by Ava Hunt
"Marcus and Rayner think I should become a nun," Jeneva poked at her salad.
"That's a terrible idea."
"That's what I said," Jeneva said. "Still, Jill Campbell did it when she got the same news I did."
"Jill never really fit in here in the first place. I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when she found somewhere else to belong. As for where you belong, it's here, with us. That's not even up for debate. I don't want you moping around in the yard working on motorcycles everyday, though. You have to find something to do with yourself."
Jeneva ate her steak silently and was relieved when Jaime seemed to drop the subject. "So, hunting season is starting up again soon," Jaime speared a tomato with his fork. "Who's going to be your shooting partner this year?"
Jeneva laughed, "It's usually George, isn't it?"
"That kid has followed you around since you were a cub. I can't believe that you've both grown so big now," Jaime smiled.
"He's a great guy. He asked me today if I wanted to go to the shooting range to take my mind off of what happened. I didn't have it in me, but he's always looking out for me like that."
"Who else was at the Dipper?"
"Oh, Misty and Alex, and Rayner was there," Jeneva finished off her steak and went for seconds. Jaime helped her with her plate. "They were all really sweet. I don't know why I was so upset earlier. I should apologize."
"I'm sure they understand if you were feeling different than usual. I wouldn't bother. I do notice that a good steak turns your mood right around, though."
"It did, Jaime, thank you," Jeneva kissed her brother on the cheek.
"You're welcome. One steak is good enough for me. When you're finished give me the plate, I'll do the dishes."
"Thanks, Jaime."
Jeneva went to her room after dinner and closed the door. It had been an exhausting day. There was so much to think about. What was she going to do? Moping around in the front yard seemed an excellent plan to her, but Jaime disapproved and he was usually right about these things. And, it wasn't so much a problem of finding something to do so much as finding a way to fill the emptiness in her heart.
There, Jillian Campbell had maybe the right idea. Dedicating her life to service of poor people and orphans wouldn't give her time to think about what was wrong with her. She could be around kids that needed her and didn't have parents of their own to go to. And, her work would make a difference in someone's life. She could live her life to the fullest, knowing that others had needed her.
But, what about Jaime and George, and the Den? What about Rayner? Jeneva rolled over on her bed, fully clothed. Rayner still meant so much to her. Would she ever forget about him? Would his eyes still burn in her mind years after she left? Or would she forget him too, in the work of a mission?
Jeneva closed her eyes and drifted into a restless sleep.
A knock on her door woke Jeneva in the morning, and the sound of her brother's voice telling her to get out of bed. It was the weekend, and the house would be packed with Bears later today for the game. She hopped into the shower and got dressed.
"Late morning?" Jaime said, straightening up the pillows in the living room. "It's game day. Can I send you to the market for food? Here's the list."
"Okay," Jeneva smiled.
"Don't be gone too long, I don't want you getting lost in the trees."
Jeneva chuckled at the old Bear saying. "Yes, sir."
The old park market was packed, as expected on a Saturday morning. The new shipments came in the night before, and everyone wanted first pick of the goods. Jeneva grabbed tortilla chips and guacamole off of the shelves, and an extra six pack of beer for herself. Philip Denver was at the register. He smiled at her as he rang her up.
"Game night today? Who all is coming over?"
"Just the usual bunch," Jeneva bagged her groceries. "You're welcome as usual, Philip."
"I appreciate that. I know everyone has talked to you about it already, but I just want you to know that whatever you decide to do now, you have my full support. It's hard for a young Bear to be in your position. Do what will make you happiest."
"I will," Jeneva waved. "Thanks for the pep talk."
"Anytime, Jen," Phil called over his shoulder as he rang up the next customer.
When Jeneva got home, she handed off the bags to her brother, who was sweeping the floor. "I'll be in my room, Jaime."
"Okay, Jen. Come back out when everyone gets here."
"I will."
She went into her room and got down on her knees to pull an old notebook out of a box underneath the bed. Jillian Campbell's forwarded phone number was in there somewhere.
Rayner Garcia arrived at the Markham's place ahead of the pack. He parked his truck in the worn grass next to Jeneva's truck, grabbed a case of beer from the passenger seat, and headed into the house.
"Hey, Jaime," Rayner unloaded the beer cans in the kitchen. "You've got ice already?"
"Jen got some this morning. Go ahead and put the cans in the tub."
"How is Jen doing? She had some choice words for us yesterday."
"She mentioned that. She was tired, and hungry. I fed her as soon as she got in, but I don't think the tired will go away until she makes a decision."
"We were trying to help her make a decision..." Rayner wet a cloth to wipe down the tables.
"I heard about that. Putting ideas in my baby sister's head?"
"I hope not," Rayner was cleaning slowly. "I just want her to be happy."
"We all do," Jaime said.
