by Stella Noir
“Yes. Now, listen to me carefully. I want you to pull up your hospital gown and place the mouthpiece of the telephone receiver on your pubic hair. I want you to rub it around so that I can hear it.”
“What?”
“No more questions, Abby. Do as you’re told.”
This didn’t seem right, but I didn’t feel like I had any choice. He was the doctor. I pushed the covers down and lifted my gown. The air in the dark room was cool, but it didn’t bother me. I decided to try and fool him, though, because I didn’t believe that he would know whether I touched the receiver to my pubic hair or not.
“Are you doing what I asked, Abby?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think you can fool me, Abby? Do what I asked. Now.”
The voice was so firm and commanding, and yet so eerie and mocking. It scared me and I knew that I didn’t have a choice. I knew that I had to do what the doctor told me to do. I dragged the receiver down and rested the mouthpiece on my pubic hair. I could have sworn I heard someone walking toward me in the dark hallway at one end of the room, but I was too terrified to turn my head and look. I closed my eyes and prayed that this would all be over with, that if I just did what he said, the doctor would leave me alone.
“Good girl. Thank you for cooperating, Abby. Now I want you to put your fingers inside yourself.”
As I listened to the voice and contemplated what it told me to do I realized that I didn’t have the receiver up to my ear anymore. I didn’t understand where the voice was coming from or how I was still able to hear it so clearly, and my breathing became more erratic as I started to feel panicky.
“Did you hear what I said, Abby? Spread your legs and put your fingers all the way inside yourself. Now.”
The voice sounded like it was closer now, but I was too scared to open my eyes and find out if someone was standing near me. I did what the doctor told me to do and ran my hand down my stomach and over my pubic hair, then opened up the lips with my fingers and slid them inside my already wet vagina.
“Yes, that’s right. Now move your fingers in and out.”
The voice sounded like it was right next to me now and the combination of the fear I was feeling and the sensation of my fingers thrusting inside me sent tingles coursing throughout my body. I held the mouthpiece of the receiver in place so it wouldn’t fall away and I continued to thrust, hearing the sounds I made and knowing that the doctor was listening too.
“Yes, Abby. Keep going.”
The voice was becoming distorted, like on a phone with a bad connection and felt eerily dark and far away, but I could still somehow hear it right next to my head. Goosebumps ran down my spine as I felt someone’s hot breath on my neck, then a surge of warmth spread through my body. I opened my eyes and arched my back and as I came my head turned in the direction of the voice. I gasped and screamed at what I saw. There was Jake crouched down next to the bed, smiling the creepiest smile I had ever seen in my life.
I woke up completely covered in sweat, still feeling the scream in my throat, and once again the room was completely dark. I looked around and was relieved to see that it appeared to be its normal size, but felt paralyzed in the darkness that made the room look exactly the same in every other way as it had in my dream. I kept expecting to turn my head and see Jake, crouched and skulking around the side of the bed, with that creepy smile on his face. My mouth was dry and my eyes weren’t focusing properly and it took me a minute or two to bring everything together in my head. I thought about how I had felt like I’d been drugged before I fell asleep and between that and the horribly creepy dream I had just experienced, I started to panic.
Oh God! They’re drugging me! I know they are! I have to get out of here!
I pulled the covers to the side and swung my legs off the bed. My head was still woozy and every time I moved the room started to spin, but I just took it slow. Now that I knew something was wrong I was determined to get past that damned door and see what was out there.
I made it across the room by hanging on different pieces of furniture again and used all my strength to pull the door open. The hallway was dark and silent like it had been the other night, but I didn’t let my cold feet turn me back. I shuffled out into the hall and heard the door close behind me with a click. I steadied myself against the cold wall and slowly looked in both directions. In one direction it looked like there was nothing more than a bunch of doors to patient rooms and a small window at the end. But when I looked to the left I noticed that there was some sort of desk area not too far away, and I hoped that that might be where the exit was located. As I made my way down the hall, clutching and leaning as I shuffled along, I heard a faucet dripping off in the distance, which only added to the ominous atmosphere of the hallway.
All I need is for an old phone to start ringing and it’ll be like I’m in my very own horror movie, I thought as I walked around an old empty metal cart that was up against the wall in my path. The dream I had just woken up from flashed into my consciousness again as I crept down the hall and suddenly I remembered something from my childhood that I had not thought of for many years that made every hair on my body stand on end. When I was in grade school I did get a weird phone call. I was at my grandparent’s house in the country and they had one of those old phones. I stood completely still in the dark hallway as I was suddenly taken back to that time when I visited my grandparent’s house. They were in the garden and I was playing on the patio just outside the door to my grandfather’s den. I’d heard the phone ringing for a very long time and decided that I was old enough to answer it, and besides, it sounded so sad just ringing in an empty room like that. All I really remembered about the phone call was that there was a man on the other end and he asked me to do some things with the phone under my clothes. Then my grandmother came in and asked me who was on the phone with a concerned look on her face, but when she took the receiver from me and asked who it was he hung up. She kept asking me over and over who it was and what he had said to me on the phone and I just burst out crying, but mostly because she was scaring me. The way she was acting made me feel like what I had done was very bad and I never told a single person what he had asked me to do.
