by V. K. Sykes
All those fairy tales about the rich, handsome prince falling in love with the naïve little peasant girl? And the prince and the peasant getting married and dancing right over all the enormous obstacles between them? Crap—pure, unadulterated crap.
Still, that didn’t mean she had any right to keep giving him the silent treatment. As much as she wanted to avoid this discussion, at least for now, it appeared that discretion was not the better part of valor when it came to Noah.
“I wish I knew how to do that,” she said truthfully. “Honestly, I’m kind of a mess right now. I don’t even know where to begin.”
He blew out a heavy breath. “You could start by explaining why you froze up when I asked you to move back in. Because that knocked me flat, if you want the truth. After everything that happened yesterday…I thought…well, that you’d want to come back.”
Of course she wanted that. But not just as some kind of…of poop scooping concubine. That just wasn’t on.
Poop scooping concubine? God, Teddy, get a grip.
Noah slowed and took the exit for the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Teddy stayed quiet until they were through the EZ Pass tollbooth and heading across the long, high bridge that carried them over Clark’s Summit.
Finally, she mustered her courage and turned sideways to face him. “Okay, Noah, here’s the thing. I really have no idea what I am to you or what you want from me. Am I just your dog walker? Your playmate? Or maybe an employee with benefits? I honestly don’t know.”
Noah gave her a sharp look. “Come on, you should know better than that. What are you to me?” He paused a long moment. “Well, you’re somebody I care about—a lot. You get that, right?”
She grimaced. Wasn’t that the kind of thing guys said when they didn’t want to commit but still wanted to sleep with you? And then there was the convenience factor for him if she moved back in—always being around to take care of the dogs.
“I’m feeling pretty vague on what that means,” she said cautiously.
“You think I’m just playing with you? That I’m some…some asshole who screws his help?” He gave his head a shake. “Jesus, I sure hope that’s not what you think of me.”
Teddy wanted to blurt out an immediate no, but she forced herself to think about his question. She needed to be fair to him and to herself, too, no matter how ugly the answers.
“No, you’re not that kind of man,” she said quietly. “I know that.”
“What, then? Didn’t I just go up to your home turf and take it on the chin? And not because of anything I ever did, but because of my family’s company? I did that for you, Teddy. I did it because I care about you, and I respect you for what you believe in even if I don’t agree with all of it.”
“And I’m so, so grateful for that. You’re an honorable man, Noah. There’s not a shred of doubt in my mind.” She swallowed, feeling sick with all the doubts that plagued her.
Say it, Teddy. Just say it.
“But it’s hard for me to be with you, or even around you when…when all I can see is that I’m going to wind up getting hurt,” she finally got out. “Sure we c—care a lot about each other.” She stumbled over the word, hating how limp it sounded. She loved Noah, but telling him that would only make her more vulnerable. “But this weekend made it even more obvious that our worlds are like…well, like oil and water. I apologize for the horrible pun, but it’s the truth, because they don’t mix.”
A small, wry smile tugged at his mouth. “More like gasoline and fire, I’d say, but I get your point.” Then he looked somber again. “So, if I wind up deciding that I have to do something you can’t agree with, then we’re done. That’s what you’re saying?”
It was more than that, of course. It was also about how he felt about her, and what role he saw her playing in his life. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t imagine herself fitting into his world, especially since he’d given no indication that his feelings were as strong as hers. When it came to all the things going on in his life, Teddy suspected she wasn’t even close to the top of his priority list.
And that was a truly devastating feeling.
“It’s more than that, Noah. I don’t know if I can keep… being with you in any capacity, even if you decide not to be the fracking spokesman. I want to give us a chance—please believe that—but after this weekend…”
She didn’t know how to finish that particular thought without sounding like a clingy, emotional girl, so she veered off in another direction. “But I know for sure that I can’t keep doing it if you decide to become the face of the oil and gas industry. I get that you have to do what’s right for you, but that’s how I feel. I hope you can understand that.”
Noah’s hands whitened on the wheel as he glared ahead at the slowly building traffic on the turnpike. “What I understand is that you’re giving me an ultimatum. That’s what I understand. Do it your way or you’re gone. Hell, I think you’re even saying that you might walk anyway, even if I wind up saying no to Dad.” He gave a frustrated snort. “Wow, that’s just great, Teddy. Please try to explain the logic behind that.”
For Teddy, everything was jumbled up into a hot mess of family dynamics, work relationships, politics, and emotions. At this point, logic had very little to do with it. Unfortunately, she’d never been very good at expressing her feelings. And right now it seemed like she and Noah were talking without connecting.
Should she force herself to come right out with it? To say she couldn’t stay with Noah unless love was a two-way street?
Why don’t you just throw the door wide open for even more rejection, Teddy?
Telling him she loved him would require a level of trust that she didn’t have right at the moment. She already felt like her heart was lying in a bleeding lump at his feet, and Noah was so focused on the decision he had to make about Baron Energy that she doubted he would even be able to process some out-of-left field declaration of her love.
