by Jean Carroll
Even though they had just been as intimate as two people can be; she felt self-conscious getting undressed in front of him. So she was messing around with her stuff, trying not to take her clothes off yet. He looked at her, smiled and went into the bathroom. She heard the shower running, so she changed her things. She put on a silk, short chemise and wondered now if it was too sexy since they wanted to cool it tonight.
This is complicated already.
She jumped into bed wondering what side he slept on, deciding to choose the center and covered up.
In about ten minutes, Blackie came out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry.
“Mmm, you look all cuddly in there. I’ll be with you in a sec.” He went over by the door and set the alarm, threw his towel in the hamper and jumped in next to her. He turned her on her side and snuggled up behind her. He ran his hands over her nightie, turning her on big time.
“This feels good, just like you, soft and silky. I love you sweetie. Good night,” he said softly and hugged her into him.
“Good night, I love you too.”
* * *
This whole scenario was pretty much the same for the next four days. Blackie was very attentive and affectionate, but that’s as far as it went. She was beginning to think something was wrong, maybe she did something to turn him off. The fifth morning, she couldn’t stand it any longer. She had to ask him what was up. So, while they were grooming the horses, she stopped and stared at him, hands on hips. She got his attention in about a minute.
“What?” He said and stopped grooming, “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you’re not doing anything wrong; you’re just not doing anything, that’s the problem.”
“Give me a clue what we’re talking about here?”
“Are you ever going to make love to me again?”
“I thought you’d let me know when you’re ready,” he said frowning.
“Well, I’m ready!”
A slow smile started forming on his face. He threw the brush down.
“Let’s go.” He said, unhooking Sandman and putting him in the stall.
“Now!”
“I can’t wait any longer,” he said.
She quickly did the same with Cloudy. Blackie grabbed her hand, pulled her into the elevator and pushed the button.
As soon as the doors closed, he mashed her up against the wall and kissed her so hard her jaw hurt. He picked her up and held her against the wall with his hands under her butt. He was already totally aroused and pushed hard between her legs. Meg always thought those love scenes where couples were tearing each other’s clothes off, were bogus. No one was in that much of a hurry. Well, guess what? She ripped his t-shirt off and was pulling at the front of his jeans. He had her sweater and bra off. She was frantic. She wanted him bad. He had almost her whole breast in his mouth. He put her down long enough to yank her jeans down and they both pulled them and her panties from her feet. She unzipped his jeans; he picked her up again and in one quick move was in her. She gasped, crying out in ecstasy. He pushed a couple of times, groaned and was still. They were both gasping for breath.
“I hope like hell nobody wants to use this elevator,” he said, with his mouth on her neck. He put her down and they both gathered their clothes. He pushed the up button and they went into his apartment. He closed the door. They stood there looking at each other.
“Whoa, what was that? I thought I was the one going buggy here. You surprised me. What do you want to do now?” he asked her.
“Well, you better take a nap, because I’m not done,” she told him, surprised by the intensity of her still present desire. He stared at here, wide-eyed.
“You mean I’ve met a woman who has the same kind of libido that I have,” he laughed.
“Apparently!” She snapped, defensively. “I never would have believed it of myself until now, but in the elevator, I couldn’t wait to get your clothes off. And I still want more. I never felt this way before and I can’t control it.” He crossed the room and hugged her.
“Are you okay? This time, I was going to be careful and gentle so I didn’t hurt you.” he asked, concern in his voice.
“I’m fine. I’m a little light headed from that. I think I’ll sit down.” She went over and sat on the sofa, Blackie went in the kitchen, got two sodas and sat down next to her. He just looked at her with a wide grin on his face.
“Cut it out. You look like a kid in a candy store You men. I can’t believe you’re this happy over what I just told you. I’m confused by it. I never had a lot of sexual feelings before.”
“I guess I just bring out the best in you,” he said, smugly.
“I think you should probably say that you put the best in me.” They both laughed and hugged each other.
