by Brenda Novak
She sat with a cup of tea, alternately eyeing the door and the clock. He’d texted her that he’d received a business call and was running a few minutes late, but she’d expected him to be here by now.
She was just getting her phone out to call him when she spotted his BMW pulling into the lot. He wasn’t as handsome as Kyle, didn’t have the same rugged sort of appeal. He was thickening around the middle, had a weak chin, which he compensated for with a full beard, and some gray in his hair. But he was always well-groomed and well dressed. And he was a genius about music.
She watched while he parked and made his way toward the entrance, then stood to greet him.
“You look gorgeous!” he said but hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not to touch her. In the end, she leaned toward him for a brief embrace, which only confirmed what she already knew. She wasn’t going to marry him. Those feelings were gone.
“You look good, too,” she said. “Are you all set for Christmas?”
“No. Haven’t done any shopping. And it’s right around the corner.”
“The packages in the picture I saw online were all Crystal’s?”
He reddened at the reminder but nodded. “I met her for lunch, to...to discuss everything, like I said.”
“I remember.”
“So are you excited about the song I found?”
“‘Crossroads’?”
“If we decide to keep that title.”
“I’m thrilled about it. But—” she slid the salt and pepper cellars closer together “—you may not want to give it to me after we’ve had a chance to talk.”
Raising a hand to stall her, he focused on the waitress who was coming to take their order.
When they were alone again, he removed his coat and scooted his chair closer. “Before you make any decisions, I have a few things I’d like to make clear.” His gaze locked with hers, and he continued more stridently, “I believe in you and your talent, and I am thoroughly convinced that, on a professional level, we can recover from the past six months. On a personal level, I want you to know that I love you and I’m sorry for what I did. Sincerely.”
She took another sip of her tea, more uncomfortable than reassured. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
His voice took on fresh hope. “You do?”
“I do, but—” she cradled her cup so she wouldn’t wring her hands “—that doesn’t mean we’ll be able to get back together, Derrick. I’m afraid what we had is over. My feelings have changed.”
He gaped at her for several seconds before recovering enough to respond. “It’s too soon to decide that. Let’s give it some time. Can we give it some time?”
She shook her head. “That would be pointless.”
He stared at the floor. “Is it that man you were with in Whiskey Creek—Kyle Houseman?” he asked when he looked up. “Is he the reason?”
“He’s part of it,” she said. “What happened between Kyle and me was...” She shook her head as she searched for the words to describe their attraction, their feelings for each other.
“It was unlike anything I’ve experienced.”
“Meaning with me.”
“With anyone.”
“I see.” He sat back as the waitress brought him his coffee. Then he lowered his voice. “Were you communicating with him before you went out there, like I read in all those blogs and...and articles? Is that why you chose Whiskey Creek?”
She felt her jaw drop. “No, I only said that to save face.”
“I’m not sure I can believe you, seeing that so much has changed.”
“Are you kidding?” she said “You were supposed to go to Whiskey Creek with me, remember? You’re the one who decided to stay here.”
“But you were living with him.”
“By accident. If you’d been with me, that never would’ve happened. When there was no heat at the farmhouse, we would’ve gone to a B and B.”
“I only stayed here because I had too much business to leave, Lourdes. Otherwise, I would’ve come.”
“I’m not complaining,” she said. “I’m merely letting you know that I didn’t plan what happened. It was just...one of those things.”
He sighed and raked his fingers through his dark hair as if there were so many emotions going through him, he didn’t know whether to hit something, yell or...maybe even cry. “When you came home so quickly, I thought...I thought I still had a chance. Or was it the promise of ‘Crossroads’? Is that the only reason you’re here? For the song?”
He’d offered her that song as an enticement, so it hardly seemed fair that he was angry with her for being enticed. “For the song—and my career.”
He’d just taken a sip of his coffee. But at this, he set his cup down. “You’re serious. It’s over.”
“Yes. I’m afraid so.”
“After three weeks.”
She nodded.
He took his phone off the table and put it in his pocket. Then he stood up as if he’d learned everything he needed to know.
“You’re leaving?” she said.
“What else am I supposed to do?” He grabbed his coat. “You just told me you’re in love with someone else.”
“We haven’t talked about our professional interests.”
“What professional interests? You fired me, remember?”
“I’ve reconsidered. I’d be interested in having you continue as my manager.”
“Yeah, well...that won’t work for me. It’d be too hard.”
“You’ve still got Crystal,” she pointed out. “Even though I begged you to let her go.”
“So you are holding that against me. You say you’ve forgiven me but you’re still angry about one stupid indiscretion for which I’ve apologized again and again?”
She had a lot to say about that stupid indiscretion. Easy to be glib about it when he wasn’t the injured party. But she doubted he’d understand that. She decided to focus on what mattered now, anyway. “I’m not angry, just trying to make you aware of the contradiction.”
