I must have alerted them to my presence because all three pairs of eyes turned to me. Ruby and Caleb both stopped eating and they couldn’t meet my gaze. Malcolm; however, smiled broadly at me and waved me over.
“Come join us Raina,” he said and I couldn’t tell if it was an order or a request.
Either way I couldn't stop my feet from carrying me across the gilded marble floor. I stopped when I reached them. My gaze going back and forth between him and the children. Inside my stomach was knotted and my mind was screaming.
Does he know? Is that why they’re here? I glanced at the food on their plates. Is that safe? Did he poison it?
I wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
“Have a seat Raina,” Malcolm ordered.
I obeyed and sat cross legged with the bowl clutched in my damp palms.
Malcolm smiled at me and his eyes twinkled.
“Did you know we had two orphans living in our village?” he asked and nodded at the kids with a grin. But I was saved from having to answer because he wasn’t really interested in what I had to say, he had already continued to speak. “I didn’t. I actually ran into these two ragamuffins about an hour ago.” He reached over and ruffled Caleb's shaggy hair. Caleb smiled warmly up at him before he remembered I was watching. Then his eyes quickly sought out his plate again.
“I asked them why they weren’t helping their parents pack up. And they told me they didn't have parents,” Malcolm explained. “Which probably explained why they were so thin and dirty. Then it hit me. They were all alone in this world. I remember what that felt like. So I knew I needed to help them. That is why…” he held out the why a little longer, the tension in the room building with it, as the kids and I all stared at him expectantly.
“That is why I have decided to adopt them!” He beamed.
When no one cheered or said a thing, Malcolm’s smile wavered. And his face took on that sheepish expression, the one he uses with Mindy all the time.
“Um… that is… if you two would like me as a father?” Malcolm’s voice was filled with hope mixed with little fear.
The kids gazed from him, to me, and back. Longing for the one thing they had always wanted warred with their loyalty to me. For that I felt honored, but I also felt guilty. Was me not having to go through pain, worth keeping them from a happier, healthier future?
No, it’s wasn’t. All the gold in this world, all the animals that would be homeless, all the pain I would have to endure, none of it mattered in comparison with those two’s happiness. That’s when it hit me… I love them. Those were my children. I had already adopted them. I just hadn’t known it until then.
So when their gazes turned back to me, I smiled at them and nodded, yes.
“It’s ok,” I mouthed. “Say yes.”
Their eyes lit up and their faces glowed.
“Yes!” They cried in unison and tackled their new father. Malcolm embraced them in a warm hug, his light hearted chuckle filled the room. Both the children laughed and tears of joy trailed down their cheeks. My eyes misted over at the sight.
This is how it should be. This is what makes it all worth it… I tossed the bowl into the fire and watched with a sad finality as the flames devoured the poison.
I don't think I really could have done it anyway... Besides, look at them,... my gaze went to rest on my two favorite people in the whole wide world. They look so happy.
I didn’t see Malcolm smile, or that knowing gleam twinkle in his eyes. I was too busy watching the joy radiate from both Ruby and Caleb as their dreams finally came true. They finally had someone to share meals with and laugh with. They finally had someone to comfort them when they were afraid and teach them everything they needed to know about life. And, they finally had someone to love them unconditionally, like I do. They had a family. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t be a part of it. I would have to watch from the shadows and pretend to be happy for them. While Malcolm gets to give them all the love and attention they deserve. All the love and attention I wished I could give them.
Oh don’t be selfish, I scolded myself. You should be happy. You love them. It should be enough for you that they are going to be happy and well cared for. And it is. It has to be, because there isn’t any other option.
Chapter Sixteen
Family
I rode silently in the back of the wagon and pointed the way to the next big score. Only this time , I didn’t sit alone with just thoughts to keep me company. Ruby, Caleb, and Mindy sat next to me. There company a powerful reminder of why I was doing all this. They were the people who made it worthwhile to put up with humans. Now, as I sat with them, I thought back over the last few days.
Malcolm had told mindy the good news that very same night. Mindy had been thrilled at the knews of their adoption and had instantly taken them under her wing. She embraced the role of grandmother with the same fierce protective pride she held when she embraced the children. In the first day, she had already fallen instantly in love with them. She had insisted that they have a feast in their honor.
Malcolm agreed and scent out invitations to the entire city. He hired three chefs to cook an elaborate feast. Two musicians, a juggler, and an acrobat. Everyone came to the palace to celebrate. Dressed in the finest garments the city had to offer, Ruby and Caleb flanked their new father at the head of the table. Malcolm ordered me to sit on the other side of Ruby and Mindy set on Caleb's other side.
“I’ve never had cake before!” Caleb exclaimed as he piled his fork with the pink and white buttercream cake.
“Me neither!” Ruby exclaimed.
