by Jean Carroll
“What did she look like, buddy,” Sean asked.
“She was tall, almost as tall as me. Maybe five nine. She was thin with long blond hair and big blue eyes. I’d have to say she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He paused again, deep in thought.
“Did you love her, buddy?” Keary asked him very gently.
Blackie looked up at him for a long time and finally said, simply,
“Yes.” And Keary nodded.
“Her death started me on a terrible downward spiral of drugs and alcohol. I stayed drunk or high so I didn’t have to think about it and gradually I repressed the memory. During that time I was till racing but not as much. I did a lot of partying and that’s when Mickey started sending me to those weekends in the Hamptons. Dr. Wahlman is convinced that something bad happened during one of those weekends, but I still don’t remember.”
“I started to straighten out a little and got back in better shape and then I had the accident. You know I wonder about Wahlman’s philosophy of getting me to remember this awful stuff. I mean the memories are still painful, so why remember them? He seems to think, if I remember incidents and can now deal with those memories without turning to drugs and alcohol, I’ll be able to handle anything. It doesn’t feel so good, though.”
Meg hugged him; he grabbed her and held her very tight for a long time. He finally looked up at her and said, “God, I love you so much. You’re so good for me.”
“You know, I’ve been talking all damn day. Why didn’t someone stop me? I don’t know about anyone else but I’m famished. Let’s go out someplace and have dinner. We need to celebrate my return to semi-normalcy,” he said laughing.
“You call yourself semi-normal? Boy, I’d hate to see how crazy abnormal is!”
“You’re a good example, asshole,” Blackie said, punching Sean playfully on the arm.
“Prick,” Sean called him, punching him back.
“Hey, you just looked at that watch. Who gave it to you and what does it say on the back?” Keary asked him. Blackie looked at it for a minute then took it off and turned it over. He read it and his jaw muscles clenched.
“Is ‘Y’ Yvette? Jill asked him. He nodded and read the inscription in perfect French.
“It means, ‘My body and soul are yours forever, Yvette’.” He said softly and tears spilled onto the watch. Jill hugged him and said,
“She must have loved you very much.” Blackie just nodded again, sadly.
FORTY-FIVE
The rest of the week, Blackie worked with all of his students, getting them up to speed. He also started working with Katie, using Cloudy to teach her to ride. She couldn’t stop talking about how much fun she was having, learning to ride from Blackie. Sean loved it and teased her about listening to Blackie or he would yell at her. Blackie thought the teasing was very funny since he wouldn’t yell at Katie no matter what she did.
Meg spent the time before they went to Ireland on Sunday, riding her mare and getting clothes ready for the trip. She and Jill had been talking to Blackie’s mom on the phone almost every day about plans for Christmas and the wedding. The idea of actually being married to him, being able to be with him always, having children with him, was making her head spin. She was getting nervous, too, thinking about the wedding itself. They were going to be extremely busy soon and thinking of all there was to do was making her nauseous.
As soon as they got back from Ireland, it would be Thanksgiving, then they were going to New York to shop for Christmas, his campaign would start and then back to Ireland for the holidays and finally the election.
Sunday they flew to Ireland. Meg was wasted after the long flight and just wanted to go to bed and sleep. They had dinner with Maeve and Ken, however and that was a lot of fun, giving her a second wind, so she stayed up all hours talking to Maeve about the wedding. Meg became so fond of this woman who was so sweet yet had a very strong personality like her son. Sometimes it was a little freaky because she looks so much like him, or he looks like her. They could be twins.
Blackie got up early to go to the election board with his dad. Meg elected to stay in bed, luxuriating in being lazy. She was awfully tired and couldn’t bring herself to crawl into the shower. She had fallen back to sleep when Blackie got home, snuggling up next to her.
“Hey, sleepy-head,” he whispered, “how come you’re still in bed? Of course I like you here, warm and soft,” he said, running a hand under the covers and along her hip. She could tell he was interested in getting back in bed but she felt too tired for love-making.
