by Jean Carroll
“It’s not Jill, it’s Meg.”
His eyes flew open and he sprang up running his hands through his hair in an unsuccessful effort to tidy it.
He looks yummy all tousled and did he just blush?
“Uh … well … hello, then. I didn’t realize how tired I was. Where’s Jill?”
“She was in the kitchen and sent me back to get you. She said lunch would be ready in about ten minutes. Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here? I mean did she know I was coming? I don’t want to make extra work for her.”
He laughed, “Jill doesn’t fix it anyway, the cook does and she always puts out way too much food. Come on, I’m hungry,” He grabbed her hand and led her back to the dining room, that now had a sideboard groaning with great smelling food and a bunch of men at it filling their plates.
“Grab a plate, then,” he said and got in line. Casey was in front of him and then Sean, who had a bandage over his nose. Blackie said hello to Casey, but he and Sean just nodded stiffly to one another without speaking.
Jill got in line behind Meg and smiled. “I see you found him.”
“Yes, he was sound asleep.”
“That’s usual. He gets up early and works hard. He still gets tired faster than he used to, so as soon as he sits down, he falls asleep. I see those two are still at odds,” she said, nodding toward Sean and Blackie. “Sometimes the testosterone gets a little thick around here. It’ll be nice to have another woman to talk to.” She touched Meg’s shoulder in a friendly gesture that gave Meg a little shiver of pleasure.
“Sean has a girlfriend but she doesn’t ride, so we don’t see her that often.”
“Does Blackie have a girlfriend?” Meg asked.
“No, he doesn’t,” Jill said with a knowing little smile. Meg flushed with embarrassment.
Oh, boy. That certainly was subtle.
There was a ton of food put out: fried chicken, salad, boiled potatoes and cabbage, ham, green beans, fresh fruit and scones.
Meg helped herself to a little of everything and sat next to Blackie. He had enough food on his plate to feed a lumberjack and sipped orange juice. She wondered where he put all that food since he had no visible evidence of body fat.
Crap, it must be nice. I even look at that much food and it goes right to my butt.
Keary, the farm manager, came in a few minutes late and said hello to everyone. Blackie introduced Meg, and Keary said it was nice to finally meet her. There was obviously a lot of tension in the room with no one saying much, making Meg feel ill at ease.
Blackie started talking to her quietly about the horse show season that would begin in the next few weeks. He thought she should enter and he’d take her in the farm’s van. The idea of spending all day on Saturday or Sunday with him was more than exciting.
After lunch Keary said, “Blackie, we need to talk.”
“About what?” Blackie said with an instant attitude.
“Uh … we can talk later.”
“Why not now?”
“Fine,” Keary said with a weary sigh. “There’s no excuse for the fight you and Sean had. You broke his nose, again.”
“Yes, there is, when he yanks me off a horse like a child,” Blackie said indignantly.
“When are you going to learn to control your temper? He was only doing what I asked him to do.”
“Then the fight needs to be with you, doesn’t it?”
“Blackie, honey,” Jill said softly, “They’re only doing this for your own good.”
“My own good! Don’t you guys understand how much I miss my life? So don’t do me any favors,” Blackie snarled and stomped out.
“Shit!” Keary said and ran his hands through his hair. “You just can’t reason with him. What horse was he on?”
“It was JZ. He didn’t like how he was jumping for Casey, so he made him get off, jumped on and was ready to take him out on the track when I stopped him. I mean that horse is nuts. I worry about Casey up on him so I wasn’t going to let Blackie ride him. I asked him nicely to get down but he instantly got mad and said I was treating him like a baby. So I grabbed his arm and yanked him off and of course that started the fight.” Sean answered.
“Well, eejit, you might have known that was going to happen.” Keary said.
“I know but I was afraid he was going to get hurt. I hate it when he’s mad at me like this.” Sean said with a sad sigh.
“Doesn’t he ride very well?” Meg asked.
They all laughed.
