by Robyn Bavati
Outside the dorm, it was dark and quiet. In the shadow of the darkened building, Tom leaned toward her as if he might kiss her. Time slowed, and for a second she was breathless.
Tom hesitated, brushed the back of his hand across her cheek, and then stepped away. “Good night, Simone. See you tomorrow.”
“So,” said Hannah. “Are you glad you went?”
“Yes. No. There were moments when we … but I really don’t think I can see him again.”
“Why not?” Hannah asked.
It was after midnight and the two girls were lying in their beds, facing each other even though it was too dark to see each other’s features.
Simone let out a frustrated sigh. “Because in the end I’d give it away. I mean, how many questions will I have to field before he realizes that I’m not you?”
“What did he ask you?”
“What I thought about the hip-hop dance we did in class and whether I think the contemporary number will come together in time for the concert.”
“And what did you say?”
“Not much. God, I felt dumb!”
Hannah chuckled softly. “Don’t worry, Sim. That doesn’t sound too terrible. And just in case he asks again, the hip-hop dance is wild and the contemporary’s a mess.” She yawned loudly. “So, did he kiss you?”
“No, he … I thought he might. But he changed his mind.”
Hannah propped herself up on her elbow and tried to see her sister’s face. “Did you want him to?” she asked.
Simone turned onto her back and hugged her pillow. “Yes,” she whispered.
sixteen
All through Miss Roth’s lesson the following morning, Tom kept throwing Hannah meaningful looks.
Hannah struggled to focus on her dancing. How would she play it, now that she’d supposedly gone out with Tom? She’d only wanted to do something nice for Simone, but perhaps she’d acted too impulsively, arranging the date without thinking things through.
Together with Sam and Liam, she’d always spent most of her day in Tom’s company. Now she’d have to find a way to keep her distance from him while still being around him.
What would she do if he tried to kiss her? She’d have to stop him, but what would she say?
When the class was over, Tom came toward her. “I had a really good time last night.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He put his hands on her shoulders. He was really standing
much too close. Maybe this was how he’d stood with Simone. Hannah squirmed and stepped away.
“I thought … ”
“I know. It’s just that some things are private,” Hannah said quickly, congratulating herself on coming up with the kind of thing Simone might have said. “And I came here to dance.”
“That’s a weird thing to say, after what you said last night.”
“Is it?” said Hannah, wishing she knew what Simone had told him.
Sam and Liam bounded over. “Hi guys,” they said.
And Hannah was back to being her bubbly self, laughing and joking while she tried to ignore Tom’s bewildered gaze.
At lunchtime, he managed to corner Hannah alone. “So,” he said, “tell me the rules.”
“I don’t want anyone to suspect there’s something be-tween us.”
“But there is, isn’t there?”
Hannah sighed. “Maybe, but can we take a rain check?”
“What do you mean?”
“No more dates until we’re back in Melbourne? Would that be okay?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
“And in the meantime?”
“Let’s grab a sandwich and join the others.”
Hannah threw herself into the hip-hop class in the afternoon and didn’t so much as glance at Tom.
“Hey,” said Sam after the studio had emptied out, “what’s going on with you and Tom?”
“Nothing,” said Hannah.
“Really? I heard you two went out last night. But today you were sort of avoiding him.”
“No, I wasn’t. We hung out at lunchtime. With Liam and you.”
“Yeah, he spent the whole time looking miffed and you pretty much ignored him.”
The girls took a detour into the changing room to grab their bottles, bags, and towels. “I’m just not ready for a boyfriend,” Hannah said. “Maybe it will be different when we’re back in Melbourne.”
“What if he’s given up by then?”
Good point, thought Hannah. How would she stall the relationship with Tom while still keeping him interested in Simone?
“Well?” said Sam.
“I guess,” said Hannah, exhaling slowly, “that’s a chance I’ll have to take.”
Simone had spent most of the morning lying in bed, thinking of Tom. Their date had been fabulous and excruciating in equal measure. If only she had half of Hannah’s confidence. If only she hadn’t been so awkward and shy.
Replaying the events of the evening before, Simone couldn’t help wondering whether it was she or Hannah that Tom really liked. After all, it was Hannah he spent time with every day. Who wouldn’t be attracted to Hannah’s lighthearted and vivacious nature?
And yet … he hadn’t minded when he noticed that Simone seemed different. He’d even said that he liked that about her—the fact that she was shy and serious.
She wondered whether he’d want to date her again. True, she’d given Hannah strict instructions not to accept. Even so, she hoped he’d ask …
At one o’clock, Hannah came back briefly to see Simone before heading off to meet the others in the Caff for lunch.
“How did things go today with Tom?” Simone asked.
“Tricky,” said Hannah. “I told him I wanted to put our relationship on hold till we got back to Melbourne, that I came here to dance. He said that was weird, considering what I’d said last night.”
“Oh, stupid me,” said Simone, emitting a groan.