“Noah, you need to do what’s right for you, and I know you will. But you can’t expect me to shut up and live with it if you do something that runs completely against what I believe in. I’d be miserable, and whatever there was between us…well, I doubt it could last in the face of that.”
Teddy felt like she was choking on her words but forced them out. “If you go along with your father’s plan, I think we should consider, well, whether this could work between us on any level.”
He threw her a hard, disbelieving look. “Jesus, Teddy, are you sure that’s really what you want?”
No. God, no.
Actually, she was afraid that if she said one more word or thought one more thought about never seeing him again, she’d burst into hysterical tears. “Why don’t we talk again after you make your decision?” she said, trying to dredge up an apologetic smile. “That might be easier on both of us than talking more about this now.”
He glanced over his shoulder at the dogs, both snoozing away since they’d pulled out of her dad’s driveway, thank God. “Toby and Sadie will miss you like hell if you go.” He gave her a quick glance and then glued his eyes back on the road. “But whatever you say, Teddy. Maybe your partner can take over for you until all this bullshit gets straightened out.”
She gave him a tight nod, forcing herself not to react. If Noah had shoved a knife between her ribs, she doubted that it could have hurt any worse than those words.
And yet she couldn’t blame him one bit.
- 27 -
Teddy dropped her suitcase onto the floor and her keys into the little dish on the table by the door. After grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator and her iPhone out of her bag, she headed through the living room and out the patio doors to the deck. The house was quiet and empty with Emma out, and that instantly heightened the terrible loneliness that had hit her after she watched Noah drive away. She told herself she might feel better if she sat outside in the warmth of the late afternoon, listening to the birds and the drift of the breeze through the trees instead of rattling around inside an
empty house.
Right now her mind felt like her enemy. She needed to calm down, center herself, and focus her scattered thoughts. Emma would be busy all day servicing clients and probably not home for a couple of hours. That suited Teddy fine, because her friend would want to interrogate her about the weekend and that was the last thing she needed until she got her head together.
Noah had rushed off after helping her with her bag, clearly as anxious as she was for the long, silent ordeal of the car trip to be over. Before he went, though, he’d asked her to call him tonight or tomorrow and let him know what she planned on doing about her job—staying on with her duties, or handing off to Emma, or possibly even quitting altogether. Teddy had said she’d call in the morning because she hoped that a night away from him—a night of quiet reflection—might help her make the right decision.
She knew that her frayed nerves and stiff neck were products of the hash she’d made out of the conversation today, retreating into questions or vague statements because she couldn’t admit that she’d fallen in love with Noah. And then she’d made it even worse by giving him that clumsy and stupid ultimatum. Everything was complicated and difficult and fuzzy, and yet she’d been about as subtle and nuanced as a sledgehammer.
Then again, Noah hadn’t given her much back, had he? Yes, he’d vehemently denied that he was just playing with her, but he hadn’t said anything about how he truly felt—he’d just made that lukewarm comment about caring a lot. What did that even mean when push came to shove? He cared a lot about Cristina. And Toby and Sadie. And his buddies on the Patriots. Where did she fit into the picture?
Okay, Noah liked having sex with her—he’d made that perfectly clear. But was there anything more to it for him than hot sex and some kind of boss/friend relationship? She figured she’d given him a gold-plated invitation to tell her exactly what she meant to him, and yet he’d given her so little in return.
She pulled out one of the chairs from the glass-topped patio table. With a weary sigh, she sat down in the shade of the umbrella, took a sip of beer, and pulled out her iPhone ear buds. Maybe if she just vegged out for a while as she listened to music, the answers would somehow come to her. In any case, going around in endless mental circles sure wasn’t doing the trick.
Before she could put the buds in her ears, her phone rang. A flash of hope that it might be Noah died as soon as her father’s name appeared on the call display. No doubt he’d be wondering why she and Noah had been a pair of icebergs during their brief stop at the farm.
“Teddy, are you okay?” her dad asked without preamble. “I’ve been worrying ever since you guys left here. I don’t want to pry, but what the heck happened up in Cooperstown? I know something’s not right.”
“Since when did you start worrying about prying?” Teddy said, forcing a light tone.
“Don’t try to hide by playing the smartass, girl. I can tell when two people are fighting, and I sure as hell know when my daughter is good and upset.”
She wrinkled her nose at the phone. This would not be a good conversation, but she couldn’t blow him off. Her father had never been anything but supportive, always there for Teddy through very tough times.
“It’s tricky, Dad, but I won’t lie to you. Let’s just say I’ve developed feelings for Noah. And yes, it was really stupid to get involved with my boss, so you don’t have to say it.”
“Feelings, as in you’re in love with the man?”
She wanted to squirm with embarrassment, like she was a kid again. “Well, yes, I suppose that’s about the size of it. But I know I’ll just end up getting hurt since it can’t go anywhere. And I’m going to be out of a job, too, because don’t think I’ll be able to stand working for him any longer…under these circumstances. It would be just too hard.”
“Ah, all right, then. Let’s leave the job issue alone for a minute. First, I want to know why you’re so sure it can’t go anywhere with Noah. Is he secretly married or something?” His voice was as dry as their farmyard at the end of August.