A smiled touched my mouth as I remembered the look on their faces when they took their first bites. I had never seen them so happy. Now, their constant chatter acted as a blessed distraction on the long ten day journey. Malcolm kept company with us too. He chatted and jocked with them from the back of his stallion the whole way through. He hadn’t tied my wrists with rope this time either and the freedom of being in the open air without them was wonderful. It wasn’t long before I found myself chatting and laughing along with them. It felt right,... almost. Infact, I could have almost felt content if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew where we were going. And I knew that in just a few short days, I would be doubled over with pain again.
It’s worth it. I told myself over and over again. You can bear it, for them.
So I led them to a wide open valley that nestled a crystal lake at its center. Beautiful green rolling hills rose around it on all sides. I could feel the abundance of wildlife that had made this serene valley their home. A tear slid down my cheeks and I wiped it away before anyone saw.
So many animals will lose their homes... But at least no more will die…
“This is it,” I announced.
“Yay! Were here!” Caleb cried. His little body bobbed up and down with excitement as Malcolm pulled the group to a halt.
“Beautiful,” Malcolm exclaimed. “Look at our new home guys!” He smiled down at the children. “Time to fix her up. Wanna help me?”
“Yeah!” They both cried and leaped from the wagon as soon as the wheels came to a full stop.
“First, I think we're going to set up camp. We probably won’t start digging until tomorrow,” Malcolm said as he swung from his horse. “That’ll give your ma some time to rest,” he added and his gaze locked with my startled one.
I sat frozen where I stood, half way down from stepping out of the wagon, and my face flushed crimson.
Why did he say that? What kind of game is he playing? I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as i finished climbing down. This gave me a minute to think.
When I looked back up, everyone else had frozen too. Mindy, still in the back of the wagon, Ruby and Caleb holding onto Malcolm’s hands, and Malcolm all stared at me expectantly. Waiting for me to make a decision. Was I part of their family or not?
“Thank you Malcolm,” I finally whispered with a small smile, my eyes misting over. Then I gazed down at the children, �
��Make sure you mind your father,” I said answering their unasked question.
Of course I want to be your ma. I love you both so much.
“We will!” They beamed and Malcolm smiled at me. His eyes warm and filled with that same possessive gleam. I was his and he knew it.
“Come on guys, let’s go pick out where we want our hut to be,” he urged and I watched them bounce along beside him as they searched out where to call home. Our home.
“You made the right decision you know,” Mindy said as she hopped out of the wagon to stand next to me.
“I hope so,” I answered. A smiled played at the corners of my mouth as I watched their father explain to them what they were looking for when searching for the perfect spot to build out house.
“I know you’ll probably always have doubts,” Mindy sighed. Her gaze going from them to me, then finally rested on them. “But he really does love you and he’s already fallen in love with those two kids. He’s finally got the family he always wanted, and a chance to do things right, unlike his father. He would do anything for you guys.”
“Anything except set me free,” I retorted with a heavy sigh.
“That may be true. But you never know. Maybe your love could be the thing that turns him around. Do you think you’ll ever be able to do that? Can you forgive him for what he’s done up to this point, and maybe learn to love him?”
I didn’t answer for a long time. I stood there quietly, for what seemed like an eternity, and simply watched the three of them. My gaze lingering over Malcolm as I thought about the last few years. The different sides to the man I had seen over that time, came to my mind. All the multiple little facets of him. And it was then that I realized another cold hard truth, I already had. I loved Malcolm.
Maybe that’s why I never really tried to escape? Maybe that’s why I wasn’t able to kill him. Maybe that’s way I have constantly forgiven him for everything he’s done. Not because I was weak, not because my powers have been stunted by this collar… and not just because of the children. I love Malcolm, and if I'm really honest, I have from the day I met him. But Mindy didn’t need to know that.
“Maybe,” I said finally. “Maybe one day.”
“Well,” Mindy sighed again and smiled over at me. “If it helps your decision at all, I’ve always hoped you’d be my adopted daughter in law.” She elbowed me in the shoulder and offered me a wink.
“Thanks,” I said, my face beet red. Even with the embarrassment factor, I still really liked her.
“No problem. Why don’t you run along and be with your new family for a minute. I'm sure they could use help picking out your new home,” she said as she walked away. “I think it’s time I had a little home of my own.”
A home of my own… the thought sounded good. So I decided to take Mindy’s advice. I went to join my family and pick out where we were going to build out home together.
◖... ◐ ...◗
Later that evening, after the kids had bedded down for the night with their bellies full and their hearts light, I found myself alone with Malcolm for the first time in days. The fire we had built with the kids warmed our body and cast a warm glow around us. I had drank an untainted mug of mead, I know because I poured it for everybody, so my body was feeling as warm and fuzzy on the inside as it felt on the outside. A permanent smile upturned to corners of my mouth and a contented sigh escaped me as I gazed up at the starlit sky. So many beautiful stars…
“How was supper?” Malcolm asked and I felt him move to come sit next to me. Heat radiated from his body and scent strange electrical tingles through my body.
“Good,” I answered through my suddenly tight throat. “Thank you for cooking it.”