Hmm, that’s not like me. Usually I‘m ready to go whenever he even looks a little frisky.
“Hi, sweetheart. How’d it go at the election place?” She asked, hoping to distract him.
“Great! I’m all registered. The whole thing is a little scary, now that the election is looming in the near future,” he said, rolling on his side and propping an arm under his head.
“Come on, don’t be nervous. You’re going to be great. You’re going to set this country on it’s ear. They’ll love you for your integrity and all you want to do to help your people,” she told him, caressing his face.
“I’m glad you think so. I’m not so sure anymore.” He said, sighing.
“Why do you suddenly doubt yourself?”
“I’m a little bit confident. It’s just so different, something I’ve never tackled before. If it had to do with horses, I wouldn’t think twice. Anyway, forget that, I’m more interested in you this morning,” he said, rolling onto her and kissing her hungrily.
“Mmm, you taste good, but I’m still so tired. I think I have ‘jet lag’ or something,” she said stretching and closing her eyes.
“You’re not getting sick are you? Have you had ‘jet lag’ before when we’ve flown over? I usually don’t notice it but I’m more used to the trip back and forth than you are. Want me to let you sleep awhile?” he asked, looking concerned.
“Do you mind, honey? Just a bit longer and then I’ll get up. Hold that thought you just had for later, though. Okay?”
“You bet, sweetheart. I won’t forget what I was just thinking,” he said, playfully biting her neck.
“Thanks, I’ll be up soon.”
“Ok, I’m going down and talk to Mom and Dad.” She instantly fell back to sleep.
The next day they flew back to Virginia and now Meg was totally wasted. Blackie didn’t seem tired at all. He had more energy than ever since getting home from the hospital. She groaned, realizing that the next day she was helping Jill with Thanksgiving preparations.
* * *
The guys were making pests of themselves while the women worked on the food. Meg was cutting up apples for a pie, trying to keep ahead of Blackie who was eating slices as fast as she cut them. She started slapping his hands when he reached in the bowl but he was too fast and made off with three more pieces, laughing and high-fiving Sean who was dipping a spoon in the pumpkin pie mix that Katie was stirring.
“Don’t you two have something to do in the barns?” Jill asked.
“Hell no! This is way more fun and we can’t wait until tomorrow,” Blackie said, laughing at her.
“Keary, can’t you find something for these two to do?” Jill asked.
“All right, guys, let’s go chop some wood so we can have a nice roaring fire tomorrow,” he said, getting up and shoving Sean and Blackie toward the door.
“I thought we had plenty of wood already chopped,” Sean whined.
“Well, you can chop some more, just in case,” Keary told him.
“This sucks. We need to be where the action is,” Blackie said.
“Well the women will get done faster if we’re out of their hair, so shut up and chop.”
Katie, Jill and Meg laughed as Keary pushed them out the door.
“Poor guys, they were having fun,” Katie said.
“I know but they get like two puppies when something like this is going on and we’ll never get finished with them in it. Let’s
make an extra pie for tonight just to make them feel better,” Jill said, smiling.
They finished the preparations late, Jill putting the huge turkey in to bake around midnight. While it was cooking, they snuggled in front of the TV with drinks to watch a movie. Blackie pulled her on his lap and she cuddled against his chest, feeling exhausted but happy. It wasn’t long before he started kissing her neck, running a hand down her thigh. She knew where this was headed. She couldn’t resist though, turned her face up to him and got rewarded with a hungry kiss.
Hmm, maybe I’m not too tired after all.
Thanksgiving was the most fun she thought she’d ever had. Everyone was in a festive mood; the guys goofed around and got really silly. They ate so much they couldn’t move and still had dessert. Later they fell asleep in front of the TV, watching yet another football game.
* * *
The next couple weeks flew by what with wedding details, Christmas shopping and decorating, planning the shopping trip to New York and the trip to Ireland for the holiday.