“He can ride pretty well, we’re just doing this for his safety,” Jill explained then she glanced at Keary and hesitated.
“He got hurt two years ago and he still hasn’t fully recovered, so we’re trying to keep him from getting injured again.”
“Is that why you said he gets tired faster than he used to?”
“Yes. He’s still not one hundred percent. He doesn’t have as much stamina as he once had.”
“That must have been bad to take this long to recover,” Meg said.
Keary said softly, “It was, yes.”
“We should let him tell you about it when he’s ready. It’s his personal business and it’s better if he tells you,” Jill said.
Just then, Blackie came stomping into the kitchen and yelled, “Meg!”
“Uh-oh!” Meg said and ran out after him.
He sounds pissed. I hope he’s not angry with me.
“What was that about?” Keary asked with raised eyebrows. “He sounded a bit possessive to me.”
“There’s something going on between them, but I’m not sure what just yet,” Jill said.
“What do you mean? Is he sleeping with her?” Keary asked.
“Oh, no, not yet, anyway. It’s funny though. I’ve been down at the barn when they’re
together working on her horses. They’re in their own little world and don’t even notice me. He’s nervous around her.”
“Blackie! Nervous around a woman? That’s rich.” Sean piped up.
FIVE
Meg ran after Blackie and found him back at the barn. He had a hard set to his jaw and was slamming the grooming utensils into a trunk.
“Would you like to go for a ride?” He asked. “I know a lot of great trails around the farm. Uh … I can ride Sandman while you ride Cloudy.”
“Sure, I’d love to see the trails.”
Meg wasn’t sure if this was a good idea after hearing what was said at lunch, but wasn’t about to interfere.
They tacked the horses up and led them outside. He gave her a leg up and then vaulted into his saddle like a gymnast. She had yet to see him ride and at first glance, he looked like he was born on a horse. He took off at a trot and she followed. They moved down a dirt road that ran beside the barns and into the woods. The woods were beautiful with the sun dappled through the trees and whisper quiet. She loved the mossy, damp smell. He kept at a trot for about twenty minutes and then went back to a walk. He reined back so he could ride next to her.
“How do you like the trail, then?”
“It’s beautiful. Riding through the woods is my favorite.”
“Yes, me too. I love it most in the fall when the leaves are on the ground. Do you want to go to a show this weekend?”
“That would be great. Do you have time?” She got a knot of excitement in her stomach at the thought.
“Sure, I love shows and I want to take you. It’s a hunter show, so do you want to take both of them? And yes, I have plenty of time. Does this guy jump?”
“Yes, but as usual I have a hard time controlling him, so he’s inconsistent,” Meg said.
“Do you want to do some jumping? There are jumps on one trail and they’re only about four feet.”
“Okay, let’s go,” she said with enthusiasm.
So, Blackie moved off at a canter and led her to a new trail where she could see jumps coming up. Sandman flicked his ears back and hesitated but Blackie pushed him so he sailed over the jump. Blackie let out a happy whoop and grinned ear to ear when he glanced
back at her. Meg could feel his enthusiasm as she and Cloudy galloped after him.
They raced through the woods, savoring every minute and took all the jumps. She could tell Blackie was an unbelievably talented rider. He had natural balance, very soft hands and it was obvious that he loved it from the gleam in his eyes. They came thundering out of the woods and Sandman jumped sideways and bucked but it didn’t seem to faze Blackie
He slowed to a trot and they rode along a ridge between two fields that over looked a little valley. The view was spectacular. The valley stretched for miles of rolling hills and a small river meandered down the middle, glistening in the sun. Blackie slowed to a walk and let Sandman have his head. Meg moved up beside him and he was breathing hard, his eyes electric with happiness.
“Man that was fantastic! This guy is great. I like him a lot. How did you and Cloudy like that?”
“Great trail and this view is awesome.”
“This is my favorite spot on the farm,” he said as he looked down the valley.
“Thank you for this, I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”
“I’m glad. I think everything’s better when it’s shared,” he said.