“Hey, how about that nap now?” he said.
“Sounds good to me.” He scooped her up, plopped her on the bed and got in. They cuddled up and fell sound asleep.
TWENTY-TWO
Meg was in the kitchen talking to Jill when Keary came in. He had a suit on and had been to D.C. on business. He put his briefcase down and kissed Jill. He looked exhausted.
“How was your trip?” Jill asked.
“Okay,” Keary said, letting out a big sigh, “I went over everything with the accountants and things are good. Profits are up from last year. Seems we’re bouncing back from Blackie not riding anymore. Casey and Patrick, the new apprentice, are starting to win a higher percentage of races but the two of them together still aren’t winning like Blackie did. Where are he and Sean?”
“The blacksmiths are here and there are sixteen horses, so they’re both helping,” Jill said and Keary nodded.
Just then the phone rang and Keary picked it up.
“Yes.” Keary said, “What! Holy shit! We’ll be right down.” Keary slammed the phone down. “Fuck! One of the horses kicked Blackie in the back, let’s go.”
“Should I call 911?” Jill exclaimed.
“No, not yet, Sean didn’t sound hysterical.”
* * *
They ran down to the racing barn. Blackie was lying on the ground on his right side, obviously in pain.
Keary knelt down to talk to him. “How bad is it? Can you move your legs?”
“Yes and I’m not having any trouble breathing, so I think it’s not bad, it just hurts like hell.”
“Do you think you can get up?”
“Yes, give me a hand,” Blackie held out his hand. Keary braced his feet and pulled Blackie all the way to standing. Keary sat him on a hay bale and let him catch his breath.
“Let’s get your shirt off, I want to take a look.” Keary gingerly helped him. When he raised his left arm, he grunted. Keary stared at his back along with everyone else.
“Jesus! That looks bad, Blackie, is your breathing still okay? Take a deep breath.” Blackie did and grunted again.
“I can take air in so I don’t think my lung is punctured, it just hurts. What’s it look like?”
“You don’t want to know.”
There was a large, hoof-shaped contusion on the left side of his back that was blood-red, purple and had lumps in several spots.
“Fuck!” Blackie said, “Just let me sit here a few minutes till it stops throbbing and I’ll be good.”
“How the hell did this happen?” Keary asked, hands on his hips.
“Sean and I were holding the horses for the blacksmiths. I got bored just standing there, so I started pulling the old shoes off the next horse in line, to make things go faster. Anyway when I pulled off Sunny’s hind shoe, he jerked his leg, I stumbled a few steps behind him and he let go with a kick that just connected perfectly.”
“For chrissake, Blackie, why couldn’t you just be bored for once? Why are you always getting into something and getting hurt?”
“Sorry! I just thought it would help speed things up and I’m not always getting hurt, damnit!” Blackie said, scowling at Keary.
“You messing around doesn’t speed things up,
it just costs us more time, money and down time because you’re hurt.”
“Keary,” Jill gasped at what he said.
“I’m fucking sorry I’m such a drain on the economy around here!” Blackie glared at Keary, red-faced. “Now that I’m not winning races, I’m a fucking liability, is that it? Shit happens all the time, it’s not my fault. These fucking, stupid animals are dangerous, you know that. You ought to be glad it was me instead of one of the farriers. They might sue you. I won’t; then again maybe I will.”
“I didn’t mean it that way, Blackie.”
“Oh, right. How do you think it feels to not have anything to do around here anymore? I try to put in a day’s work so I don’t feel like a goddamn liability, but I guess I am. Shit, okay, I’ll start paying rent and for the food I eat. How’s that? Will that help?”
Blackie coughed hard and spat blood out on the ground. “Shit! Go back up to the house, we still have ten horses to do.”
“Come on, you’re not in any shape to do anymore today,” Keary pleaded.
“Fuck you, Keary, don’t tell me what to do. Just get out of my sight so we can finish.”