My memory of that event and the realization of what the man on the phone said to me sent chills down my spine. It was something I hadn’t thought about in years, but what that man on the phone and what the voice in my dream told me to do were the same crazy thing. They both asked me to put the mouthpiece of the phone on my pubic hair so that they could hear it. And in both cases, I lied and said I was doing it when I wasn’t. I tried to fool the doctor in my dream the same way I tried to food the man on the phone. But the man on the phone way back then in my childhood never realized that I was lying. The doctor in my dream knew, though, and he scared me so much that I finally did what he told me to. But the thing that startled me the most, the thing that had my head reeling, was how what they both asked me to do made me feel. I had never admitted it to myself back then and I almost couldn’t admit it to myself now, but being told what to do by both of them really excited me.
I couldn’t understand why I was having this dream now, though, and why Jake had been in it.
Maybe that was why I loved it so much when Jake whispered in my ear, I thought.
Even though I was fascinated by my memory and the dream, it was also incredibly creepy and unnerving and it wasn’t making the walk down this dark hallway and more pleasant. And what I needed to do right then was get out of there.
I came to the first doorway past mine on my side of the wall and the door was open. I looked inside and the room was dark and empty. I kept walking and glanced into the room just across the hall to find the exact same thing, another empty room. I kept inching along the wall and, as I got closer, I realized that the desk that I had seen in the dark was, in fact, a nurse’s station and that there was an elevator across the hall. I wondered why no nurses were manning the station, why there were no lights on anywhere, and why there seemed to be no one aro
und at all. I didn’t know if there were any other patients, but the two rooms that were closest to the nurses station that I had passed were empty and I still had never seen this doctor that was apparently feeding me drugs to keep me asleep. I didn’t really care what was going on in that crazy place, though. I just wanted to get on the elevator and get out of there and I was glad there was no one around to stop me.
Just as I approached the nurses station a door behind it opened and a silhouette of the nurse in the old-fashioned hat and dress appeared in the doorway.
“What are you doing out of bed, Ms. Scott?” she asked with a flat voice that made it sound more like a threat than a question. “You’re going to catch your death on this ice cold floor.” She walked toward me and as she stepped into the moonlight streaming through the window at the end of the hall, deep shadows made her stern face look like an evil mask.
“I want to see the doctor. Now,” I said with as much conviction as I could muster with a shaking, weak voice.
“That’s not possible, Ms. Scott. The doctor isn’t in the hospital right now. Please let me help you back to you room…”
“Don’t touch me!” I backed up and almost fell over, but grabbed the counter of the nurse’s station and stayed upright.
“Ms. Scott, I can see that you’re upset, but I think you’ll feel much better if you just let me help you get back to your room. You’ve been in a terrible accident and you really do need to stay in bed.” I reluctantly gave up fighting and leaned against her as she put her arms around my shoulders and ushered me back down the hall.
Was I really that out of my mind? I can’t have imagined everything.
But as I made my way into the room and back under the covers I suddenly couldn’t even remember the things that had upset me.
“Maybe it was all the dream,” I mumbled as I watched the nurse take the pitcher of water next to my bed into the bathroom to fill it.
“Was it a bad dream, dear?” she asked as she filled my water glass and handed it to me.
“Drink this and you’ll feel better tomorrow.”
I took the glass from her and drank half of it. I had been incredibly thirsty ever since I woke up and the water felt like a cool, clear, glistening stream as it slid down my parched throat. I was suddenly grateful for the nurse helping me back into bed and bringing me water. Maybe I had been wrong in suspecting her of drugging my food intentionally. Maybe it was just the awful dreams that had me on edge. My eyelids got heavy not long after I drank the water and I drifted off to sleep with a slight tingle between my legs as I thought about the weird phone call dream.
I woke up the next day as the nurse set a tray down next to the bed.
“Up and at ‘em, Ms. Scott. The doctor wants to see you in his office today.”
I rubbed my eyes as the head of my bed lifted underneath me, pushing me towards the table that stretched across the bed in front of me with the domed tray on it. I expected to find eggs and toast when I lifted the lid but instead I found that same brothy soup and unidentifiable meat sandwich that I had had for lunch the other day. I didn’t even remember what day it was when I last ate lunch or even what day it was today for that matter.
“What time is it?” I asked as I stared in disappointment at the tray in front of me.
“It’s noon, dear. You slept all night and half the day again. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, though. The body knows what it needs to recover.”
She slipped out the door and left me alone to choke down lunch and contemplate the events of the last few days. I was still having a hard time holding thoughts together in my head and the images and feelings from the dreams were the most persistent. But the thing that kept creeping into my thoughts as I remembered the last dream was how turned on I was by the whole thing. How the voice in my ear on the phone and the voice that felt like a whisper in my ear both made me want to just close my eyes and follow whatever directions they gave me. I closed my eyes as I sat in bed and remembered that feeling throughout my body, that I was compelled to do whatever the voice told me to do. That I wanted to do it.