Meg continued to feel exhausted all the time and Blackie continued to bug her about being sick. She tried to perk up around him so he wouldn’t bring it up.
They were all so busy with everything. Blackie was working non-stop with the horses and the students so they would be able to continue their schooling without him for a few weeks Sean, Casey, Keary and Ned had been at the tracks almost daily to get as much racing in as possible.
One afternoon when Blackie was teaching, Meg was deciding about clothes to take to Ireland. She got out her ‘daytimer’ to go over dates for the trips. Looking at notes she had made, she saw that she should have gotten her period last week. She looked again and wondered if she had the date wrong.
“Let’s see, today is Friday, December 12th and ... oh, God!”
She was due on December 5th; over a week ago. She was late! Oh, crap! Blackie was going to have a fit, she thought. He wanted them to be married before she got pregnant again.
She suddenly felt light headed and sat down. A baby! She felt exhilarated and scared at the same time.
Suppose I lose this one? I can’t go through that again, neither can Blackie.
She just had to hope and pray everything was okay. She needed to talk to Jill and called up to the house. Jill answered.
“Jill, I need to talk to you. Are any of the guys up there?”
“No, sweetie, Keary’s in Mclean and Sean’s at the track. I thought Blackie was still teaching. Are you ok?” Jill said, concerned.
“I’m fine. I’ll be right up,” she said and raced up to the house. She burst into the kitchen and Jill looked up.
“I’m late!” Meg said, panting.
“As, in you had an appointment today?” Jill asked, confused.
“No, I’m late, late!”
“Are you serious?” Jill said her eyes wide.
“Yes, very serious!”
“What happened? How do you know?”
“I was just looking at my calendar, figuring out the timing for our trips and I was supposed to get it December 5th!”
“You’re a week late already! How do you feel?” Jill asked.
“I’ve been incredibly tired lately and haven’t said much about it because Blackie gets spastic if he thinks I’m sick.”
“You were so tired before. Does he have any idea?” Jill asked.
“No, not at all. I’m just blown away. He’s going to have a fit that I’m pregnant and the wedding isn’t until April. What am I going to do, Jill?”
“Listen, calm down. He’s not going to have a fit. He’s going to be so excited and happy. You know how much he wants a baby.”“I know but he wants us to be married first. He was upset before because we weren’t married.” Meg said.
“Hey, has he been using birth control?”
“No, not at all”
“Then it’s his fault, so he can’t complain and he won’t, Meg. You just wait and see,” Jill said, smiling.
“When should I tell him? We’re supposed to go shopping in New York the end of the week and then it’ll be Christmas.”
“You could just ...
Just then Blackie came through the door and they both jumped. He had a bloody rag wrapped around his left hand. He went right to the sink, removed the rag and stuck his hand under the faucet.
“Honey, what happened?”
“I was cleaning some old hay from under Abba’s feed bin and I slashed my hand on a nail. It was down close to the floor sticking out about four inches.
The wound was long, deep and bleeding profusely. He washed it with soap and water then dried his hand with a paper towel.
“Where’s the alcohol? Jill, do you know if my tetanus shots are current?” he asked, pressing tightly on his hand. Jill ran to the bathroom and came back with the alcohol. Blackie poured some on his hand and swore, clamping the towel back on it.
“I’ll check the records and see about your shots, honey. Do you think you need stitches?”
“Nah, it’ll be fine. I’ll just press on it for a minute. I need some coffee,” he said, walking into the dining room. “Pour me some, Meg, would you, please?”
“Sure,” Meg said, helping him. He took a sip and she saw the towel was soaked with blood. Jill came back after looking up his records.
“You had a tetanus shot when you had the accident, so you should be fine. Here let me look at that,” she said, taking his hand and removing the towel. Meg could see that it was still bleeding.
“Honey, this looks too deep and the bleeding hasn’t stopped. I think you need stitches.”
Blackie made a funny noise and his knees buckled. He grabbed for the table, missing it and they grabbed for him but he went down in a heap, flopping onto his back. They both screamed in panic.