“Your welcome,” he answered with a kind smile. “Thank you for actually relaxing tonight and just enjoying my company.” Then a sadness filled his brown eyes. “I know it was probably difficult for you. I don’t know how you can even stand being around me. I’ve done so much to hurt you Raina,” his voice was gruff now. Regret shined in his eyes as he gazed at me. “You were right you know, about what you said the other day. I am broken. My parent’s did a number on me, and because of that, I took it out on you. After spending time with those kids the last week or so, I understand what you were saying. Greed can’t fill this hole inside of me. I'm sorry for everything I did Raina. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I do forgive you Malcolm,” I whispered gazing into his eyes, I saw hope spark there.
“Thank you raina,” he breathed. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”
“I think I do,” I said with a small shy smile.
Then I saw a question spark in his eyes and he stood up. His right hand, he extended down to me.
“Will you come for a walk with me?” He asked.
Still unsure of all this, it took me a moment to answer. But finally I smiled up at him and slipped my hand in his. His grip was firm but gentle on mine as he pulled me to my feet. He didn’t release me as we walked towards the lake, and I didn’t make him. I wandered if he could feel my heart beating wildly through my palm.
We walked in silence together. The sounds of crackling fires and sleeping people faded to a dull hum as we neared the lake. Only to be replaced by the sounds of nature. Crickets chirped in the tall grasses that circled parts of the lake. A couple of bullfrogs croaked to one another by the edge of the water. And somewhere, in the outskirts of the forest, an owl hooted hello. A cool breeze wafted from the lake to tingle against my cheeks and play with my hair. Malcolm’s warm hand in mine scent tingles dancing along my skin. The full moon and the starry sky cast everything in a silvery glow and made me feel like I was walking on moonlight.
“It’s so peaceful here,” I whispered as we came to a stop beside the lake. Moonlight sparkled along its surface and the water almost seemed to glow.
“It is,” he agreed, a small grin playing at the corners of his mouth. Then he turned his eyes to me. I could feel the warmth of his gaze like a caress, so I turned to look up at him. The longing there stole my breath away.
“But its beauty still pales in comparison to yours,” he whispered, his voice like rich velvet and wood smoke. Then his hand rose to cup my cheek lightly. His thumb traced along my bottom lip.
It felt so good...yet so...wrong. I pulled back, shying away from the feelings he created with his touch.
“Don’t,” I whispered. I'm not ready for this…
Sadness and regret flashed in his gaze for the briefest moment before he forced a smile.
“It’s ok Raina. I understand,” he said gruffly. “I know that you need some space right now. You can’t quite trust the change you see in me. Not yet. It must all seem too soon. Too unreal. And that’s ok. I deserve that,” his eyes gazed steadily down into mine.
“But before I give you your space, I want you to know something. I love you Raina.”
His words hit me like a punch in the stomach. I couldn't breathe and I suddenly felt very light headed. I must have swooned because Malcolm had to reach out with both hands to steady me. Then with his warm hands on my shoulders, his gaze still locked on mine, he smiled cockily down at me.
“That’s right, you heard me. I love you,” he repeated. “I loved you from the moment I first saw you. But I ignored it, I thought it was only because I wanted to use you to rebuild my people. Then after I saw you with Mindy and your kindness to her, you started growing on me. And you know what? You don’t know this, but I saw you feed those two children,” he nodded his head towards the camp where Ruby and Caleb slept. “That day at the wagon, before you tried to escape, I saw you give them almost everything I had just given you. I couldn’t understand why you would do that. I also know it was them in your room that night. I know it was Ruby who stabbed me.” My heart stopped, my eyes widened in fear. “I know because I knew every time they snuck up there to eat dinner with you.”
“What are you going to do?” I whispered, the color draining from my face. “Please Malcolm,
don’t hurt them. She’s just a kid. She didn’t know-” my hands reached out and desperately clung to his shirt.
“Shhh,” Malcolm whispered and he wrapped his strong arms gently around me. He laid my head against his chest as his hand ran lightly over my hair in a soothing motion.
“Shhh, it’s ok Raina. I'm not going to do anything to them, or to you. So relax, ok?”
“This isn’t a trick?” I whispered and I gazed up at him with a silent plea in my eyes.
“No, it’s not a trick,” Malcolm answered, all seriousness. “I really do love you and those kids.”
He grinned and shook his head like he couldn’t believe he was saying all this.
“I used to hide outside your door and listen to you tell them stories. Such vivid stories about outer space and undersea life. My favorite was always the one where you defeated the sea dragon. Ah,” he sighed and his hand still running lightly over my hair, “those were my favorite parts of the day.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my mind was reeling from everything he’d just admitted to.
I need some space to think. I can’t think with him so close…
So I pulled away from the warmth and comfort of his embrace.
He shrugged and that sheepish grin lit his face.
“I thought you hated me,” he explained and his eyes couldn’t meet mine. “Not that I would have blamed you. I did lie to you, capture you, and put you through pain every day. Heck, I'm surprised you don’t hate me now.”
Earth Bound Page 10