“It just can’t,” Teddy said, her throat tightening yet again. “We’re too different.”
Okay, that sounded lame even to her.
Her dad’s snort seemed to echo that thought. “Well, that’s no excuse. And I guess I don’t know a damn thing anymore, because I spent a lot of time watching you two when you were here, and you sure as heck looked to me like two young people in love. Teddy, parents don’t miss stuff like that, even when their kids are grown up like you are. A father notices a man’s eyes when he looks at his daughter. Notices how he sometimes slips his hand onto the small of her back when he walks alongside her, and his tone of voice when he speaks to her. Notices the way he carries himself when he’s around her.”
He fell silent for a few moments, clearly intending her to think about his words.
“Dad, I—”
“And a father notices the way a fella talks to him, whether he treats him with respect, like it genuinely matters,” he interrupted. “We can tell when the guy’s just some horn dog. When he’s out to get what he wants and then scoot away to the next girl in line. Noah Cade sure isn’t like that with you, Teddy. Not one bit. Unless I’ve gone senile, I’m pretty sure that he’s a long way down the path to falling in love with you.”
Tears rose up in her throat, choking her.
“I don’t know, Dad,” she finally managed. “Noah keeps everything so close to his chest when it comes to his feelings. About everything, really, including what he’s going to do about Baron Energy and fronting the pro-fracking campaign.”
“Oh, like other men don’t keep their feelings close to their chests? Honey, that’s just the way most of us are built. You should have realized that from growing up with me and your hard-headed brother.” He paused, inhaling a deep breath. “You know what the problem is, girl?”
“What?” she asked in a resigned voice.
“You haven’t dated enough, that’s what. Maybe the reason you can’t see what’s right in front of you is because you’ve had so little experience.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she responded dryly. But she mentally winced because there was more than a little truth to his words. To her, reading men was like trying to decipher the Russian alphabet. Usually, it just seemed easier to leave well enough alone.
Something she hadn’t been able to do with Noah.
“But what about Baron Energy?” she asked. “Are you saying I should ignore that, too?”
“Yep. Forget about Baron Energy. So what if Noah decides to go to work for them? Hell, the damn company would be better off with a man like him as far as I’m concerned. He listened when he was up here and didn’t try to bullshit us. Everybody went away impressed, even the hard-liners.”
Huh. She hadn’t really thought of it that way before. There was certainly a world of difference between Noah and his hard-assed father.
“But what if he agrees to shill for the industry, Dad? How could I be involved with him when he’ll all over the media promoting the destruction of our land and our heritage?”
“Oh, please, climb down from your little soapbox for a minute,” he said in a stern voice. “Of course you’re not going to be thrilled about that. Neither am I. But these situations are complicated, and you’ve been influencing Noah to keep an open mind. And you need to keep an open mind, too, girl. The things that really matter are people and family and how we feel about each other—whether we treat each other with love and respect. From where I’m sitting, Noah seems to be doing that with you that in pretty good measure.”
He fell silent. When she didn’t answer, his sigh drifted over the phone. “Are you really going to let politics drive you two apart? You need to decide what’s really important, Teddy. And I think Noah is important to you.”
She didn’t know what to say. Okay, maybe her heart did, but her brain—and her fears—seemed to be tangling up her tongue.
“God, I wish your mother was here to be talking to you about all this.” Her dad’s voi
ce seemed to waver a little. “You probably think I should shut up and mind my own business instead of trying to butt in on your life.”
The tears that had been stinging Teddy’s eyes finally welled up. “No, of course I don’t think that. I’ll never think that. You’ve always given me the best advice and support, Dad. I couldn’t have asked for better.”
Of course she missed her mom—almost every day. But her dad had been forced to be both mother and father for years now, and she could never fault him for the job he was doing.
“Well, that’s a relief,” he said, exhaling a dramatic breath. “So, I’ll just say one more thing and then shut up. And it’s this, honey. Just ask yourself if you love Noah or if you don’t. If the answer is yes, then say that to the man that straight out—no dancing around and waiting for something magical to happen. Men can be pretty dense, girl. Again, look at me and your brother.”
“Yeah,” she sniffled. “And me, too. At least I got it honestly.”
“And stop being afraid of things that might or might not go wrong,” he said. “I see that happening and I know I didn’t raise you to be that way. You’re a strong, smart, beautiful young lady, and Noah Cade would be damn lucky to have you. So, do what you need to do, Edwina Quinn. You can make it work, if that’s what you want. And if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, then you’ve done your best and you can walk away from him with a clear conscience at least.”
Teddy swiped a hand across her wet cheeks. Her dad was right. Wishing and hoping and wringing her hands weren’t going to make anything happen. Nothing good, anyway. If she loved Noah, she needed to cut free from her doubts and fears and tell him straight out. If she wound up hitting the ground hard, well, she’d survive. Because her dad was right—she was strong.
“Whew, for an old Holstein man, you sure give a good emotional pep talk,” she said.