“Oh, God, Blackie, Blackie! Honey,” Meg said, down on the floor with him. He was out cold. Jill had let go of his hand and it was bleeding all over the place.
“Oh God, I didn’t think it was bothering him. I shouldn’t have mentioned the stitches. Crap! Let me get a cold cloth.” Jill said, running into the kitchen and bumping into Keary as he came in.
“What’s the matter with you? You look upset,” he asked.
“Blackie passed out, come and help us!”
“Passed out! What the hell happened?” Keary said, went into the dining room and saw Blackie on the floor.
“Oh shit! Blackie, come on buddy, wake up! What happened to his hand?” he asked, kneeling next to Blackie as Jill gave him the damp cloth. “Somebody put some pressure on that to stop the bleeding. Christ, he really cut it!”
“He cut it on a nail in the barn, came up here, washed it off, put alcohol on it and when I looked at it and said he needed stitches, he hit the floor,” Jill said.
“Keary, this is bad, look at it,” Meg said, taking the towel off to show him.
“Damn, he does need stitches. Keep pressure on it. Let me see if I can get him to come to. Blackie, Blackie wake up,” Keary said, shaking him gently. Blackie sort of moaned, moved his head and then looked at Keary, confused.
“Keary, what happened?” he said, softly.
“You passed out, buddy. What’ve you been doing to yourself?” Keary said, smiling at him.
“I don’t know. What do you mean?” Blackie said, frowning.
“You cut the shit out of your hand,”
“Huh?”
“Just lay there a minute while I put some kind of dressing on it.” Keary said, getting up and going to the bathroom. Blackie raised his hand up and looked at it.
“Fuck! How the hell did I do that?”
“Nail in the barn. Does it hurt, honey?’ Meg asked, putting his head in her lap.
“Yeah. You mean I cut it in the barn and came all the way up here to pass out. what a wuss,” he said, looking up at her. She kissed him on the forehead.
Keary came back with gauze and tape. He knelt down next to them and started bandaging Blackie’s hand. Blackie tried to get up, but Keary put a h
and on his chest
“Just be still a minute while I do this. I don’t want you passing out again. I’m taking you to the emergency room, buddy. You need stitches.”
“Oh, hell no! I don’t!”
“Don’t argue with me, you’re going and that’s it,” Keary said, fussing at him.
“Shit!”
“Okay, that’ll hold you until we get to the hospital. Here, get up slowly and just sit still a minute,” Keary said. Blackie sat up and looked a little groggy.
“Here’s your big strong man, Meg. Fainting over a little scratch. Christ, what a baby!” Blackie whined.
“Shut up! It could happen to anybody,” Keary said, shaking his head. “How do you feel? Think you can stand up?”
“Yes, damnit, I can stand up.” Blackie said, getting to his feel. He still looked a little wobbly.
“Oh, boy,” Keary said. “Ok, let’s get going.
They both left for the hospital. Jill and Meg dropped into chairs and stared at each other.
“Good Lord! What else will happen today?” Jill said, looking exasperated.
“Actually, that was enough for me,” Meg said, puffing out a sigh. “Is he accident prone, or what?”
“No, he’s not. It’s just a dangerous place to work. Hey, we need to get you a pregnancy test and see what’s going on. I think I still have some up in my bathroom,” Jill said.
“Oh, I don’t know. Do we have to do it now?” Meg whined.
“Don’t you want to know? The sooner the better.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Let’s do it.”
“Good girl. I’ll be right back,” Jill said, running up the steps. She was back in a minute, waving a test kit. “Here you go, use the bathroom down here. Hurry up,”
Meg took the kit and went into the bathroom and used it. In no time, there it was - PINK! She was pregnant! Jeez!
“It’s positive, Jill,” she said, smiling as she came out of the bathroom.
“Ohmigod! Congratulations, sweetie. I’m so happy,” Jill said, hugging her. They both burst into tears, hugging and jumping around.