More cars and trucks showed up and parked carefully to avoid Jen's scrap projects in the front yard. The sun was going down. Jeneva emerged from her room looking angelic and peaceful. Rayner wondered what had changed since yesterday night. Her brown hair was cascading over her shoulders and her glasses were hung on her shirt so her eyes stood out. Jeneva caught his eye, and they shared an uneasy moment. Was she hiding something from him? She looked away quickly.
"You got everything?" Jeneva was inspecting the cabinets and side tables.
"She's the inspector," Jaime laughed.
"I just want to make sure that my brother did a good job," Jen smiled.
"How are you doing today?" Rayner asked. Jen was avoiding his eyes.
He saw that look everyday, working at the correctional facility. She looked as if she was about to commit a crime.
"I'm much better. Sorry I snapped at you all yesterday."
"It's water under the bridge," Rayner nodded.
"What are you reading today?" Jen sat across from him. Her earthy scent filled his senses. He found his body stirring, craving her warmth against his.
"It's an old book, I've read it a million times before. You see how the pages are all creased and bent. It's one of my favorites though."
"Hey Bears!" Tommy Diaz came barreling in the door, beer cases in his hands. "Who's ready for some football!"
"We are!" The group chorused. Jaime took the beer from Tommy.
Tommy looked Jen up and down. "Hey Jen, looking good today. Hey, Garcia," Tommy pounded Rayner's fist. "Mind if I make myself comfortable?"
"You know the drill, Tommy," Jeneva grinned. Tommy leapt onto the couch and put his feet up.
While the game raged, Rayner and Jeneva spoke in the side hallway. She was holding a cold beer, him his signature novel. Rayner was tall, dark and brooding over her as usual. She swallowed hard as she forced herself to look into his eyes. "I spoke to Jill Campbell today."
"What?" Rayner looked upset. He looked like he already knew what she was going to say next.
"Yeah. She's doing pretty great. She's actually serving indigenous people in Brazil. It sounded like really fulfilling work. She invited me to come down if I want to."
"What did you say?" Rayner looked torn.
"I said yes."
Chapter Three
"You said what?" Rayner raised his voice, causing everyone to look over at them.
"What's going on over there?" Jaime got
off the couch.
Jeneva walked into the main room where she could see everyone's faces. "I talked to Jill Campbell today. She's doing pretty great and she invited me to come down and work with her. And I said yes."
The room exploded with shock. Jaime confronted her immediately.
"Jen, when I said you had to made a decision, this is not what I meant."
"I know, but you know the choice is mine to make, and I've made it."
"Well, I don't accept it!" Jaime yelled. "Jeneva Markham, you can't abandon your family to go to a mission on the other side of the world!"
"Who are you to stop me, Dad? He's dead, remember?"
The look of shock on Jaime's face made Jeneva's face go hot with embarrassment. Of course he remembered. Jaime was the one that raised her one-handed after their mom and dad were killed in a hunting accident by humans. He'd dedicated his whole life to raising her up right, even deciding not to go to the university so he could keep her in their house. She looked away from him immediately and stormed outside before he could respond to her. Furious, she sat on the porch steps. She heard the door open behind her. Rayner sat next to her.
"You're such a brat, you know that?" Rayner looked over at her.
"What is acting out like this going to prove?"
"I'm not acting out, Rayner," Jeneva said. Rayner's presence was welcome, even when he was scolding her. His chest looked warm. She wanted so badly to snuggle against him. Even as she felt herself being drawn towards his body, a safe space, she stopped herself. That was now off limits. Rayner looked like he noticed her discomfort and shifted in his seat himself. "I thought about it. Jill told me how the urge to mate drives you crazy, especially when you're in the Den. I can't stay here. There's nothing left for me even if I do."
Rayner was looking her up and down. Her hands clutching that can like life support, her bottom lip quivering with what he knew was a mix of frustration and fear for the future. She looked so alone in the world. Rayner wanted to draw her into his arms. He yearned to tell her that she wasn't alone. He wanted her to know that she had so much to stay for, even if they couldn't have cubs, she could stay with him and he would love her. But he couldn't do that. There were so many reasons why he couldn't do that. Instead, his frustration turned to anger, and he turned it on her, knowing that she would explode with rage if he pushed her, "You're going to go out into the world? You don't know anything about the world! What about sex?"
"What about it?"
"You need to know what it feels like in a man's arms," Rayner said, needling her. "How is a virgin supposed to know shit about life?"
The rise of anger Rayner predicted would come out of her was right on cue, "I'm not allowed to mate, Rayner. Get that through your thick skull! How am I supposed to get close to a man when there's a chance we could mate and he could get me pregnant? The Council would have my head! The Council would have both of our heads!" Jeneva fumed. "I'm not some little kid, you know. I've seen things. I know how much life hurts."