“Fine!” Keary turned to go back to the house and Jill followed grabbing Meg by the arm to go with them.
“I want to stay and make sure he’s okay,” she said.
“It’s best to just leave him alone right now; Sean will watch him,” Jill said and started in on Keary.
“Keary, what the hell is the matter with you, saying that to him? You know how sensitive he is about not having much to do anymore. You really hurt him!” Jill said.
“I know. I’m dog tired and I can’t stand him getting hurt. He’s always getting into stuff and then something happens. I know he’s probably going crazy not being able to ride. I know it’s not his fault. It came out wrong. You know I wouldn’t hurt him for anything. I just can’t take it anymore, Jill.”
“I know, but you can’t say mean things like that!” Jill said.
“I’m going to go take a shower,” Keary said.
Jill and Meg sat in the TV room. They watched TV for awhile and then Keary came down and joined them.
“What’s for dinner? Has Blackie come up yet?”
“No, haven’t seen him or Sean and I don’t know what Annie fixed. Let’s go see.”
They trooped into the dining room and got something to eat. About a half hour later Sean and Blackie came in, both of them dirty, dusty and sweaty. They stopped in the kitchen and washed up, then came in to fix their plates.
Sean said hello but Blackie was quiet. He was moving very slowly. He sat down gingerly and grimaced. He leaned over and kissed Meg’s cheek.
“Hi.” He said softly.
“Are you okay?” She whispered. He shook his head, slightly. He looked terrible. The front of his t-shirt had diluted blood all over it. He just sat there for a few minutes before taking a long pull on his drink and one small forkful of food. Sean looked at Keary and sort of rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“How’d it go, Sean?” Keary asked.
“All the horses are done and bedded down for the night. The blacksmiths are paid and they just left.”
“Who paid them?” Keary asked. Sean just sort of nodded toward Blackie.
Blackie took another drink and coughed. He wiped his mouth with the napkin and Meg saw it was red. She touched his arm and he shook his head. “It’s okay,” he whispered. He nibbled some more on his food.
“How’s your back, Blackie?” Keary asked him.
“Fuck you,” he answered belligerently.
“Alright, calm down, Blackie, I know I hurt your feelings. What I meant to say came out wrong. You know I don’t feel that way.” Keary said, his shoulders slumped.
“I don’t know anything. People tend to say what they mean. You don’t have to worry about it because tomorrow I’m going to look for a job. I’ll find something to do. If I put the word out at all the big stables, maybe I’ll get a job walking hots. Maybe I could do that. Then I’m going to move out.”
“Blackie, don’t do that! We can figure something out. You know how much Keary loves you; he didn’t mean it that way.” Jill said.
“Love has nothing to do with it. If I’m useless, I’m fucking useless. I’ve been wrestling with this whole issue since the accident and you all know it. The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do my whole life was taken away from me in a split second. I haven’t been able to figure out what to do with the result and the result is that I’m now useless to a big time racing stable. It’s not enough for me to help load the horses going to the track or the shoeing or helping Meg with her horses. I enjoy all that, but it’s not racing, it’s not a career, it’s not anything. So I have to figure this out all by myself.”
“Blackie, can’t I help you, somehow,” Meg asked.
“You can help by just being with me. As long as I know you’re there, I can work this out. Don’t worry, whatever I do, you’re going with me, Meg. Anyway, I need to go take a pain pill and lay down,” he said and got up to leave.
“Blackie, I think you need to see a doctor,” Keary said.
“Just leave me, Keary!” Blackie said as he kissed Jill on the top of her head.
* * *
As soon as they were out the door, Jill lit into Keary. “Have you lost your stupid mind? We can’t have him out there working for some other stable doing God knows what. He won’t be walking hots, that’s for sure. They’ll have him riding, if only to exercise the horses. They might even let him race. You have to fix this, Keary. You have to fix it now! Mom and Dad are going to freak!” Jill yelled at him, a vein popping out on her forehead.