“You ride so well, how come you don’t do more with it?” She asked hesitantly.
He looked at her without saying anything for a minute and then looked away with a little frown and sighed. “I got seriously hurt a couple of years ago and it kinda put a damper on things.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” Meg said.
“That’s okay. I’ll tell you about it at some point. That’s why Keary and the others don’t want me riding. They’ll probably have a shit-fit when they find out about this little excursion.”
“I can keep a secret,” she said.
He smiled, “Okay, it’s a deal.”
“But you seem like you’re in great shape and you ride so well, I don’t see why there’s a problem.”
“Well, looks are deceptive,” he said ruefully.
He doesn’t want to talk about it. It must have been bad and I don’t think I should push him. I’m not sure I want to know but I’m curious.
He took off at a trot again and swung through another small wood and came out on the other side of the barns. They dismounted, rubbed the horses down and put them in their stalls.
“I’m going to clean my tack, since it’s only three o’clock,” she told him.
“Okay. Are you after staying for dinner or do you have to work tonight?” He asked.
“I have off tonight and I’d love to stay, if it’s okay.”
“Of course it’s fine,” he smiled. “I’m going to go up and watch TV until dinner.”
“I’ll be up soon.” She told him with a secret happy feeling inside.
* * *
Two hours later, Meg walked up to the house and knocked. Jill came to the door and said,
“You don’t have to knock, just come in, then.”
“Is Blackie here?”
“Oh yes, he went to watch TV, but I’ll bet he’s asleep. He said he was really tired when he came in.”
They walked back to the TV room and there he was sound asleep on the couch again. He looked scrumptious laying there all rumpled.
“He looks cozy and cuddly,” Meg said.
“He’s always after cuddling, he always has.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well he’s a very physical person and loves to cuddle. Maybe because our Mom held him so much when he was a kid.”
“Our Mom?” Meg said, surprised.
“Yes, he’s my little brother. Didn’t you know that?”
“No, wow.”
After that fight with Sean, I guess that explains why he didn’t get fired. That’s very interesting.
“Anyway, Mom had a little boy when I was three who only lived for a month. His name was Patrick. Then she had Blackie and held him a lot. Even when he was five or six, she held him until he went to sleep.”
“I like the idea of cuddling,” Meg said.
“Why don’t you crawl in there with him and take a nap. He’ll love it.”
“I don’t know, I mean, we’re not dating or anything. He might think I’m putting the moves on him and he’s not interested.”
“I don’t think it’ll be a problem and I’m thinking he likes you. He won’t do anything
untoward, at least not here in the TV room,” Jill laughed. “Don’t worry he’s really a sweetheart of a guy.”
“I’m beginning to realize that.”
“Okay. I have to see about dinner, so enjoy your nap.” Jill said and left.
Meg stood there considering. It was tempting to snuggle in with him but she hesitated.
He looks so yummy. This is going to start something that I’m not sure I want started. I don’t think I want to get involved. Oh, boy would I like to get next to him and ...
Just then, Blackie stirred and opened his eyes.
“Hi,”she said.
“Hi, yourself,” Blackie murmured and stretched.
Meg stared at him, wide-eyed not knowing what to say next.
“What’s up, Meg? Is dinner ready?” He asked as he swung his legs to the floor and grimaced. “Ouch, crap!” He grabbed his back and bent over, obviously in pain.
“What’s wrong?” Meg squeaked in alarmed.
“Shhh,” he said, “don’t let Jill hear us.”
“What?” She mouthed.
“My hip is killing me. I guess from our ride.”
He stood to walk around, limped badly and winced.
Oh my God! I am so in deep do-do here. They’re going to be pissed at me for letting him get hurt. What happened? He didn’t fall. Oh, no!
“Shit” he said. He arched his back, stretched and winced again. He did a series of different stretches and walking around.
“It’s loosening up.”
“Am I going to be in trouble because I let you ride?”