"You know nothing about how much life can hurt you Jeneva! And life is what people need help with. They're not going to be coming to you to get their cars fixed. They're going to want your support and your help. Who can you possibly help, knowing barely anything about love or sex? Jill lied to you. I'm sure she's as bitter and angry as ever and just wants to draw you into her misery, two celibate virgins!"
"Celibacy is fine, Rayner!" Jeneva bristled. "Celibacy is what has been chosen for me! Even if I was allowed to mate, who here wants to fuck me? No one! I've never been in a relationship because no one wants a tomboy like me. Relationships are for other women, Rayner!" Jeneva ran back indoors, leaving Rayner on the porch alone.
Jaime was right by the door, and took her by the arm as soon as she crossed the threshold. Everyone watched silently as he pulled her into the kitchen, alone.
Jeneva avoided his gaze, pins and needles going through her body.
"Jen, I'm sorry I got upset. It came as a shock. What in the world is going through your mind? This is not the answer you need. You have to think of something else."
"I'm sorry what I said about Dad," Jeneva murmured.
"I forgive you." When Jeneva looked back at him he looked relieved. "I hope you'll also rethink this."
"There's nothing to rethink. I made the decision. This is happening. You guys are giving me such a hard time about it. I thought you would understand. This is what's best for me."
"No, it isn't!" Jaime furrowed his brow, looking just like their Dad used to look. "Jen, you're still just a kid! Think about this clearly. You need more life experience to do what you're doing. Jill was in her thirties before she left. She prepared. You're not ready!"
Jeneva pulled away from him and walked back into the living room.
"Everyone," Jeneva announced. "Rayner and my brother don't think I'm experienced enough to do what I want in the world." Rayner came back into the house and stood behind her, arms crossed. She spotted his gaze and spoke directly to him, loud enough for the whole room to hear. "Rayner thinks I need to be fucked before I go out into the world. Who here wants to be the lucky guy? Just a friendly romp with no strings attached!"
The room erupted into chaos.
"Jen, are you nuts?" Mary Totham was saying.
"I can't believe the balls on this girl!" The Nuñez brothers were laughing with disbelief.
Jeneva chanced a look over her shoulder to see her brother gaping at her, dumbfounded.
Rayner grabbed her arm, "Jeneva, what the hell? What are you trying to prove?"
"What, I'm not even worthy of a one-night stand now?" Jeneva met his steely gaze with her own.
Linebacker Tommy Diaz sidled up to Jeneva. "Jen, you're not my type. But I can help with your problem so you can live with a clear conscious."
"Yeah, Tommy?"
"For you? Sure. I mean, you're hot in a girl-next-door, biker, geek sort of way. I can pretend," Tommy put his arm on Jeneva's shoulder.
Rayner bristled, then punched Tommy Diaz in the nose.
"The fuck, Garcia?" Tommy held his bleeding nose with one hand. Rayner began to sprout fur and claws.
"Outside, guys, outside!" Mary directed.
Tommy tackled Rayner, and the two tumbled outdoors, shifting into full Bear form. Tommy swiped a brown furred claw at Rayner, who dodged it and nipped at his neck. Tommy growled in pain.
Carlos Nuñez started to shift into his own Bear form. "Hey, I've got to go back up my boy, Tommy."
Dakota Nuñez followed, "Well, I need to go back up Rayner!" The two shifted and jumped into the pile. Four Bears were swiping and knawing and tackling each other.
Mary was shaking her head, watching from the porch steps. "Can you believe these guys? I swear, any opportunity for a tussle, and they're at it again."
Jeneva laughed loudly, "Now that looks like fun! Just what I needed. A big fight. What's one of our parties without a fight at the end of it, Mary?"
George came to stand behind her. "Hey, Jen," he whispered. Jeneva turned to him. "What you said in there, you don't have to be alone. I'll stay with you in that way."
Jeneva grinned and patted him on the shoulder, "You're a pal, George. I won't let you sacrifice yourself for a girl like me. Thanks, though." Then she shifted and leaped into the mass of Bears romping around the yard.
Chapter Four
Rayner drove home fuming. He came away from the scuffle in the Markham's yard with a scrape on the chin and some bruised ribs. It was good when the Nuñez brothers joined in. They probably did it on purpose, knowing how out-of-control his temper was ever since Lorna had gone away. He thought not drinking would help him stay in control, but it didn't help. Nothing helped ease the pain in his heart.
He pulled up to his trailer, cozy and clean on the outside. Rayner hadn't needed a lot of extra space around since Lorna, so he downgraded into something easy to keep up. It was on a plot of land not far from the Markham's place, and there was a calm sense of aloneness among the towering trees.
<
br /> Rayner kicked off his boots when he got inside, and took off his clothes to jump into the shower. He took it cold. The water cooled down his temper and his feelings. How could Jeneva understand how she had hurt him? To offer her virginity to just anyone like that? Why didn't she know that he'd shelter and protect her from anything?