“I know, I know! He’s not going to listen to me now. What all happened down at the barn after we left, Sean?”
“He was in a lot of pain, but he was so angry, he just went and got another horse and held it for the guys. He kept coughing up blood. He must have punctured his lung. I don’t know, he said he could breathe okay. He asked me to go and get his checkbook and he wrote them a check and they left. I haven’t seen him this pissed in a long time. God, Keary, it was his riding that put us on the map for chrissake.” Sean said red-faced.
“Don’t you think I know that? I don’t want him going to work anywhere else. He has to work this out himself, though.” Keary said.
“Keary, listen, Blackie told me not to tell you, but I saw him riding weeks ago. He was showing Meg some dressage moves on Black Jack and I asked him to ride. I did because I knew he’d been practicing dressage with Meg’s gelding. Meg says he can do amazing stuff with the horse and he’s untrained. He was going to enter him in some local dressage competitions to see what he could do. I don’t know what he’s thinking now since he promised not to ride”
“The day you guys had the fight in the arena, was when I was watching him. I was going to tell you then, but he stopped me. But Keary, you should have seen what he did with Black Jack. He was brilliant! He could turn dressage into something to do. You know Blackie’s good enough to take the right horse to the Olympic level.” Jill told him.
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Keary asked her.
“You guys were too angry and he told me to forget it.”
“I wonder. If he could make a name for himself in dressage, he could start his own training facility. I guess he couldn’t get hurt doing dressage. I’ll talk to him tomorrow and let him know we would support him in this, maybe he’ll stay. He can use the farm to get started.” Keary said.
“That’s a great idea,” Sean piped up, “I’ve seen him do some and he’s fantastic. Let’s get him to do it.”
“He needs to cool down first,” Keary said. “I hope he’s not hurt too bad. I hope Meg can handle it. At some point she’ll need to get used to this stuff happening if they stay together.”
* * *
Blackie and Meg went back to his apartment. He looked bad and she knew he was hurting.
“I’m filthy but my back’s hurting too bad. I don’t think I ca
n stand in the shower long enough to get cleaned up.”
“Can you get in the Jacuzzi? That might help. We could put some Epsom salts in it. You just sit in it and I’ll wash you.”
“Make it hot but not too.”
“Okay.” She turned the water on, got the salts and poured some in the water. It was good and hot and as soon as it was filled, she started the jets. She went to get him and he was sitting there almost asleep. She took his boots and socks off and he got up and shuffled into the bathroom. He found some codeine in the cabinet and took one. She got him to sit on the toilet lid and helped him take his clothes off.
“Let me brush my teeth. I can’t stand the taste of blood in my mouth any longer.” He stood and slowly brushed his teeth.
“If I’m going to help you, I’ll need to get in with you, so I guess I need to get naked, too.”
“I’m sorry I’m in too much pain to enjoy it.”
She helped him get in the tub and got in behind him. She noticed the awful scars on his right hip again and felt a stab of sadness. What a terrible thing to happen to him.
His back was worse; very angry looking. He sat in the hot water and closed his eyes and just let the warmth penetrate awhile. She got a cloth, soaped it up and washed his face, neck, shoulders and arms. She didn’t want to make him get up, so she just used the now soapy water to wash the rest of him. She shampooed his hair and rinsed it. He had his eyes closed the whole time.
“Meg, you’re so good to me. I love you so much. Ours is the relationship I’ve dreamed of for a long time.”
They just looked into each other’s eyes and he smiled. “I’m turning into a prune, maybe I should get out.”
“Okay,” she laughed.
He put on pj bottoms and eased into bed. She put a towel under his head in case he coughed up more blood. He was instantly asleep and she crawled in next to him and passed out.
She woke up around seven and he hadn’t moved. There was still a fair amount of blood on the towel. She slowly caressed his face and he looked up at her.
“Hi, what time is it?” he said softly
“Seven. Do you want to try and get up? You’re still coughing up blood.