked Pinar. “Smells like Ash is cooking up a storm in there.”
“I will, I just thought you ladies might like some time alone first. I don't want to be in the way all the time.”
Spontaneously, Pinar leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“You're a sweetheart. Meet us here in half an hour or so and we'll all eat together?”
“Great,” said Jason, still blushing from the kiss.
“Great,” said Pinar, also blushing and feeling strangely like a schoolgirl again. She turned abruptly and went into the cabin.
“Mmm, smells good.” Pinar stepped into the kitchen.
“It is good,” said Ash with a twinkle in her eye. “But where's your boyfriend?”
“Excuse me?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“He's…Jason will join us in a little while. He wanted to give us some time alone.”
“So he's handsome and thoughtful? Quite a catch, Pin…”
Pinar didn't say a word. She took the lid off a saucepan and started vigorously stirring the sauce with a wooden spoon.
“Get out of my sauce! You'll make it all sticky again,” said Ash, shouldering her friend out of the way and retrieving her spoon.
Pinar pouted and crossed the room to rearrange her herb jars instead.
“He likes you too, you know.”
“I know, but…”
“But?”
“But I'm old enough to be his mother,” Pinar protested. “Anyway, it's against our guidelines—he's still our patient after all.”
“Well, he's almost better,” said Ash with a grin as she stoked the fire. “And then he won't be our patient anymore, will he?”
“You're terrible.” Pinar opened a jar of dried dandelion and held up a long, tangled root to show Ash. “We could roast this you know and make coffee. I know it's not as good as the real thing, but—”
“It's disgusting and bitter and tastes like dirt. And besides, don't change the subject!” Ash laughed. “He likes you. Do you like him?”
“He's…charming.”
“With good politics…”
“Yes.”
“And hot?”
“Yes,” Pinar confessed, fiddling with the roots in her hand. “Fine, yes, he's very attractive.”
“He's hot in all the right places, I'd say.”
Pinar laughed. “I agree, okay? But seriously I haven't been with a guy in a hundred years. I've forgotten how it all works. They're so much more complicated than women.”
“Shall I draw you a picture?”
“Don't you have a home to go to?” Pinar threw the dandelion root at Ash's head. She missed completely and it landed with a plop into her perfect sauce.
* * *
Danny woke up with a start. Someone was knocking loudly at the door. He looked over at the clock.
14:30. Damn, I overslept!
Panicking, he jumped up and wrapped the sheet around his waist. The person at the door was knocking without stopping, louder and louder.
A voice shouted, “Open up! This is the State. We know who you are. Open this door right now!”
Danny's heart was racing. He looked out the window, at the sea ten stories below. He had nowhere to go.
I'm trapped.
Chapter twenty
“You think we don't know what you are, boy?”
“But I'm not…I…”
Danny was terrified.
I pushed it too far last night and now my fucking trick has reported me to the State troops. I knew I shouldn't have drunk that last bottle. And now there's an armed trooper in the hotel room pointing his weapon at me. I've gone too far this time.
“You're one of those whores from down-town.” said the trooper, poking the tip of his gun into Danny's
firm chest.
Danny sighed with relief.
This is about sex work then, not the resistance.
He stood a little taller.
“My work is no business of the State. I am here under the protection of Y from Life Accounts—”
The protection he was quoting was a well-known policy in the City. As much as the State officially hated sex workers, they were still happy to enjoy the services they provided and for that they needed to be protected. For as long as anyone could remember, every State worker with enough power could extend protection over a sex worker under their employ. It was an unwritten law, but everyone respected it.
“Protection ran out at 14:00, boy.”
He's bluffing. Protection never runs out.
Several times, Danny had been arrested in the street and taken to the City lock up. One quick message to any of his highest-ranking clients and he was back in the street with a pat on the ass and a nutrition bar in his pocket. Protection never ran out, everyone knew that. But Danny also knew better than to argue with a trooper who thought he was in the right.
“How can I apologise…Sir?” he said in his most subservient tone.
Well if nothing else, I'm good at playing roles.
The trooper touched his crotch where he was hardening by the second.
“There might be a way.”
Danny wasn't particularly surprised. This certainly wasn't the first time.
* * *
That night when Kit got off from work, she cycled to the City centre to meet Nathalie near her office. She arrived and pushed her bike down into the wooded motorway valley to their usual spot and waited for her hidden amongst the trees and bushes.
Nathalie hated to cycle, but she had obediently brought her bike to work that morning so they could go together to the park. One minute after five, she left the Admin building and pushed her bike across the street.
“Hey,” she whispered into the valley.
“I'm down here.”
Nathalie clumsily climbed down through the trees pushing her bike until she found Kit leaning against a concrete slab. Her hair as always was immaculate, freshly shampooed with a mix of herbs she made herself and pinned on one side in the City fashion.