“It’s different with Crystal. I don’t love her. It won’t break my heart to record with her and tour with her, all the time wanting to touch her while knowing she doesn’t want me back.”
“So we’re parting ways completely?” Lourdes had been afraid of this; it was the reason she’d been so nervous. She knew losing Derrick would be detrimental to her career.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Give me a chance to try to figure this out.”
That was probably wise. “Okay.” She nodded. “Let’s talk again after Christmas.”
“I’ve never seen you so...dispassionate,” he said.
She was dispassionate about him. Kyle and her career still meant everything to her, but she wasn’t sure she could have both, and having to make a choice was agonizing. “I’m sorry, Derrick.”
“What you felt for me died that easily?”
“I think it’s been going on for a while—since we started having so much trouble.”
“So it goes back to Crystal?”
“I guess she brought out the worst in both of us.”
“Are you going back to him, or is he coming here?” The way he asked that told her he wouldn’t be happy to have Kyle in town.
She clasped her hands together under the table. “I haven’t decided yet. Probably neither.”
Once again dropping his coat on the chair, he returned to his seat. “Why?”
“We want different things out of life. We’re going in different directions.” She still believed they might be smarter to make a clean break while they had the chance—to preserve the memories they’d created, rather than trying for more, failing and ruining everything.
“Then I’ll continue to work with you,” Derrick said. “As long
as there’s hope for us, I’ll keep working.”
“You’re saying you’ll dump me as a client if I go back to Kyle?”
“Rebuilding your career isn’t going to be easy. I’m doing it because I love you, but if I can’t have you, and this becomes strictly a business decision...I’d see it differently.”
“So no song—no ‘Crossroads.’”
“I feel like a jerk saying this, but...no ‘Crossroads.’ We’re in this together, or we’re not in it at all. There’s no cherry-picking, Lourdes, taking only what you want from me and leaving the rest.”
She nodded. In a way, that made her angry. He should be doing whatever he could to further all his clients’ careers. But he’d worked hard for her in the past, and she’d moved to pop against his advice, which was a setback for him, too. Also, she knew Crystal could release that song as easily as she could, and there’d be less work involved in negotiating the contract and the support necessary to overcome a failed album, since Crystal didn’t have a failed album.
“You’re forcing me to choose between Kyle and my career?”
He offered no apologies. “Do you need time to think it over? Or do you know what you want?”
She wanted what every musician wanted. She wanted to be on top, in demand, out with a new album every year that was more popular than the one before. Music was her life, and after everything she’d been through in the past twelve months, she was terrified she wouldn’t be able to earn a living without Derrick. He had the experience, knew all the right people. He could navigate the industry better than anyone. She wasn’t even certain she could get another manager, not while she was in her current situation. It was Derrick’s romantic interest that made him willing to keep trying with her.
“I can’t promise anything.”
“All I’m asking is that you keep an open mind and give me a chance to prove my love.”
She drew a deep breath. What would it matter, if she and Kyle didn’t really have a chance, anyway? “Then let’s record the song.”
29
Christmas dawned bleak and cold, with snow flurries and an overcast sky. Kyle supposed most people would appreciate a white Christmas, but the weather did little to cheer him up. He drove over to Morgan’s house, as well as the homes of his other employees, to deliver their Christmas bonuses. Then he returned to his empty house, sat by the tree and listened to all of Lourdes’s albums—even the pop songs.
Riley had already started work on the plant and was hurrying to get the bulk of it done before the wedding. He said the subcontractors could finish the rest once he left on his honeymoon, so Kyle would be able to move back into his office the day after New Year’s and restart production. That was good news. Kyle tried to encourage himself by being grateful for that and anticipating how much better things would be when he could get to work in earnest.
But no matter what he tried to tell himself, there was no remedy for the gaping hole Lourdes had left in his life.
“Stop it! You only knew her for three weeks,” he grumbled. “You’re being ridiculous.”
Still, ridiculous or not, she was all he could think about. He picked up his phone and stared at it. He was dying to call her, to hear how she was doing and what was happening with the songs she was writing for her next album. He was even curious about what was going on with Derrick.
But he didn’t want to intrude on her life. He of all people understood how miserable it was when an old flame tried to hang on. He’d told Lourdes he loved her. He’d offered her a ring, a ring he hadn’t returned, which was pretty pathetic and further proof of his complete devotion.
“She knows what she’s walking away from,” he muttered. And he couldn’t blame her for leaving. She was so talented. She deserved to soar as high as she could in the music world. Nothing he had to give her could compete with fame and fortune, and it didn’t help that he’d known this all along.
He was about to allow himself to text her, just a simple “Merry Christmas,” when Brandon called.