“No, that’s my responsibility. Don’t worry about it. Besides it’s our secret, remember.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want you to get hurt either.”
“It’s okay. I’m just not used to it yet. It’ll get better. I won’t get hurt riding Sandman.”
“If you say so.”
“Let’s go see what’s happening with dinner.”
SIX
Sean, Casey and Keary were already filling their plates. Blackie guided Meg into line with a hand on the small of her back. She trembled, acutely aware of him touching her. The heat from his hand felt like warm toast on her skin.
They got in line with Jill. The food again was way too much. Roast beef, lake trout, mashed potatoes, broccoli, carrots, salad and rolls. The sight and aroma of the food made her mouth water. As usual, Blackie had a lot of food on his plate. She couldn’t believe he could eat that much.
“Are you really going to eat all that?” Meg said as he tucked into his food.
“Yes, luv, I have to keep me strength up,” he said in a thick Irish accent and they laughed.
Then Sean said to Blackie in Gaelic,“Buille faoi thuairim mé shagging léi, a dhéanann tú de dhíth ort neart.” I guess shagging her you do need your strength.
Blackie instantly threw his fork down and started to go after Sean.
“Son of a bitch” he said and then to Sean in Gaelic,“Níl aon cheann de sin ag dul ar do chuid faisnéise.” There’s none of that going on for your information.
“Sean, what’s wrong with you?”Keary yelled.
Then Sean again said to Blackie,"Tá sé seo ar cheann do na leabhair taifead sin.” This is one for the record book then.
“Shut the fuck up, Sean,” Blackie yelled at him.
Sean yelled back,"Tá mé ag rá ach riamh go raibh tú cairde le bean i do shaol. Gach raibh tú go raibh leaba riamh iad agus ansin Dumpáil iad." I’m just saying you were never friends with a woman in your life. All you ever did was bed them and then dump them.
“Sean, stop!”Keary pleaded.
Blackie was standing now and in Sean’s face, “Fuck you!”
Then he sat down abruptly and covered his face with his hands. When he raised his head, he looked devastated.
“Is that what you think of me, that I’m incapable of a real relationship?”
Sean was shocked at this statement.
“No, I’m sorry, that’s not what I think. I was actually trying to tease you but it didn’t come out right,” Sean said, his eyes wide and tearful.
“No shit, Sean, I don’t believe you,” Keary yelled.
Blackie stood up and said, “I’m outta here, I’m not hungry anymore.” And stomped out.
Nobody said anything after that.
“I guess I’ll be going home now,” Meg said. “Thank you for dinner.”
“You’re welcome,” Jill said and smiled at her.
* * *
After she left, a heated discussion took place.
Jill said to Sean, “I can’t believe you said something so crude to him and with Meg sitting right there. What were you thinking?”
“I don’t know. He’s always looking at her as if he’s going to jump her, so I thought they were sleeping together. I mean look at his track record with women.”
“I know but he was talking to me earlier about her. He likes her but he said he’s never liked a woman he wanted to have sex with before. This is new and he likes the feeling and wants to have a real loving relationship with her and then you go and say something like that.”
“We’re on shaky ground here with him emotionally, don’t you realize that?” Keary said to Sean.
“Yes, but he was always so tough before and took everything that came at him in stride. He was always so confident in himself.”
“Well that’s all changed, Sean. It changed when he almost died on that racetrack and you need to get that through your head. He’s not the same anymore. Emotionally he’s very fragile,” Jill said, sadly.
“I want the old Blackie back,” Sean said close to tears.
“Well I think when he gets it figured out; he’s going to be even better. A really great man,” Keary said with tears glistening in his eyes.
SEVEN
The next morning Meg walked into the stable but didn’t see Blackie. The horses were in dirty stalls and not groomed. She decided to go up to the house to see if he was there. Jill answered the door and said she hadn’t seen him. “I think he’s still asleep in his apartment. He’s miserable so he didn’t come up for breakfast.”