4
ABBY
I sat on a brown leather couch that the nurse gestured to while I waited for the doctor. He sat behind a large mahogany desk in a very high backed chair, which was turned away from me towards the window behind the desk.
“Please don’t be concerned in the slightest. We have everything under control here,” the doctor said into the telephone receiver. After he hung up the phone he remained sitting with his back to me for a moment or two, then slowly swiveled his chair around. As he turned towards me and I saw his face my whole world suddenly felt like it had crashed down around me.
It couldn’t be him! It’s not possible! I thought as I stared in complete shock at the man in front of me.
“Jake? Jake, what are you doing here?” I asked, barely able to compute what I was seeing.
He looked at me with what appeared to be a combination of amusement and cold, calculated glee. He almost seemed to be enjoying watching me come undone as he stared at me with those incredibly intense eye - Jake’s eyes - and rested his elbows on the desk, touching the fingertips from each hand together. The corners of his mouth curled up slightly and looked as if they were fighting off a full blown laugh. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t understand why Jake would do this to me. And why did he seem to find this situation so funny?
“Ms. Abby Scott, please allow me to introduce myself. I’m Dr. L…”
“Jake, I know it’s you. What the hell are you doing?” I said as I continued to stare at him like he was out of his mind.
“If you are more comfortable doing away with formalities we can address each other by our first names, by all means. You may call me Jeffrey if that makes you more comfortable.”
I stared at him, not having the vaguest idea what to say. It was Jake. It had to be. He had the exact same…well, everything. Thick dark hair parted in the exact same place and clipped in the exact same way over his ears. I mean, it was a pretty run of the mill men’s hair cut, but still. It was exactly the same. He had the same sexy, well-defined lips with beautifully raised edges. I could never forget those lips, goddamnit! I knew every single curve and peak of them. He had the exact same pattern on his darkened jaw and upper lip that came with afternoon facial hair growth. Plus, those eyes. How in God’s name could I mistake those eyes? The eyes that had pinned me into place and slowly scanned me from head to toe, then told me without words exactly how to peel my clothes off, piece by piece, exposing every inch of myself to them, much to my overwhelming shame and delight.
“Abby…may I call you Abby?”
I tried to speak but nothing came out. Instead, I refocused my gaze as I looked down at the floor and shifted in my seat on the couch. I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me.
“Abby, you’ve just been in a terrible accident. What we’re trying to provide for you here is a place to recuperate from any physical and emotional damage that may have occurred during the accident, or perhaps before the accident.”
My head was swimming and I was having a hard time comprehending any of the words Jake was saying. And every time I looked at them, it felt like the walls were moving in closer and the room was getting smaller. I swallowed hard and tried to control the panic that was rising in me as images of the last few days flew threw my head. I tried to wrap my mind around what was going on here with the accident and the drugged food and that horrible nurse, and how Jake was involved in all of it.
“I realize that you have been through a lot, Ms. Scott, and I want to help you work through any issues that may be coming up for you right now.”
“I’m not sure what you mean. What issues?”
“Well, you do seem to be under the impression that I look like someone you know.”
I looked up in his eyes and I could have sworn he still had an amused look in them. I didn’t know what kind of game he was playing and I had no idea what to say. It was Jak
e sitting in front of me, I knew it was, but he was obviously trying to get me to believe otherwise.
“So, you’re saying I’m imagining that you look exactly like my ex-boyfriend because of the accident I was in?”
He flinched slightly when I said ex-boyfriend and I knew then that it wasn’t my imagination. Was he doing all this just to get back at me? Was he really that fucked up that he would pretend to be someone else even though it was obvious to me that it was him sitting right in front of me? There was no way that this couldn’t be my imagination or a reaction to the accident I was in.
“The mind does play powerful tricks, Abby. Usually, it’s in an effort to protect us from something that is too hard or scary to contemplate in the present moment. But since we’ve just met and I have just begun this first session with you, I hesitate to give you any firm conclusions as to what you are experiencing. I would like to find out as much about you as possible so that we can figure this out together.”
“Figure what out? There’s nothing to figure out! There’s nothing wrong with me,” I said as I stared defiantly into those deep, dark eyes. Normally my knees would be wobbling and my panties would be dripping wet after just ten minutes in their presence, but today I was obviously not in the mood. I was beyond irritated that I was being blatantly lied to and apparently held captive by the man that I had, less than a week ago, run away from. It may not have been the most mature move on my part, but it had been my decision, goddamnit, and it did not make me unstable or whatever he was insinuating. Who the hell did he think he was?
“Well, doctor, this is all very fascinating, but I’m not interested in hearing your theories or figuring anything out with you. I’m leaving today. Right now. Where are my things?” I stood up from the couch, keeping my gown wrapped around me and making absolutely sure that my ass was not hanging out the back. I needed at least a shred of dignity in front of those eyes today. I gave him my best tough chick in a hospital gown stare and wilted a little when I saw the corners of his perfect mouth curl up into another barely perceptible smile.