With a sigh of relief, he answered his cell.
“Hey, where are you?” Brandon asked.
Kyle stiffened in surprise. Christmas dinner wasn’t for three more hours. “I’m at home. Where are you?”
“In the car, driving over to play football at the high school. It’ll be a cold, muddy mess, but I can’t think of anything that’ll be more fun. Didn’t you get my message?”
Kyle remembered seeing something come in; he’d been using his GPS to find the homes he had to visit to deliver those Christmas bonuses and had forgotten to go back to it. “Sorry. Missed it. I was busy.”
“No problem. Some of my old school friends are in town for the holidays and they put this game together. Ted and Noah and the others won’t be there, but I’d love it if you’d come.”
Kyle frowned at the Christmas tree he’d chopped down for Lourdes. He wasn’t doing much of anything except torturing himself, so why not? “I’m on my way.”
As soon as he disconnected, Kyle went back to the screen where he’d written “Merry Christmas,” but before he could hit Send, he realized that the greatest gift he could give Lourdes, since she’d chosen a different path for her life, was to let her go.
So he deleted it.
* * *
Lourdes was sitting on the couch at her mother’s house, smelling the wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen while strumming the song she’d written for Kyle. The melody of “Refuge” went through her mind all the time, which made it even more impossible to forget him.
“Oh, who am I kidding?” she muttered under her breath. She couldn’t have forgotten him, anyway.
With a sigh, she put her guitar on the floor so that she could lie down. She’d been so tired since she’d come home, had almost no energy...
She’d barely closed her eyes when her sisters came out of the bathroom, still arguing about which one had purchased a certain eye shadow, something Lourdes had been trying to tune out.
“Lourdes, you can’t go to sleep,” Mindy said as soon as she spotted her curled up on her side. “The cousins will be here any minute. They flew all the way from Florida to see you, and you haven’t even changed.”
She lifted her heavy eyelids. “They’re coming to see all of us.”
Lindy rested her hands on her hips. “Let’s be honest. I’m sure they’re more interested in you. You’re famous! Everyone’s more interested in you.”
Too bad Lourdes wasn’t more interested in them. Although she’d thought she’d be eager to spend Christmas getting reacquainted with Jesse and Lisa, and meeting their husbands, she didn’t seem interested in anything these days, even her music. Yesterday Derrick had tried to get her into the studio to record “Crossroads,” but she’d told him she wasn’t feeling that great and put him off until after Christmas.
“What’s wrong?” Her mother, overhearing the exchange, appeared at the entrance to the living room.
Lourdes shook her head. “Nothing.”
Renate finished drying her hands, tossed the dish towel on the counter and crossed over to her. “Honey, you haven’t been yourself since you got home.”
“Of course I have,” she said.
“No. You’re so quiet and lethargic,” Mindy said. “Are you sick?”
“You’ve hardly said two words since you showed up this morning,” Lindy complained. “You just keep strumming your guitar and playing the same tune.”
“I’m not sick. I’m resting. Or I was trying to rest...”
That hint did little to get them to leave her alone. “Are you not sleeping well?” her mother asked.
As a matter of fact, she hadn’t been sleeping well. She hadn’t been eating well, either. But she couldn’t admit that or she’d have her mother coming by to check on her even more often than she already did. “Everything’
s fine. I’m happy I haven’t lost my manager and that Derrick’s going to help me rebuild my career. I’m glad Crystal and I can still be friends—well, professionally polite to each other. Despite what she and my former fiancé did, she and I are having lunch next week. And Derrick has found me a great song to record that we both think will go platinum. Things are looking up.”
“Then why are you acting so down?” Lindy asked.
“I’m adjusting to being back, that’s all.”
“It’s that man you met while you were in Whiskey Creek, isn’t it?” her mother said. “Kyle.”
Lourdes didn’t answer. She rubbed her temples as if she had a headache, but the source of her pain wasn’t anything that specific.
“Why don’t you call him?” Mindy asked. “Talk to him? See how he’s doing?”
Lourdes dropped her hands. “Because I don’t want to string out our breakup. Don’t want to make it any harder than it has to be.”
“It’s Christmas,” Lindy said. “I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”
Maybe she would call Kyle, if she could trust herself not to tell him how much she missed him and how badly she longed to be with him. That would only raise his hopes, hopes she’d most likely dash all over again because she couldn’t walk away from Nashville.
“It’s better this way,” she insisted.
“It’s better to be miserable?” Lindy said.
“Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for what you want.”
Her mother’s chin puckered as she frowned. “I’m not convinced you really know what you want.”
“If I choose Kyle, I’ll be kissing my career goodbye,” Lourdes said. “That’s not an option.”
“They don’t have to be mutually exclusive,” her mother said, bending over to smooth the hair off her forehead.