“Why, what did you tell him?”
“That I didn’t want to be a professional dancer.”
“Why would you say that,” Hannah asked, rolling her eyes, “when he sees me in the studio every day busting my gut to be the best dancer I can be?”
“I didn’t think,” said Simone. “I … I wanted him to know the real me.”
seventeen
A few days later, Simone and Hannah were back at Romeo’s, the little Italian bistro where they’d first shared a meal. They were digging into a basket of garlic bread while waiting for the large pizza and salad they’d ordered.
“So, we were doing the Dance of the Cygnets,” Hannah was saying, “and I went the wrong way. Sam caught it on camera—it was so embarrassing.”
Simone laughed as she pictured it. “Yeah, I’ve done that dance in repertoire. Someone always stuffs up.”
“And I really don’t see how we’re going to nail it with only ten days to go.”
“Ten days … ” Simone let out a desperate groan. Now that she’d had a taste of freedom, she was dreading the end of summer more than ever, and ten days away seemed far too soon.
“What’s wrong, Sim? Hey, don’t tell me you’re regretting the swap, that you wish you were dancing … ”
“God, no,” said Simone. “It’s not that. This has been the best holiday ever, and I’m really grateful you’re taking my place.”
“But?”
“It’s such a short-term solution. As soon as summer school’s over, it’s back to my old life, back to training six days a week at the VSD.”
“But why don’t you stand up for yourself?” said Hannah, frowning. “Why can’t you just tell your mum you won’t go back?”
Simone sighed and looked away. “You don’t know what it’s like to be an only child—especially an only child to a single
mother. Your parents have each other, and you, and your younger brother, but my mum—well, she’s only got me.”
“Then wouldn’t she want to know you were happy?”
Simone bit her lip and didn’t answer.
The conversation halted momentarily as the waiter delivered their pizza, with its appetizing aroma of garlic and herbs. Hannah slid one slice onto Simone’s plate and one onto her own. “Mmm … smells delicious.”
Simone said nothing.
“Tell me, Sim,” Hannah persisted, “what’s the worst that could happen if you told your mum you’re sick and tired of the VSD and want to leave?”
Simone imagined her mother’s response.
You only THINK you want to leave.
You don’t know what you’re saying. Dancing’s what you always wanted.
A million girls would die for a place at the VSD.
You don’t know how lucky you are.
All dancers doubt themselves from time to time. It’s just a temporary setback.
You must be suffering from PMS. You’ll feel differently in a couple of days.
You’ll always regret it.
Simone moved the pizza around on her plate. “She’d give me a million reasons why I shouldn’t. And she’d be so disappointed … ”
“But Sim, you have to try.”
“I know,” said Simone. She dropped her knife and fork on the table and pushed her plate away. “I don’t want to go back to the VSD for another day, let alone three more years, but … ” She broke off, picked up her glass of water, and sipped. “On the way here, I promised myself that at the end of summer I’d confront my mum, but when I try to see myself actually doing it, I can’t. And if I can’t do it even in my imagination, what hope have I got of doing it for real? Anyway,” she continued, “there’s not much point in telling her I want to leave. It’s too late to change schools for the coming year. Enrollments closed ages ago.”
“You could still try,” said Hannah.
Tears welled up in Simone’s eyes as she faced her sister. “Bottom line, I’m just not brave enough to face my mum.”
“You make her sound like some sort of monster.”
Simone sighed. “She’s not a monster. She’s just a woman who’s invested her entire life in me.”
Hannah took a bite of her pizza and chewed slowly as she studied her sister’s gloomy face.
“I’m sorry,” said Simone.
“What for?” said Hannah, through a mouthful of food.
“Here I am dragging you down, instead of making the most of these holidays and my time with you. But suddenly I can’t help thinking how awful it will be when the summer’s over.”
“Maybe it doesn’t have to be,” said Hannah.
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” said Hannah, her expression thoughtful, “who’s to say you can’t go to my school and me to yours?”
“Oh, Hannah, how would I even get to yours from North Fitzroy?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Hannah said with a dismissive gesture. “I meant, you and I could swap places altogether, so that you’d live at my place in Armadale and I’d go live in North Fitzroy. Look, I know it’s only been ten days, but so far we’ve fooled everyone. And if we can switch places for three weeks, why not for longer? In a few months’ time, you might be brave enough to tell your mother how you really feel, and I might be a good-enough dancer to convince my parents that dancing’s the real deal for me.”
Simone was shaking her head, incredulous. “It’s one thing getting away with it at summer school where they don’t really know us, but at home? What chance have we got of fooling people who’ve known us all our lives?”
“We’ve got two things going for us,” Hannah began. “Firstly, it will have been three weeks since they’ve seen us.”
“So?”
“So they won’t remember exactly what we look like.”
“Why not? Are you expecting them to develop Alzheimer’s while we’re away?”
Hannah shot Simone a withering look. “No, of course not. But time makes you forget. For instance, my dad went overseas last year. He was only gone a couple of weeks, but sometimes I found it hard to remember his face. And when he came home again, I thought, Oh, so THAT’S what he looks like. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten—I mean, I recognized him. But I’d forgotten little things, like the tiny scar on his jawline and the fact that one eyebrow is higher than the other.”
“So, what you’re saying is … ”
“That memory isn’t all that accurate. That’s why we can get away with it, Sim. Sure, there are slight differences between us, but nothing anyone will notice after three whole weeks of not having seen us.”
“Okay, maybe that’s true … ”
“And the second thing in our favor,” said Hannah, “is that no one knows there are two of us—”
“We don’t know that for sure,” Simone interrupted.
“Well, chances are that no one knows, and if anyone did know, they’d have no reason to suspect that we know too. Think about it, Sim. Here, at Candance, we run the risk of being seen together, so we have to be super careful. But once we’re back in Melbourne we’ll be in different suburbs, different schools … ”
Simone sighed. “I still don’t see how we could pull it off. We don’t know nearly enough about each other’s lives.”
“We’ve got ten more days together. That’s ten long nights and two more weekends. We can tell each other everything there is to know about each other’s lives.”
“Everything?”
“Well, all the important things. And once we’re back in Melbourne, we can talk on the phone and meet up on Sundays. And if things get really desperate, we can always send an emergency text.”
Simone shook her head. “Somehow, I doubt it would be that easy. I mean, what happens when your mum says something like, ‘Remember the time you aced that science test? What was the trick question again?’”
“Sim,” said Hannah, her expression grave, “I solemnly swear I have never, ever aced a science test.”
Simone laughed, but suddenly Hannah was wrinkling her brow. “Actually, there is one thing I haven’t thought of … ” She drummed an unsteady rhythm on the tabletop. “Languages,” she said at last. “What languages do you take at school?”
“French,” said Simone. “You?”
“Well, that’s the thing. I’m enrolled in Hebrew … ”
“Hebrew!” Simone gave Hannah an I-told-you-so look. “You see?”
“No,” said Hannah, shaking her head. “It’ll be okay. I did French too, till the end of last year. And it’s not too late for me—er, you—to drop Hebrew and switch back to French. Just make sure you go to the level convener’s office on the first day of term.”
Simone’s jaw dropped open. “You say that as if we’ve definitely decided to go ahead with this … ”
“Haven’t we?”
“No.” Simone’s voice was louder than she’d intended, and her cheeks flushed as other diners began to stare. “We’re different,” she continued, making sure to speak more softly. “We can’t just change our whole identity. People will think we’re being weird.”
Hannah let out a burst of laughter. “We’re allowed to be weird. We’re moody teenagers, right? We can blame it on hormones.”
“I guess so … ” And at last Simone was laughing too. “God, I’ll miss seeing you every day.”
Hannah grinned. “So it’s a deal? I’ll go back to Melbourne as Simone Stark, and you’ll go back as Hannah Segal?”
Simone hesitated, then shook her sister’s outstretched hand. “Okay. Deal.”
“Good,” said Hannah. “Now lighten up and eat that pizza.”
eighteen
When Hannah rang her parents later that evening, she handed
her iPhone straight to Simone. “You might as well start getting to know them. At least get used to the way they sound.”
Simone stared at the phone as if unsure of what it was for.
“Speak,” said Hannah.
“Um, hello?”
“Hannah, my love! How wonderful to hear from you!” The voice on the other end of the line was loud and deep, and Simone instinctively held the phone away from her ear.
She found herself smiling. “Uh, thanks … Dad.”
Hannah gave her a thumbs-up in silent approval.
“How’s life treating my darling daughter?”
“Great,” said Simone. “I’m having a fabulous time.”
“Making friends?”
“Yes,” she said, looking straight at Hannah as she spoke. “One very good one in particular.”
“Excellent,” said Manfred. “Well, we’re thinking of you all the time. We’re counting the days … I’m handing the phone to Mum now.”
And then Vanessa came on the line. “Everything all right? Enjoying Candance? I bumped into Dani earlier today.” Dani, Simone already knew, was Hannah’s best friend. “She said she misses you—you’re never on Facebook, and your phone is almost never switched on.”
“I’ve been busy,” said Simone.
“I know. That’s what I told her.” Vanessa chatted on a little longer, mostly about people Simone had never heard of, and Simone said “Um” and “Yes” and “Uh-huh,” and then the phone call was over.
Then it was time for Simone to call home. Harriet asked about Simone’s dance classes, and Hannah launched into a detailed account of what the classes were like, what the teachers were like, and what they were rehearsing for the Candance concert.
“Don’t overdo it,” Simone warned, “or you won’t sound like me.”
“Don’t worry,” Hannah whispered, covering the mouthpiece. “People always believe you when you tell them what they want to hear.”